Snow Miser says he loves Santa because he’s the best advertisement for snow business. He asks what they need and Mrs. Claus says they need a snowstorm in Southtown. Snow Miser says that’s under the control of his brother who turns all snow it into rain or fog. Mrs. Claus says if she can get Heat Miser to agree, can it happen? Snow Miser’s like yeah, good luck with that hot head.
So, over at Heat Miser’s, the song is, “I’m Mr. Green Christmas, I’m Mr. Sun…I’m Mr. Heat Blister, I’m Mr. Hundred and one…friends call me Heat Miser…whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch…I’m too much!” How does he PEE?
Heat Miser isn’t so friendly because he feels like Santa advertises for Snow Miser making people think fondly of snow-related activities, like skidding on ice in a new car. Mrs. Claus asks if he can let it snow for one day in the south and he freaks out on her ass. “NEVER!”
Looks like me at 4:59:59 every Friday.
“Unless…there were something in it for me,” he says. Is Mrs. Claus going to have to put out? Jesus! No, he would like a piece of northern territory…and not just any piece of ass, he wants the NORTH POLE. Well, at least he has flair.
So they get Snow Miser on the hotline and through Skype they try to work out a deal but Snow and Heat keep arguing. Mrs. Claus explains the situation and Snow is really the jerk in this…he refuses to give up the North Pole. Come on, just for one day? They toss fire and ice back and forth and Revlon starts a ball.
Priori incantatum, Christmas-style!
Mrs. Claus is like screw the both of you morons, I’ve had better luck brokering peace in the Middle East, I’m going to see your mother…MOTHER NATURE! Just FYI, she’s separated from Father Time right now, so let’s not bring him up.
Now we know where everyone’s getting their pot.
Mother Nature sort of reminds me of a Golden Girl and luckily she knows her sons are jerks. She also has a bird’s nest in her hair. She points her finger and lightning bolts make both boys show up. Both Misers have huge heads and I wonder if they did when they were born because really, ouch.
Mother Nature demands that Snow Miser lets it be sunny and warm in the North Pole and that Heat Miser lets is snow in Southtown. Wait, this is all to prove to the dumbass Mayor Santa is real? Why not just leave him a lump of coal on Christmas and presents for everyone else. So much easier!
Heat and Snow say no way is this going to happen and Mother Nature shoots more lightning bolts to which they both answer, “Yes, mother dear.” She says she hopes Santa enjoys his holiday. Yeah, I’m still on he’s a jerk for taking the one day he has to work off.
Mother Nature’s way of telling them to shut the f#ck up.