-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- snowshoecat: Yay!!!!!!!!!!! Lookin’ gooooood! Will CommentTrash appear here and on the gasm site? Enquiring minds...
- Dani: @rae– O.M.G.!!! Give it a rest! I won’t repeat what others have already...
- Flipit: You’re not crazy, Claire! Some people are able to just click their pic, but for others it doesn’t show...
- Clair: I tried it (I’m on a computer) and while it took me to my profile page, I didn’t see any avatar option.
- RTVfan: @itchy I’ve mentioned a couple times here and there that to add an avatar just click on your blank avatar....
- Madelyne27: @rae – holy exhausting shit, batman… stop! you’ve stumbled...
- Clair: Aww, Flippy, take your time. I was just curious. You’re doing an awesome job – thank you for creating a...
- itchy: I noticed that some people have avatars at the Trashtalk site though. Mr. Dangerous’ avatar is particularly...
- Flipit: thanks susan! it will be!! i am going to be messing with it until it’s right!
- Nads: sooo funny. LOVE YOU, Flipit!
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
8:00 am
16 Comments
Hello, Gasmii. Welcome to the VERY LATE edition of The Taste recap.
I decided that since Eyediosmio did such a stellar job with the rest of the season, you guys deserved some disappointment and an amazingly delayed recap. You know, to make sure you know your place. (Well, that and it takes a few extra days to come up with jokes about Malarkey).
Anyway, I am still JimbobJones, and this week we have coverage of the race to win a crap-ton of money and this prestigious award:
…that they apparently stole from a Gynecology Convention.
A couple notes about me, before I begin. I love to cook, eat almost anything (love, love, LOVE oysters, good sushi, and Korean food), and write horror as a side-job. If that doesn’t tell you what you’re about to get, well shame on you.
As for my take on the judges: I’m a big fan of Bourdain (I’ve read almost all of his books, including his fiction), like Nigella and Ludo just fine, and can’t stand Malarkey. The funny thing is, I was a fan of his on Top Chef, but I have no idea when he became the love child of Ryan Seacrest, Pee-Wee Herman, and Howdy Doodie.
(Note to TC producers: you REALLY need to start shooting your contestants execution-style when they get eliminated, because 99% of them seem to be f***tards when we see them again. I’ll miss Carla something awful, but it could be worth it to get rid of some of the others.)
We start off with the recap of last week, where 482 chefs were eliminated, and everyone is supposed to feel sad that Lauren got the boot. We don’t. Nor are we surprised that, when you add to your team a bunch of people whose normal cooking style is opening a can of Chef Boyardee (and making one good thing), odds are they ain’t winning the competition.
Regardless, this is a new week. We see the contestants come in, and the judges getting primped.
So let’s get cooking!
The contestants come in, and we hear thoughts from each of them:
“It’s so surreal to me to be here…”
“It’s do or die time…”
“I’m gonna bust out any tricks I have…”
“Yeah. I did Ludo.”
And now we’re introduced to the challenge. It’s Tapas!
The guest judge/mentor is Jose Andres. Khristianne is star-struck, and says Jose’s food is magical. I feel the same way about Lucky Charms.
Each cook must make 3 spoons for Jose using all of the 3 ingredients (not in the same spoon): Mozzarella Cheese, some type of ham (I didn’t catch it, despite listening to it 3 times, because Nigella said the name), and Spot Prawns.
The cook who makes Jose’s LEAST favorite spoons goes home. It’s a TWIST!!!
Unlike other weeks, Jose will be the mentor for all 3 remaining cooks during the “main” competition, and Nigella will be a floating mentor during the team taste because of her inability to pick a useful team.
Bourdain is confident that other people will try to do some molecular crap just to impress Jose, so Diane is going simple. Gregg kind of proves the point when talking to Ludo about wanting to do a foam. Sarah just stands there waiting for Ludo to stand on top of her head and pull her hair like the rat in Ratatouille. And Khristianne…
Well, she’s just trying to see how much wine she needs to kill the annoying buzzing in her left ear.
They’re cooking. Nigella says something about not taking too many risks (which I’m honestly not listening to because, let’s face it, she lost).
Tony is working with Diane, and they’ve come up with this menu:
(Thank you, The Taste, for making me not have to figure out what they’re doing)
Next, we have Khristianne, being mentored by Malarkey, who has come up with this:
Meanwhile, Ludo has come up with a “can’t win” strategy of focusing all of his effort on Sarah, since he assumes that Gregg can take care of himself. In Ludo’s mind, he assumes that both of his cooks will make it to the final three.
He’s half right. (Oops, spoiler. But since I’m turning in this recap halfway through Season Two, I assume you’ve already seen the end of Season One.)
So here are their two menus:
Gregg’s Menu
May as well be honest…
Now Tony and Diane are talking. They feel they have an edge because they aren’t doing “only Spanish”. Tony quips that everyone else has their lips firmly planted on Jose’s butt. Diane comes back that she’s sure his ass is very tasty. It’s disturbing, but not as disturbing as…
Malarkey is behind Khristianne spazzing out. He’s going over the ingredients, or having an epileptic fit, or going full Tourette’s behind her. Remember how I said in the Minicap how I wasn’t annoyed by him this episode? Well, I forgot about this part. Thanks, Malarkey!!!
Gregg continues complaining about how he’s on his own (and, for a change, I agree with him), as Ludo only stops directing Sarah long enough to come over and bitch about his food. Ludo comes back long enough to say that Gregg’s food lacks taste. Thanks for the help, Ludo!
Judging Time!
Everyone wants to win. Khristianne shows a surprising bit of cattyness when she talks about wanting Gregg eliminated and him not deserving it. You go, girl!
She gets her wish. After too much talking, Gregg loses. I can’t say I’m sad to see him go (he was an arrogant jackass), but how he went out kind of sucked. Add in the fact that he was the only real competition left for the eventual winner, and all I can say to him is…
When you come back for the All-Stars Season, grow some boobs for Ludo to play with…
Friends and family are there to cheer them on, as are the eliminated cooks. Though I’d like to say it’s highly touching, it really isn’t. It isn’t like they’re on The Biggest Loser, sequestered from their families for most of 3 months. The show has only gone on for 8 episodes, which means they might have been gone for a couple of weeks. But I guess it’s still nice to see.
They all have to create 3 spoons (no restrictions) with a glass of wine they choose to pair with it. Assuming Khristianne left any after dealing with Malarkey.
The judges hide in the green room while the cooks cook. Since the cooks are all pretty boring, the judges become MUCH more interesting.
Sarah is making:
She tried to get Jose to tell her what to make, but he wouldn’t.
I have to question putting fingerling potatoes in a dish the size of a spoon. It’s an unnecessary space-waster that adds NOTHING to the dish.
Anyway, Sarah says she can’t believe she made it this far (you ain’t the only one, sister), but this explained it:
“When I was making this face in the Green Room, Ludo told me I was his ‘fuhvoreet stoodent’!!”
Khristianne is making:
I seriously have no joke. That all sounds awesome.
Finally, Diane is making:
Despite my dislike for Sea Urchin (I’ve heard it’s awesome if you get good urchin. So far, I haven’t had it), her menu sounds decent, as well. She decides not to listen to Jose, and to do what SHE thinks is right.
All in all, all 3 of them have good ideas.
Khristianne has a funny moment where she’s so star-struck by Jose that she seems to lose track of what she’s doing. Other than that, lots of cooking, lots of yapping, and…
Judging Time!!!
For Diane:
- They liked the Sea Urchin a lot
- Thought the Scallop was missing something
- Liked the Halibut “ok”
Pages: 1 2
TV Social
-
16 Comments
I was so happy Ludo’s team did not win or even place. I was thrilled that Malarkey was the winner since I knew it would stick in Ludo’s craw.
Hey JimbobJones! Thanks so much for doing this! I was on a boat, in the middle of the ocean – trapped with a bunch of drunk coeds – the horror!
A few things: 1) I was sad about Lauren, until she started whining about her virginity and then I was sad FOR Lauren, 2) did anybody really think anyone but Khristianne would win this? I mean, I don’t think Malarkey sent her spoon up for tasting except ONCE, and I think if she went head to head with Gregg we’d have a real competition, but again – Khristianne would take it.
Did anyone else notice how Diane would razz Uno about cooking “asian” cuisine, yet what does our girl ALWAYS cook? Right.
Also, when I saw that photo the first I thought of was “ew! Forceps!” and immediately crossed my legs.
And re: Sarah – it got increasingly difficult to watch Ludo fawn over Sarah. It made her involvement in the competition that much more frustrating. Her cooking was uneven, but I really don’t think he needed to be smelling her hair to help her finish her dish.
All in all, the best chef won, and I agree with you, there will be no second season, not unless they make the changes our awesome Gasmii have suggested here! Are you reading ABC? YOU SHOULD!
Thanks JimBob! You are the best!
But really, WTF was up with Malarkey?
WAY too much Marlarkey. I don’t remember him from Top Chef and he more than made up for it with his assholery. Favorite moment: Greggie’s elevator ride. Hubris. Always satisfying when the arrogant little prick gets it in the neck. A touch of humility and class never hurts. The winner was a forgone conclusion. But, it was much better than watching that horrible Top Chef finale with the jarring music and Padma’s somnolent voice….. I can stand a few mayonnaise commercials.
Gasmii you are so right, that award–pap smear anyone, toss your salad? Get you a quick rectal exam?
I don’t have anything against chubby virgins, but WHY do they always have to share it with the world at large? Personally, I don’t share with the world the fact that I’m not a virgin. I don’t foist that on them. I don’t share that. Why don’t they respect my ears and do the same. Is that too much to ask. TMI.
@Aunt Dorsey — I’ve been wondering that myself. In fact, I don’t care to hear about ANYBODY’S sexuality or what they do or don’t do.
I understand her mentioning it ONCE during the sensuality challenge (just for point of reference). After that, it became too much.
@Eyediosmio — This was a weird show to recap. Especially since they didn’t have the normal “who should get the boot” discussion, pretty much everything interesting happened in the first challenge/elimination. After that, it was “Everyone cooks. Push a button. Find out who wins”.
I commend you for your ability to keep it interesting week in/week out.
I’ve got to wonder who gave the “go ahead” on that trophy. Did that person not have eyes? Or, if they didn’t notice, didn’t the film crew say “Umm, guys, this thing looks like a pair of forceps when you point it at the camera”?
I still think that Gregg got a bit screwed over by Ludo. Like I said in the recap, I didn’t like him, but I’d rather he’d gotten eliminated by Khristianne, not because Ludo wanted to get some from Home-cook Barbie.
Gregg’s mannerisms and egoism reminds me of an ex-boyfriend.
All the more reason to dislike him.
I was so happy that Khristianne won! She seemed genuinely surprised and was probably the most likable all season.
Does anyone know if this show will be/has been picked up for another season?
Like everyone else, I thought the right person won. BUT why didn’t they reveal the final votes? That made me suspicious.
Yeah Gregg got screwed, but it’s partially his own fault.
Ludo already said that he struggles with working with Gregg because he acts like he knows everything already, which is true.
Maybe if Gregg approached the whole competition with a more genuinely humble attitude and a teachable spirit, he wouldn’t have been abandoned by his mentor.
Or he could have worn a breastplate (from BoobsForQueens.com, natch) and a low-cut top, to keep Ludo’s attention.
Either one would have been good.
But either way, I don’t think Gregg would have won. He always wins the team challenges, but if you notice, he never did that well in the individual challenges. And then as soon as Ludo leaves him to his own devices, he bombs even the team challenge.
In fact, I’d wager that if not for his perpetual immunity, Gregg might have already been eliminated.
So happy for Khristianne.
I was actually a Diane fan, so I would have been happy if she won, but Khristianne really deserved it.
My only sadness is that by proxy, Malarkey also won.
And that hurts my soul.
I’d be surprised if Jose Andres doesn’t offer Khristianne a job. Or if they don’t at least start kicking it on the weekends.
That was a bromance from the start….the man could /not/ get enough.
And he even told her she was gonna win during the challenge.
I hate Lauren. Even before her lookatmei’mavirgin nonsense, I didn’t like her.
@JimBobJones: This show was a chore to recap, because there was no DRAMA and it was really just about watching people cook. Malarkey tried to bring the drama with his playdo face and shorty pants, but no dice. He he absolutely CANNOT take any credit for that win because he NEVER assisted or mentored Khristianne EVER. Even in interviews she has said that it was a “boys club.” They basically ignored her, and she kicked ass all on her own. Because she’ s super badass. And makes the best faces for screen grabs.
And I disagree with everyone about Gregg, he’s not that bad. He’s arrogant and cocky, but he was a good cook. However, you guys made a really good point that if he hadn’t had immunity he would have gone home sooner. He’s just super duper young. My little bro is like that, a really good kid but just full of himself in his twenties. Maybe that’s why I have a soft spot for Gregg. We all know now that Sarah does.
And what the frick was up with Ludo abandoning his whole team for Sarah the ENTIRE season? It was really out of line and if I was his wife, I’d make fun of him everyday for the rest of his life. Seriously. I guess it would be great to work forhim if you were a woman, though. Which is the opposite of the real world. I bet he has an all female kitchen and they make double what the male staff makes. I’d like to think that at least. And he wears a beret in the kitchen.
I liked Lauren in the very beginning, but she got way too earnest for me. It was like a “schtick,” and not a real personality towards the end. And I hated Diane, at the beginning too. But I think you can all tell that by the end I was really rooting for her. She actually became MORE authentic. Still had an attitude, but with more heart.
And all, my love for Tony still abides. Although there was not ENOUGH of his wisecracking antics to satisfy me. Sexually. I kid. Or do I?
Khristianne was the Millionaire Matchmaker’s first ever lesbian client last night (her net worth is about $1.5M). Apparently she is \butch on the street and femme in the sheets.\ She took her date fishing and made her a peanut butter and banana sandwich (ultimately she started dating her new gf, Brittney, instead). It was interesting to see her confidence and bravado vs. the insecurity she displayed on The Taste. She is a prolific reality show whore, so I’ll be interested to see where she pops up next.
Also, she claims she was the target of bullying for being gay – I’m finding that really hard to believe, even from Gregg: http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/charlie-sheens-lesbian-chef-endured-some-bullying-way-winning-abcs-taste130313
^ Well maybe that’s why she had such an enduring hatred for Gregg.
We never saw them anywhere but the kitchen, so who knows what happened in that house?
People on the show were not that nice though, so I can believe some jealous people might have made those kinds of comments.
I watched the whole season, really wanting to give a crap about who won. Don’t get me wrong, I think the right person won, but it was kind of obvious from the beginning. They always liked her food, they never showed her being all “I got this and I’m gonna win!” in her talking heads and she never seemed obnoxious. Doesn’t make for much excitement.
I spent the entire season wanting to punch Malarkey in his (more than likely miniscule based on his attitude) junk and then punch Ludo in his throat for constantly taking Malarkey’s bait and frantically arguing and then punch Malarkey in his face for then constantly screamturupting (interupting by screaming) whatever the hell Ludo was saying. And put some damn sock on!
@JustDucky: You know, I bet she did get attitude from the other contestants OUT OF JEALOUSY for sure. Perhaps not straight up discrimination cuz she was gay, but maybe because she’s a woman AND she’s gay? I know even some of the chefs/contestants made a comment that Khristianne was out on her own and the guys wouldn’t even talk to her (the ones on her team). I can’t remember which episode that was. Maybe if we had more behind the scenes stuff, we’d have seen it.
@ChickenLips: Totally agree with you re: Ludo – why did he take Malarkey’s bait? What frustrated me the MOST about Malarkey was that he came off SO FALSE, and his competition with Ludo was manufactured so he’d get screen time. Ludo is just a proud angry froggy, so he took the bait and yelled. Although at least Ludo seems authentic, while Malarkey is a weird fake pudding face.
Gracias on the tardy recap – it just gives us something to savor, so no worried!
Please, no more Malarkey. I felt like he was Jim Carrey in a blond wig. I am sure he is a fine chef, but jaysus, any more whooping and jumping up and down like a coked up muppet, and I was going to kick my TV. More Nigella and Tony, please!!
Greg was such a sore loser. He barely gave Jose Andres a handshake or showed any grace. His arrogant, know it all attitude was why he lost.
Yay, Kristianne – her food always looked amazing.
I hope this show comes back minus a Malarkey or virgins.
Gasmii, I think we all agree we can toss Malarkey down the pooper shooter for season two, if there is one, and throw all the virgins on the bon fire. Let ‘er rip.