Fighting To The End

The Apprentice

By B-Side | Thursday, May 19, 2005 | 3:12 pm | 52 Comments


carolyn_boxes1 carolyn_boxes2

So in all the excitement that was Survivor‘s finale weekend, I sort of forgot about lil’ ole Apprentice, but that’s okay. It’s not like anyone was fired (or hired, as it were). Yes, in grand NBC tradition, this so-called “Finale” has been stretched over two episodes, which means the really good stuff won’t be on the air until tonight. That’s not to say last week’s show was without merit. There were plenty of enjoyable moments as the two finalists struggled to keep their event running smoothly, particularly a dejected Governor Pataki strolling around awkwardly without a flag. But who will win this whole shebang? My money’s on Kendra for now. Let’s take a look back, shall we?The episode began with Kendra facing a dire dilemma. If she couldn’t spruce up the gaming area in Webster Hall’s basement, Playstation would pull out as a sponsor. Yes, I’m sure Playstation would gladly turn down the nationwide marketing platform The Apprentice offered them. Whatever, I’ll humor this silly notion for the sake of entertainment.

Needless to say, Kendra quickly put Michael Tarshi in charge of the Beautification Club, ordering him to “Make it look nice.” A little vague, yes? And with Tarshi at the helm, I feared Kendra would return to the basement three hours later to find it covered in black leather with dildos hanging from the ceiling.

Meanwhile, over at Chelsea Piers, Tana was doing some delegating of her own. She assigned Kristen, resident rocket scientist, the task of creating a brochure to be handed out to the athletes and attendees. This was a very integral element to the event, as the brochure featured the all-important itinerary and schedule for the sporting exhibitions. Surely Kristen, the genius behind the semen-themed Dove commercial, would have the creative facilities to take on such an important task. Oh, who am I kidding? The only thing this woman should be put in charge of is scaring away bums and ne’erdowells with her Halloween-caliber face.

Anyway, after all this brochure business was well established for a later disaster, we then cut to Chris maniacally running down the track with as evil a cackle as one can have. “I FIND RUNNING TO BE VERY AMUSING! MY LAUGHTER INDICATES MY STATE OF JOY!”

Well, Chris finally calmed down and got to work hanging some banners up with our old friend Brian, the former magician turned idiot. The two guys faced an immediate setback when they discovered the piping used to hang the banners was simply not long enough for the endeavor. That’s okay, said Brian. Just let the corner of the banner flap over. “Good enough for government work,” Brian rationalized. Yes, I’m sure that will really help Tana. “Mr. Trump, I should be your apprentice because my event felt was as efficient, friendly, and stimulating as the DMV.”

Soon, this banner fiasco turned into an all out brawl as nosy Kristen arrived on the scene. “Here comes Kristen. She’s such a spaz, dude,” said Chris, adding, “SHE’S QUITE ERRATIC AND UNRESTRAINED WITH HER EMOTIONS! I DO NOT ENJOY HER HOSTILE VERBAGE!”

It just so happened that Chris was right about this, and sure enough, Kristen became a spaz about the banners — a point that she too happened to be right about as well. Finally, Tana had to come in and regulate, which she didn’t seem to do very well. Was she going to lose this over the banners?

The next morning, we were oddly shown footage of wild boars rooting around the suite bedrooms. Oh wait, those two hirsute creatures were just Brian and Chris lying in bed (not together… gross) with their shirts off. That’s right: WITH THEIR SHIRTS OFF! Talk about unsettling images. The only thing worse would have been if Trump stumbled in wearing a banana hammock. Ew. Now I’m thinking about Trump without a shirt on. How does Melania deal? Oh that’s right, the billions of dollars.


brian_sleeps chris_sleps

Two ways to lose your appetite.

Anyway, Tana woke up her workers at 6 AM, but like grumpy children, they simply curled up in their beds and moaned. Finally, Chris leveled with her: “Everyone’s tired. Don’t get pissed off.” He then added, “DO NOT GET PISSED OFF! I WILL BEAT YOU, WOMAN! I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN! AND THAT IS A FFFFACT!”

After this morning madness, we then moved back to Kendra’s team which seemed to be working nicely together. Playstation’s rep, Aimee, returned to see if the basement gaming area had improved. Well, according to NBC it had (chimes twinkled on the soundtrack as if to say “Ah! The fairest basement in all the kingdom!”) Aimee, however, didn’t seem totally won over. “I think it’s great presence for us down here, don’t you think?” said one happy exec. Aimee replied with a terse, “We’re getting there.” What’s the dealio, Aimee? Why you got to hate? This was a Michael Tarshi special!

Random story: I went to the E3 Conference at the Los Angeles Convention Center today, and while I certainly took my time playing video games, I must admit that a part of me really wanted to run into Aimee at the Playstation booth. Sadly, the only recognizable faces I saw were Blair from Road Rules, Michael Chiklis, and Gary Coleman — a dynamic trio, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, back to Apprentice. As Tana’s event approached (it started at 11 AM), things began to spiral out of control. Anytime anyone asked her about something, she’d respond with “I’m taking care of Governor Pataki and Bruce Jenner.” In fact, she mentioned Bruce Jenner so many times I was surprised she didn’t have a little shrine to the Olympian in her bedroom. Hey Tana, if you love Bruce Jenner so much, why don’t you marry him? Or sell him some mascara?? Meanwhile, Tana’s obsession with Bruce Jenner was most likely the only thing keeping her going. “I had to depend on these three idiots to help me,” she told us in an interview. Wow. That was remarkably bitter. I thought Tana was supposed to be sweet and perky. She then said “I am perky. I’m a perky BITCH. Now get out of my way! I need to bedazzle something before I draw blood!”

Chaos continued to descend on Tana’s event, especially once Pataki arrived. His wiseguy handler, appropriately named Vinnie, popped up and told Tana that His Majesty, Sir George Pataki had arrived and now was waiting around with nothing to do. Vinnie then grabbed Tana by the collar and seethed “Don’t make me ruin that pretty little face of yours. The Pataki waits for NO ONE! Oh, and while I’m being a stereotypical Italian-American, I might as well say: fuggedaboutit!”

vinnie
(My Cousin) Vinnie’s GIGANTIC cowlick.

With all this mounting stress, Tana seemed disoriented, to say the least. “They weren’t saying ‘You’ve got beautiful blue eyes,’ or ‘Where can I get a tube of lipstick.’ Has anybody got a compliment?” NO. Your shoddy comparison to the world of Mary Kay deserves nothing but scorn. Thing unlikely to happen: Donald Trump stopping contract negotiations and asking, “Tana, what’s a good, long-lasting lipstick for Melania? Might I buy some from you?”

Well, as Pataki waited and waited and as Vinnie became surlier and surlier, Tana found herself in an even deeper pool of shit. Turns out the much-hyped brochure had come out, and brilliant copyeditor Kristen had printed verbatim gossip about the athletes. You see, the organizers of NYC 2012 had passed along insider info to Tana to help anticipate certain issues with the sports stars, but Kristen had literally taken that information and printed it up for the world to see. IDIOT. You STUPID IDIOT!

Anyway, Trump finally arrived (and so did that dreamy Bruce Jenner, grrrrowl!); so we were finally ready to get this shindig on its way. Ah, but first, the parade of nations! Yes, children holding flags from all the Olympic nations would walk down the track in a glorious procession of goodwill and unity. And leading this flock of juvenile nationalism would be The Pied Piper himself, Governor Pataki. Hey, everyone else gets a flag, why not Georgie? Pak-Man wants a flag, mommy! Okay, okay, we’ll give you a flag, G-Pat. How about the American flag? Oh yeah, that’s right. THERE IS NONE!

Yes, in a masterful flub worthy of multiple smacks on the head, Tana had no American flag for the Governor of New York. Kind of hurts that whole U – S – A chant Vinnie was gearing up to start. If it were me, I’d come up with some pseudo-modest jingoist bullshit like “Well, we didn’t want the flag because we knew our presence would overwhelm the smaller, less significant countries. Like Canada!” Instead, Tana just shrugged her shoulders, slapped Pataki on his ass and yelled “Go get ‘em, tiger!” Okay, maybe she didn’t say that, but Pataki did march out with the children and used his unencumbered hands to wave to the crowd like the beauty queen he always dreamt he could be. Unsurprisingly, Trump was not very happy with the flag situation. “Big mistake,” he declared. Dunh dunh DUNH!

There was more petty drama (mostly Tana dissing her underlings in front of Carolyn), but in the end, the event seemed to run smoothly enough, leading our fearless leader to declare, “You’re looking at the next apprentice!” Really? Where? I don’t see her. Oh you’re talking about you?? Uh, yeah, um, next apprentice. For sure… “I got this job,” Tana said proudly, thus paving the way for inevitable firing.

Over at Webster Hall, Kendra put on her Pun Cap and greeted the evening’s emcee, Fabolous. “Well, aren’t you Fabolous!” she said. NICE. Bet he hasn’t heard that one before. If only Kendra could be as smooth as Tana around the rappers…

Anyway, there really wasn’t much to talk about at Kendra’s event. As far as I could tell, she seemed to be running a tight ship. Everything was working well and looked nice. Truthfully, Kendra was really on top of her shit (as far as we could tell from the editing). At the same time, she also had three distinct advantages over Tana. First, her event started later, giving her the extra prep time she may have needed (think if Tana had four extra hours. The flag and brochure incidents may have been corrected). Second, Kendra had a generally easier task in the sense that she didn’t have tons of athletes and children and sporting events and antsy politicians to coordinate. Basically, she just had to set up the gaming kiosks, erect a boxing ring, and then make sure everything else was running smoothly (although I’m not saying that’s a walk in the park). But lastly, Kendra’s team was by and large way more capable than Tana’s. Michael, Erin, and Danny are a bit chaotic, but they seem like erudite professors next to Brian, Chris, and Kristen.

Well, Trump eventually showed up at Kendra’s event, and as usual, he was showered with attention and handshakes. I did notice two guys, however, who seemed completely unaware that The Donald was walking directly behind them. A brush with greatness! How could you not notice?? Anyway, Trump eventually got in the boxing ring where he introduced Fabolous by saying “My daughter likes you.” Kendra then piped up by saying: “Well, that’s FABOLOUS! Get it? Fabolous?”

Anyway, Fabolous eventually took over the mic from Trump, and good god, this guy has no energy. He was practically asleep in the ring. Yes, nothing excites a crowd like a droopy eyed man mumbling into a microphone. Either way, the event was a resounding success, and the producers could hardly find anything to create drama in it.

At the end of the day, it was time for each finalist to bid adieu to her worker bees. Tana let her “Three Stooges” leave first, lest the line between boss and peon be crossed. Yes, she was holding back “like an executive.” Yeah, an executive in Elizabethan England maybe. Since when was there so much pomp and circumstance involved with getting into a car? It was clear that being a finalist had gone directly to Tana’s head. Who else is already bedazzling a shirt for her that says “You’re Fired!” Anyway, after the other three had finally left, Tana skipped out to her limo and escaped into the night with her executive status intact. “This event could not have gone any better,” she said. Uh, actually it could have. You know, like with a proper brochure or an American flag.

kendra_erinHaving a completely different experience was Kendra whose night ended not with a carefully executed dash to her limo, but with a group hug. Yes, homegirl was crying at the support she received from her crew, and you know what, she had every right to be emotionally wound up. She really did pull off an amazing event, as epitomized by the job offer from EA she received. “I almost forgot what it was like to work with people who believed… in me,” she told us later. Yeah, she’s not talking about you, CRAIG!

Anyway, the two ladies both arrived back at the suite and compared notes. Tana seemed shocked to find out that Kendra’s team actually functioned well. We could see the jealousy quietly creeping into her increasingly insincere smiles. Eventually, the women moved into the bathroom, and as Tana stood by the sinks, Kendra slipped into a stall. The two continued to talk through the stall door, but eventually Tana simply decided to up and leave, resulting in a humorously awkward moment as Kendra asked “Who fought? Kristen and everybody?” This was followed by silence. “Tana?” Aw shit! Mary Kay left you on the pot alone! That hurts!

The next morning was the final Boardroom which meant time for lots of boasting and proclamations. Kendra kept with her standard “I have the complete package” line whereas Tana mixed things up with all sorts of nifty quotables. “High school students have the advantage… because we’ve fought for everything we’ve ever had.” Well, except a college degree, but whatever. She continued: “I’m a shark in a goldfish costume.” Or, you know, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Common saying. Once again, the virtues of education.

Well, the two finalists eventually faced Trump and his panel, and immediate scrutiny fell on Tana for her brochure. Carolyn did us a solid and finally read us a line: “Five gold medals, injured, won’t swim, but is great on camera.” Wow. Kristen is even more of an idiot than I ever thought. Most amusing about this though was Kendra’s face which registered pure shock. Wow, that ain’t FABOLOUS.

Trump then grilled Tana about the whole flag issue, eventually getting her to admit that she assumed there would be a U.S. flag in the international flag box (too bad the flag box was apparently made on July 3, 1776). The most glaring problem for Tana, however, was the way she treated her underlings. Carolyn, in particular, was quite peeved at Tana’s arrogance and condescending attitude towards Brian, Chris, and Kristen. Tana tried to talk her way out of it, but it was a losing fight. Damn, she was going down quickly.

Anyway, Trump then moved on to Kendra, asking her about her team. Almost immediately she became verklemped as Michael, Erin, and Danny’s efforts brought tears to her eyes. Sweet Tana extended a tissue in a gesture that seemed to say, “I AM SWEET!” Well, after this four hanky moment ended, Kendra fielded some questions about Danny and that initial chaotic meeting with the execs. Honestly, there was very little Trump & Co. could needle Kendra about. It was clear they were simply trying to get a rise out of her.

Finally, the two women went at as they tried to prove who was more worthy of Trump’s love. Kendra ultimately took a page out of Tana’s book by saying “I am the only person that has won three times as project manager. Tana’s loss was to me.” Ouch! Speak to the hand, Tana. Speak to the hand.

The episode ended with Tana and Kendra taking a seat on the couch in the lobby while the six other rejects-turned-workers shuffled into the Boardroom to spill the beans about their bosses. I’m not sure what everyone will say, but I’m fairly positive that Kristen will somehow make this experience about her. Maybe she’ll talk about the Dove commercial again. Either way, I guess we’ll find out tonight.

About

52 Comments

  1. 1
    Will
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:26 pm

    First

  2. 2
    GNARKILL
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:32 pm

    I’m glad the finale is only one hour long, I’m hoping for a Regis free hour! He made the 17 hour finale from last year seem like 18 hours.

  3. 3
    wendy
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:35 pm

    I’m surprised you didnt mention the fact that Tana said she left so much to be on this show, and Kendra left nothing. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you don’t have anything ie a family, boyfriend/girlfriend, a home, job, etc. Ugh, I hope Kendra wins. Tana is a self-righteous, uneducated bitch with poor fashion sense.

  4. 4
    GNARKILL
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:53 pm

    Weird B-side! I also had that feeling Kendra would come back to some sick mess after leaving Tarshi in charge of the basement. But I thought in an effort to sabatoge Kendra, Kristen would be hanging from the ceiling by her testicles.

  5. 5
    spotdog
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:55 pm

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that the first time someone has attempted the “First” post here? That’s either a sign that TVgasm has finally made gone mainstream or it’s all downhill from here.

  6. 6
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:03 pm

    ahhhh… well worth the wait!!

  7. 7
    Casey
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:15 pm

    Sa-Tana needs to go away. She will still have a lucrative future ahead of her regardless, but she was just hateful in the last episode.

  8. 8
    robcorc
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:18 pm

    SIXTH! At least if no one beats me to it. I have loved hating that dusty bit o’MILF all season, and can’t wait to see the blissfully short shrift she gets in tonight’s hour. BTW, I have been laughing out loud at work for only two weeks now, having come to TVgasm only that recently. Bless you; next to crotch-thumps on America’s Funniest Home Videos, very little has made me downright GUFFAW in these latter years.

  9. 9
    robcorc
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:19 pm

    damn! 8th! Foiled again!

  10. 10
    Casey
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:23 pm

    P.S.: I like how you always incorporate the phrase “at the end of the day.” You would think that Trump would try to take ownership of that expression also.

  11. 11
    b-side
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 4:56 pm

    Casey – I have many phrases and words that I tend to overuse for transitions:

    “Anyway”
    “Well”
    “At the end of the day”
    “Nevertheless”

  12. 12
    jash
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 5:05 pm

    HA! i forgot about the boardroom part where tana says she left so much behind whereas kendra has NOTHING.

    “she is single…she has NOTHING to go back to…NO ONE to go back to, at least i have kids and a husband…but she is like REALLY ALONE”

    ha, shut up people who dont finish college because of some minor issues such as kids. simple idea: STOP FUCKING and go to class. problem solved.

  13. 13
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 5:39 pm

    And didn’t Tana help Kendra case by saying that she (Tana) left everything behind to come on the show? Does anyone really think that Tana is ready and committed to pull up her husband, 2 1/2 kids, dog, and white picket fence in Iowa for some big city somewhere for Trump? Come on! Kendra’s got nothing to leave behind and everything to look forward to.

    Go Kendra!! She had me from the Pontiac challenge. If I had the money, I’d have bought one that night.

  14. 14
    Jez
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 5:58 pm

    By the way, what exactly made Carolyn do whatever she’s doing in the top picture?

  15. 15
    tanasucks
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:00 pm

    HA! stop fucking and go to class!
    Amen Jash.

    How dare Tana put down Kendra for actually graduating and not getting pregnant.

  16. 16
    TrumpsHair
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:04 pm

    What!!! Nobody quoted Tana’s best line of the night? When she was waiting for her team to leave she was munching on some pretzels and said, “I paid for these bitches and I’m taking them home.” I think Lil Jon was slipping her lines in a small earpiece. Unfortunately I think she’ll be beaten like Jennifer was last go-round.

  17. 17
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:19 pm

    Tana had lots of classic Tanisms last week. What about, “Let’s go Toto. We’re not in… [long pause] …Iowa anymore!”

  18. 18
    shedevil
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:27 pm

    I actually really like both Tana and Kendra. Yeah Tana was being shortsighted with her “I got something to go back home to” rant but quite frankly I feel that she knows deep inside that she is going to lose and her comment was less about dissing Kendra and more about preparing for the Donald to say “YOUR HIRED” to Kendra. Because lets face it…Tana bit major ass on these last couple of tasks. I mean first, the frantic and distracting search for a “bedazzler” and then blowing it with Governor Pataki over a flag? What was she thinking? Educated or not, even Ray Charles can see that Tana has blown it and he is blind and dead. (God bless his soul).

    As for being a parent and dropping out of college, without a job opportunity ala the Apprentice, Tana is still hella rich. Besides, Martha left college for her husband to become a mom, became a convicted felon and had to watch her empire crumble under broad public humiliation and scandal but that Bitch got her own show called the “Apprentice!”

    Don’t hate, appreciate!

  19. 19
    hannahthehun
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    I like both of the candidates. I was pulling for Tana up until the last task. But I would be happy if Kendra won (go Gators!).

  20. 20
    bill
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 6:57 pm

    i’ve spent a week trying to get the image out of my mind of brian and chris shirtless… great… thanks for reminding me..

  21. 21
    jc944
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 7:06 pm

    Well it’s final on the east coast!!
    The Donald has chosen a new apprentice!!!
    And I agree a 100% w/his decision!!!!

  22. 22
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 7:16 pm

    just watched tana arsenio hallin’ it about the shape of that pontiac brochure … what a fool…

  23. 23
    Uncle Mikey
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 7:33 pm

    Kendra’s was a turd for the first 3/4ths of the show, and now she’s everyone’s hero? Neither of them is close to the winners of the first two shows. And this finale is more of a hatchet job on Tana (not that she’s not helping that job tremendously) than any kind of interview. They picked Kendra long ago, this is just her coronation.

    But frankly I’d rather work for Tana. Kendra’s an immature, overemotional punk, and while Tana’s a bit of a hick, mostly she’s just worn out. She was a superstar during the first 2/3rds of the season and would be great in any normal job that didn’t make you room with a buch of strangers and get zero sleep for months on end.

  24. 24
    Mike
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 7:38 pm

    “Tana had lots of classic Tanisms last week. What about, “Let’s go Toto. We’re not in… [long pause] …Iowa anymore!” ”

    I always refer to them as “Tanecdotes.”

  25. 25
    British
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 7:46 pm

    Wow I thought Tana was gonna win(okay, I read a spoiler), but boy did things crumble for her in the task + finale.

    I love how the audience booed Tana. Loved how she tried to take ALL the credit for coming up with the shape of the Pontiac brochure as if that was the REAL reason it won(no, Kendra did the remaining 99% of the work).

    The tears from Kendra were moreso of joy, not sorrw. Get over it Don, we’re not all as serious as you.

    The American Flag = The Marquis Jet sign from season 1. An intentional fuckup to keep candidate on their toes.

    Looking back, Kendra had a MUCH easier task than Tana. Setting up PS2s and decorating a scummy club seemed better than organizing a bunch of atheletes and celebs and such.

    Notice the Kelly Purdue ad for the Army? Also, no live footage of Kendra + her new car, it was a Pontiac ad featuring her. I wonder what Pontiac would have done had Tana won? Or it was a 100% shoe-in and Pontiac made that ad months ago.

  26. 26
    goodjobben
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 8:48 pm

    Trumpshair, I’m glad you mentioned that pretzels line! I thought it was hysterical. What ever happened to our “for Christmas sake” girl from the beginning of the season? I also liked Trump introducing Fabolous and saying “He’s really great,” avoiding that bad pun at all costs.

    Just finished watching the finale, which was definitely painful to sit through (it wouldn’t be an Apprentice finale if it wasn’t) though it wasn’t without its wonderfully awkward moments. What was up with Trump’s going to Kristen because she “was one of [Kendra's] reasons for crying?” No one, including the camera guy quite knew what to do.

    Also, it is official, Tana invented the oval! Let’s give credit where credit is due folks!

    After hearing earlier this week about Kelly’s crappy windowless office next to Melania’s assistant’s (btw, what the hell does this woman need an assistant for? Some early help in planning the (eventual) divorce?) now all I wonder is where’s Kendra’s going to be? Third stall in the ladies room?

    By the way, anyone else think the jobs this time were pretty lame?

  27. 27
    Katrina
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 9:11 pm

    I thought the jobs sucked compared to the other seasons. Its like he just stuck some easy jobs in there b/c theyre women and cant handle stress. Blah.

    I really should stop watching the live finale. Damn they suck so bad.

  28. 28
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 9:24 pm

    Episodes like that is why they’ve got TiVo. I think since he had already decided on Kendra, they just decided to fill the whole thing with commercials. He didn’t even talk to any of the fired candidates except for Chris and Erin. The only reason he talked to Kristen (who grows more frightening every time that I see her) was because he forgot Erin’s name!!!

    I have to admit, ‘Tanecdotes’ is pretty good. What about, “It’s not rocket scientist!” And I can’t remember, what was it she said about Uma Thurman???

  29. 29
    bill
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 9:31 pm

    finale was predictable and boring… jobs were lame… tana got way to excited about the shape of the brochure… it was beautiful watching donald forget who was on which team and who made kendra cry. that’s the only good thing about live.. can’t edit out donald’s screw-ups.

  30. 30
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 19, 2005 at 9:32 pm

    Also, how much actual original ‘show’ was there? The opening recap was like 15 minutes, there was like 25 minutes of commercials, 5 minutes talking about the two jobs … so that leaves about 15 minutes of actual show??? Pretty lame…

  31. 31
    Mike
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 2:20 am

    “What about, “It’s not rocket scientist!” And I can’t remember, what was it she said about Uma Thurman???”

    When they got the casting agent for the trailer-business task, Tana said that the woman had worked with “lots of big names…like Uma Thurma”…which sounds like either an Asian village or a Jedi.

  32. 32
    British
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 6:19 am

    Anyone notice Carolyn’s hair was a timewarp back to 1965? I actually liked it.

    The commercialism in the finale seemed all too obvious. While it was mildly amusing to see some conflict between Tana and Kendra, eh, it wasn’t as good as the 1st finale. Bill and Kwame forged a real good friendship, it was moreso like them selling themselves to Trump, but still playing it cool.

    I still didn’t understand why Kristen had the cameraman’s attention and what Trump was asking her, since she never worked with Kendra.

    Yes, the two jobs offered were horrible compared to Kelly & Bill’s choices. And they showed them BEFORE choosing the winner? Wow, let’s rennovate a big mansion!

    I would have chosen a winner like 10 minutes before the end, and give a little chit-chat to the contestants and such, instead of stuffing it with commercials. Having kendra walk off-stage to get in her new car(er, we’re led to believe), is eh..

    And no Regis nor OJays. Chris was rather sedated. Apprentice 4 better shape up.

  33. 33
    adk mama
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 7:05 am

    IMHO, Tana’s attitude toward her “employees,” esp. on national television, and her lack of ability to lead and inspire them render her inappropriate for any executive position in most corporations. She was OK when she was on the same level with her teammates, but when she was the “boss” her entire attitude was skewed. Her idea of “leadership” is to delegate and NOT have her team report their progress to her!?!? WTF?!?!

    Where did she pick up this attitude? From the Ewing family on “Dallas”? From Martha Stewart, renowned for her be-yatchy behavior toward her underlings?

    Example: Chris asks Tana who was going to manage the flow of events; Tana replies “Whatever…”

    Best example, and the one that set up the brochure debacle, was when Kristen tried to report to her about the water coolers having arrived. Tana snapped that she had put Kristen in charge of that and expected her to handle it… basically, “Leave me alone.” Why would Kristen ask her to proof the brochure, only to be snapped at again??

    Why didn’t Tana have the staff give regular reports on the progress of their assignments, especially she had such a low opinion of them? Did she figure she could blame them if something under their purview was f***ed up?

    So yeah, Tana has a successful Mary Kay business and a successful eBay business. I’m not knocking it; clearly she has worked hard and earned her success… but what do they tell us about her leadership skills? Mary Kay = crackerjack sales person. eBay business = ability to buy and sell; maybe employees who order, stock, ship… jobs that can be tracked easily at the boss’ convenience. I suspect she is the sole decisionmaker.

    Bottom line: Sales ability does NOT equal leadership ability. Tana lacks instinctive leadership skills. She would have been a disaster, and the Trumpster knew it.

  34. 34
    joslyn
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 7:14 am

    B-side,I’m glad you remembered to do the recap on last week’s episode, which was great. Tana showed her true side, and it ain’t pretty. Enjoy Vegas, because there is not much to work with in the finale.

    Loved Carolyn’s hair, looked very much like another Carol-as in Brady.

  35. 35
    tuliplovr
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 8:51 am

    Call me crazy, but I didn’t think Chris looked so bad in bed. I wouldn’t have minded curling up with him…

  36. 36
    graceintherace
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 8:56 am

    Worst season finale ever! 5 minutes of show, 15 minutes of recap and the rest blatant Trump hucksterism. YUCK. What started in Season 1 as a great show has seriously devolved into something painful to watch and insulting to anyone who is even remotely intelligent. Too bad.

  37. 37
    Reality'slave
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 9:34 am

    B-Side – YOU are FABOLOUS!!! Gawd bless TVgasm and their absolutely smashing snark!!! I just got a big bad email from my ex that sent me sobbing to the office bathroom. Many minutes later, I come out snuffling to pull up TVgasm and was rewarded with a new HI-larious recap. B-side, you are way better than the Suicide Prevention Hotline in turning my world around!

    By the way, in last night’s finale, did anyone catch Gov Pataki ask the little girl behind him if he could carry her American Flag? She answered quite succinlty, “I’ve got Puerto Rico’s flag.” Go Pak-Man! Make us Americans proud!

    ~ Long time reader, first time poster. :)

  38. 38
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 9:56 am

    Tana is tacky. Tacky is Tana. Tana’s Tacky. Tacky Tana. Tacky Tana. Tacky Tana. Boy did she show her ass last night! Have some class girl!

  39. 39
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 10:00 am

    I just read the following on RealityBlurred:

    “After the finale, during a live TV interview with a Des Moines station, Tana was “combative and agitated,” according to the Des Moines Register, and “she was naive to believe that a ‘street smart’ person could win.” Then Tana said, “It was all bullshit.”

    I must agree. Did she really think that she was that great? I didn’t particularly think that Kendra was some shining star, but Tana was pathetic. “I came up with the idea for a circle, Mr. Trump! I know what a circle is! I went to kindergarten, too! Let me bedazzle you, Mr. Trump!”

  40. 40
    Gilian
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:00 am

    I just about choked on my cereal when I read “Tana just shrugged her shoulders, slapped Pataki on his ass and yelled “Go get ‘em tiger!” You’re hysterical b-side!

    On the final show – did anyone else wonder if Tana would ever stop her crazy rant “it was the shape! it was the shape!” Yeah, right the shape is what sold them Tana. So basically a blank oval shaped brochure would have been enough. She’s just so sad.

  41. 41
    Tony A.
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:31 am

    Well, I prayed and prayed Trump would be made aware of Tana’s dark side. What was I thinking? Of course he’s aware of all the behind-the-scenes crap! She’s mean-spirited and lacks leadership abilities if the task calls for meaningful interfacing with her assistants. Clearly, she’s a lone wolf and good at it if she is a top Mary Kay fembot.

    The “tasks” were rather tacky, don’t you think? Any self-respecting contractor can renovate that barn in hallowed Palm beach.

    One last complaint. Megalomaniac Donald should learn to say “we” and “our” once in a while. But then, I guess he wouldn’t be as ourageously ridiculous as he is.

    Love the ‘gasm, read it almost daily. Looking forward to skewering the ultimate Diva when she starts her own “Apprentice”.

    BTW, what the hell is a “MILF”?

  42. 42
    Ashes
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:37 am

    Tana was terrible in the last few tasks (the bedazzler and Olympic tasks in particular.) She had lots of time between the end of taping and the live show last night to rest up and think, yet all she offered last night was craziness and unjustified arrogance. And it’s so in character for her to go on the radio and say that the only reason she lost is because she’s “street smarts,” as though a lack of a degree was the defining factor and she was perfect other than that. She’s delusional.

  43. 43
    dumbanddumber
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:46 am

    here’s the link to the des moines register article: http://www.dmregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050520/NEWS08/505200421/1001/NEWS

    Tana really sounds like a bitter old hag here! I wish they had some video!

  44. 44
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 12:09 pm

    MILF = Mother I’d Like To Fcuk

  45. 45
    bo
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 12:42 pm

    Trump screwed up when he said, “Kristen, Kendra was crying for you. What did you think about her?” He forgot that Kristen was never on Kendra’s team. I think he mixed her up with Erin. I don’t know why Trump continues to insist on Live finales. There’s always something that is really embarrassing.

  46. 46
    Gary
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 1:34 pm

    I only caught one shot of my girl Audrey in that entire hour. Talk about a disappointing finale!

  47. 47
    ogre
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 4:01 pm

    I’m glad that lonely, spinster catlady Kendra won it, but I hate to see someone really embarrass themselves on television. At least this time Tana has herself to blame. Last season they burned Jenn at the stake as if she were a witch.

  48. 48
    Sam
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 4:42 pm

    Gary, I agree with you. I am also a fan of Audrey because of her beauty. However, I also adore Kendra. So I can’t complain so much actually.

  49. 49
    Kate
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 7:21 pm

    Yeah, I really liked Tana until she cried and went to sleep during the Pontiac thing, but watching this episode basically clenched it for Kendra…..it was so obvious she would win…was anyone even surprised? It’s as bad as last year w/Kelly!

    Oh, and btw, didn’t we get the flag on June 14th? Ya know…Flag Day? So the box was made on June 13, 1776 I guess lol……sorry, I’m just mostly surprised that I remembered something from History class!

  50. 50
    Ashes
    Posted May 23, 2005 at 7:31 am

    ogre, Kendra is only 27, nowhere near spinsterhood!

  51. 51
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted May 23, 2005 at 10:24 am

    Trump has officially Jumped The Shark with his Trump University online courses. Talk about pushing celebrity to the furthest region of annoying. Not only is he a megalomaniac he’s a greedy son-of-a-bitch. But I knew that already, it’s just really sickening too see it done so flagrantly. I would like to know what’s in this course and meet the idiots who buy it.

    Hey Trump. When are you gonna hawk your hair follicles? Or how about about Trump Toilet Paper! Oh, I know Trump DNA.

    Now you too can grown yourself an ego filled asshole!

  52. 52
    Moolah
    Posted June 8, 2005 at 3:29 am

    Hey, B-side, as much as I enjoy reading your articles, I found your MILF comment slightly offensive. I’d rather not know about it.

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