The Fashion Show PreCap

It’s The Fashion Show!  The first thing the website asks is “So, What’s the New Show Format?”  Dunno.  What was the old format?  Are we still ripping off Project Runway?   Well, kind of and kind of not.  So the twelve designers will be split into two teams that will complete a weekly group challenge.  Creative types and teamwork don’t mix.  I smell histrionics.  They will also be producing a weekly fashion show, cause they had to work the title in somehow, and I’ve already got visions of Kelly Cuttrone dancing in my head.

Well hello my pretties.

So who are we working with here?

Tamara Jones. Described by Bravo as “an ambitious young woman”.  Which is what we say when it would be impolite to say “ball busting bitch”.

Rolando “Ro” Tamez. Feathered hair.  Turquoise pashmina.  Honestly couldn’t tell if this was a man or a woman.  What more could we ask for?

Golnessa Farmanara. So we’re fastening a sarong around a diaper and we’re calling it…fashion?

Mike Vensel. Philosophy that “clothes are an outward expression of our inner selves” either a) in direct conflict or b) too intuitive for comfort with respect to my philosophy that “clothes are what makes other bitches jealous”.  But who doesn’t enjoy a smirky tortured artist?

Jeffrey Williams. Clear favorite.  Hands down.  A Morris Day fantasy come to life.  There is nothing I do not love about Jeffrey.  Pomaded pompadour.  Pencil mustache.  Shirt made out of crime scene tape.   Back leather leggings and open toe brown sandals.  With a heel.

Francine Simmons. Seems uppity.  I like the dress and green necklace, but am annoyed by her decision to ruin them with baggy/skinny jeans and ugly shoes.      

Eduardo de la Casas. Highest Achiever, Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale, class of ’05.  Clearly destined for greatness.  I’m just hoping he’s as unintelligible as Casanova.

Dominique Pearl David. Listen sister, ski socks with trendy sandals are no reason to look so smug.  DPD is an LA native who’s already shown at LA Fashion Week.  In other words, DPD has a rich Daddy.

David Caldwell. Just wear the craziest shit you can find, and maybe they won’t notice you’re not wearing any underwear.

Cindy Ayvar. From the Valley.  I appreciate the green shoes.  But WTF with the leggings under the dress?  An homage to the early 90′s?  Or an offering to The Lohan?

Cesar Galindo. Awfully creepy looking, but based on his bio, definitely one of the most interesting and accomplished designers.  Fingers crossed for the diva card.

Calvin Tran. Slimy and arrogant.  A disgusting combination in actual reality, but a tasty snack for reality TV.

Iman. Lovelovelove Iman.  Don’t understand what the hell she’s saying, but – well, it’s Iman.

Laura Brown. Really got that high maintenance look down.  If she comes with a snotty British accent, I’m sold.

Isaac Mizrahi. I have no idea where Isaac Mizrahi is.  Let’s ask this square jawed thirty year old with the exquisitely arched eyebrows who they’re airbrushed in his place.