Once again, TVgasm has clairvoyantly predicted an Apprentice candidate’s off camera fate. Four days ago, Madeyoulaugh asserted that Chris’s homicidal rage would land him on COPS, and sure enough, 48 hours later, our resident hot head wound up behind bars. Now fellow Net Worth teammate Kristen Kirchner has come along and made us look wise all over again. Just last week, we profiled a Mennen commercial that seemed to borrow liberally from Kristen’s ill-fated Dove disaster ad from earlier this season. I wrote: “I’m sure Kristen will be more than happy to make a big stink about this, if only to further extend her time in the reality spotlight.”
Well, ladies and gentlemen, Kristen has made a big stink. Reality Blurred reports today that Kristen has issued a press release whose purpose is to basically say “They copied me!” Of course, all it really does it make her seem amazingly (more) pathetic, especially given the press release’s clunky, non-college-educated prose: “The characteristics of the thirty second spots are too similar for coincidence, including the storyline of a marathon runner lathering-up with bodywash mid- race and crossing the finish line first and the funky music soundtrack.” I also enjoy how Kristen describes her firing as “controversial.” Controversial? For whom? Dumb idiots who can’t get over being eliminated from a reality show? Kristen goes on to bash The Donald for calling her commercial “terrible” when in fact it was so awesome that another company stole it for their campaign. So Kristen, if your commercial was so wonderful, why did it turn out so shitty? Anyone who blunders such a good idea SHOULD be fired, yes?
Luckily, the press release reminds us that Kristen is still toiling away at her self-financed reshoot of the Dove commercial (a.k.a. the biggest waste of money EVER). Little does she realize that her professional legitimacy has been ruined by a) appearing on a reality show; b) acting like an idiot on said reality show; and c) clinging onto some sad notion that people care about her low budget commercial.
So should TVgasm pat itself on the back for accurately predicting this silliness? Well, we generally pat ourselves on the back for just about anything (Seriously. Making a sandwich is a cause for celebration in my book), but honestly, these reality stars are so obvious in their intentions and logic, it’s not like you have to be a psychic to anticipate any of their follies. For now though, we’ll simply congratulate ourselves again and eagerly await Kristen’s cinematic masterpiece.