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Nigella tells us her dress is elastic so she’s ready to get her eat on. Preach it sister. I live in stretchy pants. Don’t judge.
And we have our first “Reality Show Douchebag!” He’s from Vegas (of course he is), calls himself “Chaz,” and he does some lame “parcoooooh stop it” moves and talks about how he makes food for awesomeness and life performance. Really? How about you try and make us food that just tastes good, without the cartwheels, kay buddy? THIS GUY is the quintissential reason I believe they came up with this concept. Tony’s bullshit tolerance is painfully low, and I think they wanted to do a reality show without the judges having to sit through all these chuckleheads and their “personalities.” However as the audience, we have to, and also my schaedenfreude bone is just VIBRATING with joy at the possibility of this guy totally biting it. Squee!
The producers use Ed Grimley-lite as a device to explain the rest of the concept of this show: The judges will pick four contestants to be on their team, then as the competition advances they continue blind tasting and as such, could potentially ELIMINATE SOMEONE FROM THEIR OWN TEAM! Dunh, duhn dunnnnnh!
So our dodohead Adam continues performing and keeps saying “awesomeness”over and over. Also he declares that is going to kick them in the face with his awesomeness, and I think that is not very nice. I don’t want to get kicked in the face with anything. Except maybe chocolate.
So Adam gets to work in the kitchen. He has one hour to make a dish, then prepare a spoonful for the judges to taste. Adam tells us he is going to make a dish of pineapple, mushroom, sundried tomato, turkey, and mac & cheese stir fry. Or otherwise known in common circles: Beefaroni! Seriously guys, it looks so gross.
Adam acknowledges the flavors shouldn’t make sense, but the totally thinks it works. I however, have to disagree.
Nigella almost pukes, and the four of them are all barely getting that bite down. Tony says it’s revolting and they bring out the guy who had the balls to serve them Beefaroni (with turkey!). They all practically crack up in his face when he tells them he’s a chef in Las Vegas. Nigella kindly tells him the dish has “wit” (which means laughably awful btw).
Malarkey calls it MALARKEY! Actually he says it was a rollercoaster to nowhere. Ludo is horrified that this guy tried the dish and actually serves it to people.
Tony looks like he took it personally and calls it a mishmash of flavors, it was texturally unpleasant and says it was aphalling! He says it was a food crime, basically. Oooooh, that’s not good.