The City: Oh Elle Yeah!

This week on The City: Whit has to whore her clothes out to some magazines, including Elle. But Olivia? Not so impressed. But not to worry — basically everyone at Elle makes her feel like an idiot. Also, Roxy actually does some work. Turns out? She’s boring when she’s responsible.

The face of exciting and fresh fashion.

Kelly’s reading the reviews for Whit’s fashion show to Whit and Roxy, and I guess the other random people who work at People’s Revolution. You know, the ones we don’t care about. Like, at all.

Yeah, we mean you. Smile all you want — unless you have a speaking role? We just don’t give a shit, sweetie.

Kelly’s reading the reviews from the internet, because apparently, Whitney has no idea how to use it. Anyway, most of the reviews are really great. Yay! There’s one that’s kind of bad, I guess, but Kelly says criticism can be good.

Your complete lack of business ethics and laziness, coupled with your intense ditziness makes me want to slap you repeatedly. Hey, Kelly was right!

Kells tells Whit that she needs to get ready for the big magazine-editor-picking-clothes-for-photos thing. I’d be excited too if I knew just what the hell she was talking about. Credits! Give me them bright lights, long nights! I feel on top of the world! Oh, Pussycat Dolls, sweeties . . . no one’s cared since 2005.

Did you guys miss the NYC city in action montages during the hiatus? I did. It’s much better than the shots of lady-asses that The Hills always shoves in our faces. We’re at Elle, and Joe Zee is so excited that Taylor Swift is going to be on the cover! Um, is he a fan? Because that would be sort of weird. So like a dozen people are pulling clothes for Taylor’s big photo shoot. Everything is “super cute.” Erin stops in and comes up to Olivia and is all, Your Anna Sui interview was totes great and I think you should do more of them. Aw, that was nice. That should last until at least the first commercial break.

Back at People’s Revolution, a mysterious man enters the room.

“Hi. I’m here for the Justin Bobby equivalency exam.”

Oh, man. He’s . . . kind of attractive? Maybe? BUT. Even though he oozes pure douche water 24/7, I’ve always thought Justin Bobby was kind of hot. So there you go. Not when he was all gross and homeless-Willie-Nelson looking, but more like now, when he’s all cleaned up. I’m so sorry I had to admit that, and I’m even more sorry that you had to read it. But I think if we’re going to get through this season, we’re just going to have to trust each other. Right? Moving on. His name is Zach, and he’s a photographer, and apparently he does some sort of “guerilla photography” according to Kelly. Because he takes pictures of naked ladies on subway cars. Wow. Edgy. Except not really, since Nigel Barker’s been taking pics like that for ANTM since Cycle One. Suck on that, Zach. Roxy hears the word “naked” and instantly begins eavesdropping, and Kelly is all, Just freaking come in here if you’re going to eavesdrop. Kelly wants Zach to take some pics for Jeremy Scott’s collection. Kelly wants something cool and edgy. And, she actually tells Roxy to help him. Roxy. Responsibility. Roxy. Responsibility. Roxy. Responsibility. These are words that do not belong together. Kelly’s like, “It’ll be good for you to get out of the office, Roxy.”

Translation: “Just seeing your effing face on a day-to-day basis makes me doubt I could eat the amount I want to vomit.”

Over at the Point A Showroom, it’s time for Whit’s Editors’ Meeting! Kelly instructs Whit on how to pull clothes off of a rack. Oh, thank god she explained how to do that. So who’s all coming? Seventeen, Glamour, Shape, Ladies’ Home Journal, Women’s Wear Daily, amongst others. Wha? No Elle? Whaaaaaaaaa?! Both Kelly and Whit take note of that. Annnnd . . .

Cut to Elle mag headquarters, where Olivia answers her phone. Roxy’s on the other end. Wow. We just got a scene where not one, but BOTH of these ladies are caught actually doing work. I . . . don’t know what to think right now . . . Roxy’s like, I’m just calling in regards to that email I sent you.

“The one about the Nigerian guy? Because I totally already sent him some money.”

“No, not that one. I just sent it to you last week.”

“Oh, you mean the one about that lady who got a letter from Jesus in her mailbox? It totally made me cry.”

“I know, right?! Not that one, though . . . But you did send the Jesus email to 10 other people, right? Because otherwise you’ll die.”

“Well, I obviously did that, Roxy. I’m not an idiot.”

“Oh thank god. Crap. Now I forgot what I was calling you about. Work is hard! I’m just going to forward this other email to you. If you send it to 9 other people, you get a FREE $50 gift certificate to Cracker Barrell!”

“Hells yeah, bitch! You know I loves me some country-fried pork chops! Send that shit over right now!”

I think I may have gotten that exchange wrong. Let me re-watch. Okay. Okay. Yup. Oh, wow, not even close. My bad. Turns out Roxy emailed Olivia the info on Whit’s editor meeting. And Olivia’s all, Ummmmm yeeeahhh, I’m in accessories? So, I don’t have anything to do with that? So, riddle me this, Olivia — it wasn’t worth passing on to anyone in the office? Roxy’s all, Well I totally sent that email to you, but I didn’t get any response, and it’s happening right now, and since you know Whit personally, I was hoping you could show up. And then Olivia gets on her Huffy bike and rides as fast as she can down High and Mighty Avenue, and is like, I don’t like that you called me last minute but “I WILL do this as a personal favor. And in the future, you should not call a magazine last minute. It’s not professional.” I LOVE it when Olivia does her little speeches about “being professional.” Love. It. Erin’s all, Well I’m sure Whitney will appreciate it. And then Olivia reiterates how unprofessional it is to call an “editor” at the last minute. But what about calling a borderline useless video-blogger at the last minute? Is that kosher?

Over at People’s Revolution, Roxy’s of course pulling clothes, since that’s this week’s theme, apparently. Zach-y Bobby comes in to help her. Roxy’s like, I can’t believe Kelly’s giving me some responsibility. Well, it’s more like Kelly wanted you out of the office so she wouldn’t be tempted to shake you until you went into cardiac arrest, but whatever you want to tell yourself, Roxy. Whatever you want to tell yourself. This plot is boring.

At Whit’s meeting for editors, people go through the clothes, and — you guessed it — pull them off the rack.

Finally. Now you can have a dress that looks like someone held you down for four hours and spit Zebra Stripe gum all over you.

Things go well for Whit-Whit! Success! Olivia shows up at the last minute, and complains about Roxy, and is all, “You want the people working for you not to call you like that, you want a week in advance.” Oh, STFU already. Kelly asks her if this was the first time that Roxy told her about it, and then, Olivia nods her head! Bullshit! Whitney says that she’s sure that someone at Elle was contacted, and then Olivia’s all, “Whatever. I’m here.” Guh. Now, I am NOT a fan of Roxy. You know that. BUT. In this case, I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, because even though she sucks at, you know, anything involving work, she seems to be an eensy bit less of a liar than Olvia. Olivia just sucks. She’s just a toxic person. There. I said it. Olivia blahs about how much she’s doing at Elle, and how she wants to come up with some “younger designers to interview.” She literally says that. In front of Whitney. And Kelly tells Olivia that she should profile Whitney. And Olivia? Says not a damn thing. Which is incredibly rude and tactless — she didn’t compliment the designs, she didn’t congratulate Whitney, she just talked about herself and then acted like a complete bitch when Kelly told her she should profile Whitney. I just . . . I just hate Olivia so much right now . . . It’s . . . it’s like . . . I

. . . hate her, so much . . . it — it — the -flames — Flames! On the side of my face! Breathing — breathl — heaving breaths . . . heaving breath . . .

Ugh, it’s time for Zach and Roxy’s photo shoot. Frankly, this is really uninteresting, so I’m not gonna spend much time on it. Basically they pick people off the streets, tell them to get into their van and strip. Which honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with. As long as there’s a 40 of malt liquor involved, I’m all good. And then they put on these “funky” clothes and Zach takes photos of them. You’d think I made that less interesting for this recap, but no. I did not. It’s that boring. And to cap it off, Zach makes an incredibly lame attempt to ask Roxy out. He asks her about her “situation,” and Roxy says, “We’ll see,” and then Zach says, “That’s cool,” and “awesome.” I’ve seen 5th graders ask each other out with less wimpiness. Honest to god — 5th graders.

Back to Elle. Erin asks Olivia how Whit’s show-room thing went, and Olivia’s like, It was okay, but she didn’t focus on one specific theme. Um, sweetie, she’s not planning a homecoming dance — she’s designing clothes, and if it’s for various magazine shoots, then why the eff does it matter whether there’s a theme or not? I’m just gonna come right out and say it: Olivia actually really knows nothing about fashion or magazines or working. There. I said it. Erin asks for Whit’s look-book, and asks Olivia if they could do something online with it, and Olivia says no, because there’s no “theme.” Again, I don’t see what that has to do with anything. Erin, however — I’m guessing out of a combination of wanting to do her job well, please Joe, and piss off Olivia — says that maybe they can do something with Whitney, since Elle’s doing a lot of stuff about “emerging designers.” Olivia says she’s going to pass, “and that’s just it.” Oh, it is, is it? IS IT!?! No. It most definitely is not. But we’ll get to that later.

At People’s Rev, Roxy tells Whit about how Zach asked her out. Which he actually didn’t, since Zach apparently needs to grow a pair. And then Zach comes in and show Whit and Roxy the pics and they’re . . . meh. Next.

Okay, you guys, having already seen this episode, I just want to preface it by saying that it is hands down one of the most awesomely satisfying moments of television. Like, in the entirety of television history. I don’t want to oversell it, though . . . So there’s this staff meeting at Elle, and Joe congratulates the Elle kids on the fabulous job with the Taylor Swift cover.

“Ohmigod, she autographed my Platinum Edition of Fearless and I thought I would DIE! JUST DIE!”

There’s some talk about the April issue, and Joe asks Olivia about any young designers she might be interested in, and she’s like, “I’m still looking, see here’s the thing: A lot of it is, you know, I’ve seen it before, and I don’t just want to put that into the magazine or online. I really want to find something that’s interesting.” Joe’s like, ” . . . Okay . . . ” And then? Things get awesome. Joe asks Erin if she has anything going on, and she tells them about how Rue La La (yup. Go ahead. Look it up. I’ll give you some time. I had to do the same thing. No problem. All ready? Okay.) curates a theme sale once a month, and they wanted to collaborate with Elle on an emerging designer, “So they wanted a group of like 2 or 3 really young designers, and Olivia had actually gone to see Whitney Eve.” And Joe’s like, “Oh . . .?!” And Olivia blahs about how she went (at the last minute, of course) and how she didn’t think it was right, but she’d forward the look book along. Erin continues to basically say that she thinks Whitney and Whitney Eve would be perfect for the Rue La La thing. Oh yeah, suck on that, Olivia! Oh, and you know what? Kate from Elle has seen it too, and she loves it! Oh, and Kyle, the Senior Accessories Editor, loves it too and thinks it’d be perf! And then Joe takes a look at it and thinks the stuff would be great! And then, this, from Joe: “Olivia, why did you find this underwhelming?” Olivia: “You know, it’s a first collection . . . and first collections can be tricky . . . but . . .” Hee. Erin says that Rue La La loved it and they’re on board “100%” Joe’s like, Let’s move forward, and “Really good job, Erin.” Love. Love so much.

Back at Peep’s Rev, Kelly breaks the news to Whit that she’ll be featured as a designer on Rue La La, thanks to Elle. Excitement! Whit thinks Olivia might have had something to do with it, and Kelly’s like, “It pays to have friends in high places.” Or, you know, it pays to have Erin take Olivia’s idiotic mistake and turn that shit into gold. Whatever works. Back at their desks, Roxy’s like, “The only issue is that now, you owe Olivia a favor.” And then the episode is over! Nooooooooo! It’s so not fair! I need closure!

Next Week: Olivia pisses off everyone! And Kelly’s like, “You need to take. This bitch. Down.” Oh hell yeah.