The Ev3nt: Mama’s Boy

So, I feel like this show is picking up steam…I fear it may be too little, too late, however. Sadly, no one reads these anymore, hopefully because no one watches the show anymore and not because people hate reading my recaps. I know, I know…wishful thinking, right.

Anyways, tonight’s episode of The Ev3nt starts of with Sean doing what Sean does best.

Like…the…wind.

Of course, he and Vicky are running away in their best party attire because, unless you’ve forgotten, they were at a fundraising event to get close to Darth Hatter and threaten the crap out of him so that he revealed the location of Darth Flowers…and it kind of worked. But anyways, now we’ve got Sean fleeing in a tux, but more importantly, Vicky is fleeing in her already revealing party dress…which at this point she may as well just take off and toss on the sidewalk for how much it’s leaving to the imagination.

Anyways, after almost getting hit by a car, an SUV, AND a bus in quick succession, they split up. Sean keeps chugging away, and takes a quick right into an alley, where some poor unsuspecting dudes are unloading a delivery van. Sean steals the shit out of it, and drives out the alley. Cut to Vicky, running full speed right towards the end of the alley that Sean is driving the van out of (serendipitous, no?), and I’m seriously thinking that my family uses less tape wrapping Christmas gifts than the wardrobe folks must’ve used to keep Vicky from falling all kinds of out of her dress. Remind me to a) invest in Scotch, and b) to send angry letters to Scotch for being so effective. Anyways, as luck would have it she reaches the alley just as Sean is pulling out, and Sean sees her and is like

COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!!

This thwarts their pursuers, but now that they’re safe and sound and alive, Vicky goes back to her whole “I’m not helping you any more” thing…and Sean reminds her again, probably for anyone who recently had a stroke or perhaps didn’t watch the last couple of episodes, that he’ll expose her son (not like THAT, geez) if she stops helping him. He tells her to get him to France and he’ll make the whole “finding Flowers” thing happen.

Cut to LA, where all the president’s men are surrounding the shit out of that church with the Others inside. Weasel fills Simon in on the situation, and tells him that he’s been super helpful in this whole “locating the Others” thing. He says thanks, but has a face on…I can’t decide if it’s that he feels like maybe he was *too* helpful and thus his people are effed, or if it’s because he knows he’s about to betray the shit out of the guy who’s thanking him. Either way, Simon isn’t happy right now.

Mr P tells everyone, again, that he’s not going to be taking it easy here. He’s going balls to the wall here, and no one better say anything to the contrary. He calls Sophia and explains the trajectory of his balls, and their imminent meeting with the metaphorical wall, and she begs him to reconsider. I’ve heard this whole thing before, of course, and so has Mr P, so he tells her she has 10 minutes to surrender.

INTRO!!

Sophia chides Stevie, again…oh, how I’ve missed her making him her bitch. It’s great.

Mom, don’t scold me when I’m handing out weapons! GOSH!!!

Sophia asks for Stevie to put her in contact with his portal guy…he suspects she may use that to screw him over, and Soulless steps in to voice her opinion. Sophia doesn’t even turn around…just puts up her hand…

…or, in the vernacular… “bitch, please.”

Sophia’s hatred shuts Soulless up, and begs Stevie to trust her. He does…and gives her the contact info for his portal guy. Stevie tells her that it takes time for the guy to call back, and plan B will include bullets. MFB tells them that these guys aren’t local cops, despite the uniforms. Just then Leila comes running up and confronts her dad…because obviously this is the best time to press him for more information. MFB gives her the same “I’ll tell you when there’s time” thing. She seems to be concerned with dying. I’m not as worried.

Sophia calls Simon and hopes that maybe Mr P is bluffing. Simon tells her she’s gotta surrender, and she tells him that their planet is dying. Simon still begs that she surrender, but she says “no.”

The portal guy calls back, and Sophia tells him he’s gotta portal them the hell outta there. All 188. He says he can’t do it, because he doesn’t have near enough fuel loaded yet. She asks what he can do, and then we cut to the Marines doing a little work around the house..

I’m not sure what this is supposed to accomplish…

Anyways, one of the guys that Stevie gave a gun to sees this dude drilling and decides he doesn’t like it one bit, so he shoots him! Sophia knows they’re humped.

Mr P gets word that one of his dudes got shot, and tells them to get in and shoot people.  Simon, in particular, is very against this. Well, we know why, but his argument of there still being 2 minutes til the deadline seems a bit ridiculous considering the people he’s defending started the shooting. That’s kinda a green light in my book.

Sophia calls Mr P and asks him to not take the shooting personally. He tells her to go to hell, and gives the go.

Suddenly everything starts shaking and rumbling, and I know where we’ve seen this before!!! Secret service rushes in and escorts Mr P out, but the portal isn’t being opened in the White House…

…it’s being used to castrate the National Mall…

The shaking ends as suddenly as it began. Mr P gets the news and tells the Marines to stand down. Mr P refuses to evacuate. Already 70 people are dead, and the number is rise. Sophia calls him and rubs his nose in it, telling him he should’ve listened, and if he continues his action he’ll take them all down. She demands 3 busses and a cargo jet. Mr P isn’t happy with his situation.

Skipping back over to Sean and Vicky on a private plane to France. Vicky asks Sean if he can put her in contact with her son. So he does. Except her son is asleep, so she lets him continue to sleep and talks to her mom instead. She tells Vicky that terrorists blew up the monument. Sean tells her to hurry it the hell up.

Meanwhile, regardless of the fact that there’s a macbook sitting 3 feet from him, Sean is doing some web browsing on his Blackberry. Seriously, find me one tech geek who even OWNS a Blackberry, much less would use it in lieu of a real computer. Anyways, he finds out that Flowers owns a company that has a permit for an archaeological dig in the Jura mountains. This seems a bit too coincidental.

Now we skip to the Jura Mountains, and Flowers arriving at the dig site. The archaeologist shows him some “limestone amphoras” that they’ve unearthed, and tells him that preliminary tests put them around 2000BC, but Flowers states that they’re way older than that. This comment puzzles the archaeologist, and Flowers hastily takes it back as old person nonsense. The guy tells him that if he’s excited about these things, he’s really gonna love the inside of the chamber. Flowers loses his shit and shoots him.

Although he doesn’t follow the golden “double-tap” rule…

Back in LA, Stevie acts sad that Sophia had to destroy the Washington Monument. She gets pissed at him, and tells him again and again and again that Stevie’s asshole arrogance is what caused everything. She gives him the “I’m very disappointed in you” thing, and Stevie starts to cry. Soulless sees this, and realizes her power play has probably come to an end.

Mr P is angry at his war room, again…but he seems more angry at his shortcoming. Weasel comes in and tells Mr P that they need to have a private chat. Mr P tells them to get the busses ready, and leaves with Weasel. Weasel tells him that Simon is an Other…that Dickface was right all along! And then they completely forget about the fact that Dickface is probably in jail or maybe dead, and scheme to use Simon to find Sophia by not telling Simon they know what he is. Weasel tells Mr P that they’ve been monitoring Simon’s phone, and that he’s been making encrypted calls. They’re working to crack the encryption.

Cut to Simon talking to Sophia. Simon is very angry with her for killing the innocent and breaking all of her vows. She tells Simon that she was bluffing (used CORRECTLY, this time…take that Virgina Madsen!), and that they have 0 fuel left in the portal. This just so happens to be the call that Weasel’s tech is trying to crack.

Cut back to Sean and Vicky, who are driving through the French countryside, listening to French music. Well, Vicky is listening. Sean is sleeping. Vicky notices, and gives him a look.

“What kind of man falls asleep as the co-pilot on a road trip? That’s somethin’ chicks do…you’re not a chick, are you?”

I tend to agree with Vicky, and think Sean’s man card should probably be revoked. Well, except for all the crazy badass-ish stuff that he’s done or at least tried valiantly to do. Suddenly an alarm goes off, and Sean recognizes it as the “put the code into the computer or Vicky’s son is effed” alarm. I wish that, instead of 2 hours, the timeline for this was 108 minutes. It’d have made me happy.

Vicky asks him if he really thinks he needs to keep holding that over her head, and he asks her that if he wasn’t, would he still be alive. She doesn’t reply, but we all know what the answer would’ve been. “I’m more of a man than you, Walker,” is what I hear. Followed by BLAM!

To continue the “wtf kinda man are you” theme we’re on, Sean asks “are we there yet?!?” Ok, Mr Walker, you’re in France. Perhaps it’s having an “effect” on you.

They arrive at the safe house, and Vicky walks up and pounds on the front gate and then immediately leaves to go around back. This, of course, works out swimmingly because the second she’s gone some French dude points a gun at Sean, and when Sean tells him that he’s here with “Vicky Roberts” the guy is like “who the fuck is Vicky Roberts.” But in French. But I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.

Anyways, inside the house, Vicky and Frenchy are reliving the good old days, and tells Sean a story about how they went to this restaurant to take out a guy, but he wasn’t there, so they drank like 43 bottles of wine and then decided that they should probably ABORT!! so they left, but Vicky is so hammered that in her attempt to drive drunk home, she runs right into an oncoming car, and the driver is propelled through the windshield, and it turns out to be the guy they were supposed to take out! Yay, Ev3nt! Way to promote drunk driving!!! Why not up the ante and say “and to think, if we’d had a DD, we would’ve missed our mark!!!”

So then I says, I says “I bet that just killed his buzz!!” Right??!? RIGHT?!?!?

Anyways, they’re still laughing about it, and since Sean is totally not drinking at all (this France thing is really getting to him, except the FRENCH DRINK…MAN UP, SEAN!!), he’s not amused. Vicky then reveals she was CIA, and Sean can’t believe it and Vicky seems none too pleased with herself for giving that info up, so she decides she needs more wine and excuses herself. Frenchy tells Sean that she got burned by her superior to cover up one of his mistakes, so she went rogue. Suddenly Sean sees another side of Vicky.

Frenchy asks Sean why Vicky is helping him…since Sean is clearly not a professional. Sean admits to blackmailing her, which Frenchy loves. He seems to think it’s hilarious, even though he’s kinda friends with Vicky or whatever. He then tells Sean that even with the blackmail, the only reason Vicky is really helping him is because she wants to. OMG are we gonna get SHVICKY?

Back to LA, MFB and Leila have a little conversation about the Washington Monument. MFB spits some propaganda at Leila about how no matter what the Others would’ve been the victims, and she needs to accept her place among the people.

In the archaeological dig site, Flowers takes some random yutz down into the excavation. They see the drawings on the wall, and Flowers gets excited and the yuts is like “wtf are those?”

“Guardian Angels.” Oh, God…

Flowers goes on to explain that every religion has it’s own concept of the Guardian Angel, except that they’re actually real. According to Flowers. He gets really emotional, and talks about how Guardian Angels have been reduced to a metaphor. Then he looks at the tattoo that he probably got on Spring Break one year…and looks at the wall, then at his tat, then at the wall…

It’s the Tri-Force.

The music indicates that this is a Big Fucking Deal, and then we go to a commercial.

Back to LA, and Sophia giving a motivational speech to everyone. She’s all like “THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!!” and “we’ll pull through,” and they all board the busses and head to the airfield.

Soulless is mad that Sophia gave the speech, and not Stevie. He tells her she should be more concerned with the fact that their people almost got wiped the fuck out, and she’s all like “you’re taking her side?!?!” Stevie’s response actually made me lol…

“There are no sides anymore get on the bus!!”

No, I didn’t leave out punctuation. “Get on the bus” is the punctuation.”

Back at the White House, the random tech working by herself cracks Simon’s cell phone encryption. They hear the conversation from earlier between Simon and Sophia.

The busses are headed to the airfield, still. Stevie tells Soulless to radio Sophia and tell her that no one is following them, and she gives him the could shoulder.

Mr P hears that they’re totally defenseless. He decides to take them the fuck down. Mr P tells Weasel that despite his arguments, it’s time to take them out. They send a single chopper to do the job. Without so much as a warning, it launches a missile right into the front bus. Sophia realizes that Mr P knows, and they’re humped, and has Stevie contact his portal guy again.

The portal dude tells Stevie that he has enough fuel loaded for one buss only! Stevie tells the portal guy to portal Sophia out. Soulless starts crying because she knows she’s gonna die. Stevia tells his bus driver to hurry up and get ahead of Sophia’s, and takes a literal bullet for her. Dammit…not a literal bullet, but a literal missile. Whatever.

Sophia is suddenly sad that her son is dead, which I guess makes sense. And then…just then…a portal opens, and the bus vanishes! On that bus were Sophia, MFB, and Leila. Because Leila just…won’t…die