Luke, I Am Your Apprentice

The Apprentice

By B-Side | Sunday, November 13, 2005 | 3:48 pm | 44 Comments

chewbacca Okay, the title of this post kind of doesn’t make any sense. If only there were a guy named Luke on this task, and if only he were fired — then it would be awesome. But actually, it still wouldn’t make much sense because the implication would be that Luke was in fact the person in search of an apprentice. I guess I could have always called it “May the Marketing Force Be With You,” but honestly, it’s just not as fun. Okay, enough pondering. I like the sound of this headline, and it’s appropriate enough, given that Thursday’s Apprentice was all about Star Wars. Yes, the two masters of media hype — Donald Trump and Lucasfilms — joined forces (heh) to create one giant Deathstar of product placement. Did it work? Possibly. At the very least, it opened up the floor for many, many Star Wars puns — although, considering I’m not nearly the superfan that some of my friends and co-workers are, chances are you’ll probably only get about one Leia-bun’s worth of references. And don’t expect them to get much better than that.Thursday’s episode began a long time ago (well, a week ago) in a Boardroom far, far away. As some of you may remember, Adam and Clay had quite the bitter interchange in front of the Donald, especially once the virgin called the gay an anti-Semite. Well, Markus was the one who ultimately got the axe (I think he’s still riding a cab around, trying to piece together an address to be dropped off at), which meant that Adam and Clay would have to live with the awkwardness that now separated them like a mighty gulf of lameness. Of course, we’ve seen teammates endure bitter Boardrooms only to have to turn around and be besties the next day on a task. Let’s not forget Sandy and Jennifer M. season two, who endured one of the fiercest catfights in the Boardroom ever, and then a week later pulled it out for a stunning victory with the M-azing candybar (which I’ve tried, and really isn’t that M-Azing. Better than the Tarshi bar though. Sorry Michael. I know he’s reading. Everyone wave hello to the Tarshi!). Anyway, the point of this increasingly tangental paragraph is that no matter how harsh the Boardroom, people have always been able to come together afterwards and move on. But then again, not everyone is a prissy bitch like Clay.

Yes, to say that Clay had a chip on his shoulder would be an understatement. It was more like he had a giant boulder resting on that badboy. And sitting on the boulder was a mini-Clay, with three chips on each shoulder. And on each chip was a little button. And if you pressed the button, more chips would fall on top of the mini-Clays. I could do an artist’s rendering, but even I’m confused as to how it looks. Probably would be some very strange version of a Mandelbrot fractal diagram. Point is, Clay was bitter, and he wasn’t afraid to wallow in it. Not only did he seethe “Don’t talk to me!” in the elevator, but he slammed open the suite door and gave Alla the sort of smirking, self-satisfied look that seems to say, “Deal with it, bitch!”

Clay then headed to his room where he brusquely unpacked his suitcase — and his rage. Well, mostly he unpacked his suitcase. Since he was alone, he didn’t have the chance to go off on anyone, but I tell you, he really showed us who was the boss. Clay unfolded those highly-patterned shirts with the sort of prissy vigor usually reserved for an overtaxed librarian. Or Patricia Heaton. Either/or.

Felisha, meanwhile, slapped on some coat with an oversized fur collar and expressed dismay to us in an interview: “Clay is the type of person that you’d believe would take down the team and actually sabotage the team at the risk of losing, just to get back at the others. That’s Clay.” Incidentally, that was the same tactic Felisha used when she trapped and killed the badger that now adorns her collar.

Nevertheless, with Adam back in the suite, he and his homegirls Alla and Felisha stepped out onto the balcony and like totally gabbed about Clay-Clay. Actually, it was more like Adam and Felisha said a few words here and there, and Alla spent the rest of the time bashing Clay left and right. “It’s going to be hell,” she finally concluded. Yes, hell in a patterned shirt, that is.

The next morning, Rhona called the suite bright and early; although, she couldn’t fool Randal who was ready to pick up that banana phone the second it rang. The Rho-ster (as I am temporarily calling her) told Randy that everyone should be down in the Boardroom — don’t be late! We then watched a mini-montage of the gang getting dressed and ready, the highlight of which was seeing Brian stuff a pastry into his mouth. Zathura! (Sorry, just felt like saying it.)

In the Boardroom, our old chum Bill Rancic was back to fill in for George, and despite my instant blah reaction to this frequent sub, Trump insisted, “Bill’s always very exciting.” And how! That bashful smile, that spikey hair, that quiet verisimilitude — excitement incarnate!

Anyway, once Bill was re-introduced, the assembled group sat back and watched a trailer for Star Wars: Episode III, Revenge of the Sith. You know, that movie really could have benefited from a better marketing campaign. I’m glad it’s getting a second chance on The Apprentice. The extra-exposure is just what it needs.

Once the trailer was done (and we were finished gawking at Carolyn and what looked to be her pajama top), Trump revealed that this week’s task would involve creating an in-store, interactive retail display to feature the DVD of Episode III as well as the videogame, Star Wars Battlefront II. Oh, and did I mention that both products hit the stores this week? Mmmm… the sweet smell of corporate synergy. Anyway, teams would construct their displays in Best Buy and yada yada yada… the best display as judged by execs from Best Buy and Lucasfilm would win. Trump then finished up the assignment by saying, “Good luck, and may the force be with you.” This caused the entire room to laugh politely — and perhaps more enthusiastically than had it been some random guy from Blockbuster crackin’ Star Wars jokes. The Donald then bellowed, “HAVING THE FORCE WITH YOU AND MAKING PUNS ABOUT SAID FORCE IS A THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!”

Somebody heading to a slumber party?

Well, everyone broke off into their groups, and over at Capital Edge, Clay was ready to exact passive-aggressive revenge. You see, he wanted to be Project Manager because “I think after the way that I was treated yesterday, that I deserve this, and I want this.” We then found him sitting amongst hedges, telling us in an interview that he essentially wanted to get rid of Alla. Bad news Clay: Alla will kick your ass any day. Anyway, there was some minor drama about Clay and his lack of trust for his teammates, but whatever. He was Project Manager and surely disaster would follow.

Over at Excel, Randal seemed to be the only one in the group who cared at all about Star Wars, but since he was Project Manager last week, Brian stepped up for the task instead. Shouldn’t be so bad, right? After all, this was nothing short of a super-team: Randal, Marshawn, Rebecca, Brian — all these peeps have performed extremely well in the past. They were sort of like the original Star Wars trilogy: an unbeatable blockbuster. Surely Excel, like the Star Wars franchise, could never turn to crap. Right?

Beware, Team Excel. Beware…

Well, with the Project Managers chosen, we listened to a lovely bit of Star Wars music, and then one Lucas wipe transition later, we found Capital Edge, starring Clay and his polka-dotted shirt of glory, sitting down with the Best Buy and Lucasfilm execs. The team learned what the corporate mandate for this task was, and Alla could barely contain her excitement over the situation, going so far as to say she actually loved the execs. Alla later went to Borders and bought her 2006 Sexy Executives wall calendar, featuring Warren Buffet in a thong. It’s awesome.

Nice polka dots.

Meanwhile, at Excel, Randal set up a meeting with these superfine executives for 10:15 AM. Sounds all fine and dandy, but unfortunately, project manager Brian insisted that there was no reason to leave until 10:00 AM. Keep in mind this was Manhattan, a place not known for its efficient traffic patterns. Well, sure enough, not only did Excel get a late start out of the suite, but they hit a solid throng of traffic along the way, which of course meant the producers could jizz themselves with their most favorite of montages: the traffic montage. Yup, time for some of classic shots of red lights and gridlocked taxis. As for those bestest execs ever? Well, they just waited. And waited. And waited…

Count Rubbleman

When we came back from the commercial break, Trump yelled this week’s lesson to us: “Loyalty!” We then found him addressing a crowd of high schoolers apparently trapped in the commissary area of Trump Tower. Oh, and guess who else was there? Only the best tag-team since The Heart Foundation: Rhona and Robin. Would they be imparting their shared pool of knowledge with the youngsters? Perhaps they’d impart rare nuggets of wisdom about transferring calls or ordering paperclips! Alas, they were there for show only as Trump then said, “I don’t think Robin or Rhona would be talking badly about me, but who the hell knows?” Rhona then shifted uncomfortably and then mumbled into her broach, “The Big Whale’s onto me. My cover’s blown. Abort! ABORT!”

Anyway, we then returned to Team Excel which was still stuck in traffic. They finally showed up about thirty-five minutes late, but by then, the execs had to head on out to their next important meeting of the day (I’m guessing brunch at Elaine’s and then perhaps a hot tub). “We’re screwed,” said Brian as the executives walked out. Hey, buck up, kid! Yoda never said that, and his whole alliance was murdered! Oh, sorry, was that a spoiler? Chances are that if you really cared that much, you’ve already seen the movie three times… this week.

Another Star Wars wipe later, we then returned to Capital Edge which was heading up a Darth Vader photo shoot. Even though Clay was the Project Manager, this was all Alla’s work as she essentially directed the entire task. At one point, Clay even gave up and walked away to flirt with one of the producers on the set. “So what do you do here?” Clay asked, following up with, “Tell me, do my polka dots turn you on?”

As we headed back to Excel, we briefly caught a glimpse of the Manhattan skyline, and oh look! Three suns in the sky. Just like Tattouine or whatever you call that stupid Luke planet. I’m sure all the Star Wars fans simultaneously ejaculated at the reference. Anyway, with nothing to go on except Randal’s knowledge of the franchise, Excel languished as they tried to put together their display. You see, Randal felt the Chancellor and Obi Wan and Yoda should be prominently displayed while Marshawn thought some of the newer, less famous characters should be highlighted (on account of their fab robes). But what no one ever really thought about was whether or not Darth Vader should play a role. I mean, it’s not like he’s the central character of this movie. Or this latest trilogy. Or the franchise in general. Heck, he’s not even an iconic figure in pop culture, right? Psssh. Who needs him?

Back at Capital Edge, it was the same old, same old as Alla spearheaded the actual design of the display while Clay quietly sat back and added insignificant touches. The next morning, as the team set up their installment at Best Buy, Alla continued to run the show, signing off on decisions with the oddly third-person phrase of “Alla happy!”

Meanwhile, over at Excel, the team had somehow put together a marketing display, despite having no direction whatsoever. They may have been proud of their work, but in an interview, Carolyn privately bashed them, calling their display, “Average.” Oooh! The Ice Queen speaketh the truth! Even worse for the team was that with only thirty minutes before the execs arrived, Marshawn decided that she really didn’t want to do the presentation anymore and that Brian might be better served for the position. Not really sure why, but hey, we invite the drama; so by all means, continue. Well, not wanting to waste any time with this, Rebecca stepped up — or really limped up — to the plate and offered to present instead, once again proving that she might have the goods to go all the way.

Finally, it was time to judge the presentations, but not before another cheeky Star Wars reference! Yes, the producers scrolled some text across the screen in that patented, ultra-perspective style. Can you imagine if TVgasm did that with one of our recaps? Probably would be pretty annoying. It’s really not the most accessible text-reading format. Just thought you should know, GEORGE LUCAS.

Anyway, we then found Adam and Felisha dressed up like Obi Wan and Queen Amidala respectively, and I couldn’t help wondering what Toral would have done had she been around for this task. Felisha would have probably insisted that she dress up as Jabba the Hut. Of course, these are all just dreams because as anyone knows, Toral would never dress up like anyone. She’s not ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. Costumes are BENEATH HER and HER FAMILY!

Felisha in her casual attire.

Well, Capital Edge kicked off their presentation, and surprise, surprise! Clay took all the credit for Alla’s work! “I didn’t want this to be ‘Alla saves the day,’” he said, even though it clearly was “Alla saves the day.” When Alla eventually did speak up about the various phrases on the display, Clay smiled passive-aggressively and dismissed her with a smug, “Well, that’s part of it.” Can we officially call him the gay Omarosa now?

Later, at Excel, the execs toured through the display, but it was clear they were rather unimpressed. “Did you think at all about having Darth Vader play a more predominant role graphically?” asked the Lucasfilm executive. Darth Vader? Who’s that? You talkin’ crazy, man. Actually, Rebecca had an enjoyable dumb response: “Darth Vader is an ominous figure, and if we were to put him dead center, we would overpower so much of the elements of this film.” Yes, Darth Vader would overpower too much of this film… that was about Darth Vader!! That’s like saying, “Yeah, we really didn’t want to put Julia Roberts in the poster because we were afraid some of our really strong extras might get overlooked.”

Eventually, it was time to return to the Boardroom and discover the results. I was really hoping Adam and Felisha would enter in full Star Wars regalia, but alas, they had changed into business casual. The good news was that those Toral-baiting costumes were worth the effort; the executives loved Capital Edge’s display, whereas they weren’t so high on Excel. Trump reamed them about the absence of Darth Vader and ultimately handed them the loss. That’s not to say everyone was cheery on Capital Edge. They still had their fair share of drama to deal with. When Trump asked if Clay should be exempt from firing next week, the team resoundingly said no, with Alla noting, “I’m gonna vote against it because I feel that 90% of the task was on my shoulders. I basically led the way. I should have been the Project Manager on this job, period.” Ouch. Of course, Clay countered this with an avalanche of rolled eyes and “Talk to the hand!” facial expressions. Poor Clay. All alone in his world of bitchiness. Later, he opened his closet and sighed, “Well, it’s just me and you, trusty patterned shirts.”

As a reward for kicking some Dark Side ass, Capital Edge was given the mighty privilege of spending the afternoon with — wait for it — Bill Rancic. Oh YES! SWEEEET!! The Ran-Man! Best reward of the season! Yes, the gang headed up to White Plains, NY to check out the awesome new high rise that Bill had been overseeing. Man, nothing says “amazing” like spending the day with a mid-level exec in suburban New York. At the very least, I hope they hit up The Westchester mall for a little afternoon shopping spree. Despite this prize being a little unglamorous, everyone actually had a fun time. Felisha seemed to get a real estate contact high from being near so much scaffolding, and Adam, well, I think he found a new big brother. “I was quite excited to spend the day with Bill,” he told us. We then cut to Bill saying, “If you guys have any questions, this is your time to, you know… you can ask me anything you want.” At which point Adam nervously asked, “B-Bill? What’s sex like?”

Amusingly, when Bill told everyone that it was time for them to step it up a notch, Clay somehow interpreted that as “It doesn’t pay me to give the people on my team respect anymore.” He’s right though. It really doesn’t. Hey, Clay: how’s that exemption from firing going? Oh wait. Never mind…

While Capital Edge cavorted around beautiful White Plains, Excel toiled in the suite, passing the time away looking sullen. Brian tried to keep his spirits up, but even the joyful act of baking cookies (the non-sequitur image of the evening) was ruined by the harsh char of an overactive oven.

What is it about seeing a short man in a business suit and oven mitts?

Okay, enough dillydallying in this Ewok Village of cookie misfortune (I would call that a mixed metaphor, but even I don’t know what it really means). The team headed down to the Boardroom where Trump immediately yelled at Brian for missing a meeting with the execs. He became even more annoyed when he found out Brian had only allotted fifteen minutes for the commute (which ultimately took forty-five minutes). “Where do you go in New York in fifteen minutes?” Trump asked, noting that he could only go one block in such a small window of time. GOING ONE BLOCK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES IS A THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

Brian admitted that they had to go from midtown to Chelsea, but even worse, he then revealed that he was originally from the Murray Hill neighborhood of Manhattan. “MURRAY HILL???” Trump exclaimed as if Brian had just confessed to assassinating JFK. Well, this was all bad news for Brian, who then explained the reason why his team left so late: “I made the determination that research was important because as a team, we all weren’t very familiar with the Star Wars brand.” Yeah, you know what’s a really good way to research and learn about the brand? MEET THE EXECUTIVES!

Trump then busted Brian about not including Darth Vader, ultimately concluding, “You know, Brian, you’ve been very disappointing to me. I think you haven’t stepped up. For weeks I think you haven’t stepped up.” Well, he is kind of short, but that’s nothing to hold against him. Oh, Trump was speaking metaphorically? Sorry.

Brian may have had it bad, but the interrogation lamp moved onto Marshawn, who was questioned about her last-minute decision not to present. Even though she has been an adept, well-spoken candidate in the past, Marshy full-on collapsed in this Boardroom, making some lame excuse that she though Brian’s communication style was best for the task. “I think Brian would have been the worst presenter in the room!” Trump bellowed as the music rapidly geared up for a climax. Would this be it? Would Marshawn be getting the axe? It sure looked like it as the Donald and Carolyn pounced on her viciously over and over again. Despite all the questions, she simply could not answer why she declined to present. Even worse, Marshawn boxed herself into a corner when she announced that she had the best presenting style, which cause Bill Rancic to wake up from his coma in the corner and ask, “Wouldn’t it make sense to step up the game and showcase what you have?” Oooh! Good question, Bill! Give that boy a Jolly Rancher!

Well, Marshawn was going down in flames, but before she could totally crash and burn, Trump gave a little shout out to G. Luc as he announced, “This task is one of the best tasks I’ve ever seen. Star Wars! I mean, to me, what’s better?” Trump then held up his advance copy of Star Wars: Episode III and smiled for the camera, a little sparkle flashing on his teeth.

Anyway, as the Boardroom came to a close, Trump seemed to be so mad that the upper-lip area just under his nose started to sweat. Shininess on Mr. Trump? This calls for an extra bloody firing! And so The Donald finger-gunned Brian AND Marshawn for their poor performances. Aww… Look at Brian. It was like he had burned the cookies ALL OVER AGAIN!

As the two former-candidates headed to the taxi, Trump uttered, “Only the best can work here.” That’s right. Now go fetch him a cold compress, BILL!

Later in the cab ride, Marshawn babbled on and on about Brian’s failings, even though he was sitting right next to her. Psssst! Marshawn! He’s RIGHT THERE! As for Brian, well, he just sat there like a shocked lump of… something. Probably how Luke felt when he found out that Father’s Day was gonna be extra-complicated from now on.

Worst Blind Date EVER!

And so ends the saga of The Rubbleman. Too bad. Next week’s task centers around singing. At least we’ve still got Adam to kick around. Time to start FREEEAKIN’!!

What did you think? Did you agree with Trump’s decision?

Comments (44)
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44 Comments

1

Meesh

Posted November 13, 2005 at 4:21 pm

The best part of this show this season has been the taxi ride of shame. 3 weeks in a row I have had to rewind and watch multiple times doubled over in pain from laughing so hard!
2

Kenya

Posted November 13, 2005 at 4:22 pm

Good recap. You were unsure why Marshawn bailed at the last minute. She was convinced that the display was bad and that the team was headed for a loss. She assumed she would be stuck with the responsibility for the loss if she became the “face” of the project as its presenter. So, she tried to dump the presentation on to Brian. It was terrible strategy. Had she done the presentation, she would have been able to focus on Brian’s failings as the reason they lost.
3

Kismo

Posted November 13, 2005 at 4:41 pm

Apprentice Wars: Episode IV, Revenge of the Gay Clay

Is this “guy” or should I said “gal” a trip. A hateful thing isn’t he? I can’t wait untill he gets his [That's FIRED Ms. Clay if you are reading this], he’ll throw a “hissy fit” for sure.

How about Randel’s facial expression when Marshawn got axed. I thought he was going to lean over and tell her to file a discrimination suit. Remember Clay has already poisoned the show with his anti-Jew remarks! Clay…. your days are numbered.
4

Kathryn

Posted November 13, 2005 at 4:56 pm

Marshawn shouldn’t have been fired. It was all Rubbleman’s fault they lost. But, Marshawn should have realized it would’ve been their fault if they lost and not copped-out. I think Trump just didn’t like the way Marshawn bailed on her team. She would’ve made it to the end too. She blows all the girls and every guy (except for Randall, of course) out of the water. In the end, Rubbleman is the reason they didn’t know what to focus on for their display.

Kismo (#3), you fucking tool. Who is “hateful?” Just because he is gay you call Clay a girl? Fuck you. Clay may suck as a contestant, but you’re just a douche-bag insecure with your sexuality. Grow up, loser.
5

Medium Pimp Cookies

Posted November 13, 2005 at 5:36 pm

Who knew Russian strippers had such strong work ethic? Alla rocked the entire task by herself. Polka-dot boy and Felisha did nothing. Hopefully they are the next two to go.
The cabride with Marshawn and Medium Pimp was hysterical. Marshawn bashing Medium Pimp, while he sat there and made faces like he basically agreed with her. If he had nothing to say, he should’ve at least rapped us a little recap.
And you forgot Marshawn’s “It was just a display” comment in the boardroom. Yeah, and this is just a job with Trump.
I think this will come down to Crutches and Squidward.
Can anyone tell me if this is really a 13 week interview like the Comb-over keeps saying? If so, what do they do for the remaining 5 days each week?
6

The Dogg Pound

Posted November 13, 2005 at 5:51 pm

At least Brian will now have the opportunity to pursue a rap career.

Kathryn (#4), Clay IS a hateful creature. And his sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with it. He is full of negative energy, and I can’t wait to see him flame out in the boardroom.

I’m starting to wonder whether there are any standout candidates remaining. Before this week, I thought that Randal and Marshawn were much better than the other remaining players. However, Marshawn totally blew it by giving up on the presentation, and Randal, for someone who’s a professed Star Wars expert, didn’t provide any good ideas for his team. That being said, he’ll still be in the finals.
7

downtown la la

Posted November 13, 2005 at 6:46 pm

Yes, Clay can be a bit of a bitch, but look at what he has to deal with… false accusations of anti-Semitism and blatant homophobia. It’s hard for a gay man in the straight business world. It’s not like the arts where you can be yourself and people understand.

Go Clay!! I know he won’t win, but I am rooting for at least a final four appearance.
8

Mr. Negativity

Posted November 13, 2005 at 6:58 pm

First off I hate Bill, get someone else Kelly or even Kendra
Second witht the exception of Alla CApital Edge sucks and Randal and Rebecca are the only two who could make a halfway decent Apprentice for Trump.
9

chronic

Posted November 13, 2005 at 7:31 pm

wtf happened to Marshawn. How did she think it was a better idea to bail on her team. Uh, remember how that worked out for Toral? Totally bad form both to renege on something you said you do and to undermine the project manager to save yourself. And then to sit there flat-out lying and b.s.ing about everything in the board room. Nice to see she didn’t get any of it past Carolyn. That was just nasty and stupid on all counts, pretty disappointing. But what has she done besides the lame, albeit winning, Lamborghini ad.

Loved loved loved The Rubbleman’s face listening to Marshawn’s pissy rant in the car.

Oh boo hoo hoo about Clay. He is such a mean-spirited little hypocrite, remember that time he was project manager and acted like a little dictator, then the next week whined and complained about every one of Alla’s decisions, which were right.
10

chronic

Posted November 13, 2005 at 7:35 pm

Oh yeah, and go Alla!
11

k-slice

Posted November 13, 2005 at 9:03 pm

Kathryn (#4), I agree with you. And why is it that Clay is automatically compared to a woman because he sucks?

That being said, I think Rebecca is a stand-out candidate. She doesn’t have a win as PM though so I’m thinking Randall has a better shot at taking the whole thing.
12

British

Posted November 13, 2005 at 9:29 pm

Reason why I loved this episode was the shotgun 2-shot “you’re fired!” bit. You could hear the pump action cocking between the two firings.

Go Randall or Rebecca(who’s from my neck of the woods)!
13

Ed

Posted November 14, 2005 at 12:48 am

The problem with this ep was that it revealed that the Donald receives a rather extensive briefing before the boardroom. In the past, he played it like he needed to debrief the wannabes and made a decision from that. This week he clearly got the 411 about the last-second Marshawn betrayal.

Think back to the whole “Clay is gay?” reaction, and the innocent “What was said at the presentation by Clay” during the past couple of weeks. Disingenuity, thy name is Trump.

He knew. He knew it all down to the minutest detail. I bet he was shown the tapes several times.

This week revealed the unspoken truth of the hand that knows and directs behind the scenes.

Oh, and “Loyalty” my ass. Markus was fired the instant he spoke against his crew in the Lamborghini ep if La Donald meant it. He wasn’t, was he?

Hmmmm…. So, Donald, does this mean you still have loyalty to the “guys” who originally financed your father? You know, the upstanding ones who were strikingly similar to the rum-running Kennedy clan in their, shall we say, business practices?? I’d love to see the phone calls where our hero pays “fees” for “expedited” construction schedules.

Now THAT’S a $30 Bil business.
14

EROSion

Posted November 14, 2005 at 1:45 am

Thank you, B-Side, for giving me the word fractals!

For some retarded reason, I’ve had those tricky little designs in my head all day, and for the life of me I couldn’t think of what they were called. I was almost ready to call my grade 8 honours math teacher. I knew there was a reason why I stayed up so late tonight.
15

Kate

Posted November 14, 2005 at 4:53 am

I liked how Trump insisted that even at midnight with no traffic you can’t make it from the loft to Chelsea in 15 minutes. For those of you who don’t live in NYC, you’d see that and think “yeah, Brian’s a moron for not leaving enough time”, but seriously, when I lived on Staten Island I was able to make it from the upper 50′s to South Ferry (the southern-most point of Manhattan) in about 10 starting at about 10pm. So while during the day you can’t make it, you can definitely make it in time w/o traffic. Though you can think Brian’s a moron about a lot of other things he’s done.

I REALLY wanted to him to turn to Marshawn in the taxi and say “I’m RIGHT HERE you know!”

Anyone else think all these multiple firings are because ratings are low and they’re trying to cut the season short?
16

Kismo

Posted November 14, 2005 at 5:06 am

“Kismo (#3), you fucking tool….”

Kathryn (#4) do you kiss your mother with that mouth???? And all that name calling…ooouch! I was just kidding around, but I see you are expressing the contents of your heart.

As for the “gal” comment Ms.Kathryn, don’t you remember where B-side in his

“There Can Only Be One Winner Anyway”

recap, quotes Alla as saying…

Oh, just say it. He’s a bitch. Luckily, Alla was there to put it all on the table. “Clay is not a man. He is an insecure, bitchy woman, times a thousand,” she said in an interview.

So try to relax a little Ms K. Because if this upsets you, then when Alla and Rebecca make it to the finals you will definitely have one of those “Clay Hissy Fits”….
17

holyterror

Posted November 14, 2005 at 7:00 am

None of the losing team are management material if they were calling to say they were only a few blocks away and didn’t GET OUT AND WALK. I can understand it if they were downtown, but all the streets in Chelsea are in SEQUENTIAL NUMERICAL ORDER. Think you can find the place?
18

Pappy

Posted November 14, 2005 at 7:22 am

Could Rhona be called the Rhobot? Or is that a slap in the face to the Chenbot?
19

chronic

Posted November 14, 2005 at 7:33 am

Ed, are you suggesting that reality tv distorts actual events?

And the reason Markus wasn’t fired, was because the pm *only* brought him back to the boardroom, and not also the guy who actually came up with their idiotic ad-copy that Markus had rightly criticized. If he’d brought both Markus and the “lower-case i” guy back, might’ve been different, but singling out Markus based on some mixed-up metaphor that he was rowing in the wrong direction was clearly a decision motivated only by the fact that he didn’t like Markus, and Trump HATES that, and he was completely unable to defend it. Rebecca, on the other hand, was able to pull off a similar move, just barely, by having an impassioned and cogent speech to back up her decision. Also it was more about her saving Toral, than going after someone she didn’t like.

In other words, don’t be dissin’ Trump! There’s always a method to the madness.
20

Taradash

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:15 am

The Team all promised Rumbleman that they would help him out on this, He was PM on “Zathura” and won, but as they said he just doesnt want to be there anymore. back to murray hill.

and Marshawn what happen>?

quitters always loose

I would have love to see the cab ride back with Clay and Marshwn, that would just have been hysterical, so far, Markus is still riding that cab..
21

RealityTV4Me

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:20 am

Kate (#15): Anyone else think all these multiple firings are because ratings are low and they’re trying to cut the season short?

No. Remember, in the world of television production, these shows are taped ahead of time. They cannot possibly know what the ratings are going to be prior to deciding on a double or even quadruple firing. I think Burnett’s brain was just trying to come up with new twists.
22

Juan Pedro Del Bosque

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:30 am

Este es un programa estelar chicos. Se lo rrecomendare a todos los alumnos de mi academia. Gracias.
23

megan

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:45 am

Is anyone else on Team Alla? I want the stripper to go all the way, she’s totally one of the best.
I can see her and Randal being the last two.
24

RealityTV4Me

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:52 am

At least Trump won’t be able to blame Martha if next season tanks.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/14/television.stewart.reut/index.html
25

Lady J

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:53 am

Marshawn had been showing this tendency all along. She has consistently pointed out her team’s faults after it was too late. She pulled out so she wouldn’t be in a position of blame when they lost. What she should have done was given a knock out presentation and nailed-nailed-nailed Brian for making the team miss that meeting.
26

Qman

Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:13 am

Someone please tell me what I am missing with this Randal fellow! He is a nice guy and highly educated but he hasn’t really done jackcrap…. In fact he has gotten free passes from everyone on both teams, including Trump and his cronies. Even when he was PM what did he do that was so great? And the board room for him has been a love fest. Why does he even bother packing his things. No one is going to dis him. SOMEONE plesae tell me what am I missing!
27

chronic

Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:13 am

^ true enough, but am I the only one who seems to have a problem with all that flagrant lies and b.s. Marshawn was spewing in the boardroom. I mean I agree she seemed like a strong contender, but that was some seriously sketchy stuff.
28

chronic

Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:16 am

oops, ^ refers to 25. I have no problems with Randal, but where’s the love for Alla I ask. She’s absolutely killed, KILLED on two tasks now. I just love the way she gets sh*t done.
29

is

Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:44 am

It looked to me, that Alla was PISSED!!!! about the reaward with Bill Rancic. You know she wanted to go SHOPPING!

ROAR!!!!!The BIG oven mits are hysterical!!!! I picture him using those mits to pull out the HUGE chair in the boardroom and CLIMB up on it and rest his hands inside the MITS on top of the desk, while waiting for the nex order of business for the day.
30

bybybtchs

Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:49 am

Wow, lot’s of anxiety over Clay and by Clay or shall we now be calling him Gay-O? Poor Gay-O is as big a pain in the ass as Omarosa was. Sorry but in the real world, you don’t slam doors in your co-workers faces and give them the bitchy “don’t speak to me” speeches. Gay or not, his behavior is way off the reservation and he isn’t good enough to get away with it. Come to think of it, neither was the big O, perhaps Clay (oops, Gay-O) is just lining up his next spot on the surreal life. As for Marshawn, please girl. You got caught dumping on the team. At least if she had presented, she may have had a shot (cause the display sure as hell didn’t). Oh and as much as I like Randall and think it’ll be R and Alla at the end, come’on dude… no Vader? Even a low level Trekkie knows to put Kahn in the story… a geeky disappointment.
31

Double L

Posted November 14, 2005 at 10:08 am

Toral as an Ewok would be sooooooooo cute! But that would be soooooooo against her religion…
32

bdos88

Posted November 14, 2005 at 10:31 am

Great recap. I feel a little weird commenting on the show as I only saw the first 10 minutes. Aw, what the hell.

Clay – I do think he is basically worthless and a douchebag with no redeeming value, however, he does seem like he would be a demon in the sack, so you can understand my conflicted feelings about him.

I will say this, I was impressed that he fought to be PM right after the big dust up, which is what Toral should have done. I can also kind of understand why he would be pissed off about being labelled an anti-semite on national television.

Rest of Excel – my favourite moment was when Clay said he wanted to be PM because none of them trust him and they’ll do anything to get him out and they were all “No! No! No! That’s not the case at all.” But that’s verbatim what they said in their little 3-way meeting. Anyway, Alla rocks! I think she’s smart and scrappy enough to be the apprentice, but just not polished enough. It just seems like she has some pole juice still stuck to her (yuck, I grossed myself out with that one).

Marshawn – WTF?! Bailing on your team 30 minutes before crunch time is inexcusable.
And to think I was pulling for her to go all the way.
33

Lady J

Posted November 14, 2005 at 11:02 am

Chronic -

I’m not saying Marshawn didn’t fall apart in the boardroom. She really just didn’t answer the question. The real answer would have sunk her immediately and it was obvious they were only pressing her to say it in so many words. Trump & Co. knew why she backed out.
34

chronic

Posted November 14, 2005 at 11:36 am

No worries, Lady J. Sorry didn’t mean specifically you, just that pretty much all comments only mentioned the bailing thing, when I thought the attempted “cover-up” was at least as objectionable.

Hehe, you may be right about Alla, bdos88, but they haven’t had “street smarts” winner yet, have they? God, I hope she makes it the final – can’t wait to see her in action dealing with all the nutbags they bring back.
35

JustUsMoms

Posted November 14, 2005 at 11:58 am

OMG, how much time did you spend at jury duty thinking of a way to work a Mandelbrot reference into an apprentice recap? Hillarious!
36

jessie

Posted November 14, 2005 at 12:40 pm

I miss the Rubbleman already. ;__;
37

TWilliams

Posted November 14, 2005 at 2:32 pm

Someone just said Alla rocked in two challenges. Are we forgetting that she pretty much won Marshawn’s challege for her? I remember all of the girls saying how little Marshawn did during the Lamborghini challenge. Alla took all of the pictures and film footage and even pieced together the final ad with Blair and Reese. Marshawn has been labeled as “great” but I never saw it. She has been lucky in my opinon. The only two women to appear intelligent this season are Alla and Rebecca.

As for the intelligent men, I don’t know if there are any. I agree that Randall has the best odds and he is quite articulate, but his wins haven’t really shown his excellence other than the idiocy of the opposing team.

No matter what Clay’s sexual orientation, he is a hateful, spiteful person.

Trump said that these candidates were all hand-picked by him and he was so overly proud of the cast he had assembled but I cannot figure out why up to this point. Maybe he was patting himself on the back for making great television because this season is the best since season 1.
38

Qman

Posted November 14, 2005 at 5:35 pm

TWilliams…..

Ditto to everything you wrote……..

Randal has been given an “E Z PASS” so far. Can’t figure out why everyone posting here can’t see this. He’ll crash and burn soon.

Alla and Rebecca will be the final 2 and what a cat fight that will be.
Let the games begin!
39

Casey

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:14 pm

Alla is a strong candidate. She’s articulate, takes charge of tasks, deals with problems as they happen, and seems to keep the big picture in mind. Rebecca is a strong candidate, too. She offered to present in last week’s episode, and she’s risen to the occasion other times too.
40

Katrina

Posted November 14, 2005 at 8:56 pm

If it comes down to Alla and Rebecca, Alla will probably win. Rebecca lost the only time she was PM.
41

Finn

Posted November 15, 2005 at 8:05 am

Qman seems to have something against Randall. All you can do on the show is win your tasks. And it is almost impossible for us to really see the level of work that any task manager really does, because the show is edited to create conflict and misdirection. It’s tv after all.

But you can be reasonably sure that if everyone there likes Randall, or chooses him when they have to reconfigure teams, there must be really good reasons beyond what we see.

Also too, and again relating to the medium, many of these people are probably much smarter than they appear, but that would not make for entertaining television. Several of them are millionaires already.

I think Rebecca and Randall have the type of resumes that Trump would most appreciate and it will come down to them. Oh, and I think he would like to be able to pick a woman. Further, because of Rebecca’s loyalty to Toral (and the fact that she stood up to the clique of blond barbies) you could just tell then that Trump admired her balls and probably would not mind having her along.
42

solost

Posted November 15, 2005 at 9:16 pm

worst blind date ever!

Yes, hell in a patterned shirt, that is.

This recap was longer than the damn episode. And better.
43

EdHill

Posted November 16, 2005 at 2:37 pm

All these jokes are just a cover.

B-side’s real name is Ghyslian Raza. Thats right, B-side IS the Star Wars Kid..

http://www.screamingpickle.com/members/StarWarsKid/
44

killbondnow

Posted November 16, 2005 at 3:09 pm

…”we all weren’t very familiar with the Star Wars brand.”

NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE (AIR QUOTES) STAR WARS BRAND (AIR END-QUOTES) ???!!! Jesus Christ, even my 88 year-old grandmother knows who Darth Vader is! How the fuck old ARE these people? Morons. They all deserve to lose.

Luke, I Am Your Apprentice

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