The City: Roxy Sux

Tonight on The City:  Roxy almost ruins things for Whitney (again), and Olivia proves to Joe Zee that her purpose in life is to stand upright and wear pretty things.

“I don’t know who your new headless friend is, Whitney, but she’s way too fat.”

Ohmigod, Kelly tells Whit that Glamour is doing a piece on her!  One of the editors loved her look book.  And Whit gets a whole page!  It’s all about skirts.  Isn’t it always, kids?  Kelly’s like, Bring our P.R. rep, and Whit’s like I wanna bring Roxy!  Kelly says that Roxy’s not Glamour magazine.  Um, no, she is not.  Glamour is like up here, and Roxy is like, down there, with Cat Fancy and Weekly Readers.  Kelly’s like, For the record, I’ve never been wrong about the Roxy thing.  Touche, Kell.  Touche.  Credits.

Over at Elle, Erin asks Olivia what she’s going to contribute to the staff meeting tomorrow.  Hee.  Look, Erin — Olivia has a lot to contribute.  Vapid stares and stammering run-on sentences that mean nothing, for example.  Joe Zee is totes just walking out the door in a whirlwind of fashion-y activity!

Ladies and gentlemen:  The World’s Most Preeminent Asian Telly Savalas Impersonator.

Joe says there’s a party for the costume person for Gossip Girl.  I guess he has a book coming out.   Well, that’s . . . something.  Joe wants Olivia to come with him, and then he half-assedly asks Erin if she wants to come.  Pshaw, Joe — Erin’s having drinks with the Page Six guy.  So suck on that, Telly!

Whitney shows up to Glamour for a quick meeting, and meets the market editor.

But to her family back in Topeka, she’s still known by her birth name, Tammy Sue Hickelfrapp.

Whitney meets some more ladies and they blah about what they’re looking for, and they show her some other designers’ pages.  So the bottom line is, the skirts will be featured and the surrounding accessories will be less than $100.  Wow, that’s still so affordable!  Except kind of not.  The ladies ask Whit if she does all the designing herself, and she’s like, Yeah all the designs, but I have this girl named Roxy who’s been there supporting me throughout, and if it’s cool, I’d like her to be here to.  Whit totally forgot to add, ” . . . so she can eff everything up for me.”  Disaster ahoy, mateys!

At the Gossip Girl party or whatever the hell it is, Seth is there.  The Gossip Girl guy compliments Olivia’s dress and then totally gays out over how fan-freaking-fabulous it is.  Damn, even when she’s the center of attention, Olivia has the personality of slowly melting ice cubes.

Over at Fishtail, Erin meets the writer of Page Six, Neel Shah, who totally does not look the part of someone who writes a glorified gossip column.  Also, I’d like to add:  How the crap can I get that job?!  I mean, seriously, people!  Whatever, I already hate him.  No, it’s done.  I hate him.  No, I will NOT give him a chance, okay?!  Neel asks Erin about Alexis, and she says that Alexis is fantastic.  Then Neel asks her about the “Elle gossip,” and she tells him about the whole Olivia-not-showing-up-to-interview-Whitney thing, and Neel says he thinks that would be an “amazing story, actually.”  Oh, dip!  Olivia publicly shamed?!  Think of the the schaudenfreude, people!

At Elle again, Seth the Super Bitch (I mean that in a good way) comes up to talk to Olivia about how impressed he was that she was talking to so many people at the party.

And Erin once again stabs herself in the thigh with a paper clip to keep her from reaching over her cubicle and bitch-slapping Olivia until she cries.

Hang in there, Erin!  I got your back, girl!  After Olivia leaves for her 15th “lunch” of the day (it IS 10:30, after all), Seth tells Erin about how weird it was that Olivia seemed to know literally everyone, and Seth’s like, “Yeah, but if I’m Leighton Meester, why would I want to talk to her?”  Dude, why would even freaking David Faustino want to talk to her?  Seth has a point though.  Which is that Olivia sucks.  Erin’s like, As long as we get work done, I don’t care what she does outside of the office.  And then Seth brings up another point as he says, “I mean, does she . . . get the work done?”  Love it.  Who’s all for Seth being a full-blown cast member?!  I am!  Also, I hate to admit it, but . . . I kind of don’t care about the Whitney stuff anymore.  I’m sorry!  Sad but true.

Meanwhile, Olivia brings some stuff to Joe.

“I finally filled out my 401(k) forms!”

I guess it’s stuff for the A to Zee thing (which, if you’re a loyal viewer, you will know what that is.  And if you’re not, I’m not going to bore you).  Joe is like, You were awesome at that party, the way you walked around and acted better than everyone else, so you have to come to a party at Bergdorf’s for Elie Tahari and wear some Elie Tahari clothes!  Joe.  Stop.  Just . . . just stop.  Honestly, THESE are the expectations for someone to succeed at Elle?  Look pretty at a party?  Hell, if that’s the case, I could work for Elle!  No.  No, I couldn’t.  I must admit that to myself.  And now I’m sad and I’m going to eat an entire bag of extra-pepperoni pizza rolls to feed my feelings.

Roxy and Whitney head out to get some sandwiches on their lunch break, and Whit tells Roxy that Sammie invited them to the Elie Tahari party at Bergdorf Goodman’s.  Now, this is a bit awkward for Whit since she showed her clothes to the ladies at Bergdorf, and they pretty much pulled down their Donna Karan pants and dropped some Bergdorf deuces all over her collection.  And those ladies will be at the party.  Oh, how awkward!  Roxy thinks it’s cool because Whit’s come so far since then.  Roxy and Whit walk down the street SATC-walk-and-talk style, and I’m actually wondering how many times they had to shoot this scene.  Whit tells Roxy that she told Kelly that she wants to bring Roxy to Glamour, and how Kelly pooh-poohed that idea right away.  Roxy says she’s over the whole Kelly thing, and Whit confirms that she does indeed want Roxy to be there.  Again, forgetting to add, ” . . . to eff everything up for me.”

“I’m Carrie!”  “No, I’m Carrie!”  “Whatever!  You’re not even one of the 4 girls!  You’re . . . You’re Skipper!  Suck on that!”

Time for the party!

Yeah, I’ve never heard of him, either.

At the Bergdorf party, for Elie Tahari, people mingle and talk about how glad they are that they’re not poor, and how this “recession” is just a myth that the lower-class has concocted.  Oh, those peons and their silly little games.  Whit spies the Bergdorf ladies and tells Sammie she’s nervous about talking to them.  Sammie looks really pretty.  I wish she was in the show more.  Memo to DiVello:  Roxy out, Sammie in.  Olivia shows up, which is good, because they’re out of ice cubes and need her to sit her ass down on the champagne to chill it.  Whitney tells Sammie that Olivia “is an ass kiss.  I wonder if these people actually like her.”  Oh, dip!  Also, Whit, the answer is most likely a resounding NO.

Neel from Page Six is there, scmoozing with Alexis.  Whitney talks to Ginny from Bergdorf’s and she says she’d be happy to talk to Whit about her collection.

Anastasia Beaverhausen approves.

Whit wants to show Joe Zee her stuff and says she’s looking forward to the day when she can just roll past Olivia’s desk with her clothes and basically give her the finger.  Hee.  The Page Six guy asks Olivia and Joe about Erin, and Olivia says that she doesn’t work a lot with Erin.  He asks her what she’s been doing for Elle.com, and she spouts so much crap that someone needs to cover her face with Depends.  Joe continues to piss me off by complimenting Olivia on her abilities to stand in a room and say things.  Roxy texts Whit and says she’s not coming, and Whit hopes that she won’t pull that tomorrow.  Keep hoping, Whit.  Keep hoping . . .

It’s time for Glamour!  Whit starts by throwing a skirt on the floor.  And the Glamour Gals tell Whit that she can start pulling stuff.  Whit says she has a hard time making decisions.  Shocker!  The gals ask when Roxy will show up, and Whit says she has no idea.  Roxy finally shows up to help Whit out, but she really doesn’t have anything to contribute, other than saying that what Whit’s putting together is “expected” and says that they need to shake things up.

Because this is the face of someone who totally knows what she’s doing.

Whit asks her why she’s late, and her answer is that she “literally ran here.”  Ugh, dumb.  That’s the equivalent of telling someone you were running late because you were . . . running late.  Lame.

“Yes.  I fully accept that as an excuse.”

Then Roxy has the balls to say, “Uh-oh, mama’s givin’ me a little attitude.”  Wow.  Wow, I really hate Roxy right now.  I mean, more than usual.  Roxy throws some crap on one of the skirts and way over-accessorizes it, and also manages to throw in some shoes which totally don’t match the skirt.  And this is coming from a guy who rotates the same 7 shirts in his wardrobe.  Seriously.  I wear the same crap every week.  Whitney tells the head Glamour lady that her look is girly, while Roxy’s look is “a lot funkier.”  Oh, Whit.  So tactful.  The head Glamour lady likes Whit’s look.  Good choice.  How does Roxy defend her look?  “It’s way more . . . ballerina gone punk rock gone a little hooker.”  And the Glamour Gals laugh.  Hee.  Roxy:  “But in a good way, not . . . hooker-hooker, like Britney Spears kinda hot.”  Whit is completely embarrassed.  And she should be.  And then there’s some silence, and the head Glamour lady goes, “Yeah . . . cool . . .”  Hee!

Time for the Elle staff meeting!  Joe says it’s been a busy week and runs his mouth yet again about how Olivia is the greatest person in the universe.  For mingling.  Which is a lame super-power, if you ask me.  Joe talks about the Page Six guy and how excited he is about the Page Six spread.  Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod what juicy gossip will show up on Page Six!?  Will it be dirt about how Olivia sucks?!  Will it be about how Erin has to pick up the slack?!  Yeah . . . It’s all about Alexis and how she’s the new Elle fashion director.  Wheeeeeeee.

Kelly asks Roxy and Whitney to meet her in her office at People’s Revolution.  Duhn duhn duhnnnn!  Kelly wants to go over a couple things with them, re: the Glamour thingie.  She did a follow-up and tells Whit that they’re going to go with the girly look that she picked out.  Whit says there was another look with a ballerina skirt, and Kelly’s like, So was that the “hooker” skirt, cuz I heard you took an “assistant” with you, who I assume was Roxy?  “Here’s the thing,” Kelly says to Roxy.  “If you’re an assistant, you don’t say things like that because it’s not appropriate.  Especially at a Conde Nast magazine.  That’s not girly.  This business is made up of freaks and followers, and I’m totally a freak.  So you wanna be a freak?  That’s great.  But you pay the price.  Good luck.  Go work on your other stuff and let me finish with Whitney.”  Ha ha ha ha!  Love!  Kelly goes on to say I-told-you-so to Whitney, and Roxy’s a freak, “so don’t bring her to non-freaky places.  She has to go her way, too.  You guys are headed to different” places.  Whit says that she’s not helping Roxy either, and Kelly agrees.

Whit goes out to tell Roxy that she’s glad how the Glamour thing turned out, but she’s afraid that Roxy might have compromised Whit’s position with Glamour and other people.  Roxy’s response?  “I’m not . . . [going to] apologize, because that’s not who I am.”  Oh, hell HELL no.

And now, I leave you with the 4 stages of Roxy Grief:

Fear.

Pouting.

Seething.

Full-On Beyotch.

Next week:  Whit shows her stuff to Joe Zee and it may not go well.  Elle people go to a Guess party, and Olivia tells an interviewer that she’s not wearing any Guess.  And Seth and Erin have had it (HAD IT!) with Olivia and start interviewing other people for the Elle.com job!