The Fashion Show: Fatale

Cesar sits with the GoCi monster and Morris Day – whose Chiquita Banana shirt actually has holes cut out of the side and I’m scared – and the CalTran shit talking begins. Cesar calls House of Emerald “fierce” and says that the only reason they were losing was CalTran. Sorry, but CalTran’s design was one of the few that the judges could tolerate last week. Stop making it personal.

And over on House of Nami, CalTran is telling them how happy he was that they won, instead of his team. Okay, that’s maybe dirty but the only thing CalTran can do wrong in my eyes at this point is, well, stop being CalTran.

House of Nami is not happy. Greenpeace Outerspace David says the arrival of CalTran was like a “kick in the stomach”. Dominique tells us that they have a “winning house dynamic”. Yeah, it’s called Cesar.

CalTran tells his new team that he “hates to fight”. But then he admits that with the way he’s been acting lately, he understands why House of Emerald hates him. Then he laughs evilly and maniacally.

And all is right with the world.

The next morning, Tamara From The Block says what I’ve been thinking, and that’s that getting rid of CalTran is not going to save their team. Cesar echoes that thought by telling us “I’m not Mother Teresa”. And then, they get a note telling them to get to Brooklyn.

They enter a warehouse that dark and spooky and mysterious…and then, there’s Iman. In a gold spangled jumpsuit that only Iman can pull off. She introduces us to three “femme fatales” – Mata Hari, Barbara Stanwyck in Double Indemnity, and a vampire, who sucks you in and then sucks you dry.

How about just sucks?

And the challenge is to create a nightlife look, inspired by one of these femme fatales. The twist? The look must be completed in 24 hours. Everyone freaks out. They’re so spoiled. Doesn’t PR make them design their shit in like 20 minutes?

Anyone else wondering what the piano has to do with this?

House of Emerald decides on a “disco vampire” look. In other words, Cesar decides on a “disco vampire” look. House of Nami wants to merge the 40′s look with the vampire look. Aren’t we done with this vampire thing already? I would have gone 40′s all the way.

They head to the fabric store that isn’t Mood. Dominique informs us that their house is good at pulling fabrics and creating a story. In other words, Cesar is good at that. Let’s just agree that anytime Nami brags about their house, they’re bragging about Cesar. Conversely, anytime Emerald complains about their house, they’re complaining about CalTran. Which I guess is what they mean when one of the GoCi monster informs us that they’ve had issues with fabric selection in the past.

So they leave it in Cesar’s hands. He heads for the chantilly lace, which I think skews a little more curtains at Gramma’s house than disco vampire. And Tamara dares disagree! She shows Cesar some red leather, which Cesar immediately brushes off as “beautiful honey, but not what we’re doing”. CalTran isn’t the only belligerent dictator around here, and I am very encouraged.

Back in the studio, Cesar swishes over to Emerald and gives Morris Day a big hug. Dominique is sad not to be working with him anymore. Because no one wants to lose.

Over on Emerald, Cesar is yelling at Tamara to color her illustration. “Follow my lead girl, I won’t lead you wrong,” he promises. In other news, Morris Day appears to have shown up at the studio in his bathrobe.
Isaac shows up with his phony baloney “daaaaarling”, and then tells Emerald that since they have already bought the fabric, he can’t say anything about it. Daddy Cesar looks very offended that Isaac would dare insult is fabric choice. Tamara talks about a peplum and a bra top. Isaac says he loves bras.

Isaac is not in love with Cindy GoCi’s red thing with a black lining, or vice versa. He says it will either look very rich, or very cheap and he can’t tell by the swatch. Then he reminds Emerald that CalTran is now on Nami, and that’s why they have to beat them.

When Isaac meets with Nami, he likes their idea of the “dark side of the 40′s temptress”. Oh, actually I love that! And I really, really, really want CalTran to win. Isaac thinks their black and purple palate sounds wonderful.

Eduardo shows a dramatic neckline that looks awfully similar to what he did last week. Dominique is all about a trench coat with a little black dress underneath. Hardly groundbreaking. But Isaac loves it.
But CalTran does not! He mentions that a trench and a dress might be a bit ambitious, and considering Dominique’s prior dependence on Cesar, I think he’s right. But Isaac smacks CalTran down, saying that Dominique’s done well so far, so to leave her alone.

Greenpeace Outerspace says that CalTran has a chip on his shoulder. “We have a system and it works, so he should play along or not play at all,” he informs us huffily. Well, let’s just see how well your system works with the captain of the ship on the other team.

Over on Emerald, Tamara is telling us her inspiration is Mary J. Blige. She’s doing a pair of pants, a bra and a leather jacket. GoCi Golnessa says that she thinks femme fatales should be “sexy and seductive”, so of course she’s going with “tight and fitting” cause what’s sexier than the complete obvious. She’s also panicking about the time thing.

Rolando, who I could stand to see a little more of, tells us about his corset dress with a skirt made completely out of tulle. Being obsessed with the 80′s, I think this is a fantastic idea. Then he says that at the end, she’s going to look like a Christmas tree, and tis the season and all, but who wants to look like a tree?
Back to Emerald, Morris Day tells us how experienced Cesar is and how much the team needs him right now. Then he kisses ass for insurance, telling Cesar that he’s working like a speed demon, and his cape is a “genius idea”.

Genius? Really?

Morris Day has a long, high waisted skirt and a top with cutouts. Then Cesar prances over to Tamara, and critiques her black bra without a color underneath. Having learned a lesson on standing her ground last week, Tamara once again dares to defy Cesar, and tells him she’s doing black on black. Cesar is not thrilled, but hasn’t got much of a choice in the matter.

Fine. But if Emerald loses, you’re fucked.

Having lost CalTran, the GoCi monster Cindy is already blaming Tamara for her look. Cesar just keeps making bitchy faces and comments, and then takes off. But the other GoCi monster, Golnessa, is having problems. Both monster heads talk about sticking flowers all over it, which seems to be their tacky solution to everything.

And then, here come the models. Things are not going well for GoCi Golnessa. Luckily, Cesar comes around to help. CalTran’s dress is black and long and sparkly and amazing, I think. “Walk!” he commands his model. But he’s not happy, and he changes his plan so that it flows the way he wants. So he takes the cool neckline and turns it into a burka and suddenly, it’s no longer working for me.

Back on Emerald, Morris Day is finally getting his wish come true in the form of tulle all over the models’ heads. Luckily, the new captain of the ship is there to Cesar it up, and it no longer looks like a bank robber committing suicide, but a chic, tulle hat. And Tamara is starting to go a little too far with this “I’m me” attitude. Her look doesn’t look anything like the rest of the team. It looks like an outfit from Thriller. I’m concerned.
On Nami, they do their model lineup, and everyone’s concerned about Ro. Eduardo says Ro leans heavily on Cesar, but Cesar’s gone. So Ro uses Dominique as a fit model…and there’s Cesar helping them! GoCi monster Cindy wants to tell Cesar not to help the other team, and damn you Cesar for making me agree with her. What is he doing? She realizes that one bad look from Nami, and they can win.

That night, at 3 AM, everyone is tired. Tamara and CalTran are giggling together in the studio, and I’m happy to see it. He tells her how happy she makes him, then he calls her “Tameka”. Tameka is used to not sleeping and used to the pressure. But everyone else is basically cracking. Rolando flits around the studio in his Christmas tree dress, but Emerald is deadly serious. They are all worried about GoCi Golnessa and her dress.

Eduardo reminds us that he gets an extra hour of work this week, because he won last week. He prefers to sew alone. He also tells us he has a a degree in industrial engineering, which explains a lot about his designs. Not only do I like Eduardo, but I actually want to wear his clothes.

The next morning, everyone is exhausted. What a bunch of whiners. Can’t take one all-nighter? For one dress? How are they going to design a whole actual collection? Fashion ain’t no 9-5 gig.

Backstage at the show, Morris Day does a little more sucking up about Cesar’s design, which is red and purple and has an awful lot going on. Everyone is still concerned about GoCi Golnessa…and then her dress rips. Dominique is also faux-concerned for Emerald, because she doesn’t think that a femme fatale would dress like a rainbow.

And then it’s time for the show. “Step away from your models!” says Stefan. And look who the guest judge is!

Get your ass up show me how you burlesque! (See it! Amazing!)

Better hair does not mean less homicidal.

The show begins with a flash of thunder, and then comes Tamara’s model. The red leggings look like something Richard Simmons would wear to work out in, but the red leather jacket is pretty cool. The judges, however, do not look thrilled.

GoCi Cindy’s dress is a little gorgeous. Now excuse me while I go vomit for having to say that.

Golnessa’s dress is plain and boring and green, except for a lace cutout on the back. It looks like she got shot and bled lace. It also makes her model look sort of pregnant.

Morris Day made a old-timey whore dress.

Cesar made a whore dress too, but at least he’s aware that he “over-embellished”. And it’s not pretty, but it’s gorgeously made.

The judges to not look thrilled by the House of Emerald.

“You’re fucked.”

“We know.”

For the Bravo fake out, CalTran puts on a black pump, with a white sweatsock over it. I have no idea what it all means, but it cracks us both us. I think CalTran’s becoming my imaginary bestie and I’m worried for me.

Every little thing he does is magic.

Then it’s time for House of Nami. This is how CalTran describes their look.

Someone tells CalTran he just described himself, and could I love him more? Then he tells us that Eduardo’s dress is great,but it’s the same ruffle dress again. “Saw it for a third time,” he mentions. And yes, agreeing with me makes me realize that I can indeed love him more.

And then we start the show. Lil’ Dominique’s mini-dress and trench are cute. Her little belted dresses aren’t setting the world on fire, but they’re very wearable.

Greenpeace Outerspace David went with a a burka look, but then she rips it off to reveal a pretty purple dress. Too bad she stands like she has a dick.

Yes, it’s the third time we’ve seen Eduardo’s dress, but it’s the most gorgeous one yet.

For everyone’s (mine included) concern about Rolando, the Christmas tree dress is very cool. It’s very Madonna meets 2010, which I guess makes it very Lourdes.

And CalTran’s dress, while it sort of looks like she has a paper bag floating around her neck, I still think it’s gorgeous. He tells us he has a “fantastic brain”, and then he tells Cesar that he loves his new team.

And the judges this team too. Nami takes the win! I feel vindicated! Isaac mentions that the one thing Nami consistently has over Emerald is the sophistication of the fabric. Well Emerald, can’t blame that on CalTran now, can you.

The two dresses that the judges loved were Eduardo and Dominique. And as an added bonus, the winner will have immunity next week! So who is it? Eduardo! Again! Both Iman and Dita say that they would wear the dress. But Isaac tells him to do something insane next time, to get away from the cocktail dresses. Well, that’s crap advice. Whatever you did to win twice in a row, don’t do it again?

“Is there anyone who does not deserve to be in the House of Nami?” asks Iman. Because tonight…Eduardo has to nominate one person from his team for elimination! And I am disappointed to say that he chooses CalTran. Isaac disagrees – he thinks there are other players in the House of Nami who are getting a “free ride”. Stupid move Eduardo, CalTran had a good dress. He’s not going home.

And now, for Emerald. The big problem is the lack of cohesiveness. Well, and the fact that the majority of their looks were whorish and ugly, but that’s my personal opinion.

First up for critique is Cesar. Dita says it looks like he was trying to hard. Laura Brown thinks that it’s beautifully cut, but undermined by too much stuff.

No. Just…no.

Then comes GoCi Cindy. The judges agree that it was one of the better dresses. She stands there looking like the smug ass she is, then Dita tells her she hated the red zipper in the back. The GoCi monster is offended.

“Tamara, Tamara, Tamara,” says Iman. She says the model looks like a swashbuckler. Tamara sees a “strong woman”. Dita sees “1982 sale rack”. Ooooh, harsh. Iman says it makes her cringe, but they do give her credit for good construction.

GoCi Golnessa “always wanted to do an open back”. Iman says her 9 year old daughter could have done it. But Isaac says it was “close”. Laura Brown calls it poorly executed. Dita points out that it would be impossible to “seduce” in the dress because it would get stuck on your head while you were trying to get out of it.

And then, Morris Day. Iman likes the skirt, but as for the top? Dita says it looks like Dracula going to go work out. CalTran, knowing he’s safe, giggles. “Too many messages,” scoffs Laura Brown.

And then, it’s time for CalTran’s critique…and the judges don’t like it! What? Isaac says it has too much noise. I’m sorry, have you seen the eyesores that Cesar and his bitch Morris Day have come up with? CalTran defends himself and says that he would wear his dress on the street. “‘Give me high heel, and I do that,” he says defiantly.

Iman points out that there is a new team dynamic with Cesar having replaced CalTran. Of course, the GoCi head known as Cindy immediately says how much better it was without CalTran. But you still lost, points out Isaac. Hel-lo.

Iman had a vision that Cesar would help Emerald shine, but instead of elevating them, he went to their level. Cesar is not happy with this assessment.

Excuse me?

“House of Emerald – and Calvin,” says Iman, “One of you will be leaving us tonight.” She reminds them that to make it in fashion, you have to tell a story with the design, but that was not what they saw. Isaac says that they were dead in the water because of the fabric choices. That I will once again remind you, CalTran did not make.

And now for the verdict – Iman says that CalTran’s problem as a designer is the same as his problems as a person. He doesn’t know how to edit. But he can stay!

GoCi Cindy had the best dress of the night, but she needs to elevate her teammates so they can win. She’s staying too.

Morris Day’s skirt worked brilliantly, but nothing else did. And he can…stay?

Tamara made a complicated jacket in an impossible amount of time. But it had nothing to do with femme fatale. She must step forward.

And GoCi Golnessa had a good intention that got mangled by poor execution. She too is stepping forward.

Cesar made a “terrible dress and hid it behind an even worse cape”. But he’s Daddy Cesar, so he can stay.

“This is The Fashion Show. And I’m sorry, Tamara, but you’re out of fashion,” decrees Iman. Yeah, I had a feeling this one was coming. “You can’t please everyone,” Tamara says. But she still loves her look, and so she’s all good.

And then CalTran cries! He wants to go instead of Tamara, but Isaac sees through the dramatic ploy and tells him he has to just stay.

Sorry babe, even I’m not buying it.

Next week, Greenpeace Outerspace makes his move on silly Dominique, CalTran stops being on his best behavior, and Iman compares something to a drunk housewife. See you then!