The Gates: Secrets, Secrets Are Not Fun…

Last week, life in The Gates suffered a puncture wound – bled a lot, but healed up pretty quickly.  Not this week.  This week, everyone moves full speed ahead into the eye of a massive shitstorm of exposure, and for the first time, someone other than Devon or Claire truly sparks my interest.

Me, too!

It’s nighttime in the woods, and a pack of wolves runs free under full moon.  All of a sudden, gunshots and wolfwhines fill the air, and what Brett’s mom feared so much has happened – there be hunters afoot!  A white wolf is taken down and a grey wolf speeds past it, tackling the hunter around the neck.  Groans replace the whines and the wounded wolf is revealed to be Lucas, shot in the leg.  Lexie, the wild-haired she wolf from the last episode, exclaims that it’s really bad, and he needs help.  Not as much help as the hunter, though, who’s dead at Brett’s bloodied teeth.  The magnitude of what he’s done sinks in as we roll to credits.

Do I have blood on my face?

Dawn breaks, and Nick and Sarah nuzzle each other awake, all snuggly in the safe time at the beginning of the episode before things head to hell in a handbasket.  Sarah reminds Nick that he’s working a half day so he can take Dana to the Daddy/Daughter Dance at school that night.  Does Nick’s day begin at 3pm or something?   Anyway, Nick confirms that he’s well aware of his obligations, and Sarah tries to get him to take the whole day off so they can enjoy it together.  Nick resists and tells Sarah he knows what she’s doing – trying to take his mind off of the anniversary of the day he shot an unarmed man and sort of ruined all their lives.  He protests that he’s fine, and doesn’t need any extra TLC for the day.  Sarah tries to get him to open up some more, and of course, fails.  Shocker.

Back to things a little less cuddly, Lucas is writhing in pain on Coach Ross’ kitchen island, while being stitched up.  Coach, a wolf too, it seems, says it’ll take a little while to heal, but that Lucas will be fine.  Then he starts poking around for details, and – you know, I can’t do it.  What the fuck do you mean the coach is a werewolf?  Who’s brilliant idea was it to toss that little nugget out there like kicking a pebble across a parking lot?

Poor guy didn’t even get his own close-up.

Anyway, Coach Ross is pretty pissed at the teen wolves for running and putting them all in danger of exposure.  He demands to know if the hunter saw anything out of the ordinary (kids streaking naked through the forest all of a sudden?), and all three affirm that they were able to outrun him before he did.  They leave out the part about their success being contingent on the fact that the guy was all dead and whatnot, and the coach is suspicious.  He finds it interesting that Lucas could outrun someone being shot in the leg, and Lucas grates that it must have been the adrenaline.  Coach Ross is still pissed at everyone, especially Brett who’s usually much more well-behaved.  Brett claims he’s been harboring a lot of pent up frustrations and running helps him, and Ross immediately puts him back on the football team so he can deal with his “frustrations” in a more productive way.  Brett immediately perks up, happy to be back on the team, and suddenly icing a hunter with his own teeth doesn’t seem so bad…

Brett and Lexie head to school, and she assures him that Lucas will stick to the story.  Brett’s still feeling pretty guilty and freaked out at his first kill, but Lexie tells him that while it was awful, he had no choice.  None of which makes Brett feel any better…

Two more lovebirds greet the day as we head to Marcus’ pullout couch.  He and Theresa make special dinner plans before he remembers that he has to cover for the chief who’s headed to the Daddy/Daughter Dance that evening.  Theresa rolls her eyes a little bit at the notion, but accepts Marcus’ rain check with grace.  She looks comtemplative upon Marcus’ departure and both determination and little bit of guilt flicker across her face.  I think this might the episode of Master Plan Revelation!

There’s evil written all over that face.

At Andy’s house, her pained father stands the doorway of her fabulous room and asks her if she wants to get dinner before the dance that night.  She resists going, saying she’s far too old to be playing with such childish things, but her dad convinces her that it’ll be fun.  She asks him not to embarrass her, but he makes no promises.  Jeez Andy, stop being such a bitch.  I’m sure it’s going to embarrass the hell out of your father when you start eating your boyfriends.  Cut the man some slack.

Back at the Monohans, Nick comes down for breakfast to find Dana, but no Son Number One.  He asks where Charlie is, and Dana reveals that he went to school early, probably to see his girlfriend.  “Girlfriend?” Nick asks, eyebrow cocked.  Dana backpedals that she will not discuss, and tells her father to be home at six sharp to take her to the dance.  He promises not to be late, and Dana cracks the whip saying he’d better fucking not be, because Emily will be arriving and she doesn’t want to keep her and her father waiting.  Nick’s brain does a full stop at the thought of going with Dylan of suspect character to the dance, and he asks Sarah who’s just entered, about it, smelling her stupid little fingers all over the situation.   She takes no shit from him, explaining that Dana and Emily wanted to go the dance together and since Emily is sleeping over afterwards, it made sense.  Nick doesn’t think it makes one lick of sense to endure alone time with a man he’s twice basically accuse of murder, but accepts that short of shooting his wife and child, he’s pretty much powerless over this situation.

Damn you Daddy/Daughter dance!  Damn you!

We move onto the Radcliffe house for an adorably similar conversation between Dylan and Claire.  She tells him not to forget that he has to be at the Monohans’ by six, and he whines that he still doesn’t understand why they must car pool.  Claire says it’s for Emily’s sake and Dylan pouts that he doesn’t think he’ll have anything to talk with Nick about, what with not being a suspect in any of his cases.  Normally Dylan being the lamest vampire on the planet gets to me, but in this instance, the fact that he’s an immortal demon with super-strength and can effectively do nothing to get out of this situation is pretty hilarious.

Emily comes down, announces proudly that she’s brushed her teeth and she and Dylan head to school.  Claire calls him a sport and Dylan whispers that she owes him before exiting.  Dylan has no idea how much Claire really does owe him as Christian waits until just after Dylan’s gone to call her and confirm that they’re still on for that night.  Claire hedges for a bit, claiming that every time she goes out with Christian it leaves her with an icky, dangerous feeling inside.  She’s terrified of what will happen if her husband were to find out, and Christian assures her that he won’t.  Until much later in the episode at least.

And they’re off!

Nick arrives at the police station and asks for an update from Marcus.  The day’s started off slowly, accept for a call from a Mrs. Anderson.  She and her husband Stan got into a fight the previous night, and he got drunk and went off to go hunting in the woods.  Sounds pretty trashy for The Gates.  Nick tells Marcus to gather a search party because the woods are part of The Gates’ jurisdiction, but Marcus objects.  Apparently Stan does this sort of thing a lot, and he thinks he’ll just return once he’s slept if off.  Nick counters that the guy could have shot himself in the foot or something, and they should still look.  Marcus, proving just how slow he is on the uptake when it comes to getting to know people, protests some more until Nick silences him with some more of those patented Shut the Fuck Up and Do It brainwaves, and the search is on.

At school, Charlie arrives, happy as a clam to see Andy for the first time in twelve hours.  He suggests they take a walk or something before class and Andy replies sexily with, “Or something…”  She drags him into a broom closet and starts making out with him furiously.  Unfortunately the bell rings before she can suck the lifeforce out of his body, and she runs off to algebra, promising to see him at lunch.  Charlie takes a moment to catch his breath and figure out how to deal with his boner before heading to class.
He arrives successfully, but then faints dead away in the middle of a room full of an inordinant amount of letterman jackets.  Succubi work pretty quickly, it seems.  Commercial!

Maybe there was a pep rally or something.

Charlie’s getting checked out by Peg with Sarah by his side, trying not drown in the simultaneous embarrassment of fainting in school and having to admit to his mother that some girl kissed him nearly to death.  He stutters that he just walked into class after hanging out with Andy and fainted.  Peg asks if it was Andy Bates, and when Charlie confirms, her eyebrows raise and the feather earrings that signify she’s a holistic doctor start vibrating with anticipation.  She covers quickly and tells Charlie that he’s probably got mono and Andy probably gave it to him.  She orders rest, relaxation and restraint from sucking face for the foreseeable future, and Sarah, in a particularly cool mom moment, giggles at the prospect of her boy being felled by such a vixen.  Wait ’til you walk in on her sucking on your baby’s brains, Sarah.

Back at the police station, the troops are getting ready to head out when Nick announces that he’ll be accompanying Marcus and the other just as bumbling deputies on the search.  Marcus questions why, and Nick, in a moment of self-restraint does not explain that it’s because Marcus would probably get lost in the woods and they’ve run just run clean out of breadcrumbs.  He says something vague, and when Marcus asks if something’s wrong, Nick evades him just like he did Sarah, explaining that he’s just got a lot on his mind.

Some, some, some I, some I murder, some I, some I let goooo

At school, Andy’s leaving a worried message on Charlie’s phone asking him if he really did faint in class, when she sees Brett at his locker.  She runs up and congratulates him on being back on the football team, but he brushes her off, obviously not interested in remaining friends.  Can’t say I blame you, Dude.  She dumped you flat on your rock hard ass.  He tells her he has enough friends and Lexie enters, catching his eye.  Andy follows his gaze and undergoes that most hated feeling of all dumpers – new girl jealousy.  She waspishly asks what he’s doing hanging out with that girl and Lucas when not a week before he couldn’t stand either of them.  He snots that people change and walks away leaving her flat.  Ugh, hate those conversations.  Why can’t people you dump just pine after you eternally, instead of finding exciting new girlfriends with wild, lustrous curls?

Lexie drags Brett into a classroom, freaks out about the cops searching the woods when she’s not even sure everyone was able to grab all their clothing before hightailing it out of there.  How does she know the cops are even searching?  This is another reason I disdain small towns, gated communities and organized religious groups.  Everyone’s all up in everyone else’s grill.  Brett hands her his backpack and resolves to head to the woods to find and hide the body before the police do.  Good plan Brett.  Because finding you naked at the crime scene would be a way better outcome to this whole thing than finding your nameless boxers.

It’s afternoon now, and Thomas is in Peg’s office, getting the lowdown on his daughter’s sex life.  He claims he knew she broke up with Brett, but he had no idea there was another boy.  Yeah, your little girl gets around, T-Bone.  Peg urges him to tell Andy as soon as possible before she suckfaces the life out of some other poor boy.  A real possibility when you consider her flexible views on fidelity.  Thomas resolves to tell her after the Daddy/Daughter dance, and when Peg objects, he puts his foot down, wanting one more night with his little girl before he has to tell she’s a demon.

Understandable.

We catch up with Sarah and Claire next as they shop or something, and a vivacious blond runs up to them.   Three good girls do not a scene make, so I’ll bet she’s bitch of some kind.  And I’m right!  She’s Barbara, the town gossip.  She owns a dress shop, I’m guessing because she tells Claire and Sarah that their daughters’ dresses will be done with the seamstress in a few minutes.  Sarah apologizes for dropping them off so late, but it’s been a busy week.  Barbara brushes her off, and apologizes in her own right for the shop being backed up.  Someone named Ellen dropped off a bunch of dresses that had to be let out two sizes, and sharing this information is probably the best part of Barbara’s day.  She scampers off, and Sarah opines that she and Ellen must not get along.  Claire, having just received a text from Christian corrects Sarah, explaining that that’s just Barbara.  She knows everything.  I wonder if she’ll know about vampire infidelity by the end of this episode.

Moving on to the woods, the police are fully engaged in search operations for Stan, the drunken hunter.  Nick asks Marcus what there is to hunt in the woods, and Marcus answers “Deer and the occasional rabbit.”

That’s a good name for a Lewis Carroll character – The Occasional Rabbit.

At that moment they find a high school t-shirt, and Nick asks if there are cameras for the woods as well.  Marcus claims there’s never been a need before, and that only hunters ever go out there.  Nick tells him not to be so sure.  Incidentally, Nick has no idea how right he is, as Brett is currently running through the woods at top speed trying to hide Stan’s body.  We don’t know if he’s successful, but he probably was, considering that Nick and Marcus find lots of blood, but no body.  Brett watches nervously from a tree as we cut back to the police station.

Marcus tells Nick that the blood was indeed human, but they didn’t run a BAC on it, so there’s no way to tell if it was Stan.  I through that last part in – I’d make a good detective.  Nick tells Marcus to call around to local hospitals to see if there are any drunken John Does sleeping it off all curled up to a banana bag.  Marcus Yes Sirs him as best he can, and announces that Coach Ross has arrived to see Nick.

Nick heads into his office and greets the coach, who hopes he’s not here because any of his players.  Nick says he hopes not, but it’s possible.  He informs the coach of a team jersey found near a possible crime scene, and asks the coach if he knows of any players prowling around after hours.  Smooth as Shaft himself, Coach Ross assures Nick that none of his upstanding, hormonal players would ever venture outside the safety of The Gates.  Nick’s customary suspicion raises its ugly, but usually correct head, and he looks askance at the coach before telling him thanks and goodbye.  Before he can ponder his mistrust any longer, Sarah calls to make sure he picked up Dana’s corsage.  He very much did not, and fibs his way off the phone with her before speeding like hell out of the office to go grab it.

Feet don’t fail me now!

It’s kind of awesome seeing unflappable Nick race into a florist, afeared of the wrath of his wife and daughter, and it’s even awesomer when he runs into Dylan outside.  He’s got Dana’s corsage in hand – the shop was closing and he saw that Nick hadn’t picked it up, so he grabbed it.  He and Nick do an awkward man dance around the flower transfer that ends in a clipped thank you from the chief.  They bond over the fact that both their wives would have killed them even deader than one of them already is if they had screwed this up.  Nick asks Dylan if he gets the sense that said wives are setting them up on a man date of sorts and Dylan agrees.  The whole scene is actually really cute, and I find myself hoping Dylan and Nick become buddies.  They part ways agreeing to meet at six.

Back at the station, Marcus informs Nick that Stan is indeed deader than a doornail, a victim of an apparent animal attack and tucked away in the morgue at County Medical.  He was found over ten miles away at Franklin Park.  Nice work, Brett.  Nick’s instincts are customarily on target, as he correctly deduces that something is way the fuck up with this whole fishy situation and that he doesn’t think Stan was alone in the woods that night.  He orders Marcus to push the morgue hard for an autopsy so they can get to the bottom of things.

At the Monohan house, Charlie and Andy sit a respectable distance from each other in the living room, and Sarah brings them snacks.  Charlie protests that the whole thing is ridiculous, and Sarah won’t hear any of it.  She starts to waffle a little bit, though, commenting that if Andy hasn’t caught mono yet with all the heavy petting she and Charlie have been doing, she’s probably safe.  However, hearing his mother make jokes about his deadly sex life is way more embarrassing than her monitoring his and Andy’s personal space, so he just tells her to leave.  Sarah has been elevated to awesome, just for this scene.  If I were a mom and my upstanding child picked up mono just after he’d started dating someone new, I’d probably tease him into physical violence.

“Sorry about the mono.”  “Suppose I have Brett to thank for that.”  “Um, yeah!”

Sarah leaves and Andy hands Charlie some DVDs.  She explains their mostly chick flicks, because those are her favorites, and at his obvious discomfort, realizes that he probably hates them.  Uh, Andy?  Duh?  Charlie asks if she’s feeling okay, and she says that she feels great and Peg gave her a clean bill of health.  She goes on that she’s actually been feeling particularly fantastic lately, and Charlie comments that it might be the new company she’s been keeping.  And the life force she’s been sucking out of you, Charlie.  Don’t forget the life force.  I wonder if Andy’s like Rogue from “X-Men,” and her powers just didn’t work on Brett’s supped up wolf body.  Anyway, Andy gets real low-voiced like and tells Charlie that if he weren’t sick, she’d hop on over to his side of the couch and show him just how great she was feeling.  Charlie laughs awkwardly, and Andy heads out for the Daddy/Dughter Dance, leaving her boy all hot and bothered with only chick flicks to watch to relieve the tension.  Bitch!

Upstairs, Nick’s fumbling with his (very tasteful) tie, and Sarah moves in to help him.  He resists petulantly for a moment, until she verbally smacks him on the head with a, “Let me do it!”  He apologizes and Sarah tries to make him feel better by telling him how excited Dana is, and Nick promises that he won’t ruin his daughter’s night.  Sarah says that it’s his night, too, and that he deserves to enjoy his family.  He responds that he’s not so sure he does, and I think the real story of what happened the night Nick shot that guy is about to come out.

We were lovers…

He just looks at Sarah sadly and whispers that he shot him.  Sarah’s confused because she thought she already saw this part of the Lifetime movie that is their life, but Nick reveals that it wasn’t self-defense.  Apparently that’s the story he told Internal Affairs, but really, the guy, Wolcott, was going to go free because the DA couldn’t make a case.  Nick tells Sarah he couldn’t stop thinking of the women Wolcott raped and the little girl he murdered, and what if they had been his wife and daughter.  So he shot him, and now feels like more of a monster, not a hero.  Nick looks so vulnerable in this scene, that it’s lovely.  He’s both telling Sarah what happened and begging her for forgiveness at the same time.  Unfortunately, before she can process a damn thing, the doorbell rings, and Dylan and his vampire princess await.  Sarah assures Nick that they’ll get through this and will talk when he gets back from the dance.  I guess the upside to this situation is that Dylan is truly someone Nick could commiserate with if Dylan’s identity were to be brought to the forefront.

Yeah, totally been there mate.  I mean, my guys generally weren’t so much a rapist/murderer types as kindly doctors and unsuspecting homemakers, but I completely get where you’re coming from.

At their restaurant of shame and infidelity, Claire meets Christian to find a dirty martini waiting for her.  Dirty martini for a dirty girl…  She sits down with a sigh and tells him that when she’s with him, she feels more like “The Old Claire.”  Who killed people and cheated on her husband, apparently.  Christian says he liked TOC, and Claire agrees.  Me too, if it makes her any more a badass and less of a caged lion.  Cheers!

Back inside the extremely relative safety of The Gates, Theresa’s on the phone with Marcus who’s apologizing for being longer at work than he expected.  She doesn’t mind, and he thanks her again for doing some free photography for the Daddy/Daughter Dance.  She’s just a goddamn cream puff, isn’t she?  I think if Theresa and Marcus were ever to mate, they would give birth to marshmallows.  Cute ones that were nice to everybody.  That is unless her nefarious intentions are about to be spelled out…  I think they might be, because just as soon as she can, she tells Marcus that things haven’t been going so great for her lately, and he’s been the one bright spot.  Then she whips a gun out of her camera bag and there will be blood at the dance tonight!

The question is, who’s milkshake’s she gonna be drinking?

We return from the commercials to find Claire returning from the bathroom at the restaurant to find Christian chatting up a familiar blond.  Claire really needs to stop going to the bathroom around Christian – she never likes what she sees when she comes out.  The blond is Barbara and the girls, they are out to play!  She’s currently cougaring Christian when Claire interrupts with lots of faux excitement to see her.  Nothing gets past, Barbara, though, and she immediately smells the infidelity in the air.  She mentions that she’s surprised to see Claire at the restaurant, but with Dylan and Emily at the dance, she understands.  Claire tries to cover that it was the perfect opportunity to see, Christian, her smoking hot old friend, but of course, Babs looks like she believes this about as much as she believes her own boobs are real.  I mean, really, Claire.  It’d have been more plausible if you’d pretended not to know Christian the Fuckworthy Vampire and just pretended you and Dylan were having financial problems and you’d picked up a hostessing gig on the sly.  How in God’s name do you survive for any length of time as a vampire without learning to lie better?

“I merely sip blood, but I don’t swallow.” See?  Terrible.

Barbara makes a quick exit to call everyone she’s ever met, and Christian asks who she was.  Claire snides that she was the worst possible person they could have run into, and while I see her point, I think Dylan walking in would have been far more awkward.
Speaking of Dylan and awkward, he and Nick are dancing around each other like uncomfortable prom dates at the dance, but stumble onto common ground when they start taking about their kids.  Nick can’t think of a place better to raise children than The Gates, and Dylan agrees.  Really, Nick?  What’s the body count up to now since you moved in?  Excluding the people you don’t know about, of course.   Dylan says he and Claire moved in just after Emily was born, six years ago and asks if safety was the primary reason for the Monohans’ relocation.  Nick answers that with 15 years as a cop he saw things no father should have to see, and realized that there were some things he would never be able to protect his children from.

The two men bond over how they would both do anything to make sure nothing ever happened to their children, when Nick gets a text.  He gives his phone a weird look, and when Dylan asks what’s up, he explains that there was wolf blood found in the woods near The Gates.  Dylan bets there aren’t many wolves in Chicago, and Nick jokes that there, just a different kind.  Nick chooses that moment to call attention to the massive elephant sitting between them, and says even though they got off on the wrong foot, he was wrong about Dylan.  Dylan thanks him, and says the chief was just doing his job.  He even goes so far as to say that The Gates are lucky to have Nick, who has good instincts.  Nick accepts the compliment begrudgingly stating that the instincts that make him such a good cop, often don’t make him a very good friend.  Then Dylan, with a shy smile, pulls out a friendship bracelet he’d started for Nick when they first met, and places it around the chief’s wrist.  He explains he was holding onto it for when things got better between them, and he’s really happy they’re at a place where they can really start to enjoy each other.  Okay, so that didn’t happen, but with the kind of vampire Dylan is, totally believable, no?

He’s just so… nice.

At that moment, Theresa brings Emily and Dana over for a Daddy/Daughter photo shoot, and we fade off to Brett.  He’s at home living up the single life as only a hounddog can -eating pizza and watching TV.  He flips to the local news where they’re reporting on Stan’s murder.  The coroner has concluded that it was indeed a wolf, with his teeth in the Franklin Woods.  Brett’s chilled to the bone as the reality sinks in even more, and if that weren’t enough, Coach Ross is at the door!

Brett apologizes for missing practice, but the coach cuts him off.  He has more than a few brain cells to rub together, so he knew right off the bat that Brett was lying through his teeth when the kids said nothing happened in the woods that night.  He berates Brett for leaving the body out there for all to see, and Brett protests that the body was found in Franklin Park.  Coach reveals that he was the one who moved it, after smelling Brett all over it.  Brett tries to explain that it was an accident, but Coach isn’t hearing any of it.  He’s “pack beta” (who’s alpha?!), and while he could’ve gone to the council with Brett’s rule-breaking and almost exposure, but he refrained out of respect for Karen.  See, everyone loves Karen.  So Brett’s not going to wolf jail or anything, but Coach does kick him off of the football team.  Oh, death blow.

I don’t know if Brett’s going to survive the one-two punch of losing Andy and  his extracurricular activity.

Speaking of the first part of that combination, Andy and her dad dance blissfully together under the twinkly lights.   Thomas gushes over how beautiful his daughter is and how much she reminds him of his wife.  He whispers that she would have been so proud of Andy, and Andy hugs him, saying she misses her mother, too.  Ugh, thank goodness that was short.  Andy’s dad has one channel, and it’s glooooomy.

We head back to the restaurant and Claire’s still there, trying to illustrate to Christian why Barbara seeing them was a bad thing.  See, this is the difference between a show like “The Gates,” and a show like, say, “Mad Men.”  Aside from the lack of supernatural beings, when someone gets caught cheating on “Mad Men,” a single weighted look is all it takes to communicate the epic bowl of shit the couple has got themselves into.  On “The Gates,” Claire must illustrate, step-by-step for Christian why it was bad that the town gossip saw them in a romantic bar across town while Dylan was out for the evening.

Because she’ll tell everyone.  Because she’s a gossip.  Get it?

Christian offers to kill Barbara to solve their problem, but Claire immediately shuts him down explaining that killing’s just not okay when you know the person.  She tells him she can’t see him anymore when it puts her life with Dylan at such risk.  He suggests she leave Dylan, since he’s forcing her to live a life she doesn’t want.  She counters that love is about compromise, and that she actually does have a good life.  She stalks out on that, maybe having just really realized it for the first time.  Now it’s just another quick stop at Devon’s to make Babs forget everything she saw and things’ll be all better!

Back at home, Andy’s dad stops by her room for a talk.  The succubus talk.  Dreaded by parents the world around…  Thomas tells Andy that he needs to tell her something about her mother.  He begins by saying that she was a very special lady with unique abilities, and we fade out.  So what’s worse do you think – being a dad and telling your daughter her mother was a demon or being a dad and having the period talk?

It’s back to Brett, sitting outside working one helluva brood.  Lexie comes upon him and is gleefully happy they’re in the clear with the “poacher.”  Incidentally, they’ve been referring to hunters as poachers for this entire episode, and it’s really bothersome.  I highly doubt there were any gorilla paws or elephant tusks to be had in those woods, so I’m not certain “poacher” is the appropriate term.  Brett isn’t nearly as happy go lucky as Lexie is about the situation and declines her invitation to go watch a movie at Lucas’ house.  Brett refuses and tells her he’s going running.  She balks at the idea, explaining that Lucas is an alpha, and no one goes running without him.  Uh, it’s Brett, Bitch.  He runs whenever the fuck he wants.  And that’s just what he does, leaving her behind with her pitiful movie invitation.

But it’s “Legally Blond”!  Andy lent it to me!  She said you loved it!

It’s onto the dance again, which is still in full swing.  Nick happily watches his daughter have a good time and thinks about the new friend he’s made in Dylan.  He calls Sarah, and asks how she is.  He apologizes for not telling her about shooting Wolcott sooner, but was afraid she wouldn’t stay with him.  Sarah reasserts that he’s a good father, a good husband and a good man, and that they’ll get past this.  Nick breaks down, telling Sarah how much he loves her and they agree to talk when he and Dana get home.  He hangs up, and who is it that joins him, but Theresa, her target finally in her sights.

Nick thanks her again for her help with the photos, and Theresa “ain’t no thang”‘s him before asking him to walk her outside because Marcus, who’s picking her up, has a question for the chief.  It’s a trap!  Thankfully, Dylan sees them walk outside before the exit is made, so not only will Nick be all right, but I’ll bet his rescue scene is going to be AWESOME.

Nick’s instincts totally fail him right at the point when Theresa gets the total drop on right outside the dance.  She aims her gun and explains that her name is not, in fact, Theresa, but Amanda!

Wolcott!

And that was her raping and murdering brother you shot, Nick!  She orders him into the woods and they head off, all the while Theresa nee Amanda is spouting off about how her brother didn’t even own a gun (just a wayward penis) and Nick lied to everyone.  Nick asks what she’s done with Marcus, and Amanda, bewildered he could think her capable of such a thing, claims she didn’t touch him – he was just her way into The Gates and to the Monohan family.  Whom she was going to do away with one by one in front of Nick, but then she decided that the dance was too perfect an opportunity to catch Nick off-guard and unarmed.  She’s going to ice his daughter as soon as she does Nick, though, so it all comes out in the watch.

Nick begs for Amanda just finish with him and leave his daughter out of it, but we never get to hear her response.  Why?  Because Dylan, all incensed at his newfound bromance lunges for Amanda’s neck and kills her dead, in the most vampire-y way possible (lots of sucking and hissing noises).  BOOM!

Who knew?

Nick, still in shock, has managed to grab the gun but is now totally uncertain where he should put it.  Dylan wipes his mouth, embarrassed and frightened, and asks Nick to put the gun down.  Nick, for his part, looks so adorably freaked out at this point, I think it might be his best scene yet.  He stammers before asking what Dylan did to her, and Dylan promises to explain once Nick puts the gun down.  Nick gives him this awesome, “Seriously?  You just ate her fucking throat and you want me to put down the last line of defense I have between me and your mouth?” look, and Dylan presses on.  He tells Nick that Dana and Emily will come looking for them, so the chief has to grab the girls and bring them to the Monohan house while vampire disposes of the body.  Fair allocation of duties, I think.  Nick is still stuck in what he just saw and asks Dylan again, what he is.  Dylan looks sadly at Nick, mentally putting away that friendship bracelet again, and grates, “You know exactly what I am.”  Credits.

Well, okay!  That was actually a very watchable final twenty minutes!  Lots of interesting things happened at a great clip – it was like, Nick KILLER!   Claire WHORE!  Brett SHATTERED!  Andy SHATTERED!  Dylan NICK’S FRIEND!  Nick DYLAN’S FRIEND!  Brett REBEL!  Theresa AMANDA!  Nick AT GUNPOINT!  Dylan VAAAAMMMPPIIIIIRE!!!!!!

Finally!