Maria Boren: Domo Arigato, Mrs. Roboto

The Apprentice

By B-Side | Friday, December 10, 2004 | 3:14 am | 21 Comments


Click on Maria to play (Quicktime required)

In honor of The Apprentice 2 wrapping up next week, I decided to put together this little montage of Maria Boren during her final blazing episode. Note her robotic movements, her spastic blinking, and her manic hands which flap and gesticulate so violently you’d think she’d need a license to operate them. Most impressive, however, is Maria’s keen way of balancing between passive aggression and full out hostility. Repressed rage never looked so manicured.

Truthfully, I’d never want to get on this woman’s bad side, which is exactly what I’m doing every time I post about her. Oh Maria, we’ll always love you. Here’s to hoping you’ll be on Apprentice All Stars four years from now!

About

21 Comments

  1. 1
    Papercuts!
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 6:34 am

    Was that a wedding/engagement ring I saw on her finger?

  2. 2
    brigita
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 7:51 am

    I smell Oscar!!

    Isn’t she married to a Marine pilot?

  3. 3
    Ananda Fan
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 8:38 am

    aww yeaaaah! dat wuz off da hizzzzy fo’ shizzzy!!!!11!

  4. 4
    mike
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 9:47 am

    yeah, she’s married – I just read her Friendster profile! one of her hobbies/interests listed is “spending time with my husband”. I’m sure he loves her Maxim cover.

  5. 5
    Papercuts!
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 10:42 am

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Ahem.

    Sorry.

    Yeah, like the only thing keeping me from Maria is the fact that she’s already married.

  6. 6
    Pat
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 11:06 am

    Amazing. AM-A-ZING.

  7. 7
    Plague
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 2:08 pm

    I ditto Papercuts comments…

  8. 8
    pixies_rock_girl
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 4:42 pm

    A true piece of artwork.

  9. 9
    Jenn
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 5:28 pm

    I would argue that movie was M-azing!

  10. 10
    Leah3t
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 10:42 pm

    all day at work i waited to be able to come watch this on my home computer. it was worth the wait.

  11. 11
    Lisa
    Posted December 11, 2004 at 1:52 pm

    I was diggin’ the music in the background. I liked the montage, but lets face it, nothing can top the Scott and Jase video. That was a classic. You have a lot of talent B-Side. I like how you waste it on making people on reality TV look stupid. What could be more fun?

  12. 12
    b-side
    Posted December 11, 2004 at 2:32 pm

    Thank you Lisa. You’re right – absolutely nothing can top Scott and Jase. I’m so proud to have made my mark on the internet lexicon.

  13. 13
    bob
    Posted December 12, 2004 at 3:38 am

    The video was good, what I could hear of it. The music was about twice as loud as needed. Otherwise great.

  14. 14
    British
    Posted December 12, 2004 at 3:46 pm

    I am convinced Maria is a Romulan(her hair and attitude are perfect for it). One vidcap on this site even showed her ears in an almost pointy fashion. That first pic of her could have easily been her yelling at Jean Luc Picard in his ready room telling him to get out of the Neutral zone.

    Still she is/was my favorite apprentice of this season. Still the hottest. I better go buy that Maxim issue. :)

    On the clip, I would have omitted the Strut song. Where was the footage of her flapping her arms like a madwoman on the QVC bit? That was classic(that and the “me me me” comment).

  15. 15
    Debbie
    Posted December 13, 2004 at 12:49 am

    I really want to see this, but can’t get it to work. It says, “click on Maria to play”, but I don’t see a photo of Maria. I’ve tried several times. Can you help? Thanks.

  16. 16
    mike
    Posted December 13, 2004 at 8:19 am

    in the sunday times, there was a full page ad for some event at Macy’s with some Apprentice cast members. in the picture were Pamela (lookin’ good), John (model looking I guess) and….Maria! sans makeup and looking off to the side like an angel in repose. an angel named Lucifer.

  17. 17
    Genevieve
    Posted December 13, 2004 at 5:51 pm

    Loved it!
    Yeah, I agree w/ some others, could have done without the music. And maybe the QVC episode bits thrown in.
    But otherwise awesome job once again :)

  18. 18
    kendostickextend
    Posted December 16, 2004 at 12:42 am

    what a severe bitch…how sad for the husband.

  19. 19
    Ed Cookingham
    Posted December 18, 2004 at 6:13 am

    Maria’s haircut is a real turn-on for me, and it suits her perfectly.

  20. 20
    Kathleen
    Posted December 21, 2004 at 8:35 pm

    B-side:
    Your recaps are right on the mark. You write the best and funniest columns on the internet!

  21. 21
    RavinBoi
    Posted December 27, 2004 at 9:50 pm

    Hey, i came across an amazing picture of Maria on Snarkywood.com, here’s the link!

    http://www.snarkywood.com/2004/12/the_women_of_th.html

    it’s under the bit about maria.. i laughed for a very long time… you’ll know it when you see it.

    Z

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