The Ev3nt: Bringing Balance to the Force

Well, The Ev3nt this week brings back a couple of characters that we’ve started to miss very dearly in light of the tragic forced acting of Shleila.

The first such character to return to prominence this week is none other than Mr VP. The investigation into the assassination of Mr P has been on the back burner long enough, so it’s time to dive back into that storyline. Clearly, in order to do that, you’ve got to bring back the people who everyone thinks may have been responsible for the plot. Weasel hasn’t gone anywhere, but we haven’t seen Mr VP in a while, and what ever happened to Rocketman?!? He was in the first episode then just vanished. That makes me a sad panda, because I thought Rocketman was a great nickname and now I can’t use it.

Anyways, Mr P, Mr VP, and Weasel are all at the table talking about their Other infestation issue, and VP is taking little snipe-ish shots at Weasel for not knowing there were sleeper Others all along. Weasel tells him that while they’re totally in the dark regarding the Others, they have a promising lead in the assassination attempt – MFB. Mr VP points out that he didn’t give much info last time they tried to chat him up, and Weasel reminds him that was because they all came down with a terrible case of zombie-itis.

We must never forget…

Mr P says that he wants to be the one to question MFB, and so it is. MFB begs forgiveness, and Mr P asks MFB to think back and find some information that will help them figure out who’s responsible for this whole mess. He tells Mr P that the plan was almost called off…that his kidnappers weren’t going to go through with it, but then a call came in that changed everything. Magically, he remembers that the call came in at 1:08 pm.

Mr VP comes back to his office and asks his secretary to pull up the transcript from the call. She tries, but the access is restricted to Mr P only. Mr VP goes into his office and starts panicking. If this is just a cheap ploy to throw us off I’m gonna be totally pissed. He looks over and sees a picture of him and Mr P right after they’d won the White House.

Cut.

Flashback to the little meeting just before the assassination attempt. The one where everyone was trying to convince Mr P he was being a ritard retard…funny, but since this is possibly the last chance I’m going to have to do this…

ROCKETMAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!

Anyways, just as happened last time, and since this is a flashback we shouldn’t have expected any differently, Mr P tells them to back the fuck off, that he’s doing this regardless of whatever they try to do to stop him. Well, ya know, unless one of them tries to have someone fly a plane into him an hour later, at least…

After the little meeting, VP gets into his limo all alone and makes a phone call, telling Flowers that Mr P won’t budge on this issue. Mr VP gets very moral all of a sudden, and Flowers tells him that this has to be done, and that it’s all part of what’s necessary to save the world.

Also, I’m not sure how many of you are college football nuts, but this guy is reminding me more and more of the Mad Hatter Les Miles by the day.

INTRO!!!

Back to Shleila escaping from the hacker’s house! Crap, we have to relive this?!? Somehow one of the guys inside the apartment when the bombs went off didn’t die. We see him get up and crawl outside after Shleila, who are back into their crapmotional moment that ended last week’s episode, and we’re all like “n00000000000 shut up someone shoot them!!!”

Seriously, I’m still hung up on the fact that Leila is already buckling under the pressure like 5 minutes of screen time after insisting that Sean take her with him.

The boy who lived somehow climbs down from the top of the apartment building, stands up, and …

SOMETHIN’ BIT ME!!!!

Leila helps him get back up to run away from the guy with the gun, and they run back into an alley. They hide around a corner and Sean clubs the guy in the head with a convenient piece of rebar he finds lying around. Sean insists that they gotta get out, and fast, because the cops are on their way and will be blocking off the road. Leila busts into a car, and Sean tells her how to hotwire it.

Am I the only one hoping she later decides to apply her learnings here to starting a toaster?

Magically the screwdriver works just fine to start the car, and they speed away…

…right past the cops they were so worried about!!!

Ok, seriously, like the police aren’t going to stop all vehicles coming out of the area they’re blocking off due to a BOMB GOING OFF IN A RESIDENTIAL BUILDING. This show seems about as well thought out as my brief and unfortunate foray into MMA. Which actually never happened. But if it did, it’d be and idea about as poorly conceived as this plot.

Shleila comes back like a rash, as quickly as ever, and there’s an argument about whether they should go to a hospital, because of the whole Sean having a warrant out for his arrest and all. I’d totally forgotten about that whole thing, since, you know, a couple of weeks ago his plan was to just WALK IN THE FRONT DOOR OF THE SNYDER PD TO PICK LEILA UP!!!

But now he’s worried about getting arrested, since he’s on the brink of death. Leila wins because Sean is passing out, and pulls into a hospital. However, instead of taking Sean inside, she kidnaps a Doc that’s just going home for the day. Brilliant, he’s probably worked two 24 hour shifts in a row…maybe you should’ve gotten the doctor going IN to the hospital instead?

Weasel walks into Mr P’s office, and Mr P tells him all about how he now knows that it was someone in the “Don’t Do It!” meeting that gave the green light for his assassination. Weasel is shocked by this, and Mr P tells him that he checked phone records…Weasel is cleared. So they have a whole stack of phone records to go through.

Les Miles goes back into his office and calls Flowers, this time in the present. He tells Flowers that Mr P is probably on to him and the scheme. He’s panicking, and rightly so, but Flowers tells him he has nothing to worry about. He then tells Les that they should meet in person and hug it out, and Les says he wants to me ASAP, but not too ASAP because he has a meeting.

It would appear that Flowers has some…<puts on sunglasses>…hangups…

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Cut.

Back before the election, Les is putting on a speech for his supporters – it would appear that he was running for nomination in whatever party that current Mr P was not a part of. Funny enough, his speech is taking place in New Orleans…well, I guess that’s only funny if you know/care who Les Miles is

Flowers is there, and gives his condolences for Les not getting the party nomination. He tells him that Mr P is going to win the White House, and that he wants someone from the other party to be his running mate. I find it funny that they don’t mention any parties…Flowers tells him that the only request he has in return for getting Les the VP spot is that he bring balance to the Force. Les eagerly accepts.

It was recently brought to my attention that Flowers makes a pretty solid poor man’s Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine, and so now watching this scene and hearing the word balance all I can think is The Force, and “always two, there are…a master and an apprentice.” And in this little fake Star Wars world, Shleila is Jar-Jar Binks. JUST SHOOT IT ALREADY!!! At this point I feel so inclined as to alter a couple of nicknames…you’re all smart people, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

Cut.

Back in Mr P’s office, Mr P absolves ROCKETMAAAAAAAN! of possibly being in on the plot to kill him based on the phone records, and Weasel sits in his seat dumbfoundedly staring at some papers before declaring that it’s Darth Hatter himself that ordered the assassination. Apparently some super-duper high-tech encryption was used to cover the call, but the timing works outs.

Weasel tells Mr P that Darth Hatter was the one, but that he couldn’t have been in charge. In this scenario, he is the Apprentice. Mr P wants Darth Hatter arrested, but Weasel explains that since they covered up the assassination they’d be arresting Darth H for something that never happened…

This is the look of someone who either a) just heard the sound of an epic backfire in his plan or b) just heard George Lucas science away the mystique of the Force with something called midi-chlorians.

Weasel advises Mr P to be patient, and that they’ll let Darth H trap himself in his own spun web, but that gets a big “hell no” from Mr P, and he storms into Darth Hatter’s office…but no one’s home!!! He charges Weasel with tracking him down.

Back with dying Sean and kidnapper Leila, she makes the doc pull into a pharmacy to get medical supplies to fix Sean. They go back to the pharmacist and Doc puts in quite the impressive order of medical supplies, totalling him almost $170! Small price to save a life. However, a couple of cops come into the pharmacy while they’re in there, and Leila starts to get spooked. They hurry back out to the car, and Sean is gone!!!

Back with Palpatine, now. In walks Supersecret #1!!!! With Vicky (yay!).

Apparently a large bruise is all that this guy has to show for being bludgeoned with a fire extinguisher, shot, and then running his car into a ditch at 70mph. Either that or they rebuilt him faster…stronger…because they have the technology.

Vicky sits to chat with Palpatine…he tells her that he likes her, and we’re all like “yeah bc you’re a horny old man and she’s hot…”

They have a brief chat about the incident a couple of weeks prior, and Palpatine alludes to the fact that it seemed odd that Sean was able to pull off that stunt in Snyder without inside help…but then he gives her a new assignment…she must off his apprentice.

Darth Hatter shows up for his appointment with some doctor. Weasel and Mr P have a secret service guy call DH’s secret service to have them bring him home, and so they go barging into the doctor’s office only to find it empty!!

Darth Hatter walks down a hallway in what appears to be the basement of the doctor’s office. He goes into a control room to meet his Master, or so he thinks…

Sinister Shadows greet a Sinister man…

Vicky and SuperSecret #1 are there, and Vickey tells him she’s gonna whack him (off) and pulls out her gun. Darth H starts stammering and is about to beg for his life when she turns and shoots SS1!! That poor fuck cannot catch a break. She tells him that she wants out of the game, and that he has to turn himself in or she’ll shoot him in the head. Not really sure why that’s any motivation…I’m pretty certain that regardless of some states not having the death penalty, treason (especially of the presidential assassination type) is punishable by death. Anyways, he seems ok with the plan, and she lets him leave.

Leila is freaking out because she can’t find Sean…she grabs the doc and starts dragging him around looking for him, and they find him a ways away out of the parking lot. He’s on the brink of death, so the doc makes Leila help him. The first task he gives her is to jab a needle INTO HIS MARROW. Well, I’m impressed, because she does it. There is NO WAY I could jab a needle into someone’s bone. I’d either vomit or pass out, and I’m not all that weak-stomached.

He keeps yelling at her for being a bit slow to follow his instructions…which is kinda silly since she’s not a doctor, but just a whiny little girl. Anyways, she’s able to do what he needs, and Sean is rescued. Hooray! They let the poor doctor go.

Darth Hatter calls his people and says it’s time to go home. He then picks up the phone and calls Mr P to confess what he’s done. He tells Mr P everything…but as he’s about to tell him who was behind everything…

Just because he’s so hot right now…

…doesn’t mean he can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident…

So, they leave us not knowing if Darth Hatter is finished, and Palpatine will have to find a new apprentice, or if he’ll magically be ok after getting exploded. Time will tell, I suppose.

Palpatine receives a phone call informing him that Darth Hatter has been expunged, but  it wasn’t Vicky that took care of it. The guy who planted the van bomb tells him that she killed SS1 and took off. He does not take this news well. He then walks over to the mirror, and…

Apparently whateverthefuck happened at the mirror was a big fucking deal, because the low brass is going NUTS!

Well, until next time…try to make sense of ANY of what just happened in that episode. Geez…