The Star Wars Holiday Special

Recaps

By Foggywood | Wednesday, December 19, 2012 | 10:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Recaps

He then remembers the present Art gave him which apparently is another kind of transmitter! Art saves the day again. How did the guards not find it? Anyway – he inserts another cartridge which give him the directions to assemble the device. And Harvey Korman is back. This time as a instruction-giving malfunctioning humanoid. We’re going to gloss over this because it is too ridiculous to put into words. Lumpy puts the damn thing together.

Downstairs the crowd gathers in front of the TV transmitter for a broadcast from the Empire called “Life on Tatooine”. In the video we head back to our favorite Tatooine canteen. There’s a Greedo lookalike! And the evil werewolf guy with the red eyes! And the band playing that damn canteen song!

canteen
Did you ever think you would see this picture?

And Harvey Korman! And Bea(trice) Arthur! Of course – makes total sense. Bea is forcing drinks on the customers when Harvey comes in with flowers for her. She won’t talk to him until he orders a drink. He does and she walks away to help another customer. He proceeds to pour his drink into a hole on the top of his head. I swear I’m not making this up.

A video transmission comes through from the Empire (so a video in the video?) ordering an early curfew and orders everyone into their homes. Bea tries to kick everyone out, but no one wants to leave. They grow a little unruly. So, like any good barmaid she decides to buy a round for the crowd and sing a song. Because of course she does. Its basically “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here” in song form sung by Dorothy Zbornak.

hamster
Why is she making out with a giant hamster?

She gets passed around the room dancing with all the patrons and somehow the song evolves in an intergalactic number from Fiddler on the Roof. She gets everyone out except for Harvey who re-presents her with the flowers.

The video ends and we are back in Casa de Chewie. Clever Lumpy has used the transmitter to send a message to the Imperial troop telling them to “return to base”. The officer orders everyone to leave except for one stormtrooper. The rest leave, but the message keeps repeating. The stormtrooper realizes something is amiss. He goes upstairs to find Lumpy and his transmitter.

Commercial time!  Wow, have you guys seen this movie? It is amazing. For all the right AND the wrong reasons.

the wiz
Ease on down the road!

The stormtrooper takes the transmitter from Lumpy and smashes it on the ground. Lumpy runs downstairs and out onto the deck. He aims his blaster at Lumpy just when Chewie shows up! He is not having it and shields Lumpy. Han sneaks up behind the trooper and knocks the gun out of his hand. When he goes to grab the gun, Han pushes him and goes over the railing – falling a few thousand feet.

there
There, there Lumps

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Foggywood
About

Jonathan Mallen grew up in San Francisco, went to college at Santa Clara, and has spent the bulk of his youth living and dying in LA.  Don't worry, mostly living.  He has worked as an actor, teacher, limo driver, waiter, personal assistant, office assistant,  script reader, retail associate, etc etc AND etc...  Very glamorous, he knows.  He is very happy to add blogger to his illustrious resume.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted December 18, 2011 at 11:20 am

    That was for reals? Holy moley – I feel like I just took a hit of acid. What a shame I missed this when I was 7.

  2. 2
    Jessi
    Posted December 18, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I’ve tried watching this movie before and couldn’t get through it. I love Star Wars and thought this might be so bad that it’s good. Nope! It’s so bad that it made me want to rip my ears off. I can’t take that much Wookiespeak. You’re a hero for getting through the entire thing!

  3. 3
    Foggywood Foggywood
    Posted December 18, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    @Luscious – yes, my dear – it was all TOO real…
    @Jessi – thank you honey – as the last Wookie family caption said “Let us never speak of this again!”

  4. 4
    Elmstreet
    Posted December 19, 2011 at 12:48 am

    My friends and I are all movie buffs, and we have a boner for bad movies. Bad God DAMN, none of us have ever made it through this stinking pile of shit.

    Props, my dear friend. Allow me to pour you a heavily spiked glass of eggnog to dull the pain.

  5. 5
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 19, 2011 at 8:28 am

    I DID see this when I was 7, and even then, I knew that this thing just wasn’t right. I love Luke’s face when Chewie’s squeeze tells him her husband hasn’t shown up yet. Hammil does this “BWAH!??” look somebody just told him he’s going to grow up to french his sister.

  6. 6
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted December 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    This sounds horrific!! So now I’ve gotta go find it somewhere…

  7. 7
    kthxbai
    Posted December 19, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    I just dreamed this, right? I mean I dreamed about reading this bizarre recap and now I’m dreaming I’m typing?

    Please say yes.

  8. 8
    runningwild
    Posted December 19, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I was a huge Star Wars fan and back then I would watch Harrison Ford in anything. I know I watched part of this. I don’t remember making it through the whole thing.

  9. 9
    Sarahthered
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 4:44 am

    Jessi, you think this is bad… there’s another thing on youtube that made me absolutely LIVID. A major thundering turd. It’s “The Donny and Marie Show” w/characters from Star Wars; there’s a whole dancing group of storm troopers, Donny and Marie are dressed as Luke and Leia, Kris Kristofferson is Han Solo ( you think Carrie Fisher looks wasted in TSWCS; Kris gives her a run for her money), Red Foxx is Obi Wan… I’m probably not remembering some of this correctly, but the whole thing is too awful for me to look it up this early in the morning (or ever).
    If you’re brave, just try to watch this and see how far you can go. Donny and Marie were pretty dreadful during the usual shows, but this one goes to new levels of stink. My sister and I traded clips w/each other, and both of us were enraged (sometimes we do this with- see who can pull up the worst shit possible).
    I throw down the gauntlet. It’s got nothing to do with Christmas, but if you want more Star Wars suckiness, go for it.

  10. 10
    Foggywood Foggywood
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    @Elmstreet – you you my good sir/lady – my Irish will most definitely appreciate the offer!
    @notwithoutmytv – poor Hamill – he got the shaft (well – don’t ask me!), didn’t he? I will always remember him in Corvette Summer. Go on Annie Potts!
    @wilma – oh, sweetheart, please don’t. Trust…
    @kthnxbai – YES!
    @runningwild – you are better for it – would be better to watch Indy Part 1V on a continuous loop – I KNOW, right???
    @sarahthered – Oh Jeez, Sarah. Now I have to watch this and now and I’ve completely lost my mind…thanks, Sarah – thanks ALOT!

    Cheers, thanks alot, you guys!

    -Foggywood

  11. 11
    Sarahthered
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    The whole variety show trend in the 70′s was so strange… I think it’s a good argument for believing everyone in the entertainment industry was on major amounts of cocaine. Or just really, really brain damaged by whatever they did in the previous decade. Did anyone really like any of these things?
    Foggywood, please provide your feedback re: Donny & Marie Star Wars show… I want to know if it made you as livid as my sister and I were.

  12. 12
    TVKimmy TVKimmy
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    This was fantastic! If you’d like to see “I can’t believe that actually happened!” specials, I highly recommend the craptastic Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. ;)

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