The Voice: Adam is Becoming an Adult!

James Massone vs. WADE

Cee-Loc calls WADE “my man” and I suppose that’s true, James has not hit puberty quite yet. He gives them the gift of singing “True Colors”, truly appropriate for two males that are younger than the actual song.

James is wigging out because he doesn’t know what to do with his umbilical cord while he’s singing. But don’t worry James, Nee-Yo is here to save the day! Nee-Yo says that James “has wings” and he “can really fly.” I think maybe Nee-Yo confused that luscious wavy hair for a lady’s hair and is trying to find a way to get back that headband.

Cee-Lo thinks that he is living inside of Wade. Someone needs to have a conversation with Cee-Lo. I’m getting concerned with his behavior; first the cat petting now the not knowing where he lives???

THEN he cries over the beauty of the song. If this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is!

Adam: Finally makes a concise statement for once and replies to Carson in less than 3 hours! Not his team, not his problem.

Blake: He’s proud of James already branding himself and jumping right on board that sell-out train!

Christina: James all the way! His headband is all that stands in the way of her making sweet sweet lady love to him.

Cee-Lo: Picks the person he decided to go High School Jacket twinsies with to the show: James.

I guess WADE wasn’t really “your man” now was he Cee-Lo?

 

Mathai vs. Nicole Galyon

The ladies have to sing “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles and Mathai just doesn’t understand how they are supposed to be paired together. They are so different!

How do you not understand how this works Mathai? This is entertainment, not rocket science.

Nicole works with Robin Thicke and he calls her voice “a cup of coffee on a veranda.” I think he’s projecting where he wants her to be tomorrow morning.

Nicole moves on to talk about how great Mathai is and how intimidating blah blah blah… Well now Mathai has to win because I don’t want to hear you having a conniption over every new opponent you will have in the future. GROW SOME BALLS NICOLE!!!

Mathai has been paired up with Alanis Morrisette and is way less of a pansy about it. She sounds like Model Erin, but good.

Adam takes away Nicole’s precious piano and Nicole practically pisses herself. But Mathai is happy because she knows that the piano contains all of Nicole’s power. Without her special secret power, Mathai will be able to defeat her and I will never have to hear Nicole whine about the competition ever again.

Well, Nicole was embarrassing so I’m pretty sure we’ll never have to see her again. Ever.

Blake: He tells Nicole that she needs to learn how to breathe. Really Nicole, that’s Life 101.

Christina: “You are it for me.” Xtina is not feeling chatty today.

Cee-Lo: He calls Nicole generic, which means that you pay less for her songs than name brand singers.

Adam: Super disappointed with everyone. He’s like a dad who wants his kids to reach for the stars and these kids didn’t get there. But he’s gotta pick at least one of them so he begrudgingly goes for Mathai, even though they both stink to high heaven.

How can you say no to this face???

Moses vs. The Line

They are singing a crazy version of Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones because Christina is trying to be like Cee-Lo. Plus she wanted to share her story about singing with Mick Jagger.

Moses works with Lionel Ritchie to help him prepare for battle. I can’t think of anyone better to help the kid with a rock and roll song, except maybe Yanni. Yanni would lead Moses down the path of rock and roll.

The Line works with Jewel, which is actually an appropriate pairing. Congratulations Christina, you did it!

Jewel calls them a “wedding band” because certainly that will calm their fears before they go into battle.

Cee-Lo: He says he likes Moses’s personality, so that means he finds him not sexually appealing.

Adam: He’s actually aligned his decision with the premise of the show, The Voice, and pick the better voice(s): The Line. Adam, you are really coming along! Progressing quite nicely in this program. You are at a record low for amount of time spend hemming and hawing.

Blake: Ditto Adam.

Christina: She defies the definition of the show and chooses Moses. The producers are going to have a talk with her.

Boy The Line was civil, but Girl The Line was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed! She is going to go shooting to take the edge off. Watch your head Christina, you’re wearing a hat that could be confused for a skeet…

 

Karla Davis vs. Orlando Napier

Orlando is not happy with the song choice of Rich Girl by Hall & Oates. He is so unhappy that Adam is willing to change it up for him, and I guess Carla too.

Now they are going to sing Easy Like Sunday Morning and everyone is happy again. Peace is restored in the kingdom!

Karla gets coached by Alanis and she almost passes out with excitement. Then she takes a victory lap around the piano for hitting a note. She’s leading what singing is!!

Orlando meets with Robin Thicke and sings on his tippy toes, like a little fairy. If he hits his high notes, he’ll finally get his wings!

Blake: Orlando is a better performer but their voices are almost the same.

Christina: Totally bored by the performance and won’t even make eye contact with the contestants when she tells them they suck. “I guess you win it Karla. It’s not as cool as MY crazy mix, but if I HAVE to pick one boring-ass person over another boring-ass person, I guess you were the less boring one. But don’t be fooled! I totally fell asleep. I was just waking up from my nap and that’s why I’m in such a crabby craberson mood right now. I mean it’s totally your fault that I’m in the mood, but whatever. You’re not going to be on my team.”

Cee-Lo: Loves Orlando and his inflections but didn’t even notice Karla. I think it was because she wasn’t wearing a pointy leotard and screeching into the microphone.

Adam: Karla is the winner because she was least boring and most improved. Not really the reason you want to be picked.

 

Jordan Rager vs. Naia Kete

Blake burdens gives them I’m Yours by Jason Mraz. He may as well hand it to Naia.

Jordan cannot do harmony and things are really looking bad for him. Why would Blake do this to his country brethren?

Blake brings in Miranda Lambert, to make Jordan feel better. But it turns out he’s having even more difficulty trying to hide his wood and sing at the same time.

Naia meets with Kelly Clarkson and couldn’t look like more of a hippie. But then she lies down on the floor and I realize it was just another talking rug.

When was the last time Naia washed her hair? I mean, it doesn’t really matter because I can’t smell her through the TV, but just curious…

Christina: She does not appreciate all the “liberties” Naia took with the song, but she still goes with her because Naia makes her look skinny whereas Jordan makes her look like a moo cow.

Cee-Lo: He picks Naia because he doesn’t see anyone else on the stage. People without boobs are invisible to Cee-Lo.

Adam: Ditto.

Blake: Both of them were disappointing but he went with Naia because she has some serious hair.

Interesting Fact: Naia comes from a whole family of dreads. So dreads ARE genetic.

 

Tony Vincent vs. Justin Hopkins

Both of these guys are awesome, and with their combined strength, they make him cry with their rendition of Faithfully by Journey.

Tony meets with Babyface and Babyface can’t figure out if he’s coaching a human or an alien being. But he goes with it, cuz he needs the check.

Justin meets with Nee-Yo for his coaching session. Nee-Yo thinks Justin has a lot of emotion, which means he thinks Justin is a pussy.

Adam: He goes with Justin after explaining his choice for 30 seconds! I am just so proud of Adam I am going to get him a Bar mitzvah cake! Mazel!

Blake: He thinks that Justin is the winner, even though Tony is interesting, Justin has hair.

Christina: Tony is the winner because he gives her the chills and he gives me the heebeejeebeez.

Cee-Lo: Do you really have to ask who Cee-Lo is going to pick? I’ll give you a clue: IT’S NEVER ANYONE NORMAL!

Still nothing?

TONY! Der!