Meanwhile, the rest of the town has noticed Jack has the Christmas bug lodged firmly up his ass. But it’s more serious than they imagined–Jack has decided to hijack Christmas.
To pull this off, he needs everyone’s help. Wheelchair Perv will build some reindeer, the spooky citizens are responsible for making toys, and the mayor is confused as to what the point of a jolly holiday is. Jack summons the town’s best trick-or-treaters, Lock, Shock, and Barrel, three little kids, whose masks match their faces. Love that. They are tasked with a very important mission: kidnapping Santa Claus!
Who wouldn’t trust these little bastards?
Jack warns them to leave the town’s villain, Oogie Boogie, out of things, and you know right away that won’t happen. These three are Oogie Boogie’s henchmen, and they plan to turn the whole shebang over to him.
Sally, meanwhile, is trying to warn Jack, but he just tells her to shut it and make him a Santa Claus suit. Lock, Shock, and Barrel arrive, bearing the Easter Bunny. Jack tells them to quit fucking around and go find Santa.
“I did not sign up for this.” –Easter Bunny
We then get a nice montage of the preparations for Christmas in both Halloween Town and Christmas Town, and the gross contrasts between the two. I like the scorpion-filled nesting dolls and wooden ducks riddled with bloody bullet holes, myself. Lock, Shock, and Barrel finally get it together and bag Santa–on Christmas Eve, no less. Jack is so excited to finally meet the man, yet so surprised to learn he doesn’t have claws. Jack is sincere in his sentiments, truly believing he’s doing Santa a favor, and he’s so excited he ignores the fat man’s splutters of protest. Playing the gracious host, he tells Santa to relax and take it easy, that he’s got Christmas covered this year. Santa doesn’t take this too well, but Lock, Shock, and Barrel pack him off to Oogie Boogie and shove his fat ass down a stovepipe before he can protest.
Instead of treating Santa like an honored guest, though, Oogie Boogie straps him to a neon roulette wheel and basically informs him he’s screwed.
Jack is blissfully ignorant of all this, though. He’s all ready to go, dressed in his Santa suit, but just when he’s ready to take off, Sally, in a last ditch attempt to call this mess off, dumps something in the well that creates a fog. Everything looks hopeless, and Jack is on the verge of canceling Christmas, when he notices his dog’s shiny, glowing red nose can cut through the fog! He straps him to the head of the reindeer pack, and away they go. Sally, her plan shot, wanders through town, singing about her fears and her unrequited love for an oblivious Jack.
And who can blame her?