This week on the Ev3nt, we were treated to, for lack of a better term, a bridge episode. Not much happened, but I feel like the episode was meant to set up the rest of the season, so that’s probably ok.
Things pick up where they left off last week…Sophia is sitting aboard a Metro train looking glum for some reason, even though she was just set free from 60+ years of imprisonment. She’s looking around and suddenly she sees a bag just sitting on the train car. How’d it get there? Well, we know it’s from Stevie B, because the phone rings and she puts in an earpiece and he’s on the other side of it…but what I can’t wrap my head around is how he got the bag on the train…the same one that was sent, passengerless, to pick up Sophia…and not only did he get it on the right train, but in the right train car. Really?
Sophia answers the phone and immediately jumps down Stevie B’s throat about the whole killing then unkilling then almost rekilling the passengers of Oceanic 815 Avias 514. She’s right to be mad…it was a pretty dick move. She then tells Stevie that she’s far from being free…that it’s pretty obvious that they’ll be tracking her hoping to find Stevie, and we’re all like…
Back in the White House, they’re tracking Sophia on something that I guess is supposed to be a really high tech subway map…
…but looks equal parts “My First PC” and “Lite Brite.”
So far they’re having a lot of success tracking her flashing red dot along the red line, and Mr P reminds everyone that Sophia is not the target of this operation, and she is not to be harmed. Weasel argues briefly, but Mr P puts him in his place. Simon asks to join his men in the field, and Weasel excuses him.
Simon is yet again racing through the city streets while talking on his cell phone, and tells Stevie all about the radioactive isotope that Mr P & Co are using to track Sophia, and that while he has no way of getting rid of this tracking, he may have another way of negating it.
1954, Venice Beach. Simon climbs up some rocks to get a kiss from his lady-friend. She won’t join him in the ocean, but she tells him that she enjoys watching him swim because he looks happy…like he’s discovering water for the first time. He tells her there wasn’t any water where he’s from…and she comments on how he never talks about his past. Apparently his name is Mason here, but he’ll always be Simon to me. He looks over his shoulder and sees this creepy dude staring at them.
While it may be difficult, you must fight the urge to talk to this man…
Back to Simon and his driving and cell-phoning. He tells Stevie to have Sophia get off at an earlier stop than originally planned, presumably as part of his shenanigans to fix the tracking problem. Sophia gets off the train at a very crowded station, and I have to wonder if even one person stopped to wonder why the hell there was only one person on the entire train. If I was on that platform you can bet your ass I’d be a bit skeptical…
Seriously…no one is even slightly concerned?!?
Sophia hops off at the station and walks outside. Simon tells his team to hold their position, and Stevie B gives her directions over the phone. The directions lead her right into some Chinese guy, and he is not happy about it!
No, “Chinaman” is most definitely NOT the correct nomenclature!
She apologizes in Chinese, which I’m sure is significant in some way or other, but I’m not sure how. Stevie’s directions eventually lead her into a coffee shop, where she orders a coffee and goes over the the cream&sugar bar to tasty things up. When she gets there, Simon slips in and spikes the cream.
Seriously…this isn’t noticed by ANY of the patrons?
The plan works brilliantly, despite the whole ridiculously obvious act of adding the isotopes to the cream dispensers, and before they know it, the FBI has more targets than fingers, and Sophia just walks right out the front door to a chorus of brass and timpanis!!
In the hotel, Sean and Leila get all cuddly, and she tells him that she knew he’d come, and yadda yadda,and we’re all like “you can’t yadda yadda sex!”, and things are looking promising for a little afternoon delight until she asks what happened to her family.
Next door, chick agent has Vicky’s partner tied up, and it’s not as kinky as it sounds. She’s asking him all these tough questions like “What’s your name?” and “Who do you work for?”, but he’s not biting.
Back in Sean and Leila’s room, Leila is grilling Sean about her family. First it’s her dad, and Sean tells her that MFB told him to run so he ran, because when MFB tells you to do something you fucking do it. She switches gears once she realizes that he probably has no idea what happened to her dad, and asks about her mom. All Sean can tell her is that MFB told him that she’d been murdered. And then she asks about her sister, and he tells her that she was kidnapped just like Leila.
All in all this is an awful scene – poorly written, poorly acted, and at least in the case of my living room, poorly viewed. I mean, really, Sean? You’re going to make her play 20 questions with you to find out what happened to her family? And somehow, at no point does Leila just shout “FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY YOU DUMB SHIT!!!!” and rip his face off.
She instead channels her rage and walks next door, where the FBI agent has no problem with a hysterical, emotionally compromised girl “interrogating” her suspect.
Though, to be fair, I’ve had girlfriends interrogate me in far more painful manners…
Sean pulls Leila away, and the guy tells her that her dad brought it on himself. No further explanation is given, and they exit the room stage left.
Back at the coffee shop, Simon is re-arriving to a status report by one of the guys on his team. They decide that the coffee shop must be locked down to minimize the confusion.
Sophia is walking along when suddenly a dog goes apeshit barking it’s head off at her. Stevie tells her that they’re going to try to route her around most cctv and traffic cameras, but she needs to keep her head down.
Back at the White House, it seems the number of decoys has stopped growing at 59. Weasel asks for all cctv and traffic cams to be rerouted through their little war room, and then this guy who’s been around briefly to this point in a relatively non-important role asks for a moment of Weasel’s time. I have no idea what to call this guy…
…so I’m just gonna call him Dickface. It fits, I think…
Dickface points out that the people at the coffee shop were dosed with the same rare radioactive isotope that Sophia was, and basically gets to the conclusion that someone on Simon’s team stole that shit and passed it out like Halloween candy. Weasel tells him to find out who the traitor is, and Dickface heads out.
Back in 1954, Simon is walking home with his lady friend, doing his very best “I hope TMZ is just around to corner to catch me casually and completely accidentally underdressed outside my beachside home,”
“I swear, I would never get caught like this in public!”
He decides to run to the market for some fish for them to cook that night, and goes and talks to Stevie B, who tells him that it’s time for them to relocate. Simon doesn’t even get to say goodbye, he’s just whisked off to a new life somewhere, leaving his poor lady all alone.
Simon meets Dickface in a parking lot, and Dickface fills him in on the situation. Simon asks if he can be the one to scan his team, since they’ll take it better from him. Dickface agrees, and Simon starts to walk away with the radiation kit, but Dickface stops him. Obviously someone has to investigate the investigator, and Simon knows he’s pinched…
IN THA FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!
Simon then stuffs Dickface into the trunk of his own car, which I’m pretty sure counts as adding insult to injury, and then GTFO’s.
Back to more poorly written and poorly delivered material from Sean and Leila. Leila wants to go to her parents’ house and see what they can find that would tie her dad to whoever has done all of this craziness, and Sean tells her that she’s going to stay with chick agent to be safe. Sean has to run since there’s still the whole Brotastic murder charge to deal with. Leila will hear none of this “we have to go our separate ways” bullshit, and instead goes all Rick Astley on him. Sean, like every man before him, is a sucker for being Rickrolled by his girlfriend, and blinded the catchiness of the tune, he steals chick agent’s SUV with Leila and they run off together to solve mysteries!
Almost immediately, they pull up to Leila’s parent’s house. Does anyone know where her parents lived? Because that was a fast fucking drive from Middleofnowheresville. They walk inside, and Leila is immediately dismayed by what she sees.
Great…they spilled wine on the new carpet…
They start tearing the study apart, and we keep getting these creepy “watcher in the woods” camera shots of them. They’re having no luck finding anything tying her father to anyone bad, and then, miraculously, she remembers they have an attic, which, as everyone knows, is where you keep things that are meant to collect dust, like baby shoes and skeletons. Leila finds some file, which has a whole bunch of stuff about Alaska and aliens, and that makes a certain crazy once-journalist very unhappy…
Back to Simon, who calls Stevie to tell him that his cover is blown, and Stevie tells him that it’s time to move on again. Simon has a mini-fit in his car, and then calms down.
Ten years earlier, Simon and another fellow new FBI agent are walking down the sidewalk when some old hag starts calling out “Mason!” which, if you’ll recall, was Simon’s name in 1954. Instead of continuing to walk, Simon stops dead and stands there staring at this old bag while she goes on and on. Finally someone steps in and says that she has Alzheimer’s, and mixes up people all the time, and he and his partner move on. Why it would’ve been so hard to come up with the classic “Mason was my father” bit so that he could walk away and leave the poor old lady happy is way beyond me, but oh well…
Heart Breaker, Love Taker…don’t you mess around with me…
So now that Simon is done reflecting on his previous “moving ons,” he’s accepted his fate.
Back in the White House, they’ve finally located Sophia thanks to the help of a traffic camera. She did a pretty piss-poor job of keeping her head down, as they got a full facial (get your minds out of the gutter) from a camera mounted 20 feet in the air. Whoops.
Sophia heads into a warehouse, and the FBI wires are crackling with the news. Simon, not having been caught yet, is still tuned in, and lets Steve know that everyone knows where they are. Stevie tells him to hurry up and get there, and hangs up.
Sophia and Stevie have a very brief touching reunion, but it’s tainted with the ominous “we have a lot to talk about.”
Back in the former Buchanan residence, the crazy reporter is asking all sorts of questions about how much of the file they’ve seen, etc.
and just generally being pretty crazy and waving a gun around like it’s an old stick of dynamite…
She tells Sean to give her the file they found, and then falls for the oldest trick in the book.
Even Leila has to laugh at this…
Sean gets the gun from her, and Leila takes it and points it at the crazy lady. She asks her some questions, and requests…nay, DEMANDS…that she answer without lying. The lady goes fucking off the deep end with her conspiracy theories. I mean, holy crap. She tells them that MFB apparently flew over the Inostranka facility a couple of years ago and contacted her because he’d read some crazy article she’d posted on the interwebs about aliens and testing facilities and anal probing, and that’s why they came after him.
She then goes on to tell them the whole story about the people who crash landed in Alaska in the 40’s, but we already know that story.
Simon pulls up and rushes into the warehouse just moments ahead of the field team, and starts running through the warehouse screaming for Stevie and Sophia. I guess it never occurs to him that S&S could’ve set him up to get busted. The Feds rush into the warehouse as Simon reaches the basement, and Simon finally catches up with S&S.
Suddenly the building starts shaking, and Stevie reinforces that he has a “contingency plan” and they climb down a hole. Simon ignores the please of Sophia to come with them, and turns around to make sure his former FBI-mates get out of the building.
Simon returns to the nursing home where his 1950’s gf is staying. She thinks he’s an angel, and he assures her he’s very far from that. It’s all touching and sweet and shows us that he’s really a decent guy deep down and all, but it’s kind of another painful scene, making it par for the course for this episode…
Back to the crumbling building, Simon tells everyone to gtfo, and then hurries back out himself. He gets hit in the head with more than just a couple of large falling pieces of concrete. He sees a guy get smashed with a large piece of something heavy and break his leg. He then hears a whooshing sound and turns around…
That wormhole has been under this building the whole time and we didn’t even KNOW?!? LOL!!!!
Simon gets someone to assist him with the broke ass and they pick the guy up and start running out of the building. They get separated trying to get over a fallen support column, and a completely empty metal rack falls on him. He gets up and starts to run to the exit, and then a not-so-completely-empty building falls on him!!!!!
Just like the building, everyone watching this from the White House is floored…
Well…so, is Simon dead? I bet no…I mean, could YOU kill off the Asian Dean Cain? I sure couldn’t! Will Sean and Leila finally have less awkward lines to read next week? Will chick agent remember that she has on*star and track them down? Will Michael Fucking Buchanan make another appearance now that his hunger for braaaaaiiiinnns is gone? Only time will tell!