He asks what she’s up to and she says nothing, which he doesn’t believe because he knows her Stepford ways. Mrs. Claus goes to the window and says, “Poor Jingle, poor Jangle,” and Santa’s like, yeah, I’m RIGHT HERE and can hear you, what the hell mess did you get those elves into? She’s like Santa, don’t ask and don’t tell, but they went into the world to find Christmas cheer.
You stupid bitch! I told you not to meddle in the family business!
Santa can’t believe Jingle, Jangle and little baby Vixen are out in the world on their own. He says they won’t even get past the Miser brothers and Mrs. Claus is like, “Oh f#ck, I totally forgot about them,” which seems ridiculous because honestly, how big is their neighborhood? And isn’t it gated?
Santa screams for Dasher and they take off to save the group trying to save Christmas while Mrs. Claus tells us about Heat Miser controlling the heat on the earth and Snow Miser making sure everything stays cold. Jingle and Jangle get right in the middle of them and get shot down over ‘Nam. Or Southtown, USA.
Hot and cold flashes, just like menopause.
The people in Southtown are very friendly as proved when a local police officer tickets the elves for riding a Vixen the wrong way down a one way street, crossing the white line (segregation is alive and well in Southtown) and wearing funny clothes on a Sunday. Oh the south and its tolerant ways.
The elves use their socks to hide Vixen’s ears so she looks more like a dog. They bump into a total prude and ask her if she believes in Santa Claus – not at her age, she says, and she’s OLD. She asks what their animal is and the elves tell Vixen to “bark for the lady.” The cat she’s using as a muff freaks and takes off down the street and it’s mayhem and foolishness in Southtown.
PETA is going to be pissed.
Santa meets the police officer who tells him about the ticket he wrote them and how Jingle and Jangle will get “what-for” from the judge. Santa’s worried Jingle, Jangle and Vixen are scared to death, which they are, as well as up in a tree. WTF? Rut-roh, Vixen’s not looking too good – and she has a slight fever. They put her under a tree to rest. Hope it’s not hunting season in Southtown.
The elves approach some children who clearly haven’t learned about stranger danger. Jingle and Jangle ask them about how they feel about Santa taking a holiday and they really don’t care, which I find hard to believe. Love him or leave him, the fatass does bring toys. I mean, duh!