Episode 2 of GleePro! Let’s get it on! But first, a note. Apparently Damian already has a professional singing career as a member of the group Celtic Thunder. I think that’s a little unfair, personally, but whatever. Sound off your own thoughts in the comments. He shall now be called Celtic Thunder, or CT.
We get the recap of last week, and then find out what this week’s theme and homework assignment are.
The freak out is ridiculous. Here are some pictures of the GleePro kiddies’ reactions, just to give you an idea.
I hope Hannah sticks around for a while purely for the screenshots of her priceless facial expressions
Seriously? I don’t know if the producers tell them to be extra excited or whatever, but they act like they just won the lottery. Calm down, kids, you’ll throw out your voices. Hannah tells us she is going to bring as much attitude as she can on this one, which probably means using a lot more “hip” words and “shaking her groove thang.”
Alex is obvs as excited as any young gay man should be about Gaga. He says that he is bursting on the inside (ew) because he IS theatricality and…OMG I have his scarf! Aww, that makes me like him more. I also have the locket that Tina wears on the very first episode of Glee.
You can get it at H&M for $4 dollars if anyone else is interested
Meanwhile, Little Matheus (who shall be called Matty from now on) does some awesome acrobatics in the background. Is there anything that kid can’t do? Besides play basketball, or reach the top shelf, or ride the big roller coasters at Six Flags…
Marissa is still super boring. It seems like her hair has gotten more red, and she also has a monotone speaking voice. Meanwhile Lindsay shakes (or “dances”) like she’s a Parkinson’s patient standing on hot coals.
Workin’ at the carwash!
Emily calls Lindsay phony, and I completely agree. Emily may be kinda bitchy but at least she ain’t hiding it.
Time for the special guest of the week. Which fresh faced little Gleek is it going to be? It’s…get outta town it’s Idina Idina Idina (Menzel)! I’m no aspiring Broadway actress, but I still love everything Broadway (I’m from New York so duh) and Idina nearly tops that list. After I saw Rent the movie I actually watched her singing “Take Me or Leave Me” at least 3 times a day. And don’t even get me started on my love affair with Wicked. I love Idina.
Darren must feel pretty shitty after seeing how everyone nearly faints when she comes in. He only got a few gasps from Gingersnap (thanks for the nickname, chaosbutterfly!) and Emily. Everyone is actually in shock this time. People keep saying how Lea michele is the new Idina, but it’s not true. Idina is way more talented and way less diva-ish than Lea, even though she by all rights could justify being the biggest diva in the world.
Also, Marissa looks like a mess. Buy a comb, please.
Bad romance! Hit it!
Gingersnap- Ughh she tries way too hard and fails.
Baby Ellis- makes some interesting vocal changes to the song that make her stand out
Dreads- very cool. Has a good voice for either rock or pop
Matty- once again, amazing vocal range
Scarves (Alex)- goes from boy to girl in an instant, but sounds great. Idina is impressed
Celtic Thunder- oh god, stop gyrating, please. At least he sang this time
Idina is thinking, “Is this why people hate Northern Ireland? Inappropriate thrusting and bed intruder-eyes?”
Hipster- he got shafted. He had to speak his part! How could he possibly win. So sad.
Mckinly- eh fine. Good but not outstanding
Emily- still like her voice a lot
Lindsay- awesome voice, bad personality
Marissa- weird hand motions, didn’t stand out at all. Blah
All together now! Raah raah ah ah ah!
Ellis gets props for being youthful and sultry. Samuel was hot and cool. So jeal of them for getting complimented by my Goddess Idina. She says Lindsay is contemporary, which reads to me as mainstream and derivative. Alex is fearless and has incredible presence. Hipster still stood out, even though he had no singing. I predict she will pick Alex.
Every little girl’s dream come true. And big girl’s. And gay boy’s.
He gets a one on one sesh with idina. I would die.
The big group number is the 80s hit “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Haven’t we gotten enough crappy 80s song from Glee as it is? The concept is a dream sequence in a high school cafeteria where kids who are outsiders fantasize about being rockstars. So…it’s basically the premise of this show?
In rehearsal, CT messes up the choreography a lot, but his accent is cute so it’s fine. Especially when he says “fantastic”. I wish I had an accent other than my New York one, although people seem to like the way I say “ch-aw-colate.” Emily comments very nicely and sweetly (jk lol she’s a bitch) that Ellis and CT suck. She also calls him a leprechaun, which is mean but kind of great.
Here it comes, Lindsay trying to direct everyone else. Wait, does Matty have a tattoo? What a little rock star! Matty has a tatty.
Walk out that door baby bye, bye bye!
Cameron is a very cool dancer. He’s so lanky but he makes even awkward moves look fluid and awesome.
Now they are all in their little gaga costumes, and Gingersnap looks like a drag queen. And NOT a fabulous one.
Well, the director seems to like it anyway (Dat ass).
Samuel had some vocal problems with sounding strained and over thinking things, but he is pretty sweet on stage. Kind of reminds me of School of Rock though. Emily has to smash a guitar, but fails. Cameron has a very David Bowie look, and they comment that he went from Weezer to rock god, but um, that makes no sense because Rivers Cuomo IS a rock god. Just because they haven’t had a song on Glee doesn’t mean that they’re a bad band, Ryan Murphy (ahem ahem cough cough Kings of Leon).
They don’t think that McKinley is having any fun, and I concur. Wait. Ok. Her name is spelled Mckynleigh. There is no reason for that whatsoever. She will now be called Mickey. They tell her she needs to put personality in her singing, but it’s kind of hard to do that when you don’t have any.
Matty has to play drums, but he’s afraid of looking stupid. Hey, you can’t look any more awkward than Finn playing drums on Glee, so don’t worry. It is kind of adorbs how you can barely see him behind the drum set, though.
Help, I’m being swallowed by the music!
Aww Baby Ellis has never kissed anyone before, but they want her to kiss one of the jocks in the video. She over compensates to hide her nervousness and acts confident, and I feel real bad. Especially when Lindsay is a total bitch about it. But when it actually happens, Ellis is totally baller and looks like she’s been kissing jocks her whole life. Gingersnap desperately wants to know if there was tongue. Give you three guesses to another GleePro-testant who hasn’t locked lips with a dude before.
Looks like she’s locked her lips around something else before though…
Lindsay very sensitively calls out “best first kiss?” to Baby Ellis in front of everyone, and Ellis lies and says it wasn’t her first. No wonder Lindsay is getting such a big head; fucking Nikki the Vocal Lady calls her a genius and acts like she’s god’s gift to music. I’ve been playing music my whole life, and let me tell you her first note was definitely flat. Although she was good after that. Not good enough to warrant Nikki’s raging lady boner for her, though.
She looks like a cross between Kristen Chenoweth and Terri from Glee, with a healthy scoop of lopsided face thrown in.
Now Scarves lets us know that Idina brought out something in him he didn’t know he had. Is it testosterone? No, she tells him to take the teasing and other hurtful things he has endured in the past and put that in his singing.
Time for Music Video Observations!
- Alex sounds surprisingly like Mercedes. In a good way.
Diana Ross combined with Kesha in the 80′s
- CT has moved from creepy to a sort of emo Robert Smith from The Cure look. Which I guess works for the 80s theme
Friday I’m (not) In Love!
- Dreads has really interesting eyes, but he should try another look than tight pants, a pink shirt and suspenders
- Matty is so charming! Squee.
- Hipster Cameron has a great voice when he can actually show it off
- Emily is good, but I think she’s waaaay too similar to Santana to make it all the way
- Marissa is so forgettable. Just leave already.
- Alex is still fucking crazy amazing. Acrazing? Cramazing?
- Lindsay’s outfit is horrible. She looks someone bought a Greek goddess costume and covered it in metallic silver paint
- Emily needs to dial back the do me eyes a bit. Or rather a lot.
Hey there big boy, wanna take a ride on my 80s guitar disco stick?
Overall much better than last week’s video IMO.
Now we get to see the house everyone lives in. What the fuck girls. Your room is a mess. Then again, I avoid cleaning like Amy Winehouse avoids rehab, so I think this is kind of a pot-kettle-black situation.
Lindsay starts making Baby Ellis nervous and upset by talking about how she supposedly offended the choreographer. I don’t know if Lindsay seriously doesn’t realize how bitchy the things she says are or not. At least Emily is mostly good hearted to everyone (maybe not in confessional, but this is a reality show, after all, what else would you expect?).
Oh hey there Paris! I didn’t know you were on this show!
Gingersnap agrees about Lindsay being mean.
Ok, you just made THAT bitch face. Don’t even try pretending you aren’t mean now.
Alright, my guesses for the bottom 3- Mickey, Marissa, and I actually don’t know the third one. The first two are obvious to me, but I honestly can’t think of a third bad person. And even they weren’t really bad, they just didn’t stand out, or weren’t theatrical if you will.
The tops are Scarf Loving Alex, Hipster Cameron, Marissa, Dreads, and Lindsay. I cant believe Marissa made it, she’s so boring!
Safe are CT, Hannah, and Emily.
WTF Matty is in the bottom? He was great! Ellis and Mickey are in the bottom, too. Micky better go home, because everyone else deserves to stay for sure.
Mickey has to sing “Piece of My Heart” by Janis Joplin. They say Matty was too busy trying to look cool and lost the passion he had. They also say he’s a little too boy band-ish, which I actually agree with. The song he has to perform is All American Rejects “Gives You Hell.” They tell Ellis to be less negative, and she will sing “Mack the Knife” as sung by Bobby Darin and Frank Sinatra.
Now we get a short funny vignette scene about the kids who made the call back list. CT performs a rap he wrote about Irish slang and I literally don’t understand a word of it but he looks really cute doing it, so it don’t matter.
Why can’t you look like this all the time?
Last chances. Ellis is superb. She’s great at Broadway and jazz. She’s also sassy when performing. Ryan says apparently no one on Glee can do jazz? That sounds like BS to me, considering how many jazzy songs they’ve done already.
Matty tries so hard in his performance, although he misses some stuff and it’s not as good as I had hoped it would be. They also want him to embrace his sexiness.
Mickey sings well but they don’t know jack about her, and Ryan would have trouble writing for her. Yes, it is difficult writing a character for someone with no character. I hope she goes, at least Baby Ellis and Matty are interesting.
Aaaaand…WTF I can’t believe they got rid of Baby Ellis! Sad face. Well, at least she had her first kiss! With someone who was forced into it. On national TV. Actually, scratch the whole kiss thing…
RIP Baby Ellis. We hardly knew ye.
Next week, shit gets REAL. The GleeProletariat have to walk around outside wearing what they are most vulnerable about on signs around their necks. Which kind of sounds like torture/hazing…? Tune in for the fun!
Also, suggestions about nicknames are very much appreciated. I can’t really think of anything good for bitchy Lindsay, Alex (except for Scarves, damn he has a lot of scarves!), boring Marissa, and Emily.
Thanks for reading!