The Gates: Can’t Keep a Good Ghost Down

Previously, Lexie hit on Charlie to make Andy jealous so Andy would get off Brett’s nuts.  All of which happened totally according to plan, so… go Lexie?  Also, flashbacks revealed that Dylan and Claire killed Emily’s (neé Piper’s) parents and decided to raise her as their own to assuage their guilt.  Then Christian returned Emiliper to her birth family who promised (icily) to visit.  Finally, Amanda/Theresa tried to kill Nick, but was stopped by Dylan.  Hmm, that’s an oldie, but a goodie.  Know what that means?  Someone’s relevant again!

Who could it beeee???

It’s nighttime (a cloudy creepy nighttime, btw), and Nick’s having a nightmare.  He wakes with a start, and so does Sarah.  Apparently the nightmares have been going on for weeks, and she’s worried.  But, as is customary for Nick, as of late, he continues to shut her out.  He gets out of bed and Sarah pulls from under his pillow a little sachet of what looks like potpourri, but is probably magic in nature.

At Devon’s the next day, Sarah’s visiting and Devon doesn’t understand why the “dream satchel” didn’t work.  Usually they’re pretty effective.  And more stylish than a dreamcatcher.  The witch ventures that perhaps Nick’s nightmares are indicative of a more deeply-seeded problem.  Perhaps one that would require… tea?  Devon says she has several varieties that lower inhibition and might be good if Sarah wants to get Nick to talk her.  But Sarah knows how little faith Nick has in Devon’s particular brand of mumbo-jumbo.  Devon apologizes, but there’s nothing more she can do to help.  She hypnotizes Sarah a little bit to make the other woman forget she asked for Devon’s help, and sends her on her way.

A little evil for the road?

And now it’s time for the dark magic portion of our show!  You can tell because Devon’s in the corner of her spa where the crazy grows.  There are lots of candles, the face masks she made a few weeks ago and a book with some calligraphy writing.  She drinks something – I think it’s a tea made with the herbs from dream satchel.  I don’t know why, but this sort of squicks me out.  Maybe it’s because I keep seeing mattress commercials that talk about the pounds of sweat, dead skin and dustmites mattresses collect over time.  I wouldn’t eat or drink anything off of someone’s sheets, is all I’m saying.  Anyway, Devon doesn’t feel the same way, so she drinks whatever it is that’s in her cup, and flashes to Nick’s nightmare.  And it’s all about Amanda/Theresa’s death.  Oh, that is so knowledge that Devon is going to do bad things with.  And she does – she casts a summoning spell, and it’s pretty clear Amanda/Theresa and her wish for blood vengeance for her brother will rise!

She’s got a tea for everything, I swear.

The next evening at the police station, Leigh pops her head in Nick’s office to let him know that there was some dogfighting reported, but it’s not a big deal.  I have a feeling that it might be next week, though, because that’s a totally random statement to make, but where there are werewolves AND dogfighting, there be trouble afoot!  She heads out and Nick’s all alone in the station.  Of course, not thirty seconds go by before he thinks he sees someone in the bullpen.  He investigates, calling out for Leigh, but she’s already gone.  Just when he’s about to go back to work, he notices some muddy water on the floor and the mainframe computer goes on the fritz.  The feed switches from outside in The Gates to inside the police station so Nick’s watching himself.  Nick can’t fix the computer, and when he walks back into his office, there’s a swamp thing version of AMANDA/THERESA is behind him!!!  Credits!!!

Amanda/Theresa II: Let’s Try This Again

The next morning, back at the police station, Nick’s exhausted, which Leigh notices.  He asks her if she came back to the station at any point that night.  The answer is no, and Nick explains that he thought he heard something, and then the computer switched feeds.  Leigh says that she’s the only one who has the clearance to mess with the system, so she doesn’t know how the switch could have happened.  Nick reasons that if it wasn’t her, there’s another breach in the system, and they need to get to the bottom of it.  Spit-spot!

At school, Charlie’s back to moping.  Can’t say I blame him.  First he had one girl, then he had no girl, then he had TWO girls, and now he’s back to no girl.  Sorry, Charlie.  Dana pops over to return his algebra book.  She borrowed it to look ahead at what she’ll be doing in high school, and is sitting next to him right then to get a glimpse of how “grown-ups” behave.  Charlie’s predictably pissy about the book thing, and when Andy walks up, Dana picks up on the tension between the two “grown-ups” immediately.  She asks Charlie what’s up, and he snots that that’s how grownups act when people lie to them.

And when they’re a whiny bitch.

Moving onto the Radcliffe’s, Claire’s in desperate need of some blood (she’s all shaky and knocking things over and whatnot), so she heads to the wine room and starts chugging.  But Emiliper walks in on her!  It’s pretty awkward considering Emiliper’s two choices when it comes to the analysis of this situation are, “My mother is a vampire.” or “My mother is a wino.”  Both come complete with their own separate sets of problems.  Claire covers and takes Emiliper to ice cream, but it’s clear her daughter isn’t quite pacified.

Back at the station, Leigh’s explaining that there was a power surge a few seconds before the cameras recorded Nick entering the bullpen, so that was what must have switched the feed.  Also, there was absolutely no one in the room before him, Leigh confirms.  She also managed to confirm that Nick was seeing things, but she doesn’t realize it.  Nick leaves and hops into his SUV where he sees AMANDA/THERESA IN THE MIRROR!  He freaks, looks behind him, but she’s gone.  She is, however, walking through a crowd of people nearby, but remains just out of reach when he runs after her.  Of course, when he reaches a clearing in the crowd, she’s nowhere to be seen.  Because the writers of this show don’t so much “write” things as they cut and paste scenes from “True Blood,” “Twilight,” and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

This is where Nick would yell, “Khaaaaannnn!!” if he had any knowledge of Sci-Fi/Fantasy whatsoever.

Cut to Claire and Dylan, in love again and sharing an elegant dinner at their home.  Dylan mentions that their fiftieth anniversary is coming up, and he’d like to go away somewhere and renew their bond.  Claire can barely contain her happiness, but she does for a moment to ask if he’s sure.  Dylan smiles and tells her he loves her, despite everything, and hopes she feels the same.  She says yes and they decide to go to London.  And after a full two seconds of basking in happiness, there’s a phone call.  Aunt Nancy wants to come visit.  The next day.  At noon.  Claire says yes and the mood officially receives a damper.

At the Monohans, Sarah’s decided that sex will be her next weapon of choice in fighting Nick’s nightmares.  Also, was Frank Grillo a model at some point?  I did not mind the gratuitous body shot the show offered us at all.  Anyway, he and Sarah get it on, but then Sarah’s replaced with AMANDA/THERESA!  He shoves himself away from Sarah and she returns to looking like herself.  She’s asks Nick what’s happening to him, and we head to commercial.

Because I like to share…

Somehow, Sarah manages to get Nick to Devon’s shop for a consultation, and he reveals that the nightmares have been going on for several weeks.  Devon explains that his dreams are driven by a conflict between the conscious and the subconscious.  Nick denies any such conflict exist and Devon once again tries to push some tea on him, which he also refuses.  She quietly warns him that “these things” don’t just go away and will continue to haunt him unless he takes the tea twice a day.  Nick politely accepts the tea and he and Sarah leave.

Outside, Sarah and Nick walk away and she ventures that the visit wasn’t as bad as thought.  He agrees in such a way that she knows he is full full full of shit shit shit.   She confronts him and states that he has no intention of drinking the tea.  Nick honestly doesn’t trust Devon, but Sarah’s sick to shit of his wriggling out of dealing with his demons and demands he tell her what’s going on.  Cornered, Nick finally admits he’s reliving some of the terrible things he’s done, and Devon’s right.  He’s haunted.  Sarah tells him, pretty unsympathetically, that he’s got pull it together, and he promises that if the nightmares don’t stop, he’ll start taking the tea.

Then we can be in her thrall together!

And then we head to Fro Yo a Go Go!!  Yes!  It wasn’t a dream!  I love that place almost as much as I love Devon!  I like to imagine it’s staffed by a team of pastel Oompa-Loompas.  Dana and Andy are having some kind of date, and there are two things I love about Dana in this scene.  Number One: she is ridiculously formal in explaining to Andy why they’re both there.  Very, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve requested the pleasure of your presence this afternoon.”  Number Two: she’s wearing the most idiotic outfit – I can only describe as early-nineties trendy gymnast.  It’s awesome.  Anyway, Andy is pretty curious as to why she’s been summoned by a tween.  Dana announces that as Charlie’s sibling, she has a stake in what’s going on in his love life.  Mainly because he’s a massive choad when he’s nursing a broken heart.  Dana wants Andy to apologize for lying and make it better, because she’s certain that her brother will take Andy back.  Andy morosely explains that she did come clean – that’s the problem.  Charlie didn’t want her when he found out the truth.  As Andy leaves, Dana gets a taste of what it can really mean to be a grown-up.

Sad little gymnast.

Know what time it is?  Noon!  Right on schedule, Aunt Nancy arrives to visit the Radcliffes, but she hasn’t come alone.  She brought a representative from Child Services with her.  Cunt.  Claire’s understandably surprised.   And pissed.

At the station, Nick’s eating lunch and the lights flicker again.  Uh-oh.  The water on his desk turns to… ruby red grapefruit juice?

The supernatural can turn water into juice.

As soon as he notices, he chokes on his sandwich.  But when he pulls out what’s in his mouth, turns out they’re leeches or something – maybe some you’d find in a swamp?  Marcus pops his head in the office to ask if the chief’s okay, and Nick covers.  He didn’t really have to, though.  As soon as he looks from Marcus back to his desk, the leeches are gone and the water’s water again.  C’est bizarre…
Aunt Nancy and her henchwoman from Child Services announce that they’re all set to assess Emiliper’s living situation.  Claire and Dylan question why they’re being investigated a full seven years after the adoption was approved.  Nancy snots back that it might have been seven years after the adoption, but it’s been a week since one of Claire and Dylan’s friends kidnapped her, so this investigation is happening, whether the Radcliffes fight it or not.  I’m sure you can guess how light and bouncy the mood in the Radcliffe home is.  The CS Lady wants to interview Emiliper alone and Claire looks like she’s contemplating how to kill Nancy and Ms. CS in the time it takes her husband to escort Emiliper upstairs.

How would you ladies like to see my wine room…?

At just the right moment, the doorbell rings.  It’s Nick, and he needs to talk to Dylan about Theresa immediately.  Dylan mentions the words “extremely poor timing”  once or twice before he gives Nick the location of Amanda/Theresa’s body, so Nick can confirm she’s really dead and not swamp thinging around The Gates putting disappearing leeches in his lunch.  Nick assures Dylan that this has nothing to do with the vampire, and runs off.

Aunt Nancy’s still in grilling mode in the living room and asks if the police have any leads on Christian.  Dylan and Claire answer no, but confirm that he won’t be back The Gates anytime soon.  The couple shares a mental high five before Claire begins planning Nancy and CS’ death in earnest by asking if they drove together.  When Nancy leaves the room to answer a phone call, Dylan calls out Claire on her obvious murder planning.  But she was merely assessing the situation, she excuses.  Dylan wants to know what she has to worry about – their home is perfectly acceptable.  But Emiliper may have seen Claire drink the other day – what if she squeaks?  Dylan clearly had not planned for this contingency, and sickly says, “Yes,” when Claire asks if he’s locked the door.

I’ll ready the wine room.

Nick’s busy in the woods hunting for Amanda/Theresa’s grave, and when he finds it, he discovers she’s under water.  Doesn’t stop him from frantically digging in the water and muck, first with a shovel, then just with his bare hands.  He gets more and more frantic as it becomes clear that there’s no way for him to dig her out from under the puddle she’s in.  He doesn’t come up totally empty-handed, though.  First he comes up with some of those leeches he found in his sandwich, and then, a locket.  One that looks  like it’s in remarkably good shape for being underwater and dirt for so long.  Magic!  Picking up that locket Nick looks more freaked out than he has all season.  I love how our Chief of Police, seasoned cop, father of two, husband of one straight canNOT deal sometimes.  It’s hilarious.

At the end of his rope, but not so far down that he’ll visit Devon, Nick’s at Peg’s after his swamp adventure.  She asks how glass got in his garden, and he stonewalls.  I’d be more interested in why he’d be gardening in his uniform in the middle of the work day, but Peg and I are different folks with different strokes.  She clarifies that anything he says is privileged and he relaxes a bit.  He admits he’s been seeing things, though.  People.  A woman he knows to be dead.  Peg nods and calmly announces that it was probably a spirit lingering after death.  I can’t decide if it’s admirable or wicked dumb for Dr. Peg to announce her calm faith in the occult to a new patient.  Nick’s not too uncomfortable to ask for her advice, though, and she tells him to confront the spirit and try to get it to leave.  But she warns him, the spirit must be ready to go for the confrontation to work.

As I understand it, this character was really annoying, and her ghostly counterpart is really unfortunate looking.  Do us all a favor and scoot her on out of here.

At the Radcliffes’, Nancy’s starting to pick up on the murderous/awkward vibes Claire and Dylan are shooting her way and attempts to explain her visit.  She has nothing against the couple, but she needs to make sure her sister’s child is safe.  Unswayed from the possibility that she could have to kill Nancy in the near future, Claire icily responds that she and her husband would do “whatever it takes” to make sure Emiliper is safe.  Listen closely, Nancy.  CS Lady pops down with that very object of affection, Emiliper herself, and has nothing but good things to report.  And what an imagination she has!  Apparently she’s got a whole make-believe world to play in and her parents play prime roles!  As what, Nancy asks.  “Dragon-slayers of the first order!”  I think CS’ hair actually waves in the breeze of Dylan and Claire’s collective sigh of relief at their daughter’s stupidity.

Nancy and CS decide it’s time to go, but before they do, Aunt Nancy and her total inability to avoid meddling ask for the adoption papers.  Dylan promises to send her a copy, and I’m wondering if they exist…

As soon as he can forge them, I suppose they will.

At the station, Nick’s making preparations to confront Amanda/Theresa.  He sends Leigh and Marcus home early so he can be by himself, then holes up in his office and waits nervously.  After what seems to be a very long while (not sure why, who else would be on her schedule of haunting?), shit starts to flicker.  Nick walks into the bullpen, and Amanda/Theresa’s hideous, water-logged, decaying face appears on the screen!  At this point Nick is seriously considering Peg’s wisdom on the whole confront the demon thing.  He tries to hold his ground and tell her to go away, he didn’t kill her, all that nonsense that doesn’t work worth a damn.  Then she’s off the screen and in front of him, and he tries to confront some more, once again screaming that he didn’t kill her, even though that’s never what she was upset about in the first place.  Then he just starts screaming, “Leave me alone!” over and over again, and she disappears.  And everything goes back to normal, lighting-wise.  Maybe it worked?

Probably not, judging from the look on her face.

Nick drives back to his ghost’s watery grave that night and tosses the locket into the water.  I half expect a hand to come up and grab it.  This is so not over.

And if that weren’t as clear to you, audience member, as it was to me, we cut to Dana at home.  She hears a noise outside the house and goes to investigate.  She goes to the patio door, peers into the foggy night and sees nothing – her brother’s such a jerk.  But she doesn’t notice the muddy water covering most of the doorway… nor does she see the shadow of a bedraggled woman that appears in the glass a minute after.  Ack!  It’s ghosting from inside the house!!!  Commercial!

It’s like that scene in “Three Men and a Baby.”

The next morning, Sarah’s cleaning up after breakfast and notices her garbage disposal’s jammed.  Dana and Charlie come downstairs bickering about him scaring her the night before.  He denies it, she whines, blah, blah, blah.  Sarah’s more interested in who traced muddy water into the house.  Neither kid knows anything about that, of course.  Before Sarah can ream them both, however, Nick comes downstairs exceedingly chipper.  He’s slept better than he has in weeks!  Sarah’s relieved and asks him to check out the disposal.  He promises to fix it after work and whisks the kids off to school.

Onto another breakfast, as the Radcliffes bask in their newfound security.  Dylan and Emiiper have a mock argument about whether or not they’re eating an ear off of a pancake creature or if it’s the nose.  Claire agrees with Emiliper, and after the girl goes to brush her teeth, her parents discuss how she’s growing up.  They also discuss the fact that they can no long wait to tell her about their true natures.  But, of course, they have absolutely no idea how to broach the subject.

I imagine it’d be pretty easy.  If I were eight and my parents told me they were vampires, it’d have been the best day of my frigging life.

Back to Sarah, alone again, naturally.  She’s trying to fix the disposal herself (with her bare hands – something you NEVER do, ESPECIALLY when there’s a ghost afoot).  After about five minutes of rummage around and tense music she pulls out not her own bloodied fingers, but a gold locket.  She peers at the locket and then the disposal gives a howl and she and both jump.  I have nightmares about that sort of thing, which is why I never put unwanted items down the disposal for fear that I would be tempted to fix it myself and lose a digit.

At twilight, Dana’s home and lounging in the pool.  That is until Charlie jumps in and knocks her off her raft.  That’s it!  She’s done being the torture victim of his tortured heart.  It’s so cute how she puts her tiny fist down on the raft in an attempt to give her brother what-for.  Dana’s lounging in the pool at night, and Charlie jumps in, knocking her off her raft.  He bites and wants to know what she thinks he should do about Andy, if she knows so much.  Dana doesn’t care – she just knows that Charlie’s hooked on this girl, and he needs to work it out.  I’m liking Dana more and more with every minute of this episode.  She is made of considerably less teenage angst and bullshit than her brother.

If this were HBO she’d have called him a little bitch at some point during that conversation.

Nick’s good cheer has lasted until the evening, as he lopes into the kitchen wielding a massive wrench.  He claims he needed the right tools to fix the disposal, but Sarah claims she already fixed it.  With no tools and she even snagged a toy surprise.  A locket!  Quick flashback to the pool and it becomes clear from the ominous “Jaws” underwater shots that something… well, ominous is about to happen.  Then back to the kitchen, as Nick orders Sarah to take off the necklace – take it off now!  Before she can, Charlie’s pulled under the water.  Maybe Amanda/Theresa has the ability to shoot through the plumbing now that she’s all swampy and whatnot.  Anyway, she’s in the pool somehow, because it’s her death grip Charlie’s legs have been caught in.  Dana’s shouts for help come in from outside, and her parents rush out.

Dana keeps screaming for help as Charlie fights for his life.  Nick dives into save him from Amanda/Theresa’s lifeless clutches.  He rips his son from the pool and gives him CPR.  The camera closes in on Sarah’s back – closer and closer, until she looks up with a gasp, and her body is no longer her own.

And bam!  Possession!

We return from the commercials to find Nick in Charlie’s room, making sure his son is okay.  Charlie assures Nick that he is, but does make it a point to say that he was pulled by something under the water.  Nick tells his son that he’ll figure it out, but in the meantime get some rest and stay out of the pool.  Yeah, like forever.

In the master bedroom, Sarah – a very calm, unearthly Sarah, puts Dana to bed.  Dana asks if she can stay the whole night, and Sarah/Amanda/Theresa says she can stay as long as she wants.  Dana tells the inhuman beast that wears her mother’s face that she was scared for Charlie.  Sarah/Amanda/Theresa coos that Dana loves her brother very much – she loved hers, too.  But Dana protests, “You don’t have a brother, Mom.”  And if she weren’t so tired and traumatized, the fact that her mother is behaving strangely and totally glosses over “forgetting” she doesn’t have a brother, Dana might have picked up on this very strange inconsistency.

Downstairs, Nick’s frantically salting the doorways on the phone with Peg.  He’s doing the salting like she said – Amanda/Theresa tried to kill his boy.  Peg asks what happened when he confronted the ghost, and Nick answers that he told her that he wasn’t the one who was responsible for her death.  Peg wonders if the ghost disagrees.  Then the lights flicker and the phone goes dead.

She’s baaaaack…

Peg immediately calls Leigh and enlists her to come to Nick’s house to deal with a situation.

Sarah/Amanda/Theresa quietly wonders what Nick’s doing.  He frantically answers that he’s putting salt down to keep someone out of the house.  But that won’t work, his “wife” informs him – she’s already inside.  And her eyes go all grey.  Then she points a gun at Nick and tells him that Sarah’s gone, baby gone.  Nick begs the spectre to leave his family out of this, but before he can negotiate, Leigh busts in, gun blazing.  Nick orders Leigh to holster her weapon, he’ll explain later.  She does, but a fat lot of good it does her, because as soon as the gun’s down, she is shot clean in the chest.  Don’t fuck with Sarah/Amanda/Theresa.  Nick grabs Leigh’s gun and points it at the other woman.  She asks what he’s gonna do – shoot his wife?  Nick begs her to tell him what to do – what does she want?  Justice.  She wants Nick dead.  How’s that gonna happen?

See, if you kill me, you’re fucked, and if you make me kill you, she’s fucked.  Either way I’m happy, so let me know how you want it to go down.

It’s back to those handy-dandy woods near The Gates where we find Sarah/Amanda/Theresa standing over Nick, who has his own gun pointed at his head.  Aaaah, yup.  That’ll do it.  He makes her promise not to hurt his family.  Before she can do it, though, he starts pouring out his heart to her.  About how her brother’s death has continued to haunt him since it happened.  And about how the man did terrible things, but that didn’t mean he should have died at Nick’s hand.  The cop’s sorry – sorry for her brother, and sorry that she had to die as a result of his actions.  It’s actually pretty moving.  Moving enough to make a ghost cry and leave the body of his wife.  It wasn’t justice she wanted, it was remorse.

Nick grabs his wife and brings her back to the house.  Peg’s there, and so is Leigh – apparently she was wearing a vest (or just shot in the heart she doesn’t have).  Both women promise not to say anything and leave the couple to themselves.  Sarah’s terrified when she awakes, but doesn’t remember anything.  Instead of taking this opportunity to keep lying to her, Nick finally (FINALLY) begins to tell her everything.  Starting with Dylan’s nature.  The can of worms, she begins to open.

Hey, at least it’s not another woman.

At the Radcliffes, more revelations are about to occur as Dylan and Claire ready their daughter to hear that they are supernatural creatures of the night.  But she already knows!  What?  Awesome.  sShe knows about the blood, she knows about how they’re different, and she’d like some questions answered.  The couple is significantly relieved and are all, “Ask us anything – just don’t tell Aunt Nancy – EVER.”  They share some banter about how old they both are and their immortality, and it looks like the Radcliffes will remain a family unit for another day.

The next day, Nick stops by Devon’s to return her tea – victoriously unopened!  Take that lady I don’t trust!  Devon maintains that if he doesn’t come clean about what’s bothering him, the tea will be the only thing that will make HER stop.  How does she know it’s a her?  I’m obviously more interested in that fact than Nick is, because he leaves without investigating.

It’s daytime in the woods, and Andy and Charlie meet up to either be more angsty or resolve some angst.  Oh good, resolution – he’s sorry for the way he reacted, and Andy accepts.  He tells her he almost drowned the other day, and all he could think about before he blacked out was her.  Aww.  Of course, they make up and Charlie makes a crack about getting her a steak – because unique girls in her condition need extra iron.  Aww, he’s gonna be a great boyfriend.

Until she kills him.

We close on Nick and Sarah by the pool at night.  Nick gently asks how she’s doing, and it’s not good.  She is in exactly the same position that Nick was in a few weeks ago – she is NOT happy to have her world turned upside down and she wants to leave.  I guess that constitutes a cliffhanger because it’s episode end, right there!