The Year Without That Lazy Bastard Santa

Recaps

By DearCrabby | Sunday, December 30, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 11 Comments
Tagged: , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

Santa asks about his friends and Iggy says they went to the dog pound to get their dog.  “Good grief, Vixen!” Santa says.  Good grief? That’s a DIFFERENT Christmas show, Santa, no crossovers please.

Vixen is in prison crying and is a sick as well, a dog.  Santa runs outside and gets Dasher and he takes off into the air.  Then Iggy puts it together…”Mr. Klauuus…Mr. Claus!  He must be…” Well duh, who the hell else has flying reindeer, dumbass?  Iggy wishes there was something he could do to help Santa, the two elves and Vixen.  His father suggests going to the top dog, the big cheese, the head of the town, the MAYOR.  Is it Chicago’s Mayor Daley?  Because otherwise they won’t be able to get dick done.

The elves are headed over to the mayor’s office as well since the dog catcher won’t let their reindeer go.  Unfortunately, the mayor doesn’t believe Jingle and Jangle are elves or that they need to take their reindeer back to the North Pole.  They ask how they can convince the mayor their story is true and he says there’s a snowball’s chance in Southtown he’ll ever believe him.  He says if they can make it snow in Southtown and he’ll buy their story and give Santa an official national holiday (Christmas?  Oh, maybe that belongs to Jesus?).  Jangle says it’s a deal.  Because he’s the stupid one.

12-White fat cat in government Stupid white fat cat politician.  Everything old is new again.

Santa is at the pound getting Vixen release and the dog catcher is shocked that it’s a real reindeer.  Seems like removing the socks on the “dog’s” head would have given you a clue, but whatever.  Santa puts Vixen on Dasher’s back and they head back home.  She looks like she’s going to be venison jerky soon.

Jingle, Jangle and Iggy are all sitting on a park bench trying to figure out how to get Vixen out of the pound and how to make it snow in Southtown.  Out of absolutely no ideas, they decide to call a woman in to fix things.  Mrs. Claus!

13-Dude I'm sooo baked Dude, I am sooo baked.

Mr. Claus picks everyone up in the middle of the night and they head over to see Snow Miser.  Finally!  Snow Miser is protected by a bunch of little Snow Misers and he begins to sing his song, “I’m Mr. White Christmas, I’m Mr. Snow…I’m Mr. Icicle, I’m Mr. Ten Below…friends call me Snow Miser…whatever I touch, turns to snow in my clutch…I’m too much!”  How does he pee?

Now I personally became acquainted with Snow Miser when I lived in Chicago so although I love his song and dance, Heat Miser is really my favorite favorite.  Snow Miser asks Mrs. Claus how Santa is doing and she says he has a bad cold.  Snow Miser counters with “I would have given him a GOOD one.”  Oh, Snow.

14-Yes I lived in Chicago

This is why no one has nipples in Chicago.

Iggy steps forward and tells Snow Miser not to make fun of Santa who is now, “The nicest person in the whole world.”  Yeah, 10 minutes ago you didn’t believe in him.  Just wait until the Scientology truck rolls up in Southtown, all the kids will disappear if they are this easily swayed.

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A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

11 Comments

  1. 1
    Faye
    Posted December 20, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    I’m only on the first page and I cannot stop laughing. And if you notice Santa fat lazy ass did the same thing in Rudolph; he was stirring up the Rudolph is not good enough shit pot and I did not notice until I was older. I was mad at Santa for years after that and started a rumor in my book club that he was having an affair with Mother Nature and that Heat and Snow Miser was his bastard children.

  2. 2
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    I don’t think it’s funny to use a learning disabled elf as comic relief.

    I don’t know about this one. Heat Miser and Snow Miser surely rock, but I get bored with the rest of it. These were kind of like Empire, A New Hope, and Jedi. Rudolph is great. Year Without Santa is meh, and Rudolph’s Shiny New Year is best watched while your schwasted.

    For my money, it’s either the Grinch, or Santa Claus is Coming to Town. When those reindeer fly out of Bergermeister Meisterberger’s prison, I start hooting and hollering like when a hooker takes off her top.

  3. 3
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 21, 2010 at 5:00 am

    This was hilarious Dear Crabby. It was great entertainment while I waited for my date to get to dinner.

    Fortunately I already knew the Santa was a lazy bastard, so this movie just reassured what I already knew. My Mother never let me and my brother believe in Santa because she didn’t want “some other man” taking credit for all of my father’s hard work.

    Santa’s like that guy at work who when complimented on a job he didn’t do says “thanks, it was nothing”. You’re damn right it was nothing…because you weren’t here until 10 o’clock putting it together!!!

  4. 4
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 21, 2010 at 8:20 am

    “Santa hides under his covers like a Cymbalta commercial actor”

    Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

  5. 5
    Yanksfan24
    Posted December 21, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Thanks Dear Crabby!! I watched this movie a few days ago whilst filling out Christmas cards…I’ve had that damn Heat/Snow Miser songs stuck in my head for 3 days!!! And Santa is a lazy f-er! Happy Holidays y’all!

  6. 6
    Bioscotto
    Posted December 22, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Mother Nature is totally hitting the sauce hard in this movie! If you watch closely, she gets her sons mixed up when she tells them to do what Mrs. Claus wants! And everyone just pretends it didn’t happen, because, with global warming, what do you expect?

  7. 7
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Only on page one, but I’m convinced it’s because the doctor didn’t keep up with his literature. Isn’t that about the year they “discovered” (da da dum dun) male menopause. Yeah, that’s it. All he needed to do was jack him up with some hormones.

  8. 8
    crazy rooster
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I just took a break from ironing my towels to say thanks for the awesome recap.

  9. 9
    awfuleyebrow
    Posted December 31, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Thanks for the trip down Memory Lane, Crabby. I haven’t seen this one in years, but I always loved the Misers. I remember that one year, after having studied Genesis in a pompous highschool theology class attended exclusively by obnoxious teenage atheists like myself, I started thinking that this story may be loosely based on the tale of Sodom & Gemorrah. Jingle and Jangle being the investigatory angels to Ignatius’s role as Lot the righteous man who protects the angels from gang grape while offering up his daughters. Or you know, helps them free their reindeer from the dogcatcher. While Santa is the vengeful God who destroys all life on the Jordan river plain rather than fix a problem of his own making. Or you know, goes on strike against the children of the world because he feels underappreciated. What an asshole.

  10. 10
    Hatched One
    Posted December 31, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Dear Crabby – OMG!!!!! Where to begin? You captured this perfectly – my brother and I used to wonder about the peeing thing as well. All we could come up with was tiny ice cubes for Snow Miser; for Heat Miser – we had nothing. I guess we figured any liquid would evaporate in that much heat. As for the song, my brother and I memorized it – we still sing it to each other today and we’re in our early 50′s! (Ok, we’re weird). As for Mrs. Claus ironing towels, well, maybe she’s from the \Old Country\. When my grandmother came to visit, she would iron towels and sheets. When my dad lived at home, she used to iron his underwear! I shit you not. She was born in Paris, France in 1899, so we figured maybe that had something to do with it!

  11. 11
    Prairie Dawn Prairie Dawn
    Posted January 6, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    As someone from Chicago who has also wondered about the bathroom habits of claymation/cartoons. this recap was in a word PERFECT!

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