This week’s episode of The Ev3nt picks up right where last week’s left off. I’m grateful that for once there wasn’t some kind of side-story that drove the first 5-10 minutes of the episode…
Sophia and Carlos and a bunch of other Others show up in the clearing by the fence to find Leila hunched over a now all dead MFB. This is a sad day for this show, as it has lost it’s only true badass character. “What about Sean?” I can almost hear you ask. Sean is a badass like Frodo was a badass. By that I mean he’s not a badass at all, and should have been dead on multiple occasions but keeps getting bailed out by his sidekicks. Frodo didn’t even destroy The Ring…he just stood there staring at it until Gollum came out of nowhere and tried to take it from him, and in doing so fell into the heart of Mt Doom. I expect this show will end with Sean accidentally saving the world.
Anyways, Leila stands up, looks Sophia dead in the eye, and basically says “you kill my father…prepare to die!” Sophia basically confirms what I (and many of you, from what I can tell) suspected about Sophia and MFB…it sounds like she had some fillin’s for him, and is all weepy while Carlos apologizes for whoever shot the guy that was shooting at them. Doc Lu runs up to ask if MFB has the counteragent on his body, which he doesn’t…
“Given the circumstances, do you really think it was a good idea to just leave the counter agent lying around??? I thought you people were supposed to be smart…”
Back at the hospital, Ginger doc tells Mrs P that they’ve done everything they can. She doesn’t take it well.
At the White House, Darth P and CoS Shatmypants are looking for a replacement for Weasel. Shatmypants hands him a narrowed-down list of “very good” candidates, and Darth P says he doesn’t want “very good,” he wants “the best.” Shatmypants informs him that he fired the best, and Darth P gets chippy…but then his phone rings, and he sends Shatmypants out without another word. Guess who’s on the phone? Sophia, of course, telling him that the counteragent is with Simon, and he needs to find it. When he tells her that it’s easy for her to just sit back and boss him around, she reminds him just how fucked he is if the truth ever gets out. She tells him they’ll put him away for the rest of his life…which, in the strictest sense, is true…but she seems to forget the part where the rest of his life is very, very short. Regardless, he gets it…
I’ve made a huge mistake…
Back with Sean and Vicky, now, as they attempt to chase down the lungs. Vicky is feeling an increased sense of hopelessness, but Sean is busy hacking into rental car databases hoping that he can use them to track the car, because he memorized the license plate. Nicely done, Sean. Except how are you on the interwebz while driving down the highway? I do seem to remember this actually being a plot point back near the beginning of the season, with Sean and ChickAgent driving around searching for an unprotected network to hijack. I guess now Sean has a 3G card or something?
Anyways, his plan pays off, he finds the car, which is about 50 miles away.
Back with the Others, who have left the Community and are now setting up camp in a warehouse (where they got enough cots for all of these people is beyond me). Carlos tells Sophia that the condition on the homeworld is worse than they thought, and people are already starting to die to the radiation, so they gotta get this place cleaned up in a hurry! Sophia asks Dr Lu how long til the lungs can go viral, and the good doctor tells her that based on the outbreak on the boat, it’s killing people too fast for it to be a successful outbreak, but that wasn’t the most well-controlled test. Sophia tells her that there’ll be a true field test shortly, which should provide whatever information is needed.
In light of the upcoming epidemic, I guess reminding you that smoking is bad for you isn’t really necessary…
Weasel has clearly seen better days, though he’s only smoking…maybe it’s too early in the day for him to hit the bottle? As he’s wallowing in self-pity, he hears a noise in his house! He grabs a gun out of his desk, and we cut to Simon walking through the house. As he walks through a doorway, Weasel is waiting for him with the gun. Of course, when you’re trying to get in contact with someone who clearly considers you an enemy, wouldn’t you consider it wise to knock so they aren’t already on edge because they think someone has broken into their house?
Simon gives Weasel the counteragent. He tells Weasel that he’s split with Sophia, or else why would he risk leaving the Community? He finally wins Weasel over with logic, explaining that Mr P is fucked without the counteragent, so why not give it a whirl? Just then, Weasel notices a car across the street, and deduces that Darth P must have been watching him, waiting for Simon to show up…
The guys in the car notice that Simon is in the house, and get in position to take him down!
Back with Sean and Vicky, they’re now only 10 miles behind the other car, and it’s just decided to stop!!
See, Walker? This is why you ride in the bitch-seat. Because when I drive, shit gets done!
It turns out the car stopped at a mall. A very crowded mall. This has “24” written all over it. They break into the car in the middle of the parking lot in broad daylight but thankfully no one notices. The lungs are missing, but there are blueprints of the mall, and it becomes quickly obvious that they’re planning to use the air circulation system to infect everyone.
Inside the mall, the Russian flight attendant Alex tells the other dude that Sophia wants this on tape, and so his job is to forward all surveillance cameras to Sophia and then to meet her on the roof. She gets to the roof with no problem whatsoever, and immediately gets to work.
Back at Weasel’s house, the assault team is about to move in, when suddenly the world’s fastest-responding police ever arrive on the scene. The assault team plays nice and puts down the guns to do some badge-flashing…
“LOL It’d be way better if you guys were Hot Cops. Way better…”
The lead cop tells them that there was a 911 call from the house saying that there was an armed robbery in process. Clearly they realize that this means they’ve been made, and grab their guns and run inside. They run around the house, and realize that Simon and Weasel aren’t there (though they never actually look upstairs…), and then look out the back door and see that the guys that were guarding the back of the house lying on the ground…we have no idea how Simon and Weasel knocked two heavily armed special forces guys out, but it apparently happened.
Darth P gets a phone call informing him of this, and doesn’t take it well. He calls Sophia, who maybe takes it worse. She tells him that if Mr P recovers, the deal is off. He gets all “you’re not playing fair!” on her, and she’s like “just shut up and take it, bitch.”
Weasel and Simon discuss their options for getting the antidote to Mr P. Basically they come to the conclusion that they only way is through Mrs P, but that Darth P is likely expecting that as well.
At the hospital, Mrs P tries to get back in to see Mr P, and all of a sudden there are guys in camo blocking the entrance, and won’t let her in. They tell her that the Attorney General has restricted access to essential personnel only. Basically…
“…since you don’t let him play World of Warcraft and eat Hot Pockets all day, Mr P has decided that he needs his space…”
She huffs away, and calls someone to tell them to call the AG and get this shit fixed. Just then, Weasel calls her and tells that they need to talk, but can’t do it over the cell phone.
Cut to Darth P, who is being informed of this 24 (do you think this was an arbitrary number? Seems like a bit of an homage…) second conversation between Weasel and Mrs P, but it was encrypted. The guy seems a little weirded out that Darth P is so adamant that he decrypt the call asap.
Back to the mall, on the rooftop Alex appears to be assembling some device to spread the virus. Also…
Sean paints with all the colors of the run….
So after nearly running some people over, Sean develops a plan where Vicky evacuates the mall, and he runs to the roof to stop the diabolical plan. Vicky stops him to tell him to be careful! AW!
The bad dude that is working on the security feed calls Sophia to tell her that she’s patched in, so they can watch what goes down. He tells her that Alex is aerosolizing the virus as they speak, which to me sounds a lot like something that should have been done somewhere that wouldn’t severely compromise the tissue that they’re trying to keep alive with the virus.
Vicky runs and pulls a fire alarm, but nothing happens! She sees a mall cop nearby, so she runs up and asks him to help sound the alarm to get everyone out! He seems to not really know what to do, so Vicky pulls his gun from it’s holster and shoves it in his back, and tells him to do it or die.
Wait, seriously? Mall cops don’t carry guns…and if they did, they’d have a safety strap on their holster just like every cop ever does, ENTIRELY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF THING FROM HAPPENING! Oh well, regardless of the absurdity, it works.
Sean runs to the roof, but the bad guy in the security room sees him and points him out to Sophia. She tells him it’s Sean Mother Fucking Walker, and that they have to keep him from ruining everything.
WTF Sean. If you Scooby-Doo me out of a planet for my people, I will definitely call you a meddling kid!
Sean runs out onto the roof, and sees Alex working on setting up the virus-spreader-thingy. He starts to walk towards her, and all of a sudden he’s getting shot at by the other guy! A firefight ensues!
Back at the hospital, Mrs P is still making angry phone calls about not being allowed to see her husband when Darth P approaches. He tells her that he wasn’t clear enough with the AG, and that he’d fix it. He then goes on to tell her that Weasel and Simon are the ones behind her husband’s condition…that they poisoned him!!
She tells him that she knew Weasel was keeping something from her about Mr P’s condition, and now this makes sense. She tells him that she was planning to meet with him shortly, and reveals the “where” part! He promises that they’ll do everything they can to find and stop them!
Seriously…that was easier than a drunk college girl. And cheaper, too!!
Back at the Others’ warehouse, Sophia hops into the back of a truck to chat with Leila. She tells her that the Others are the good guys, and then asks what she told Sean. Leila tells her to go to hell, and Sophia tells Leila that by involving Sean she’s “ensured his death,” just like she did with her father. Cocky, much? Also, since Leila knows the plan is to kill all humans, isn’t Sean’s death eminent either way if the Others win?
Vicky an the Mall Cop run into the security room and find another, quite dead, mall cop. Mall Cop finally realizes this shit’s real, and pulls the master alarm to sound the evacuation. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know how to turn off the ventilation system.
Back on the roof, Sean is holding his own in the firefight. By “holding his own,” I mean the score is 0-0, and he’s pissing bullets. The bad guy runs out of bullets first, but has a spare clip! Sean, on the other hand, does not. The guy notices this, and tries to get close since his aim isn’t so good. Sean bamboozles him, and pistolwhips the shit out of his face! They rassle a bit, both trying to get control of the one remaining gun.
Alex sets up the plague spreader and GTFO’s. Vicky runs up to the roof. All the while, Sean and the Other are wrestling, but Sean finally gets the upper hand and shoots the guy dead! Vicky runs up, and she and Sean run over to the virus box. Sean has no idea how to disarm it!
This is the shittiest looking WMD ever…if this is the end of humanity as we know it, I’m going to be very disappointed…
Simon and Weasel drive into a warehouse. They’re being monitored by the White House. Darth P tells everyone that this is proof that Weasel is a traitor to his country. Not-Rocketman tells him that the tactical team is 10 minutes out, but Darth P tells him they won’t be necessary. No…he’s coordinating with the Air Force on this one, and asks for the status of the predator drone. Not-Rocketman takes issue with using a remotely controlled airplane to blow up the building that Weasel is in, and leaves the room once Darth P tells him that he doesn’t need nor care about his approval.
The drone is in position, and Darth P gives the orders to fire-when-ready. The drone does, indeed, fire when ready, which is immediately.
Boom. Headshot. Killstreak: 2
Darth P tells the ground team to get in there and confirm the kills, and leaves the room. As the mall is being evacuated, we see Alex run outside with her suitcase. She hops on a bus, and opens it up a bit.
Sean and Vicky can’t figure out the bomb. Sean starts panicking and Vicky keeps yelling at him. Sean issues the most truthful statement of the entire series…
“I…I don’t know what I’m doing.”
She tells him she thought he was an expert, putting Vicky in the 99.9% of people on the planet that for some reason anyone who understands computers can understand anything else with wires in it. So after they waste like 30 seconds arguing, Vicky tells him they have to go save themselves. Except there’s ONE MINUTE LEFT ON THE TIMER…..WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO RUN?!?
Sean won’t leave, and we’re now down to 20 seconds. He tells Vicky to save herself, but she won’t leave Sean. JUST FUCK ALREADY!!!! Even Sean is beginning to feel the sexual tension! I mean REALLY feel it…
Pictured: not-so-subtle metaphor…
He panics and unloads the remainder of the clip into the device, and magically the clock stops at 3 seconds.
Back at another part of the warehouse, Alex is waiting by the bus she was on. Sophia walks up and thanks her for coldly murdering everyone on board, and for filming it. Now they should have the information they need to make the virus a more effective epidemic!
Sophia heads into the lab to meet with Dr Lu. Lu informs her that viruses mutate when they jump species, like “bird flu becoming H1N1 when it crossed to humans.” I thought H1N1 was swine flu. Oh well. Then she goes on about how these mutation occur, and how an intermediate species could be used to mutate this particular strain. It’s all very sciency, and not likely even remotely close to correct, but I accept that they’re just trying to create an easy-to-follow plan so that people like me that don’t have an immense medical/science background don’t get confused.
Lu’s thinking is that, since the virus doesn’t affect The Others, but kills humans way too fast, they should infect Leila because it’ll be somewhere in the middle. I’m sure sure why she thinks that it will all work like that. LALALALALALALALALALA turning my brain off because I’m getting a headache from trying to figure this out!!
That smarmy bitch will finally get her comeuppance.
Back at the hospital, Mrs P walks into the gift shop and buys flowers. She’s allowed entry into Mr P’s room, so she’s gotta have flowers. The doc tries to tell her that there’s nothing they can do, but she refuses to believe that. She asks him to leave and shuts the curtains.
At the now exploded warehouse, the team that was sent in for the kill confirmation finds exactly 0 dead bodies, but a tunnel! Simon and Weasel GTFO’d in time!
The security tech that Darth P was forcing to decrypt the phone conversation between Mrs P and Weasel comes in to tell him that the conversation has finally been decrypted. Darth P makes him play the conversation, during which Weasel tells Mrs P that Darth P is behind Mr P’s current state.
Oh, bro, you are so FUCKED!!
Darth P seems more concerned about the fact that Mrs P lied and helped set the whole thing up than he is with the guy who just heard the recording, and sits at his chair and panics.
Back at the hospital, Mrs P is in Mr P’s room. They do a little Ocean’s 11 flashback to show everyone how she got the counteragent! It turns out that after escaping the predator drone, Simon headed into the gift shop in the hospital and gave Mrs P a special bouquet of flowers. She says a prayer in Spanish, and sticks the needle in his arm.
Back at the Warehouse, Leila is tied to the bed. This is not nearly as sexy as I had envisioned it would be. Dr Lu comes in with Carlos and Sophia. Sophia tells Leila that this is the deadliest disease in ALL ZEE VORLD!!! and that Leila is going to help them spread it.
Ya know, I’m all for tying a girl up and sticking things in her nose, but for some reason this is just plain creepy.
Well, in two weeks is the SERIES finale. That’s right…if you missed it, The Ev3nt got The Ax3. I hope you guys are ready for an epic shitstorm in for the final 2 episodes!