Han picks up Lumpy, calls him sweetheart, and then hands him off to Chewie saying “Is he groomed!” I guess he means that as a compliment? Again I’m not making any of this up. They go inside and Han greets the family. After he makes a few puberty jokes about Lumpy, he takes off. And then this happens:
And I cry a little. For joy. Because I realize this is almost over.
There’s a knock at the door and Chewie goes to open it with guns a-blazin’. The door opens and its Art! An alert comes up looking for the missing trooper and Art tells the officer that the trooper robbed him, stole food, and then headed for the hills. Art saves the day again! He tells them to have a great Life Day and leaves them saying “May the force be with you!”
The family goes and gets their Life Day glowing orbs.
This is some voodoo shit
They raise them up and suddenly they appear wearing red robes. A procession appears and is shown walking into a blazing sun-like glow. What. The. Fuck?
Are they floating? Flying? Dying?
A crowd of Wookies in red robes is gathered in a Stonehenge like place. C-3PO and R2-D2 show up on some sort of stage in front of the crowd. Chewbacca goes to meet them and they wish him and the crowd Happy Life Day. C-3PO tells the gathering he wishes he and R2 weren’t just machines so they could share in the feeling of Life Day.
I hope Life Day doesn’t entail any robot sacrifices
Out of nowhere Leia, Luke and Han Solo appear. Leia gives a speech about how wonderful it is to be for Life Day and how much everyone loves everyone else and who knows what else. She doesn’t even know what the hell she’s saying.
You guys forgot your cult robes!
Carrie is still completely fucked up. She says something about the Tree of Life and launches into a song about Life Day.
What day is it again? Oh Life Day!
The song ends and there is 5 minutes of flashbacks from the actual Star Wars movie. Which I guess are supposed to be Chewbacca’s memories? Or something?
Obi Wan is not amused
One of the last commercials is for this: C-3PO and R2-D2 themselves hock all the Star Wars toys. Sigh.
We come back to see the family gathered around the table holding hands and the “special” Special ends.
Let us never speak of this again