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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
10:02 pm
47 Comments
Once again, I feel compelled to start my Apprentice recap by asking all the wonderful TV viewers out there “Why aren’t you watching this?” If your TV’s already set on 24, then I understand. But if you’re capable of watching one show live and taping/Tivoing another, you really owe it to yourself to check in on The Donald & Co. This season has been pure enjoyment so far, and last night’s episode, with it’s ridiculous levels of bickering and blaming, was wonderful. The Boardroom was a complete, divine mess — with fingers pointing left and right, and as always, the season’s two stars, Lenny and Brent, shone brightly. Well, Lenny more than Brent (he was busy noshing on towers of bagels and such). Seriously people. I know most of you are sick of Trump and his constant boasting, but this is great reality TV! Don’t let it die on us!!This week’s hour of insanity started with Brent and Michael returning from their particularly bitter Boardroom experience. For those of you who may have forgotten, Pepi and The Girl Who Cried Brent (Stacy) were both axed by Trump last week, and no one was more shocked than Team Synergy, who reacted as if half their team had just been wiped out in a vicious boating accident. “Happy Rosh Hashanah! L’Shanah Tovah, everybody!” Brent exclaimed upon returning to the suite. And for all you goys out there, that meant “Happy New Year! Happy New Year, everybody!”
Well, if this was Happy New Year, then someone just popped a champagne cork in Andrea’s eye. “NO!” the mini-Carolyn reacted. Either she really hated Rosh Hashanah or just couldn’t stand the sight of Brent. Andrea immediately stormed off to the bathroom where she cried, shooing off any unwanted knocks at the door. I personally didn’t know why she was acting so crazy. It’s not like she’d known Pepi or Stacy for very long. Still, it was like the second-coming of 9/11 in the suite. “It’s a really sad night. We lost two out of nine of our great team members,” Allie told us. Cut to Andrea chiseling away at her memorial sculpture for Pepi and Stacy. Okay, that didn’t happen, but Andrea was still crying in the bathroom. CRYING! If ever there was a time when I wanted to reach through the television, grab someone’s shoulders and shake them back to their senses, this was it.
Eventually, Andrea emerged from the bathroom determined to be Project Manager. She wanted to show that she could do the impossible and managed Brent. Not such an easy task, that is unless you’ve distracted him with a mighty bagel display. Yes, as Andrea babbled to us about being a leader, we found Brent prepareing a very special double-bagel sundae. Okay, it wasn’t a sundae, per se. There wasn’t any ice cream involved (at least as far as I could see). Basically, Brent had four bagel-halves stacked in a neat tower, ready for total consumption. I wonder if this is a thing with Brent. You know — stacking the food. I bet he makes little towers of cheeseburgers and filet mignons too. And I don’t even want to think about the structures he creates with marshmallows.
Meanwhile, over on Team Gold Rush, Lee and Dan gathered the group around for a special announcement: they’d be observing the Jewish New Year over the next two days, and therefore unable to participate in the task. Everyone seemed okay with this. That is, everyone but our favorite surly worker: the man, the myth, The Russian — Lenny! “This is f*ckin’ stupid,” he balked. You see, Lenny was Jewish too, but he wasn’t going to slack off for anyone, not even GOD!
“You going to get it blamed if we lose,” Lenny warned, but Lee and Dan didn’t back down, and Gold Rush moved ahead without them. The bad news: the team was down two heads. The good news: they were up two breasts. Theresa’s boobies were bigger than ever this episode, and she was ready to use them. Yes, as Lee and Dan headed off to synagogue the next morning, the rest of the gang met with Trump, and holy mammaries!! Theresa was positively bulging with silicon. Either that or she was breast feeding. That of course begs the question, what sort of thirsty beast was suckling from her teat?
“Boobs McGillicutty, at your service!”
Anyway, Carolyn was back by Trump’s side this week, but sadly, no George. You see, he was at Rosh Hashanah services also. Yay High Holidays! “That’s life,” Trump said. “You know, there’s nothing in life that’s fair. Like some people would say it’s unfair that Brent is here because Brent has been a complete disaster. You understand that, Brent?” I’ll concede that Brent’s been a disaster with all the tasks, but when it comes to building obelisks of bagels, he’s been nothing short of genius.
Well, this week’s product placement, I mean, task had the teams working for General Motors. They were to each throw a corporate retreat for some of the top Chevy dealer/owners in the region. Oh, and they’d also introduce the brand new 2007 Chevy Tahoe. The attendees would then be surveyed on three topics: how well the team spurred interaction, how well they encouraged “meeting the Tahoe,” and how well they motivated the dealers to actually sell the Tahoe. Whoever had the best evaluation would win. Fantabulous.
We then cut to commercial, and when we returned, Trump boomed his lesson of the week: “Plan B.” People are inflexible, he said. They need to have a Plan B. Okay, so whoever loses today will have an inflexible team member. Hmmm… inflexible. Who could that be? Probably not Lenny, right? He’s always such a pushover… Gosh, I’m really stumped.
Anyway, we headed into the War Room of Gold Rush where Theresa and her heaving bosom were serving as the Project Manager for this task. Everything seemed to be fairly hectic as ideas bounced around like unrestrained pinballs. Amidst the chaos, Tarek stood by an easel and tried to desperately wrangle the team together to agree on an event theme. Unfortunately, Theresa was moving a mile a minute as she offered up ideas of red carpets and other extravagant details. Was this a retreat or a movie premiere? Theresa’s crowning concept, however, was perhaps her most bizarre:
“Get me a horse and carriage!” she yelled out. I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? Horse and carriage? For a corporate retreat? Whatever happened to the glory days of doing trust falls and lumbering around ropes courses? Nevertheless, Theresa was dead-set on her horse and carriage. And she didn’t want just any horse and carriage. “I want stallions!” she commanded. I had a nagging feeling Theresa was acting out some childhood fantasy, not organizing a retreat. At the end of the day, all that really mattered was her getting those damn horses. When Tarek raised some concerns about a makeshift putting green, Theresa brushed him off, saying that they didn’t even need astroturf. After all, they would have HORSES, people! And all car dealers love horsies!!
Yes, Theresa had convinced herself that this was going to be a retreat for the ages. When Tarek again proposed that they come up with a theme, Theresa explained, “You know what? Ours is an experience of class.” Yes, the sort of class that only comes from a woman with preposterously large breast implants. And nothing says understated refinement like a random horse drawn carriage at Chevy retreat.
Hear ye, hear ye. Breasty Malone has the floor.
With all this chaos, it was only a matter of time before Lenny expressed total dismay. “Nobody know what’s going on!” he said in typically broken English. He noted that when it came to the retreat attendees, “They get booze, they get comedian, horse with the carriage.” Of course, in his thick accent, it sounded like he just said “Whores with the carriage,” which wouldn’t be totally beyond the realm of possibilities. Finally, Lenny concluded with a typically Lenny observation: “Theresa’s brain so small, she can’t even understand.” Awesome. Oh wait, one more! “I wish, you know, her brain was big enough her boobs.” Okay, a little shaky with the English there, but we know what you’re going for, big guy, and we like it.
And just to illustrate one last time how inept Theresa was as a Project Manager, the producers left us with the image of her asking Leslie, “Did you bring any mascara?” Leslie said no, but that’s okay. Theresa could always take a quick trip to the drug store on her horse-drawn carriage of idiocy!
Meanwhile, things were going much more smoothly at Team Synergy. Before any planning was done, Andrea wanted a theme, and soon the team agreed on “Nature Refined.” Everyone loved the idea, and as the team got to work, Andrea distracted Brent by heaping some busy work onto his lap. This way, he could feel like he was part of the team, but if he messed up, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. The strategy was a success, and Brent toiled away on his junk — that is, when he wasn’t picking at the buffet table or noshing away at lunch. Get it? He’s fat. So we get to see him eat a lot. Because that’s what fat people do. They eat and make problems for other people. Yay, stereotypes!
The next morning, Gold Rush arrived at their park to set up for the retreat. Lenny proudly executed his task as tent-master as he overlooked the various workers erecting the structure. “If you need muscles, you know, I’m here,” he joked, but the tired, grumpy workers just gave him a cold stare. Ouch. Tough crowd. Later, Lenny told us about all the work he was doing, saying he was putting together the stage and tent and this and that. “Lenny has to do the whole thing,” he said. Normally, I find the use of the third person to be highly obnoxious, but… hey, it’s Lenny. He’s the best.
Meanwhile, Tarek and Bryce struggled to create their makeshift golf course, or as I like to call it, the worst putting green EVER. At one point, Bill Rancic sauntered over to check out the progress, causing Tarek to say that the landscaping crew came in earlier and really did a great job. Bill then started to make some comment of disapproval, but he was stopped by Tarek who humbly admitted that he had just tried to make a lame joke. It was very awkward. Guess they don’t teach comedy at MENSA meetings.
A little later, Theresa frantically approached Lenny and alerted him that there were no generators. “That’s not my problem,” he said, completely dismissing his Project Manager. You see, as far as he was concerned, he was in charge of putting together the tent, not finding electricity for it. Duh! Luckily, Bryce bailed him out by procuring a generator — not that Lenny was thankful. The Russian merely brushed off the whole electricity thing, patronizing Bryce’s heroic efforts in the process. Lenny no care about generator! What is he, stupid??
Over at Synergy’s retreat, Andrea was happily serving as official shill for General Motors. “Our concept is nature refined,” she said, “because that’s exactly what a Chevy Tahoe is. It’s a luxurious experience as well as a rugged, outdoorsy adventure.” GM better give her a free car for that. Or at least a keychain. Anyway, Andrea’s event looked to be pretty fun. There was going to be a rock climbing wall, skeet shooting, and — uh, wait. Hold on a sec. Not so much on the skeet shooting. Turns out local park officials don’t like “guns” going off in “public places” near “children.” What a prude. So much for Andrea’s big seminar on chain saw juggling.
As we went to the commercial break, Andrea had a pained look on her face. That skeet shooting was going to be the cornerstone of this event! But when we returned from the break and as the dealers stepped off their charter bus, everyone was all smiles again at Synergy. Andrea swapped out skeet shooting for golfcart racing, an alternative that was probably more popular than the original idea. Sean only had high praise for his Project Manager. “The skeet shooting falls through; Andrea’s immediately thinking of the next plan,” he said. Hmmm… sounds almost like she had a Plan B! I wonder who’ll win this competition.
Yes, Andrea’s event was going off without a hitch. Everyone was loving the rock climbing, and when it came time to meet the Tahoe, Sean let the dealers take the car for a ride, peppering them with facts all along the way. Might as well just cut to the Boardroom. We don’t need to see anymore.
Of course, I’m glad we did get to see more because Gold Rush’s retreat was horrible. With twenty minutes until the guests arrived, Bryce was charged with teaching a bunch of show models (read: very dumb women) about the Tahoe. You just knew this would be a giant embarrassment.
Soon enough, the big charter bus arrived, and the dealers all walked off happily and into the arms of Theresa who was maniacally encouraging people to hop into her damn coach and horses. Yes, because after a long bus ride, who wants to stand around and stretch their legs? Giddyup!
As you can imagine, this horse-drawn-carriage conceit was a total fiasco. The dealers seemed to enjoy it mildly, but they seemed just as perplexed as Lenny. Theresa tried to add some sort of meaning to the entire experience, saying that horses were supposed to remind everyone on the origins of “horsepower.” Wow, so deep. At one point, Theresa even jogged alongside a carriage in an animated way that was both ridiculous and mortifying. Oh how I wished one of those horses might trample her.
“Honey, look. Mammary Fitzpatrick is running with us!”
Meanwhile, over at Tarek’s putting green of shame, the people were trying to look past the patchy grass and enjoy the simple sport of getting a ball into a hall. There were smiles all around, but Pebble Beach this was not. More like “Pebble Blech.”
Also in the odd department, everyone on Gold Rush was walking around in overly formal suits and ties. I know Theresa wanted this even to be classy, but wasn’t this a bit ridiculous? Who runs a putting green dressed in your finest suit?
As for the star of the event, the Chevy Tahoe, the models tried their best to provide information to the dealers, but in general, their most impressive facts and figures sounded something like “Um… Uh… I have to check on that.” Just about the only thing that could save this event was the free lunch and all the free booze. And hey, that’s more than enough for me. Unfortunately, the team had hired a comedian to entertain all the guests at lunch, and nothing spells buzzkill like an awful, awful comic. Yes, meet Corey Kahaney (I don’t even know the spelling, nor do I care). She started off promisingly (that’s putting it waaaaaay nicely), but soon spiraled out of control as she headed into hacky, tired material. There was not a laugh in the place, and the producers assembled a montage of angry, bored faces that may have been shot hours before Corey even took the stage. Either way, she was horrendous and a blight on humanity. She thankfully wrapped up her set, and Charmaine handed her a wad of cash to never been seen ever again.
Later, after the events, we then caught up with Lee and Dan, who were returning from Rosh Hashanah services. Oddly enough, the producers played Italian accordion music in the background, as if that was to somehow represent the spirit of the Jewish people. And let’s face it, if we Jews are known for anything, it’s our penchant for gondola rides through Venice.
Anyway, the teams all gathered together in the Boardroom to hear the results. Gold Rush was unsurprisingly slammed for their awful comedienne, their lack of product knowledge, and general lack of enthusiasm. Synergy, on the other had, received universal praise. “They nailed the Tahoe experience!” Bill read. And what an experience it is! Obviously, Synergy won, and for their reward, they were sent to Atlantis Marine World where they would be swimming with sharks. Why? Dunno. “They’re going to look at Brent and say ‘Wow,’” Trump said. He then added, “That’s because Brent is ‘uuuuuge.” Okay, he didn’t say that, but that’s what he was thinking, I’m sure.
Then just for fun, Trump asked Theresa who she might bring back to the Boardroom. She said without hesitation Lenny, which was understandable. He was completely stubborn and rude. But was he really why she lost the task? Hmmm…
Anyway, Synergy headed off to Lawngisland for their little maritime adventure, and to be honest, I hadn’t seen a team less enthused for a reward since, well, last week actually (remember, Gold Rush had the joy of fitting slackers with nice suits?).
As everyone prepared for their little date with the sharks, Brent became particularly nervous. “I had concerns that the sharks may look at me as shark bait because I’m fat,” he said. I’d like to see Brent in one of those Bally’s commercials. You know, where they ask people what their motivation is to lose weight. One person says “I want to fit into my old jeans.” Another says “I want to get back to the real me.” And then Brent says, “I don’t want to be eaten alive when I’m put in a shark tank.” Hey, whatever it takes, man.
Ultimately, all these shark fears were unwarranted since everyone was basically put in a special cage where they could be safe. That didn’t stop the instructor from screwing with the trembling team. “Who are the first victims, er, participants?” the guy asked. Oh you! You’re hilarious. Hey, I know this really great comedienne you should check out. Her name is Corey…
Back at the suite, Gold Rush was quickly devolving into a mess. While Tarek mashed up some tuna fish, he explained that Lenny wasn’t the reason why the team lost. It was Theresa. Meanwhile, in the dining room, Lenny and Theresa fought over why she told Trump that she’d take Lenny in. He claimed that she should bring in Lee and Dan for skipping out on the task. Then Lenny changed his mind and said the golf course was a disaster, and therefore Bryce and Tarek should go back to the Boardroom. Keep in mind we weren’t actually in the Boardroom yet. It was like a pre-show. Well, Bryce certainly didn’t like what Lenny was saying, especially after he had helped out with the generator. This caused Bryce to start shouting, even at Theresa, ultimately telling Lenny, “You failed, and I saved your ass!” The best part of all this, however, was Charmaine who tried to get a word in edgewise. “Lenny–” she started, but The Russian simply cut her off, saying, “Shut up. I don’t listen to you.” Oh, it was awesome.
It’s been a long day for Tits McShane.
Eventually, we finally made it to the Boardroom where Theresa immediately stated that Lenny and Tarek were to blame for the task. On top of that, she claimed that she was actually a good leader. “Leading Lenny is like pulling an elephant through a forest,” Theresa said. Does the elephant have fake breasts? Just wondering.
Tarek, however, had this to say about Theresa: “Theresa’s a good sergeant, but she’s not a good general.” Okay, does anyone else have any other whimsical phrases they’d like to use? So far, we’ve got elephants and sergeants. Anyone? Anyone?
Well, Theresa did not appreciate the sergeant comment, and she immediately got into a spat with the Orlando Bloom doppleganger. She accused him of having a terrible putting green, and he accused her of having no creative theme. Somehow in the middle of all this, Trump wound up saying to Theresa, “And you have great style. You know, I see the way you dress.” It was an odd comment, but even odder was her response.
“I DO have great style!”
Oy.
“I DO have huge breasts! Thank you!”
Later, Theresa then said that Tarek was the biggest disaster on the team. Huh. Funny how her attack line had changed. Well, Tarek certainly noticed, and he questioned why she didn’t mention his name the day before when Trump asked who’d she be taking to the Boardroom.
“Well, um, uh, huminah huminah huminah. Let’s talk about my style again!” Theresa said. Okay, not really. She simply began to flap her lips and say something dependably dumb. That’s about when Carolyn swooped in for like the fifth time to harp on how terrible the putting green was (she runs Donald’s golf courses. She’s a bit anal about these sort of things, I imagine.) Well, Tarek was sick of this no-good, blond-haired, non-MENSA bitch. “I can’t control the conditions of the field, CAROLYN!” he snapped back. And shockingly, Carolyn didn’t level him with her patented ice attack. Wow. I was already hiding under the pillow, lest the shrapnel of Carolyn bitch slapping Tarek came through the TV and pelted me.
Lenny then raised the whole Rosh Hashanah topic again, but Trump dismissed it, saying that Lenny could have taken off for the holidays too if he had wanted to. “What am I? Stupid?” The Russian replied, causing Trump to laugh so hard, his gleaming veneers shone brightly throughout the land.
Now, how about that comedienne? Whose fault was that, Trump wanted to know. Uh, that was wee Charmaine’s area. The perky Southerner revealed that she paid Corey a whopping $715 for her horrendous performance. What a waste of money. Trump then suggested that Lenny should have been the comedian. Hahaha, you’re funny, Mr. Trump. Oh wait, you’re serious? Yup, Trump was actually serious that Lenny should have been the entertainment. This Boardroom was getting more and more ridiculous by the second.
Ultimately, Theresa chose to bring Lenny and Tarek back with her, allowing Charmaine to walk away unscathed. While everyone waited in the lobby, Bill told Trump that Theresa was to blame, but Carolyn, well, she was all about booting Tarek. God, she’s such a golf course snob. Get over it, C-Dawg!
Well, when the trio returned, we were treated to more intense bickering, with Tarek accusing Theresa of constantly interrupting. Then, for once, Carolyn stopped harping on the putting green, and instead listed each and every aspect of the even that went wrong, finally saying, “Leadership, let’s be accountable.” Oooh! Dissed by Carolyn! That always stings!
And yet, Theresa remained steadfast that her leadership style was excellent. You see, a good leader delegates in her handbook, and it wasn’t her fault that everyone dropped the ball (apparently good leaders then don’t oversee the progress of their delegated work).
Asked to defend his putting green yet again, Tarek finally made a salient point. He said that the golf event may not have been quality, but it was a success still. Not even Carolyn could argue that because earlier in the show, she did admit that people seemed to be having fun at the putting green. So take THAT, Kepcher!
Trump then asked Lenny what he’d do with Theresa and Tarek. “Fire ‘em both,” Lenny said in his typical “I’d rather be smoking a cigarette right now” manner.
Trump then griped about the comedienne again, and then asked what the hell was going on with the spokesmodels who knew absolutely nothing about the car. Well, you see, Bryce was supposed to train them, Theresa explained, causing Bill Rancic to ask why the hell Bryce wasn’t in the Boardroom. Um… um… um…
And who was in charge of getting these spokesmodels anyway?
Charmaine!
Yes, that’s two things that Charmaine had royally screwed up, and meanwhile, she was up in the suite, perhaps enjoying one of Brent’s signature tower of bagels. Well, Trump was not very happy about that. There was only one thing that pissed him off even more. “Who’s idea was the horse and buggy?” Trump asked. YES! FINALLY he addresses it!
“Actually, it was mine to try and do something–” Theresa started, but The Donald quickly cut her off.
“I HATE IT!” he snapped. Cut to me in my living room laughing and pointing at the TV screen.
Well, between the event being a disaster, the horse-drawn-carriage, and her choice to keep Charmaine out of the Boardroom, Trump did the inevitable and fired Theresa. It really wasn’t a shock, but that’s okay. What it lacked in suspense it more than made up for in pure entertainment value.
As the candidates filed out of the Boardroom, Tarek said, “I’ll step it up, Mr. Trump.”
“You better step it up… if you can!” Trump replied. Oooh! Random zing at the end there! God, I love this show.
After all the insanity of the Boardroom, somehow Tarek and Lenny and Theresa departed on polite, mature terms as both men shook Theresa’s hand and wished her luck. Who would have thought? Well, it was fun knowing you, Theresa. I’m sure we’ll be seeing you in Maxim quite soon. All the best.
What did you think about this episode? Was Trump right to fire Theresa? And what do you think of Lenny? Love him or hate him?
47 Comments
Lenny is so cool. He doesn’t back down from anyone. He has that cold-blooded Russian crime lord vibe going on.
I can’t wait for him to be the project manager. That should be entertaining.
Obviously, Lenny will be gone in a few weeks…I give it 3 max.
On another note, Bryce is the shiznit and should probably win…if his corpse doesn’t show up floating in the Hudson with a bullet through the forehead. Does Lenny strike anyone else as that type???
Oh yeah, I also COMPLETELY loved it when Lenny said of Theresa, “I wish her brain was as big as her boobs.” I don’t! She certainly wouldn’t have been as entertaining if that were the case…
It was clear that Gold Rush was heading straight down the tubes when they said, “What’s our theme?” and start planning one, and then we see Theresa on the other team holler out, “I want a horse and carriage!!!”
I hope they keep Lenny and Brent around a little while longer for comic relief. They drive the rest of them absolutely batty!
When, oh when is Brent going to be Project Manager? If his team wants him gone so bad, put him in charge of it.
Frankly though, they’re pissing me off with their attitude towards him. Brent may not be apprentice material, but honestly he’s never been given a chance and has been shot down from the start. They just don’t like him, and it’s ugly the way they’re twisting every little thing into making him the Worst Person Ever.
Ah, just found this…
http://www.corykahaney.com
She’s probably a fine comedian, but she was the wrong comedian in the wrong venue for the wrong audience with some brutal editing.
Damn, I feel for her. “Oh, an appearance on The Apprentice. That can only help my career.” Ouch.
Re: Cory Kahaney –
apparently she was a top 5 finalist on Last Comic Standing. I never actually watched that show, so sadly, I missed out on this Reality Show crossover experience.
B-Side,
Two “day after” recaps in a row, that crack pipe is going to be tough to let go…
This whole cast just sucks in terms of brilliance. Lenny is definitely my fave as he is just a pure, cold-hearted s.o.b. and a reality TV superstar. As intelligent and financially successful as each of these people may be, when it comes time to be a PM and their team loses they for the most part are lead by their emotions. They always drag in the people that pissed them off who weren’t the cause of their defeat. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That’s why the majority of PM’s get the axe. Keep the freakin emotions in check you ididots.
I’m another Lenny fan, he just doesn’t let himself get pushed around by all the overly arrogant A type personalities. You can see that Trump likes him too. I loved it when Theresa & Tarek were bickering in the boardroom and Trump asked Lenny what he should do and Lenny told him to fire them both. Trump just said “Maybe I should” and they both started laughing. Trump definitely sees something worthwhile in Lenny. If Lenny doesn’t become the next Apprentice maybe Trump will hire him as his evil Director of HR for his corporation.
After the show I was telling my hubby, I’m surprised Brent didn’t watch this and sue the network for discrimination or something. I mean, come on, every time they show him he’s eating, Trump said that comment when he told them about swimming with the sharks, then someone said “He’s almost as big as Brent” while looking at the sharks, while Brent’s RIGHT THERE! That’s just rude! I’m surprised the show’s not taking on more flak for this.
Didn’t they pay that horrible comedienne $1700 instead of $715?
And I can’t believe Tarek didn’t emphasize more the fact that Theresa kept shooting him down on the whole “astroturf” idea. It’s HER fault his putting green sucked!
Lenny scares me. That whole “Russian mob boss vibe” is absolutely right!
Next week should be interesting!
Sometimes I think Lenny just doesn’t care. I think he’s on the show just for the ride, knowing full well he’s not gonna make it.
Gotta love those backhanded comments towards Brent, hoping the sharks would eat him. And that was just after WINNING a task!
Yes, theresa provided some darn good entertainment. That yellow/gold outfit couldn’t be any tighter. Mmmmm.
The beginning 3 minutes of this episode was really odd, since it started during the end credits of Deal or no Deal. It was all too much like a “Previously…on the Apprentice..” to watch space cadet Andrea do her thing.
I’ll miss Theresa’s “terms of endowment”. Guess I’ll wait for the Maxim issue.
The next ep better be good with the increasing-font size “WAY” preview. Hahha. Brent better blow up real good.
(additional thoughts)
Theresa looks like Heather Graham, that is, if Heather Graham ever aged.
Okay, now I remember where I’ve seen Cory Kahaney before: Tough Crowd(another fave show). I have no idea why she suddenly went into “triumph the insult comic” mode though at the event. But, wow, she bombed bigtime.
khirth, I think you are right. The “comedienne” did get $1,700. While her routine may be moderately funny in a dark club when everyone has three drinks in them and have been warmed up by a few other comics, in the light of day at a corporate event it was a horror show. B-Side, that recap was awesome, and I agree that this season has thus far been reality TV gold. The show is much better when you have an abundance of nutjobs and incompetents, as opposed to people that are boringly agreeable and competent.
I am also happy you gave Theresa’s massive funbags the attention they deserved. Wow! They had been so well-hidden in business suits before this episode, who knew? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rack like that more than 20′ from a stripper pole before. Gold Rush probably couldn’t come up with a theme for the event because they were either hypnotized or distracted by that immense bosom. I know I had trouble focusing on anything else anytime she was on screen. According to her bio she is a licensed psychotherapist of some sort. I love that it never occurred to her, Mensa boy or anyone else on the team that firing live rounds in a public park might be frowned upon. Favorite moment was definitely Theresa running alongside the horse and carriage to try to explain to the dealers what the hell was going on.
I also think they paid her $1700.00 I did watch her on Last Comic Standing – and never liked her.
This was a great re-cap…laughed sooo hard!
I do like Lenny but am tired of the Tarek beatings…I mean come on – he wasn’t even remotely responsible for this loss. I think he will be around for a while.
When Theresa was running by the horse and buggy…I was cracking up!
This is the best Apprentice so far…and I am even starting to like Trump…thanks!
Correction from #13, it was Synergy that thought staging skeet shooting in a public park wouldn’t be a problem, not Gold Rush. Still hilarious.
I watched Cory on Last Comic Standing too, so as soon as I heard the name of the comedian I was like “Oh-no”! I knew her material would be totally inappropriate for a corporate event. Theresa was SO stupid for not taking Charmaine to the boardroom. She WAS responsible for two of the biggest fuck ups of the event! She sealed her own fate by taking the people she had personal issues in, instead of professional ones. I did enjoy the recap a lot B-side. Theresa almost made it too easy for you by wearing that sweater, but the eyes of the world were definitely on her that day. I too am now looking forward to Brent’s big spaz-out episode next week. I was gonna stop watching the show this season, but now I can’t!
1) Too bad Russ Meyers died — Theresa could have had a great career.
2) I’m sure there’s no music Jews love and identify with more than the music of ROME. What’s that big place there again? Oh yeah … Vatican City.
I really hate what they did to Brent in that episode. I’m not exceptionally sympathetic to fat people, just that he’s done nothing to deserve such a cruel edit. Trump calling him a disaster in front of everyone, only will make them feel they have every right to dump on him more. Not to mention showing every time he ate, keeping in the slurping/chewing noises, showing him setting garbage cans, the heavy focus he got during the shark “reward” (including the same mean joke twice from that English douchebag and the annoying perky blonde) was soooo heavy-handed and just uncalled for.
He got a great edit last week, and really I haven’t seen evidence that he’s a disaster. Just that he’s not attractive, a bit weird, and the cool kids bully him and he stands up for himself. I resent that the editors seem to feel that the viewers are just as nasty. I will be more than happy to trash Brent, but only when he’s done something to deserve it.
Skeet-shooting and golf-cart racing were horrible ideas. Carolyn did not look to be impressed – you just don’t mess with golf. But yeah, that horse and buggy thing was just insane.
And Lenny is so staggeringly awesome, it blows my mind.
#10 khirth – Ah, yes. The last acceptable discrimination…being fat. It is still okay to make fat jokes and say hurtful remarks publicly without any repercussions from society. A lot of people feel justified in their attitudes since all fat people have to do is stop eating. If it was that easy we would all be thin.
Then again, this is the place to come and be snarky to all. Equal opportunity offending. Big boobs, smart aleck Russians, Jews, fat people…all in one episode. I love it!!
Brent is being setup like Chris was from the 3rd season, Maria(2nd season) or Amarosa from the 1st season. Every reality show needs an antagonist. The Apprentice is no stranger to making huge deals out of trivial descisions/shots/scenes. You know they are trying to setup somebody when the producers play the cute “dopey” music. They went a bit overboard with not 1 but 2 shots of Brent eating.
Well, The Apprentice is at the top of my reality show list along with The Amazing Race. Just a few comments: Where did Theresa’s boobs come from? Did they sprout up over a week’s time? I do not remember them being that big last week. LOL !!
I think Bryce is a big bully with a short temper.
LOVE LENNY !!! Especially when he told The Donald to FIRE THEM BOTH !!
Cory Kahaney (?) was on the Last Comic Standing and as soon as I heard her name on the show, I knew it was going to be “blue” humor and not all that funny.
What is up with the rewards this time? Are they really lame? Swimming with sharks was more like a punishment than a reward.
Great recap…thanks.
You’re right, B-Side, this truly was reality TV at its best (or worst, the two can be used simultaneously).
First off, Andrea just made a fool of herself crying and having a hissy fit over the whole thing. She won the task, not because she “managed Brent”, but because I think he toned it down after his near death experience last episode, and also in great part, due to the ineptness of Gold Rush’s task.
And to them… where do I even begin! That was such a disaster, with the funniest part being that Theresa never did “get it” (as far as her accountability for the disaster) in the closing scenes. I find it really remarkable that I would want to defend Tarek, but he really did make the best out of a bad decision, Theresa had no clue how to pull together a “big picture concept” with her horse-and-buggy fiasco. After all, Tarek did try on more than one occasion to rally the troops.. he could only be as creative as his boss allowed, and Theresa was clearly sabotaging her own team’s success with her small-mindedness.
On Lenny, my feelings are mixed. He is endlessly amusing with his straightforward comments. But he’s so DUMB, too. He’s not even trying to make allies or think ahead of the game. Far from being the Machiavellian warrior I thought he might shape up to be, he’s kind of just a stubborn and snide guy with no filter between brain and mouth. I have a feeling he could have easily gotten Tarek and other outcast teammates (like the two observing the Jewish holidays) to gang up against Theresa’s glaring incompetancy, but he chose to burn his bridges and give everyone the symbolic finger instead. He probably won’t last long, but no doubt he won’t go down without a fight, and I look forward to the laughs that will result.
In previous weeks, I’ve said ‘Lenny rocks’ and what not but now I officially love the man! He spoke what I was thinking when seeing Theresa and her breastesses sticking way beyond her skinny frame.
And poor Brent… The whole episode, all they showed was him eating. Oh and when he SLURPED his Coca-Cola, it was so loud! OMG. Awesome. But I did not like at the reward, when Allie (blonde bobblehead bitch) went “We hope the shark likes Brent… we’d like to be rid of him.”. That’s some fucked up shit to say! Can’t wait to see you screw up and get fired for it. Asshead.
“Boobs McGillicutty, at your service!”
“Honey, look. Mammary Fitzpatrick is running with us!”
It’s been a long day for Tits McShane.
I want you to know that when I read all those, I actually had to get up and walk away from my desk. That is hilarious!!! Lenny is the best. He’s funny as hell.
Oh yeah, forgot to say : This season of the Apprentice is kicking some ass. It is very good. Last season was great but this one is shaping up to be even better. Haven’t heard anything on the ratings though.
#20, I guess my problem is I just can’t enjoy Brent being the antagonist, when so far all we’ve seen is him getting bullied and berated. It’s just not fun.
Oh yeah, and Bryce sucks. Committed the fatal Apprentice error of letting it become personal and going after the wrong person. Anyone on Gold Rush that was blaming anyone but Theresa (or Charmaine) ain’t going far. After a dismal start, Tarek is looking much stronger.
Theresa’s giant boobs scared me…I thought she was going to smother someone with them. Turtlenecks are a definite NO for us full-figured gals!
So, if this week was Rosh Hoshanah then are Lee and Dan going to take off for Yom Kippur also? Or will Lenny kill them in their sleep first? Just wondering.
What was Brent’s job this week anyway? I only saw him put out garbage cans & he didn’t do that well. He may either be the smartest person on the show or the dumbest-he now put himself in a position where he’s getting piddly jobs to keep out of everyone’s way. The team could keep winning which would mean he could be securing himself at least until the teams have to be split again. Or he is just the town idiot & he’ll become PM then get fired.
Lenny-still love ya, but a little upset with the hating on the boys for taking the religious holiday. That’s what an asshole boss does, not an “Apprentice”-worthy one.
B-side, I agree, this is the best season since the original. Don’t mess with what works-Amazing Race figured that out too.
Lenny is pure entertainment. Of course he’ll never get to the end.
I have to agree about all the Brent-bashing. There’s no way anyone, even TRUMP would get away with such blatant discrimination of any other sort. So much for diversity training.
“Are any of you from the south?..oh..you’re from the south?..well it’s no secret people from the south are not too bright”
Yeah baby..insult the clients! SWEET!
If only Weight Watchers was one of the corporations the teams had to impress. It’d be funny to see what the Trumpmeister has to say about them. Could he supress “UUUGGE”?
I love all the shots of Brent just eating and they play that goofy music. I don’t know why its so funny?
Serious boobage on that chest, I had a hankering for some milk!
KH
Probably the stupidest “challenge” in the history of Apprenti episodes. You mean to tell me that chevy dealers don’t have any idea about next years model? Friggin ridiculous. All you need do is look at any car magazine for that kind of info. Stupid.
1700 dollars for the “comedienne” she wasn’t worth 17 bucks. If that is all she has, she needs to look into a change of profession. Perhaps a mortition or a speed bump or something.
I too wish the “pick on the fat strange guy” would wind down a little. It is too obvious and predictable. Of course all the prisses are going to pick on him. Why don’t they pick on the british fish face? He looks like a mix between a child molester/mad scientist and nemo the fish. He is creepy.
Finally, why is Carolyn on this show anyways? I realize her and trump probably have a “special” friendship and all but I am so tired of her acting like some mogul of the buisness world. Running a golf course? Wow! What a talent.
Thanks Bside for a great recap!!!
Personally when I eat I make my mashed potatoes into a big volcano with the gravy the lava. Then I pierce the side and watch a huge lava flow destroy the pea village with the helpless villagers burning alive. Then I eat them all.
I can’t imagine Bill Rancic getting any respect from any contestant. The mans only qualifications is he won the game show. At least Carolyn and George are successful business people. Rancic is a clown. And watching him try to drum up fake outrage in the boardroom. Oy gevalt!
Lenny hates quitters just as much as he hates using indefinite articles.
I’m bummed I haven’t been able to watch this season – yes, I can watch a different channel at 9pm as I Tivo 24, but unfortunately for me that’s when I’m “wrapping up” my evening and heading to bed by 10.
Darn it, darn it – reading these recaps really makes me wish I could catch an entire episode.
Thanks for the great laugh, though. I can’t believe that chick ran along side the horse and carriage!
Boooobs!
Cut to Theresa’s new agent madly calling the mags for a “girls of” spread:
- Maxim
- FHM, or (gasp)
- Playboy
Great recap B!
BTW: Lenny was riding boob.
I have mixed feelings about Lenny. I love his F-you attitude for the most part, but I thought Tits McShane was an idiot for not bringing his “not my problem” comment into the boardroom. I don’t care what business you’re in, you just don’t say that! I can’t envision the Donald letting that one go, either.
Also, did anyone else notice that yummy Bill was looking a bit sickly in this episode? I think he needs a day off.
This was the funniest episode of the Apprentice I’ve seen in a long time. The laughter started when Brent was making his tower of bagels and it didn’t end until Theresa and Trump exchanged compliments on each other’s “style.” I knew Gold Rush was going down when Theresa started talking about the horse and carriage. Why didn’t any of the other teammates, especially the MENSA genius, ask her what the horse and carriage have to do with the Tahoe? And as for the alleged comedian, shouldn’t she have sensed that erection jokes weren’t appropriate for a corporate retreat? It seemed like something the producers set up, but it was hilarious all the same. Finally, for all the build up that the Lee and Dan’s observing the Jewish holiday vs. Lenny wanting to stay and work, it was pretty anti-climatic but it was funny to see Lenny’s take on it all the same. B-side’s take on it was perfect (as usual): You see, Lenny was Jewish too, but he wasn’t going to slack off for anyone, not even GOD!
When Lenny is project manager, his motivational speech to his team will be, “You lose, and I kill you all.”
Just so everyone without Tivo but still with cable knows, they repeat it on CNBC every once in awhile at 8pm EST
Brent is a disaster – I was very impressed that Andrea not only won the task, but she also did what she set out to do…basically prove that Brent could be managed. Big ups to Andrea.
DelRay/#39 – do you know if that’s just on the east coast? If it’s on the west coast, I could actually Tivo it because that would be 5pm our time. Thanks.
I still haven’t seen evidence that Brent is difficult to manage. The problem last week was Stacy. That bitch needed to be managed, not Brent. The only thing Andrea did was send Brent off to ride the metaphorical blimp, which is not the same as “managing” someone at all.
She did seem solid, though I wasn’t overly impressed with their event. But it’s hard to tell really when the other team failed so spectacularly.
Brent is a disaster and there must be more of him that we are not seeing for Trump to call someone out like that after only a couple of challenges. He may be overweight but that isn’t why he is pathetic. Fat or thin, anybody who slurps a soda like that has got to go.
I also do not get why certain aspects are NEVER brought up in the boardroom such as Tarek’s astro-turf. He asked for it and knew he needed it; but was denied. The shoddy outcome was not truly his fault. I also do not think they made a “putting” green — I think it was a “chipping” green. Are there no other golfers here? Poor Tarek (whom I loathed after week #1) wasn’t at fault here.
A horse & buggy? Didn’t this get someone else fired last season? Word of advice for any FUTURE Apprentice candidate: stay away from both horses and carriages. They are NOT Trump’s thing.
The comic was a disaster of Brent-scale proportions. Uh . . . hello!? And I am pretty certain they paid her $1700 too. For the person who posted that she needed to change professions, why? Sure she sucked; but she still got $1700 for a few lousy minutes of her time!!! She didn’t even have to do her job in order to get paid. Why isn’t she a contestant on this show?
As for the reward — lame-ass. That’s my reward?!?
Andrea’s crying in the “bathroom” (I think that would be called a stall anywhere else in the world). Get over it. I like how she came out and said “it was only a minute.” Not quite, but we can go by her clock if she wishes.
Now back to Brent. I don’t think all of these people would be this passionately against him if he was only as lousy as we have seen him. I believe there is more to it. Perhaps we only see him eating during the brainstorming sessions because he is the ONLY one doing it. Why work and offer some advice when you can eat FREE food? Brent is an ass. Did you hear his contribution to the event this week? He, again, wanted to offer massages. That is Brent’s only idea — EVER.
#33 livemusic: I’m not sure about West Coast, but you may want to just do a search for title record based on “the apprentice”… because here on the East Coast with most cable co’s… they are rerun on MSNBC, not NBC (and the times will depend on your company).
TW: It’s good to see you again, fellow obsessed with LOST buddy! We agree on a lot of things with 2 shows, apparently. To whoever said “Brent is either the smartest contestant or the dumbest”, I think I have an answer for you…
I agree they are really beating the dead horse of “make fun of the fatso”, but I think Brent is incompetant in many ways not related to his weight. In real life, he’s probably very hard to deal with.
PS: TW, yay, gearing up for 3 weeks in a row of new LOST episodes yet?
Pandora — can we please have 4? Yes, I am so ready.
You can also go to http://www.tvguide.com and do a search for “Apprentice.” It will show you reruns.