The Voice: The Rise of Adele #2!

The results of your votes are in!

I should hope so; I put all those votes for Raelynn in there hours ago. God I hope she makes it! JK, I’m all in for Adele #2.

It turns out that Tony Lucca and Juliet Simms hit #1 in the itunes pop charts. They are an overnight sensation! But I can’t help but wonder if Tony’s downloads were really because people wanted to genuinely listen to him sing or because they were so pleased with the way Tony handed Christina’s ass back to her. I know I downloaded it on account of that wicked burn. Face!

There is some good news though, Florence and the Machine is performing!! She sings her new song “No Light” and it’s pretty great. Team Cee-Lo had the honor of performing with her, which means they hummed a little in the background, but at least they shared a stage right? They can put that in their resume when they apply for singing jobs in the future.

Before we find out who America saved from Adam’s team, we have to listen to Adam try to be funny for a while. He jokingly says that after eliminating Pip he got a bunch of hate mail and “several people tried to kill him.” I don’t think that was in regards to Pip.

Is Adele #2 wearing a wig? She does not look anything like the woman who started this competition.

Tony looks like a sleazy best man who’s trying to get with one of the sloppy drunk bridesmaids after the ceremony is over.

Mathai just looks like a precious flower.

Yup, Adele #2 is definitely wearing a wig.

America saved Tony Lucca! Man does America love watching Christina get her ass handed to her and I’m right there with them. I approve of America’s choice.

When Carson asks Cee-Lo to shares his feelings about the eliminations last night he just says in more words than necessary “mixed”. It must be really tough to be Carson Daly and get reasonable responses from these mimbos.

Cee-Lo’s team squishes up into a protective ball in preparation of the results. Maybe if they squish together tight enough, America will think they are all one person and nobody will get eliminated.

America saved Jamar Rogers and his mom is praising Jesus in the audience. That’s the way to win America over; with the sick card. America can’t resist making a sick child’s dreams come true. It makes America feel like a hero.

Christina Milian interviews the ones America saved and her hair is just majestic. It is this rippling mane of curls that don’t even seem real. Christina, did it hurt? When you fell from heaven you sexy bitch!

Moving on, it’s time for my precious flower. On no what has she done? She’s gone the way of Raelynn picking a country song that does not really fit on her at all.

Adam looks confused the entire time he’s singing. I honestly think she should only sing Corrine Bailey Rae songs.

Blake: “I’m glad to see her embracing her hillbilly side.” No notes about how the performance went, just his pleasure in turning America country one person at a time. Because isn’t this show really about the judges?

Christina: “I could feel the nerves in it.” I feel like whenever there’s a girl onstage, Christina always tries to put them beneath her somehow. It’s as if she thinks they are all trying to be her and she’s trying to demean them. Get over yourself Christina, no one is trying to squeeze into a pleather leotard when they’re well past their prime.

Cee-Lo: “I could really feel the aggression in the performance.” And I’m very turned on right now.

This is also very un-Adele-like.

Katrina sings “Perfect” which is very un-Adele-like of her.

Blake: “I know Tony got the vote from America, but Katrina’s the best singer on the team.” Take that Tony!

Christina: “Out of everyone on Adam’s team, I’m most excited to hear original material sung by you.” And once you get famous, we can share clothes and be twinsies!

Cee-Lo: “I commend you for that great performance.” How regal of you Cee-Lo.

Before we find out who Adam will save, because we have a lot of time to kill, we need to know who the other judges would save.

Blake: Katrina

Christina: Katrina

Cee-Lo: Mathai

Adam, do you want sweet little Mathai or Adele #2? Adam talks about his history with these two contestants, right from the first day he heard their voices and he realized that Mathai was attractive when he turned around and Katrina, not as attractive. Katrina blew his mind, because he thought she was going to get eliminated a looooong time ago. Nice.

20 minutes later: I gotta say, Katrina.

My little flower has been plucked from the group.

Now it’s time to trim back Cee-Lo’s team. Cheesa is leading off the “life-singing” with “Already Gone”. You can tell she’s really trying, but she’s not really getting all the notes. Although, she does sound a little like Cher. That’s a plus right?

Blake: “It’s hard to not get excited when Cheesa performs, but it was a little off-pitch.” Down boy.

Christina: “You were a hair under-pitch the whole time.” Ouch.

Adam: “I thought you nailed it yesterday.” Clearly someone is going home.

Juliet Simms sings a Natalie Imbruglia song and I’m blasted back to the 90’s. I haven’t heard Natalie Imbruglia since that elevator I was in last week.

Cee-Lo has zero expression on his face.

Blake: “You’re not like anyone else. That’s an acquired taste and I got it now.” Welcome to the party Blake!

Christina: “I’m waiting for you to do another Roxanne.” Let’s just have her sing Roxanne on loop for the rest of the competition. That will surely lead to her victory.

Who do the other coaches think Cee-Lo will pick?

Blake: Juliet

Christina: Juliet

I guess we aren’t hearing from Adam for once.

Cee-Lo: “Cheesa, you know I love you…But Juliet, your voice is like art imitating life.” Compliment??

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