The Vampire Diaries: Birthday recap- THIS is my party?

You guys! Yesterday night was the season three premiere of the Vampire Diaries! And all I can say is OH. MY. GOD. Well, that’s not ALL I can say, obviously, or I’d lose this gig. But for real! This was fantastic! Where to start? At the beginning? Alright, smarty pants.

o o o

We’re in Tennessee in front of a beautiful, old, white house. The door opens and some really hot chick steps out calling for her dog. As she’s setting herself up to be bait, I chuckle to myself because I utter the pick-up line ‘you’re the only ten I see’ in my head. Ugh, my life. Anyway, she’s telling Rudy the dog it’s time to come inside, but then BAM! Klaus shows up (doing this ridiculous American accent – it sounds like someone else’s voice is being dubbed over.) Hot girl is wary of him, but he just wants to use her phone. He asks if he can go inside to make the call, but home girl was born in Florida and ain’t nobody’s fool. She says that she’ll bring the phone out to him, but nope! Klaus isn’t having that. He chokes her and demands she invite him inside.

Once in the house Klaus enquires about some guy named Ray Sutton, but the other girl who lives there is like Ray Whozit? Klaus calmly asks, again, where Ray is and tells both girls that if he has to make them tell him where to find Ray it is not going to end pretty.

So of course other girl decides to run.

But when she opens the front door? It’s Stefan! Cornered, she spills and tells them both where Ray is. Klaus orders Stefan to kill Hottie quickly, but to make Runner suffer.

Loads of screaming and Klaus grinning merrily into the night.

o o o

Elena wakes up, wakes Jeremy up for work (he works at the Grill now!), and heads downstairs. Caroline’s on the phone and Alaric is in the kitchen, because yeah.

He never really left. And I’ll get to that later on. Right now Caroline is telling Elena about another ‘animal attack’ in Memphis, and how Elena needs to dress really pretty for the party she’s throwing her tonight. Oh yeah, it’s Elena’s 18^th birthday! Happy Birthday! I really mean it – no one ever thought you’d make it this long.

o o o

Andie (hey Andie!) is getting ready for work, while Damon gets drunk off champagne in a bubbly tub. She gets onto him about this, but I see nothing wrong with it – Lord knows it’s how I start six out of seven of my own mornings. He gets out of the tub (only the bubbles covering his shame) and roams through the house to find more alcohol.

But he only finds Elena who is scandalized to come face to face with Damon and ‘little Damon.’ After whipping a blanket at him to cover up with, she thrusts the animal attack article at him and says it’s a clue. Damon tells Velma to back off; it’s probably nothing. But she insists and he half-heartedly agrees to look into it before sending her on her way.

Back upstairs he opens his armoire to reveal a collage of newspaper clippings, sticky notes, and thumbtacks. He sticks the new clue to the wood and Andie says she’ll get him an address.

These two are a great couple. I hope you stick around forever Andie.

o o o

Jeremy is in the stock room at the Grill and he’s face chatting to Bonnie on his super snazzy phone. Do you see that phone and what it can do?? I want it! Where can I get it?? Bonnie goes on and on about how bored she is with her dad’s side of the family, but it’s all a dirty lie because we all know Bonnie doesn’t have a family. Jeremy is in the middle of telling her he misses her orphan ass when the lights flicker on and off and there are the whooshy sounds of ghosts saying what’s up. There’s a yelp, and a scuffle, and the lights come back on. Bonnie asks if everything is all right, and Jeremy assures her that it is, never mind his panic stricken face. He says everything is as mundane as it could possibly be, but as soon as he turns off the face chat phone he’s plunged into darkness again and Vicki shows her face. Jeremy almost gets a heart attack, and drops his phone, only to reveal Anna behind him.

She’s about to touch his shoulder when Matt practically kicks down the door and insists Jeremy swap sections with him – he refuses to wait on Caroline and Tyler.

Fair enough, I suppose.

o o o

At the table, Caroline is telling Tyler how Mrs. Lockwood keeps giving her the hairy eyeball. Jeremy comes to take their order and Caroline asks if Matt made them switch sections. Jeremy says yeah, and Caroline scoffs at how ridiculous Matt is being – he thinks she and Tyler are dating. Tyler throws in how his own mother thinks the same thing. Caroline is flabbergasted and so is Tyler, because how absurd! All because two extremely beautiful, sexy people hang out all the time and make googly eyes at each does not mean they are dating!

We all laugh awkwardly, and I wish for the hundredth time that I was Caroline.

o o o

Southern Comfort. It’s a bar. It’s a bar where Simon from 7th Heaven hangs out in his free time, but now he’s got a full on beard and goes by the name Ray Sutton.

He hasn’t even gotten his beer yet, before Klaus is on his ass. He goes on and on about how he’s been looking for Ray, and, sensing something fishy, Ray tries to leave. But Stefan stops him before he can go anywhere. Ray catches on that these two are vampires, and after telling him that he’s a fast one, Klaus lets him know that everyone in the bar has been Compelled, so it won’t do any good for him to ask for help.

Klaus tells Ray that he himself is a hybrid. Ignoring Ray’s horrified face, Klaus inquires politely as to where he can find some other werewolves. Ray tells him that trying to Compel him won’t work, seeing as how he is a werewolf himself, but Mr. Sutton obviously hasn’t heard about Klaus. Compelling would be far too easy. And besides, Stefan has this weird new hunger for torture. To prove this point, Stefan orders a scotch on the rocks, pulls out a pouch of wolfsbane, and suggests everyone play a drinking game. A horrible, horrible drinking game.

o o o

Damon and Alaric pull up to the beautiful, white house in Tennessee – and why the hell is Alaric wearing that shirt? It is so, so hot. He’s making me hot just by looking at him, and not in good way. He goes on and on about how shocked he is that Elena and Jeremy haven’t kicked him out yet, since all he does is hog the remote control and never do anything of any importance, ever. Damon basically agrees – it’s a mystery.

They step into the house and find the two girls from earlier propped up on the couch, neat as can be. Well, as neat as you can get two people you’ve ripped limb from limb and have placed back together delicately. Because that’s what Stefan has done – apparently that’s his signature. Stefan a.k.a The Ripper, goes into a blood frenzy, passes out, wakes up, and feels remorseful enough to try and fit the human bodies together piece by piece.

Am I the only one that thinks that makes Stefan more awesome? The dude is insane! Team Evil!Stefan!

o o o

Elena, Caroline, and Tyler are helping set up for the party. Elena is complaining about how every time she gets a lead on Stefan, Damon tells her to quiet down and she just doesn’t understand why. In one of the best moments of the episode, Tyler just shrugs and says what if Damon doesn’t want to find Stefan? Think about it; he was always into Elena and then Elena kissed him, which probably messed with his already crazy brain even more. Caroline yells at him after he says this – all because she told Tyler things doesn’t mean he’s allowed to know said things.

Elena laughs it off and says she only kissed Damon because she thought by the time she pulled away he’d be dead. It was a goodbye kiss and nothing more. Tyler does this hilarious ‘you’re kind of a douche’ shrug and he says he’s got to get going. He needs to shower and get changed before picking up Sofie. Caroline seems super surprised that he’s even bringing a date to the party, let alone ‘Slutty Sofie’ and Tyler is unapologetic. To put it bluntly, he’s been super horny since turning into a werewolf. Caroline can relate. She’s super horny too! She talks about exploding, and being horny, and being on overdrive constantly; Tyler nods and says he too likes sex, before they stare at each other awkwardly for a long moment. He backs away slowly and she fiddles with paper cups.

o o o

Damon starts dousing the bloodied house with gasoline and in the background you can almost see the moment Alaric starts to reconsider his life and his decisions.  They are about to leave when they discover a trap door that leads to a ‘werewolf-time of the month chamber.’  The match is thrown and they leave, the house ablaze

o o o

Oh! This was a great, great scene. Ray is chained to the wall in front of the darts board, while Stefan dips the edge of each dart in some scotch and wolfsbne before taking aim. Did I mention the bar is packed?

Klaus has style.

Stefan is interrogating Ray – they want to know where the rest of the pack is, but Ray isn’t talking. Bro-code and all.

While Stefan plays, a pretty little lady comes up to Klaus – Damon and Alaric were spotted near the house. Klaus starts to head off to go deal with this, but Stefan insists that he can do it. Klaus wants to know why he should trust him not to run off and Stefan says Klaus saved Damon’s life; therefore Stefan is in his service. After a few moments of consideration, Klaus agrees to let him go and Stefan hits the road.

o o o

Elena gets ready for her birthday to depressing music while Damon watches. He tells her he has a present for her, and before she can protest about their agreement of him not buying her anything, he says that he didn’t spend a dime. He opens a box to reveal her necklace. That damn necklace. It’s always being presented to her, it feels like. Anyway, she cries as Damon places it delicately around her neck, all the while thinking wistfully of how he wishes Elena was his to love, and cherish, and all that mess.

Who else is getting tired of this?

No really? Tell me in the comments, who is ready for this ‘Damon pining for Elena’ thing to be over? Because, if we’re raising hands, I’ll raise mine. Way up. It’s pushed past that level of understandable desperation. It’s like when your best friend comes to you after a breakup – for the first few weeks you can understand the moping, and tears, and frustration. But when it’s been a year, and she’s still calling you at four in the morning to talk about the good times? Enough is enough, damnit.

Anyway, it’s party time, and Damon escorts her down the stairs. There are people doing keg stands, and drugs. He Compels a teen to put the good liquor away and drink some of the cheap stuff (and I got scared for her, because whenever we see a black person in this show who isn’t a witch they get killed. I was praying for girlie the whole rest of the episode.) Another question; what the hell do Elena’s friends think? Or at least the people invited to this party – Stefan is nowhere to be found, and she’s hanging off of the other brother’s arm. If I was there, I’d start rumors. Hah, but to be honest I wouldn’t be there. I wouldn’t go to anything Elena is throwing – people die when she’s around and my luck is the worst.

Caroline runs up all happy and asks if Elena likes her party. Elena gives a strained smile and asks where the liquor is. Good girl.

Jeremy is rolling drugs! And Matt comes to join him.

Did this whole party scene make any one slightly uncomfortable? I mean, I know it’s teens, and I know that in real life, there would be liquor, and weed, and probably more (shoot, I’m 20 years old myself, so I KNOW), but was anyone else kind of a little shocked at how blatant it all was in this episode?  I’m used to the UK shows doing it, but not the American ones I suppose. *shrugs*

So, yeah, Matt comes to join him and jumps on that blunt like Damon on Elena. He asks Jeremy what’s got him doing drugs. And Jeremy, bless him, starts off with this gem; “You know I died right?” Excuse me while I laugh out loud; this boy’s life is the worst!

So he tells Matt that ever since he died, he’s been seeing weird things. Matt asks what kind of things but Jeremy plays coy, and just says something to the effect of ‘thingy things that are thingy.’ Matt blinks and says okie dokes before getting up to greet the birthday girl. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and completely ignores Caroline.

Caroline: He hates me. His hatred of me has driven him to drugs.

Elena: He doesn’t hate you – he hates that he’s not with you. Is that my brother?

Coquills: Let the boy smoke, Elena!

o o o

Alaric is outside with Damon. He’s saying how he is a parent’s worst nightmare. Apparently, the kids were allowed to throw this party because all the parents heard that Alaric would be keeping an eye on things. What the what? Can someone explain to me how this works? You never see the man at school, only see him at the bar, and now he’s living in his dead girlfriend’s house and you let him around your children. In what universe can Alaric even be mistaken for a responsible adult?

These parents!

Elena comes outside, takes Damon’s drink, and complains about how Jeremy isn’t killing his liver like she is, but toking up again. Damon asks if his stash is any good and Elena tells him he’s awful. Elena asks Alaric to talk to Jeremy because Jeremy looks up to him.

Poor boy.

o o o

Andie is the last one leaving the station when a super bright spot light comes on to shine into her face. It goes on, and off, then on again, and she starts to run away, but is confronted with Stefan.

At first she’s relieved, until she sees the crazy in his eyes. Oh no, Andie! I love you!

o o o

Caroline wasn’t lying you guys! Sofie is slutty. She’s winding her body all up on Tyler as Caroline watches, guzzling down some of the good stuff, and looking mighty displeased. Matt comes up next to her, points at Tyler and Sofie, and asks when did that happen? Caroline wonders aloud if they are on speaking terms now. Matt says they were never not on speaking terms and Caroline calls bullshit. She says he never gave her the time of day and Matt says it’s probably because every time he tried to talk to her Tyler was around. She says it’s because they’re friends, but Matt is done. He’s all what the hell- aren’t you guys supposed to be mortal enemies? Isn’t that how all the vampire/werewolf crap works? Caroline looks around frantically, trying to shush him.

Matt walks away and Tyler comes up, asking if everything is alright. Caroline says yeah, Slutty Sofie says this is a great party, and Caroline says thank you and Compels her to leave. Hah! Caroline. I love you. And also, Tyler has blue balls.

o o o

Damon gets a text from Andie asking him to pick her up.  He tells Alaric to hold down the fort and Alaric is feeling kind of weird to be in a house full of his drunken history students. Damon tells him to drink more so it’ll feel less weird.

o o o

Elena goes into Damon’s room only to find Caroline. She asks Elena if she’s hiding but Elena just says she was looking for Damon. Caroline says he better have not left – the cake hasn’t even been cut yet, but Elena wants to pass on the whole cake thing. Caroline doesn’t like that idea – she just wants Elena to blow out her candles and make a wish. Elena snaps – is that what everyone wants her to do? Blow out some candles and forget that her lame boyfriend is gone?!? Caroline says of course not, but Stefan wanted her to live her life. (And besides, evil!Stefan is waaa-AAy better than good!Stefan.)

Elena says fine – you want a wish? Here’s one – she just wants to know if Stefan is alive. She wanders away, further into the room, and sees the open armoire of crazy, with all the stickies, and maps, and newspaper clippings. She gets irate because Damon has been lying this whole time.

o o o

At the television station, Damon calls for Andie. He goes to stage three, finds her bag on the floor, and Stefan lurking in the shadows. He tells Damon he needs to stop following him, that it’s causing problems. Damon scoffs and says he doesn’t give a damn. He doesn’t care if Klaus gets mad. Stefan says that Damon needs to let him go to which Damon says he found Stefan’s handiwork in Tennessee. Stefan should be careful, before there’s no turning back.

Evil Stefan laughs evilly, and says he doesn’t need any saving. He just wants Damon to let him go. Damon says Elena wouldn’t like that, but Stefan has reached the end of his rope. It’s time he’s made himself perfectly clear – he calls up to Andie, who standing at the edge of a beam. Damon tells Andie to calm down, and tells Stefan that this is so totally not cool.

Stefan is like, c’mon it a little cool, and tells Andy that she can move now. So she does – and jumps.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANDIE! I LOVED YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN LOVE A SECONDARY CHARACTER!  NOOO! It’s my own fault! I shouldn’t have gotten attached – I knew her time was running up… I just wished…

Stefan disappears, cackling into the night, while Damon and I cry bitter tears of regret.

o o o

Jeremy is heading to his car when he stumbles into a drunk and high Matt. Cutie patootie Matt can’t find his truck! Jeremy offers to give him a ride and gets into the driver’s seat – and is scared witless when Vicki is there in the passenger seat, begging him for help. He’s so startled that he says her name aloud, and when Matt gets in he questions Jeremy as to why he’s saying his dead sister’s name. Jeremy says Matt is bugging out, but then almost shits his pants when he puts on the headlights only to see Anna.

He suggests they walk home.

Has this been happening to Jeremy ALL summer? My heavens.

o o o

AHAHAH! Caroline is trying to get through the crowd, but no one is moving. She’s so over it that she picks a guy up by his throat with her middle finger and thumb, and moves him bodily. That was so great! Seriously, Caroline is the best.

Tyler sees this blatant disregard of witnesses and asks her what the hell is going on. He asks her if she’s pissed that he brought someone to the party, and she’s like ‘no. Why should I be mad that you’re dating?’ He asks if he shouldn’t be dating, and she deflects by saying it doesn’t matter. He’s horny all the time anyway, right? Tyler tells Caroline that all she has to do is say the word and he won’t date anymore, but unless she doesn’t say so he’s going to keep doing what he’s doing.

And I kind of died on the inside from happiness. Bless him; don’t you wish all guys were this forward, ladies and gents?

She tries to deflect again, but Tyler isn’t with that whole thing anymore. He tells her to stop dancing around the subject, and then she kisses him! And it’s great! And these two! If you read my recap of characters, you all know that I love this couple more than anything, so yay! They’re kissing. And they decide to leave the party to get their sexy on somewhere else more private!

o o o

Damon is home. And he’s kind of in a daze when he enters his bedroom to find Elena with handfuls of his crazy walls. Is it weird that I wanted him to snatch it all from her, huddle in a corner, and say ‘mine!’ I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s what I do whenever I see people touching my walls of crazy. It’s the reason why my mother stopped cleaning my room when I was a teenager.

Elena is mad – she’s hurt that Damon made her feel like an idiot for having hope whenever she brought him a lead on Stefan. He tells her that she is an idiot. They both were. She demands to know what he knows – why didn’t he tell her he was tracking Klaus’ victims? Damon bursts out that it was because they aren’t Klaus’ victims, but Stefan’s. Elena starts booking plane tickets to De Nile, but Damon shuts that down quick – Evil!Stefan and evil and there is no getting around it! Stefan isn’t going to become white rice/mash potatoes boring again for a very long time. At least not in Elena’s lifetime. (Could this be the reason why she Turns? So that she can see Stefan become good again? If that’s the reason why, that would be ridiculous!) He leaves her crying in the middle of his room.

o o o

Matt and Jeremy are chowing down on that ice cream! High boys be hungry. Matt says he ‘better leave before Elena or Mr. Saltzman come home.’ Take a second to digest that sentence.

Matt takes the ice cream with him, but before he leaves he asks Jeremy again why he said Vicki’s name in the car. Jeremy buckles and lets Matt know that he’s been seeing dead girlfriends. Matt stares for a moment, but can’t seem to handle the fact that Jeremy might really be seeing his dead sister, so he tries to rationalize – sometimes he sees Vicki too. He misses her so much that he just imagines that he can see her. He tells Jeremy that there is a lot of creepy stuff going down in Mystic Falls, but ghosts can’t be one of them.

I get that he’s trying to find some sanity in all this, but if vampires, werewolves, witches, and Elena can all exist in this town, why the heck can’t ghosts? They are the MOST likely thing out of all of those mentioned above.

Jeremy isn’t buying it, but he smiles and nods anyway.

o o o

Ray is tied to a pool table, all bloodied and broken. He asks Klaus to let him go – he’s given the location of the wolf den, but Klaus says he’s not done with Ray just yet. He force feeds him his hybrid blood, and snaps his neck. Hm. I guess that’s how a hybrid is made. I thought it would be more… intricate? I don’t know.  I’m a drama queen.

Stefan shows up and asks Klaus if he’s surprised to see him. Klaus says not at all – he knew Stefan would come back. He cares for his family and friends after all. Stefan says he doesn’t care about anything or anyone at all anymore, but Klaus says he can’t fool him. He knows how much Stefan misses Elena and Damon, but with every drink of blood it will get easier and easier to forget them. Stefan says nothing.

o o o

Elena gets home to find Alaric moving out.

He says he’s not staying there anymore – he’s not a good role model. He drinks too much, he says the wrong things, and he encourages bad behavior. Basically, he’s not good for anything. And while I agree, it’s still pretty sad for Alaric to acknowledge it. He tells Elena that she’s eighteen now, and can handle all this stuff by herself. I sort of agree with him; on one hand he’s not helping her or Jere at all, but on the other hand Elena still needs help from someone. She could handle all this mess because she’s been dealing with it for nearly a year. It has nothing to do with age.

He couldn’t have left a day later, though? It’s her birthday.

0 o o

Caroline and Tyler have super powerful, supernatural, blurred sex!

It goes on for a few seconds too long. Why is The Vampire Diaries being so riskay all of a sudden?

o o o

Damon goes into Stefan’s room to smash everything!

The books!

All the candles!

That table!

Those knick knacks!

The guitar- OH NO! NOT THE GUITAR!! Whew! He spared the guitar. I was really worried, you guys!

o o o

Stefan stands in the parking lot of Southern Comfort. He calls Elena, but when she picks up, he doesn’t speak. She somehow gathers that the heavy breathing must be his and says if this is Stefan he’ll be okay and that she loves him, so he should hang on to that.

He doesn’t say anything still, but nods, and cries, and awwww. I don’t care about this couple at all, but that was so sweet! I watched it three times. And not only for the awesome Ron Pope song playing the background.

o o o

Caroline sneaks out of Tyler’s room in the dead of night, but runs into Mrs. Lockwood in the downstairs hall. She apologizes for being so loud during sex while Mrs. Lockwood looks at her really weirdly.

Caroline goes to grab her purse and- It burns her hand!

Oh no! It had vervain on it! OH NO!

OhMyGod! WHAT??

WORST WALK OF SHAME EVER!

o o o

Wow, you guys! That was so great! I have to say, I loved the momentum of this episode. From the start you can feel how weary everyone is, but it doesn’t matter if they’re tired or not. Crap is still going to happen. I really thought this was going to turn out to be one of those situations where I hyped up a season premiere in my head and was disappointed. But every scene just kept mounting, and mounting, until awesome spiraled and exploded. And I love, love, love the fact that everyone is on the same page now. There’s nothing more annoying than an oblivious character, amiright?

Questions!:

-Was the season 3 premiere all you thought it would be?

-Are you sick and tired of Damon being sick and tired?

-Did any of you suspect Matt was a pothead?

-How long before Jeremy loses his entire mind?

-What the hell was up with Damon’s hair??

-Did anyone else feel like they were watching Skins?

I made a twitter, you guys! Well, it was always around, but I never used it. But I’ve decided that if you guys want to, you can follow my tweets during the show, along with my random ramblings.

See you next week!