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Hello, Gasmii. Welcome to the VERY LATE edition of The Taste recap.
I decided that since Eyediosmio did such a stellar job with the rest of the season, you guys deserved some disappointment and an amazingly delayed recap. You know, to make sure you know your place. (Well, that and it takes a few extra days to come up with jokes about Malarkey).
Anyway, I am still JimbobJones, and this week we have coverage of the race to win a crap-ton of money and this prestigious award:
…that they apparently stole from a Gynecology Convention.
A couple notes about me, before I begin. I love to cook, eat almost anything (love, love, LOVE oysters, good sushi, and Korean food), and write horror as a side-job. If that doesn’t tell you what you’re about to get, well shame on you.
As for my take on the judges: I’m a big fan of Bourdain (I’ve read almost all of his books, including his fiction), like Nigella and Ludo just fine, and can’t stand Malarkey. The funny thing is, I was a fan of his on Top Chef, but I have no idea when he became the love child of Ryan Seacrest, Pee-Wee Herman, and Howdy Doodie.
(Note to TC producers: you REALLY need to start shooting your contestants execution-style when they get eliminated, because 99% of them seem to be f***tards when we see them again. I’ll miss Carla something awful, but it could be worth it to get rid of some of the others.)
We start off with the recap of last week, where 482 chefs were eliminated, and everyone is supposed to feel sad that Lauren got the boot. We don’t. Nor are we surprised that, when you add to your team a bunch of people whose normal cooking style is opening a can of Chef Boyardee (and making one good thing), odds are they ain’t winning the competition.
Regardless, this is a new week. We see the contestants come in, and the judges getting primped.
So let’s get cooking!
The contestants come in, and we hear thoughts from each of them:
“It’s so surreal to me to be here…”
“It’s do or die time…”
“I’m gonna bust out any tricks I have…”
“Yeah. I did Ludo.”
And now we’re introduced to the challenge. It’s Tapas!
The guest judge/mentor is Jose Andres. Khristianne is star-struck, and says Jose’s food is magical. I feel the same way about Lucky Charms.
Each cook must make 3 spoons for Jose using all of the 3 ingredients (not in the same spoon): Mozzarella Cheese, some type of ham (I didn’t catch it, despite listening to it 3 times, because Nigella said the name), and Spot Prawns.
The cook who makes Jose’s LEAST favorite spoons goes home. It’s a TWIST!!!
Unlike other weeks, Jose will be the mentor for all 3 remaining cooks during the “main” competition, and Nigella will be a floating mentor during the team taste because of her inability to pick a useful team.
Bourdain is confident that other people will try to do some molecular crap just to impress Jose, so Diane is going simple. Gregg kind of proves the point when talking to Ludo about wanting to do a foam. Sarah just stands there waiting for Ludo to stand on top of her head and pull her hair like the rat in Ratatouille. And Khristianne…
Well, she’s just trying to see how much wine she needs to kill the annoying buzzing in her left ear.
They’re cooking. Nigella says something about not taking too many risks (which I’m honestly not listening to because, let’s face it, she lost).
Tony is working with Diane, and they’ve come up with this menu:
(Thank you, The Taste, for making me not have to figure out what they’re doing)
Next, we have Khristianne, being mentored by Malarkey, who has come up with this:
Meanwhile, Ludo has come up with a “can’t win” strategy of focusing all of his effort on Sarah, since he assumes that Gregg can take care of himself. In Ludo’s mind, he assumes that both of his cooks will make it to the final three.
He’s half right. (Oops, spoiler. But since I’m turning in this recap halfway through Season Two, I assume you’ve already seen the end of Season One.)
So here are their two menus:
May as well be honest…
Now Tony and Diane are talking. They feel they have an edge because they aren’t doing “only Spanish”. Tony quips that everyone else has their lips firmly planted on Jose’s butt. Diane comes back that she’s sure his ass is very tasty. It’s disturbing, but not as disturbing as…
Malarkey is behind Khristianne spazzing out. He’s going over the ingredients, or having an epileptic fit, or going full Tourette’s behind her. Remember how I said in the Minicap how I wasn’t annoyed by him this episode? Well, I forgot about this part. Thanks, Malarkey!!!
Gregg continues complaining about how he’s on his own (and, for a change, I agree with him), as Ludo only stops directing Sarah long enough to come over and bitch about his food. Ludo comes back long enough to say that Gregg’s food lacks taste. Thanks for the help, Ludo!
Everyone wants to win. Khristianne shows a surprising bit of cattyness when she talks about wanting Gregg eliminated and him not deserving it. You go, girl!
She gets her wish. After too much talking, Gregg loses. I can’t say I’m sad to see him go (he was an arrogant jackass), but how he went out kind of sucked. Add in the fact that he was the only real competition left for the eventual winner, and all I can say to him is…
When you come back for the All-Stars Season, grow some boobs for Ludo to play with…
Friends and family are there to cheer them on, as are the eliminated cooks. Though I’d like to say it’s highly touching, it really isn’t. It isn’t like they’re on The Biggest Loser, sequestered from their families for most of 3 months. The show has only gone on for 8 episodes, which means they might have been gone for a couple of weeks. But I guess it’s still nice to see.
They all have to create 3 spoons (no restrictions) with a glass of wine they choose to pair with it. Assuming Khristianne left any after dealing with Malarkey.
The judges hide in the green room while the cooks cook. Since the cooks are all pretty boring, the judges become MUCH more interesting.
Sarah is making:
She tried to get Jose to tell her what to make, but he wouldn’t.
I have to question putting fingerling potatoes in a dish the size of a spoon. It’s an unnecessary space-waster that adds NOTHING to the dish.
Anyway, Sarah says she can’t believe she made it this far (you ain’t the only one, sister), but this explained it:
Khristianne is making:
I seriously have no joke. That all sounds awesome.
Finally, Diane is making:
Despite my dislike for Sea Urchin (I’ve heard it’s awesome if you get good urchin. So far, I haven’t had it), her menu sounds decent, as well. She decides not to listen to Jose, and to do what SHE thinks is right.
All in all, all 3 of them have good ideas.
Khristianne has a funny moment where she’s so star-struck by Jose that she seems to lose track of what she’s doing. Other than that, lots of cooking, lots of yapping, and…
- They liked the Sea Urchin a lot
- Thought the Scallop was missing something
- Liked the Halibut “ok”