Family Business

The Apprentice

By B-Side | Tuesday, April 25, 2006 | 1:50 pm | 38 Comments

kids042506 Oh joyful day. Not only was The Apprentice back this week, but we had a full family reunion as The Donald recruited his loyal spawn, Ivanka and Donald Jr. to help decide the fate of one unlucky candidate. I must admit, Ivanka’s waxen visage has grown on me as she’s proven herself to be fairly articulate and somewhat vicious. Donald Jr. — well, he still needs some work. It’s encouraging to see that his hair is no better than his father’s, but chances are we’d probably like him a bit more if he took a few diction classes from time to time and maybe even saw an orthodontist. Nevertheless, having the whole fam around made for fun times, but we must always remember one thing: no one, absolutely no one, can replace George and Carolyn.With it being two weeks since the last Apprentice, memories of the last Boardroom were somewhat hazy for me. Luckily, the show began in said Boardroom with Leslie and Lee going at it in front of Trump. That’s right. It’s all coming back to me now: Lee’s nonstop blabbing, Leslie’s exasperation, those damn P’Eatzzas. The whole thing just made for gastrointestinal malaise. Come to think of it, I bet if we really investigate Bruce’s intestinal blockage on Survivor, we’d find an old P’Eatzza stuck in his colon. Feeling sick now? Good. That’s how my recaps are best read.

Anyway, with Leslie and Lee snarling at each other in the Boardroom, we then cut to Charmaine up in the suite who was trying to predict the outcome of this showdown. “Maybe I’m just DUMB, but I kind of feel like Leslie’s coming back,” she told one of her roommates. Bad news, Charmaine. You’re dumb. Leslie was fired, and in case we forgot, she was canned on her birthday. I felt bad for her two weeks ago the first time we saw this, but now we saw that her buddies had planned a whole celebration for her. They’d even baked her a birthday cake, complete with marbleized frosting. But alas, Trump’s finger gun is a mighty force, and no Duncan Hines creation can fight it. Therefore, Leslie went home without even participating in her own birthday bonanza — just proving that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Or actually, you just can’t have your cake at all.

Well, Lee returned to the suite, and almost everyone gave him superficial hugs and smiles. Everyone but Charmaine, that is. She simply sneered, “Shit!” and walked away. Maybe she was mad because she didn’t have a cake prepared for him as well. She does love having a cake handy at all times.

Okay, I’m making things up. Charmaine was pissed, but that’s only because she just really didn’t like Lee. And after the cocky little stunt he then pulled at dinner, I could see why. You see, Lee was talking about the Boardroom experience with Leslie when he remarked, “She probably fought the hardest out of all the people I fired.” Yes, he said “I fired.” Man, talk about ego. He was making Tarek seem like the Dalai Lama.

Anyway, for those of you who may have forgotten, in the last Boardroom, Charmaine told Trump that Leslie should not be fired, implying that the axe should fall on Lee. Well, that night, as they continued to eat dinner, Lee insisted that he wasn’t even mad at Charmaine. Not at all. Riiight. We’ll see how long this latest self-delusional lie lasts.

Nevertheless, this opening sequence ended with Lee insisting that he had to be the next Project Manager. His butt was on the line, and if he screwed up one more time, he’d be sent packing. And with that, we cut to the opening credits, which were eventually followed by news that viewers could win $10,000 by texting who they thought would be fired that night. Sounded like fun! FOR MORONS. (Meanwhile, one of those morons is $10,000 richer, and I’m still here nitpicking about marbleized frosting on birthday cakes.)

We then cut to footage of the next morning where a veritable Day After Tomorrow rain storm was besieging New York City. Why, there was a goose wading through water! And a dog running from the thunder! And gutters overflowing! And of course, umbrellas blowing out of control — like untamed beasts yearning to escape their human overlords! It was bedlam, I tell you! Harrowing, tempestuous bedlam!

Somehow, our plucky candidates survived the deluge and met up with Trump, who introduced everyone to Donald Jr. and Ivanka, also known as the two most puckered siblings of Manhattan. They were joined by a third man — an executive from Ameriquest who sported an unfortunate midlife crisis goatee of some sort. If someone were to create a hybrid of sandpaper and a Brillo pad, that’s what this guy had growing on his chin.

Ameriquest: Proud Sponsor of the American Goatee.

Anyway, this executive was clearly the third wheel — or fourth wheel, as it were — since today was all about the Trump family. I’m surprised Melania wasn’t lingering around too. “Today, we’ll be working with my true apprenti,” Trump joked, and again, I must remind the world, “apprenti” is NOT A WORD. Neologisms be damned. No one was going to rain on this family reunion (except, of course, for the rain that was raining on it, but that’s neither here nor there.) Trump then turned to his children and said, “You know who to report to, right?” This was followed by polite laughter from all in attendance, and then Trump bellowed out, “REPORTING TO YOUR FATHER IS A THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!”

“Oh look. Poor people.”

“We get to be judged by kids. Yay.”

Okay, maybe he didn’t say that, but what he did do was explain this week’s task. Trump began babbling about Ellis Island, and for a minute, I thought he might reveal his own high-class version called Trumpllis Island — which would be pretty much the same, except it would feature three golf courses and gold-trimmed INS booths. Anyway, Trump talked a bit about the history of Ellis Island and how people came there with an American Dream. Oh, and speaking of American Dreams, a company that has an American Dream is, you guessed it, Ameriquest! This seemed like a bit of a stretch to me, but then again, Trump reminded us that Ameriquest is the Proud Sponsor of the American Dream (which means that if you’re ever denied by Ameriquest, you clearly have a very Un-American Dream, Commie).

For this week’s task, teams had to go to Ellis Island, take some photos, and then create a limited edition souvenir tourist program. Then the next day, they’d have to go out and sell these items, and whichever team earned the most would win. All proceeds would go to the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island Foundation, FYI. Trump then turned to Gold Rush and gave them the sort of morale boost that can really motivate a team: “I hope you people start doing well,” he said. You people? They’re human beings!!! Trump is racist! Racist against losers!

And so the teams headed off on their latest corporate journeys, and we cut to patriotic images of American flags and what not. Just in case we weren’t sure if we should be feeling jingoistic, Mark Burnett then piped in a few bars from the National Anthem. Overkill? Just a tad. Luckily, this random Rah-Rah-Rah America moment passed, and we soon found ourselves with Gold Rush as Lee delegated work out to his minions. Michael and Tarek were going to take pictures at Ellis Island while Lee and Charmaine were going to hang back and try to sell, sell, sell. Charmaine came up with the idea of bulk selling to hotels and whatnot, but as big as the idea was, she pretty much failed at every turn. I don’t think it was really her fault. There just simply was not a high demand for dumb souvenir programs in the hotels of Manhattan. I personally would have tried specialty and travel bookstores or museums, but hey, to each his own.

Over at Synergy, Keebler Elf wannabe Allie had stepped up to be Project Manager, and she really felt this was an important task for her because three of her four grandparents came over to American via Ellis Island. That’s great. Where did they come from? SMURF VILLAGE? Okay, that was cruel. Anyway, Allie and her faithful lapdog Tammy decided to go on a tour of Ellis Island to get some background info on the place, you know, for the brochure, and guess who wasn’t happy about this? ANDREA. Yes, the soft-spoken queen biatch felt they were wasting time, and she was not afraid to passive aggressively communicate that through a series of rolled-eyes and mumbled comments. Eventually, Andrea cornered Allie and pressured her to come up with a plan, a confrontation that really only led to the usual Allie nodding in a typically patronizing way. Sorry Andrea, you may be a passive-aggressive bitch, but Allie’s a superficial passive-aggressive bitch. Can’t beat that.

Well, with all the information gathered, Synergy headed back to the Circle Line ferry, but oops! Tammy left all her precious notes at Ellis Island! And worse, the boat was about to leave port! What to do? Hint: it’s called THE INTERNET. Alas, Tammy and Allie had apparently never heard of “Wikipedia” and so they ran off the boat in search of the missing notebook. Bad move. While the two girls were gone, the foghorn sounded and the boat left, leaving poor Allie and Tammy behind. Hahahaha. Suckers. I mean, we knew it wouldn’t be the end of the world — the ship’s captain even said another ferry was coming in — but it still was fairly awesome. And so our perky Project Manager was separated from the group. It was like An American Tail ALL OVER AGAIN! Just remember, Allie. There are no cats in America. Just massive bitches named Andrea.

We then cut to commercial, and when we returned, Trump was babbling about his lesson of the week: “All in the Family,” he said. I was then hoping I’d see him and Melania at a piano, croaking out “Boy the way Glenn Miller played! Songs that made the hit parade! Guys like us we had it made. Those were the days!” And you know they totally do that on the weekends.

But instead of Trump going all Archie Bunker on us, we instead saw him chatting with daughter Ivanka in his office. “Little different than college, right?” he asked.

“A little different. A little more real world experience, I’d say,” she responded. Well, that would make sense, seeing how you’re not in college but the real world now. Anyway, we then cut to Gold Rush where Lee was overseeing the graphic design element of the program. And when I say that Lee was overseeing, I really meant to say that Lee was nodding while Tarek basically ran the task. Yes, our MENSA man was finally having a moment of greatness as he took charge of the whole endeavor. And don’t think that people didn’t notice. Ivanka surely caught on to what was up, and Charmaine, well, she was just pissed because if they won, Lee would get all the credit for Tarek’s work.

Behold! The floating head of CHARMAINE!!

Meanwhile, over at Synergy, Allie and Tammy were still stuck on Ellis Island (truly living out the immigration experience), and so Andrea had become the new de facto leader of the team. You see, she’s had plenty of experience with graphic design, and therefore, she was a no-brainer to lead up the program design. At least, according to her. And so this praying mantis of a woman put together a schlocky brochure that featured such silly images as the Statue of Liberty superimposed on Ellis Island. Needless to say, when Allie finally returned, she was not happy with Andrea’s work. And guess what? Andrea was unhappy with Allie’s unhappiness.

“This is really important; so I appreciate your deep sighs,” Andrea snipped. Oh Allie! Your deep sigh is so BUSTED! Well, the Project Manager denied having a deep sigh, but Andrea totally heard it. “She deep sighed. Right there. I heard it,” she insisted. To be fair, Andrea has a wonderful ear for deep sighs.

The next morning, Gold Rush woke up at 5 AM to stake out the best location to sell the brochures. Sure enough, they hit the motherlode at Battery Park where hundreds of tourists had lined up to take the ferry. The team blanketed the captive audience with their dumb brochures, and by the time Synergy had arrived — a few hours later, no less — nearly all the tourists had procured their extra special tchotchke programs. Yes, Gold Rush had essentially cut Synergy out of the running, something that Sean could not believe. He was so exasperated that he indulged his inner British comic impulses and went on a whole fussy rant about the situation. I think it was supposed to be funny, but, well, there’s a reason why John Cleese is John Cleese and Sean is Sean. On the plus side, I did actually laugh at Sean, but that was more because of the stupid patriotic garb he had adorning his body (New York hat, stars-and-stripes tie — all he was missing was an Uncle Sam hat and some sparklers). To be fair, all the dumb Synergy people were wearing this outfit, which really didn’t make it any better. Hey Andrea, did you hear that? It was a deep sigh… FROM ME.

Someone punch him.

Seriously. Punch him.

Nevertheless, Synergy kept trying to sell their brochures, but it probably didn’t help that poor Roxanne looked like a homeless woman as she dragged a suitcase behind her. Adding to the stress of the situation was Donald Trump Jr. who suddenly emerged from the crowd looking typically smug. I couldn’t be quite sure, but in the past five minutes, I think he had either kicked a pigeon, stolen money from some kids, or eaten a really good hot dog. Possibly all three. I was also amused by Donald Jr.’s unwieldy ‘do. It was as if he had taken the worst elements from his father and Tarek’s coifs and combined them into one truly awful hybrid of hair and styling gel. The occasional gust of wind did not help matters either.

Brushing your hair is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

Anyway, Synergy finally threw in the Battery Park towel and headed across the water to Ellis Island where they attempted to increase their sales at the museum. Unfortunately, it’s hard to boost revenue when everyone in the museum has already been approached by Gold Rush. And let’s not forget Andrea and her robo-sales skills. Her big strategy was to approach tourists, quietly ask if they’d like a brochure, and then about halfway through, walk away, and, you guessed it, DEEP SIGH. I think a psychiatrist would have an easier time prescribing Paxil to Tom Cruise.

Back on the mainland, Gold Rush received wonderful news. One of the millions of people Charmaine had contacted about bulk purchases had actually called her back! It’s a Christmas miracle! She ultimately managed to sell a hundred programs for $85 to this woman, which wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of giant deals, but I guess it was worth something. Lee certainly was excited. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. Thinking differently. Thinking smart,” he said. Hey Lee, it wasn’t your idea. Someone really needs to shove a P’Eatzza in his face.

Over at Synergy, with only a short amount of time left, Andrea approached Allie and mentioned that oh yeah, she’s great with bulk sales. Maybe they should do that instead? Uh, a little late… DEEP SIGH. While Allie certainly appreciated the idea, it was the eleventh hour, and she was totally annoyed as to why Andrea didn’t come forward with her bulk sales expertise earlier. Technically, Andrea had mentioned it, but no one heard because everyone was DEEP SIGHING.

We then cut to commercial, and dammit, NBC, NO ONE WANTS TO GET RICH WITH TRUMP! Do we have to see these promos every break for every show for the rest of the season? Please, just stop. When we returned, the teams all filed into the Boardroom where Trump asked his children how they enjoyed playing with the other kids. Donald Jr. said he had a blast, and Ivanka, a seasoned pro by now, said, “It was fun with my brother this time as well.” This was then followed by a little Donald Jr. smirk, and I’m sure half of America recoiled as incestuous scenarios all played through our heads (let’s not forget The Donald’s icky comment on The View that he’d date Ivanka if she weren’t his daughter. Yech.)

Anyway, Trump then asked Allie how she thought her team did, and surprisingly, the diminutive Project Manager said she wasn’t feeling very confident. When asked who the weakest link was, she quickly ratted out Andrea, completely shocking Trump in the process. He always thought she was a star, he claimed. But no. Not so much. Everyone on Synergy pretty much shook their head at Trump and did the “Yeah… not really. Sawry,” groan. Andrea meanwhile just rolled her eyes (that’s her way of deep sighing. Unfortunately, her lungs can’t take in the proper amounts of oxygen needed for the deep sigh, on account of her skeletal frame).

Well, enough stalling. Results time! Synergy raked in a solid $843.40, but Gold Rush spanked them with a whopping $1,548.68. Wow. Kind of makes that bulk deal seem irrelevant now, huh? Anyway, Trump then told them that their reward would be so good that even HE was going to come along. What could possibly pique The Donald’s interest so? Why, a little man I like to call Mr. Vijay Singh. Yes, the gang would be playing golf with Vijay, a wonderful fella that Trump absolutely loved. “The only thing I don’t like about Vijay: he makes me realize what a bad golfer I am,” he said. He then added, “Realizing you’re a bad golfer is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!!!”

Before we went to the big reward, we then moved back to the suite where Andrea once again confronted Allie. “It’s stupid of you to lie!” she sneered, apparently offended for being labeled a bad saleswoman. Later, Andrea sulked away, bristling, “Those bitches lied about me.” Yeah, it’s not so much fun when you’re the new Brent, huh? What goes around, comes around, bitch.

The next morning, Gold Rush went out to Trump National Golf Course where Lee told us, “I’m the Project Manager. I look amazing!” Oh, shut up, Lee. You’re making Tarek seem way too sympathetic. Lee then explained how he had been feeling terrible all these weeks being on the losing team, but now, after one victory, he was sky high. He even unveiled a new mantra: “Winning. Best remedy for feeling like crap.” So eloquent. Somebody get this man a page in Bartlett’s!

Anyway, Vijay soon showed his face and gave everyone some tips on how to hit the ball. I was most amused when Tarek hit a sweet shot, causing Vijay to giggle like a little girl. Seriously, he was out of control. But then it was time for Vijay to step up and make everyone feel lame. Sure enough, the PGA champion hit a birdie, causing Trump to crow, “That’s great, Veej.” Yeah, way to go, VEEJ.

“Hey Veej, check out my hat!”

Back at the suite, Synergy was now strategizing. And by that, I mean, they were acting like a clique. And by that, I mean they were being their normal selves. Allie, Roxanne, Tammy, and Sean all gossiped about how terrible Andrea was, but what they didn’t realize was that the she-devil was standing on the other side of the wall, keenly listening in. If I were her, I would have just stood there and listened for hours on end, but instead, she eventually did the whole “I can hear everything you’re saying,” effectively killing all the good banter. Later, as Andrea tried to curry favor from Sean, Allie told her girls that Andrea was going to be fired. No doubt about it. This, of course, led me to believe that she would not be fired. Classic misdirection. Oh, we’re onto you, Mark Burnett.

andreaeavesdrops Allie then promised to get vicious with Andrea. She seethed, “There will be blood on the walls. There will be blood on the walls. There will be f*ckin’ BLOOD EVERYWHERE!” She then plunged her hand into Tammy’s chest and removed her heart, shrieking violently and smearing the organ all over the walls, occasionally stopping to beat her chest and hiss at anyone who dared approach her. Okay, maybe she didn’t do that, but she certainly revealed that angry, bitter, nasty dark side that we always knew she had.

Finally, it was time for the Boardroom, and right out of the gate, Allie was bashing Andrea. She said she was to blame for pretty much everything, and what did Andrea say in response? Not much. She merely rolled her eyes (natch) and quietly rebuked everyone by saying “That’s not true” and similar phrases of that ilk. Roxanne soon jumped on board the anti-Andrea train by saying that the spindly sticker company exec just gave quit at the graphic design, but that’s not really case. Andrea actually moved over so that Allie could take over since clearly Allie was so unhappy with the work. Nevertheless, it was an all out war against Andrea, but suddenly Trump asked Sean what he thought, and the ever-so-charming Brit broke rank and said that Allie should be the one who gets fired. Wha-wha-whaaa? Oh, he’s so out of the clique now!

Nevertheless, Allie was undeterred by this, and she continued to attack, attack, attack. Not so fast, little one. First you gotta get by Ivanka. Donald’s daughter busted Allie about not being there to oversee the brochure’s creation, and inexplicably, no one mentioned that Tammi and Allie had gone missing because they’d missed the Circle Line ferry. Surely I thought Andrea was going to talk about that over and over again, but it wasn’t brought up — not even once!

Anyway, Allie went on the offensive again, bashing Andrea’s so-called graphic-design experience, but Ivanka countered by saying that the real problem was the location. Soon Donald Jr. jumped into the fray, also bashing Allie for the location and the brochure, and when Allie retorted that the program was bad because of Andrea, DT Jr. reminded her that she was in fact the one who had sat down and redesigned the whole thing. Ouch. Busted by Donald Jr. That’s gotta be humiliating.

Well, soon Tammy, Allie, and Roxanne were all working in tandem to railroad Andrea, but they were momentarily paused by Trump who told Roxanne, “You’re a very good speaker… have you been told that before? Because I would like to have you representing me in court.” Is he even paying attention?

As the Boardroom continued, Donald Jr. then began grilling Andrea about her reticence to reveal her capabilities with bulk sales, and again, I was confused as to why Andrea wasn’t defending herself more. I mean, Andrea’s a major bitch, but was she really to blame for this task? It was Allie who was slow to secure a location. It was Allie who missed the boat and couldn’t oversee the graphic design. And it was Allie who nearly lit the whole tree on fire when she was making her latest batch of E.L. Fudge Sandwich Cookies!

Nevertheless, Andrea proved to be a near mute in the Boardroom, and so Trump bought into the hype. He accused her of ruining team chemistry and not working well with others. Plus, he didn’t like her contributions or lack thereof to this task. And so Andrea was fired without even the benefit of coming back alone with Allie and whoever else. I was a little disappointed that Trump didn’t ask Allie to bring two people back with her because I think that probably would have exposed the cronyism going on in this team. But whatever. It was still a solid Boardroom.

Afterwards, as Andrea marched to her cab of shame, Trump reclined back in his seat and said, “Good job, kids!” Thanks, dad! Now bring back George and Carolyn.

And with that, the episode drew to a close. We watched as Andrea’s taxi drove away, and just as we were getting into that rousing “Dunh dunh, DUNH DUNH, DA-DA-DA DUNH DUNH!” music, a creepy-voiced narrator suddenly said, “Congratulations to Martha Arzate.” Apparently, she had won the $10,000 prize. Do we really need this to be announced like it was the trailer for Silent Hill? Just scroll the info across the bottom of the screen and stop annoying us with your shameless gimmicks to improve the ratings. ENOUGH.

What did you think about this episode?

Comments (38)
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38 Comments

1

Shoe-In

Posted April 25, 2006 at 2:04 pm

In the future, Sean needs to stop smoking crack before giving his interviews. So glad to see Andrea go — her yellow eye shadow in the boardroom is in itself grounds for firing.

While I am starting to really like Ivanka, was not loving Trump Jr. at all. I dont know what’s worse for these contestants: Being critiqued by Bill Rancic or Donald Trump Jr.
2

masmith103

Posted April 25, 2006 at 2:12 pm

Yes Donald Jr. was a WRECK. Did anyone else notice Ivanka’s bottom teeth? I guess braces on only half your mouth is a 2 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR INDUSTRY.

Nice that Donald has to now dangle a $10,000 dollar reward out there for people to watch his show? OMG how desperate is that? But if it works it works. Does anyone know if this is for each time zone? So in actuality $40,000 – $50,000.

Ding dong the UBER-Witch is gone! Thank GOD!!! I didn’t know if I could take one more rant and run. She has major issues.

Great recap as USUAL. Thanks.
3

Danny Aged

Posted April 25, 2006 at 2:20 pm

I don’t think Donald is paying anyone $10k…am sure he’s making out on that little bit of interactive product placement – or whatever it’s called these days.
4

hog island

Posted April 25, 2006 at 2:22 pm

Allie should have gone. Her voice is annoying. Roxanne saved her ass.
5

SaveFerris

Posted April 25, 2006 at 3:04 pm

so glad Hillary Clinton, err Andrea, is gone. She was such a self-impressed bitch.
6

stacyrocks

Posted April 25, 2006 at 3:18 pm

Yay, Andrea’s gone! She has been getting on my nerves for over a month. I actually said out loud to my tv “Finally, BITCH!” when she got fired. But then I felt bad when she was full on crying in the cab…. How sad… I quickly got over it though.

And I love how Trump is all ‘Good job kids!’ and it’s so endearing but damnit, I MISS CAROLYN & GEORGE TOGETHER (mostly George). GEORGIE, WHERE ARE YOU?
7

Sarcasma

Posted April 25, 2006 at 3:23 pm

Just looking at Donald Jr. makes me want to punch him in the face.

I can tolerate Bill, but please leave junior at home next time.

Maybe George has a blocked intestine from eating to many P’Eatzzas.
8

zuulrules

Posted April 25, 2006 at 3:43 pm

Where is George? He’s swapped bodies with his grandson and now is known as Lee. Wait. That was George (God) Burns in 18 AGAIN. My mistake.

Also, just how many times Andrea had to poke her eyeballs to simulate the act of crying? Or is she an expert at fake crying?

Also, please don’t squeeze the Charmaine.
9

HoneyBunny

Posted April 25, 2006 at 3:50 pm

When Lee was talking about how often he has been in the Boardroom he said there was a chair in there with his permanent ass-print on it…LOL!

hb
10

Keyser Soze

Posted April 25, 2006 at 4:26 pm

I was amazed that the CUNextTuesday Andrea is also spineless when it comes to defending herself. I’m glad the tranny bitch is gone.
I get annoyed at the constant “he/she is project leader and didn’t do anything” rant which alternates with the “he/she is project leader and didn’t let anyone else do anything.” Charmaine needs to shut her pie hole. She did about as much as Lee on this task.
11

Tabby Lavalamp

Posted April 25, 2006 at 4:45 pm

Ooooh, I so kept thinking of Brent during this episode! It doesn’t feel so good being on the receiving end, does it, Andrea? Did you not use the “can’t be managed” accusation towards him too? Ha!

I’m also peeved with Charmaine. Lee may have done very little with the project design, but where they really won was in pricing, location, and timing, and don’t tell me that wasn’t Lee all the way. He may be getting arrogant, but it’s not like he did squat.
12

zevonia

Posted April 25, 2006 at 5:22 pm

Donald Jr and Ivanka prove that money can not buy intelligent, charming & good looking children. I wonder if the Donald has sunk any money into genetics?
Sorry, B-Side, you’re wrong. Ivanka is not in the real world. She’s a spoiled rich bitch working for her father. She’s never hearing those famous words: “you’re fired”.
13

ATCmurph

Posted April 25, 2006 at 5:34 pm

I’m still trying to figure out how I didn’t know there was a Donald Trump Jr. Because he’s just so magnetic, how could I not know about him?

Glad Andrea is gone. She bugged the crap out of me for so many reasons.

Bring back Caroline and George! Seriously, what’s with the absence?
14

JasonR

Posted April 25, 2006 at 5:48 pm

Ivanka is no Carolyn, but she is pretty adorable.

How many times are people going to make the same mistakes on these reality shows? This task was all about whoever got to the line for the Ellis Island ferry first and staked their claim. Lee should get credit for that.

After the cereal ad debacle, what were Synergy thinking letting Andrea and her self-proclaimed expertise in graphic design anywhere near this project. I loved how at the end she qualified her boast by saying that her expertise was actually in HIRING graphic designers. That alone should have been enough to get her ass fired.

Looking forward to the Sean – Tammy hookup next week. I certainly can’t blame him for trying to hit that . . . next best thing to the actual Sandra Bullock!
15

mangos

Posted April 25, 2006 at 6:12 pm

I think they give away $10,000 to each time zone, the east coast’s winner was someone named Sandra.

I am so glad Andrea is gone because she has no people skills, she’s unpleasant, hard to work with etc. But I couldnt help feeling sorry for her in the cab when she was crying. Well, she has her millions to go home to I guess.

Tarek should have been PM, he needed a win and he basically won this task for Lee.
16

Casey

Posted April 25, 2006 at 6:25 pm

I remembered an article from awhile back in which Ivanka Trump said that she travelled coach. Found the article (USA Today from 2003). Here’s the part about her:

” Trump, like Hilton and Hilfiger and Gleicher, gets pretty much what she wants ” but not all the time. “She’s on a budget that lets her live very nicely but still in the realm of reality, as opposed to craziness,” says her father, Donald, who wasn’t impressed by the other heirs in Born Rich. “The rest of these kids, they come across as spoiled-brat children who don’t understand the world.”

At the party, Ivanka Trump is dazzling in a second-skin strapless black Behnaz Sarafpour mini-dress and works the floor as well as her legendary real estate mogul dad. The former model’s catwalking days are done, and she plans to take next summer off after she graduates in May. She’ll then join the family business, where older brother Don already works while Eric, the youngest, studies at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Trump even flies coach when she travels alone because “she’s thin and doesn’t have to pay three times as much for a wider seat and a slightly better meal,” her father says.

“It’s good to not be a brat and not take things for granted,” says Trump, who can’t go on extravagant shopping binges. “I have nice stuff, but I don’t go out and throw down my credit card on expensive clothes. There’s not a chance. I could try, and my credit card would come back as declined.” ”
http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2003-10-26-born-rich_x.htm
17

zoobabe

Posted April 25, 2006 at 9:13 pm

I missed this episode, so I was so glad to read the recap so soon B-side. I especially loved the American Tail reference. Too funny! Thanks

I’m glad that Andrea’s gone too.
18

Aries

Posted April 25, 2006 at 9:32 pm

For once this was a boardroom decision I totally agreed with and wholeheartedly support. It’s kind of surprising that Andrea would go down so spectacularly, with the ridiculous brochure and her 11th hour pronouncement that she was a bulk sales expert. With her superior level of cutthroatedness, I thought she’d make it farther than this, but I’m glad she is gone.

I’m definitely on the same page as B-Side about wanting to punch Sean. For some reason, his accent seemed particularly grating last night. Why Tammy hooks up with him next week, I do not know. I guess the isolation builds up during the weeks of taping, and even semi-attractive and extremely irritating people appear hot.
19

jay

Posted April 25, 2006 at 10:43 pm

Jason – you’re right on target man. After the cereal box disaster, how could they have let the smug moron Andrea touch anything graphic. She’s a mess! Did you see that brochure they put together? It sucked!

As for Lee, he learned the basics from Lenny – this was all about Sales, and the early bird wins.

He was the man on this task! Next week – see ya Charmaine!
20

Lori MacBlogger

Posted April 25, 2006 at 11:11 pm

The entire episode, every time Andrea bragged about her business savvy, I just kept thinking back to your last post which kept reminding us that the woman runs A STICKER COMPANY.
21

Zharak

Posted April 26, 2006 at 12:59 am

Tarek is da man, he seems to be the workhorse every week for Gold Rush.

And what’s up with Junior? It looks like he has the chin of a 350 pound obese man.
22

whassup

Posted April 26, 2006 at 2:56 am

I’m not sure if this is an OK question to ask or not, but is Andrea a tranny? The whole time I was watching the show, it seemed that she was somewhat masculine: big hands, no waist, small boobs, Adam’s apple. And then it hit me that in all the photos I’ve seen of her, she’s wearing a scarf or a turtleneck. I’ve seen some snide comments calling her mAndrea, but nobody bothered to make it totally explicit.

Anyway, watching the show, the abiguity was driving me nuts, and it got in the way of things. It got me thinking that maybe the women turned on her so much was that she really was a bit “different” from them.

Also, if she is a tranny, the camera crew must have been in on it. I wonder what their policy was.

OK – sorry if this question seems rude. If you know one way or the other, please say.

Is this a reality TV first? The first tranny to be a big-player in a reality TV? Why isn’t anyone talking about it?

Perhaps there could be a reality TV show just for non-hetero types. E.g. A pre-op tranny, post-op tranny, a lesbian post-op tranny, a butch lesbian, a leather bear, etc. Put them on an island and make them do something.
23

Tony A.

Posted April 26, 2006 at 5:36 am

I really have a strong hunch that Andrea may be a transsexual. All the signs are there, so…

I thought the best line was when (I think it was Tammy) it was said “Gold Rush is here, and their brochure is WAY better than ours”. The Synergy gang failed in so many levels.

It’s amusing that alliances are being formed, a la “Survivor”, but they really don’t belong in this show. Better to always be united and let the chips fall where thay may. This ganging up on one person is not in the best interest of the show and it seems the ratings reflect that.

As for Trump parading his offspring, this is a disaster that will get “Apprentice” canned, as no one is interested in watching junior assholes in action. Trump gets away with his actions because he’s, like it or not, larger than life. His kids’ attempts to bask in Daddy’s reflected glory are pitiful and it makes them look foolish. And they’re both ugly, I think. I especially deplore Junior’s fusty little pout. Yech!
24

ClariceStarling

Posted April 26, 2006 at 7:08 am

I agree. While Ivanka seems like a nice girl, Donald Jr. seems like a total tool. Why should these people listen and/or be questioned by these overprivileged dolts? Hunh? Hunh?
25

BigTeebo

Posted April 26, 2006 at 7:27 am

As for Andrea’s origins, I haven’t seen Transamerica except for clips & pictures, but she bears a STRONG resemblence to Felicity Huffman’s character in the movie, who’s M to F trans. I would not be surprised if she was, and probably the nypost will find out the truth.

Funniest moment of the ep: Andrea’s opening a jar and goes in her emotionless voice “bitches….”.

Her listening in through the wall reminded me of Big Brother quite a bit. Interesing to see the poll results went from Lee(before the task was finished) all the way to Andrea and boom, she’s gone.

I would not have known it was Donald Trump’s son if he wasn’t on this show. Sure he has the jawline and eyes, but bears no resemblence to Mr. Trump himself otherwise, especially with that east coast mullet.
26

chronic

Posted April 26, 2006 at 8:11 am

Whither George? I’ll still take Jr over Rancic though. And I don’t mind Ivanka at all actually. Especialy since Carolyn’s been getting a bit shrill lately, didn’t like the Lenny boardroom at all.

And I agree, would’ve been better to see this one played out mano a mano, as I fundamentally disagree with the idea that someone gets fired because their teammates don’t like them.

That said, Andrea was a big old overrated bitch who sabotaged and undermined the PMs. The Synergy winning streak prevented them from doing anything about it until now, so I can kinda see where they were coming from. But I just don’t like how it played out. Man I hate Synergy. Every last one of them. Surprised to see Synergy yet again getting their beauty sleep while Gold Rush was out selling (not to mention letting the obviously incompetent Andrea run amok with the graphics again), and I was kinda hoping for a multiple firing for making the same stupid mistake twice. Really, Trump must have a business lesson about that.

Um, and why do these idiots have their little strategy pow-wows that are so easily overheard. I mean just looking at that pic, the room is wide open anyway (that or the producers have nifty special effects?)
27

tvaholic

Posted April 26, 2006 at 8:28 am

Yes, JasonR(#14) I was thinking the same thing about the cereal box. So I figured either A) they let her do it to set her up to fail, or B)Andrea’s ego is so big that even though she was reamed for her job on the cereal box she still considered herself the expert & should do the graphic design. Or a little bit of both.

I am so glad Andrea’s gone, but now I hate Allie. She was a horrible leader & I had to agree with Andrea that they did waste time going on the tour & could have found the info thru pamphlets & the internet. And WTF with Tammy-the one task you have, taking notes, & you manage to lose the notebook? Yes, Allie never would’ve called her out on it but Andrea should have. And the “blood on the walls” rampage-I’d be sleeping with one eye open if I were in the suite, she looked like she was imagining the prom scene from “Carrie” & figuring out a way to get some pig’s blood.
28

madpuppy

Posted April 26, 2006 at 9:34 am

Every time I saw Andrea, I thought she reminded me of Ann Coulter. They’ve both got that (barely) post-op tranny thing going on.
29

Trixie

Posted April 26, 2006 at 10:47 am

I am glad he-woman Andrea is gone. Her gender was confusing to me, and frankly I was tired of hearing her talk about her millionaire status. I think Ivanka Trump is a lovely young lady, and her looks are growing on me. I think she is actually starting to look gorgeous. I also think she is a smart well spoken person too. At least she went to a decent school and has that to fall back on when her father’s business starts to fall because his golddigging wife will take everything once they get divorced. Donald Jr should be less worried about his hair, and more worried about his mouth looking just like his old man’s. Same pouty lips…ICK…
30

jash

Posted April 26, 2006 at 11:10 am

hooo hoooo, wow. this recap was damn funny and i’d say in the top 10% of your recaps!

this is clearly an UEO site. indian jones can suck it.
31

Yota

Posted April 26, 2006 at 1:22 pm

Ok, here is my conspiracy theory: Andrea was or is a man. One of the hardest things to hide is the adams apple. The easiest way to hide that is to wear turtlenecks. Does Mandrea own a regular collar shirt? Hmmmm.

She, him or it was annoying. Constantly bragging about some sticker monopoly and how great at everything she, him or it was. I am just glad she, him or it is gone. Can’t wait for her, him or it to return in the final task yah!! Only kidding.
32

TWilliams

Posted April 26, 2006 at 1:39 pm

It was nice to see Andrea go down in the manner that she did. She eavesdropped through the cardboard wall and then called them all bitches because they were doing what she had been doing about those she did not like since day one. So long and good riddance, bitch. This is the perfect time for a quote from Janelle — “bye bye bitch(es)!” Andrea’s smugness was beyond compare.

Trump’s two children aren’t that smug . . . and they would have a reason for being so. I actually like Ivanka a lot — sensible, intelligent, beautiful and grounded.

My least favorite person in the suite has to be Sean, though. He is too flaky and I wouldn’t trust him for anything. He had very little to say this week so he might be staying around a while (if we are to trust the show’s edit). I think he only had that one confessional; although that was enough to want to punch him.

Dingbat Tammy lost her notebook!? Seriously, it isn’t as if she has had to keep track of anything else these past 8 weeks. As for that notebook, why did it take two people to go back and find it? Allie made several mistakes this week, although I am still glad they fired Andrea.

Andrea started working on the graphics and the brochure because Allie was NOT there (she missed the boat) and I doubt either Roxanne or Sean wanted to start it on their own. Andrea was a self-professed graphics specialist (also a bulk salesman, dog walker and a specialist at anything else she can think of while talking to the camera). Had Andrea waited and let Allie do the entire thing — Allie probably would have been fired; but know-it-all Andrea didn’t wait. Allie was able to use Andrea’s lacking graphics skills to her advantage.

Oh, and B-Side — Allie’s family came from Lilliput. They were Lilliputians, not smurfs (notice she doesn’t have the blue skin although she may have the small, puffball tail).
33

Donna Martin Graduates!

Posted April 26, 2006 at 3:49 pm

Why on earth PM (Allie) went back with whassername to retrieve her notebook is beyond me. Not smart.

I agree with madpuppy (#28) — Andrea and that reactionary bitch Coulter just have that horse-faced, skinny chick thing going on. I would lay money that Andrea is *not* a tranny, but everyone’s observations about never seeing her throat has got me wondering.

And yeah, can’t you tell they’re telling Sean to really turn on the accent? It started getting to me in a recent ep — when he kept calling someone a “wanker”. Ooooh — how terribly witty and outrageously British!

I’ll bet if and when Ivanka looks back at the outfit she is wearing at the top of the show — the wrap-around tweedy jacket with the yooge brooch — she’ll cringe at how unflattering that suit is on her. More from the waist down, which you can’t really see on the screencaps.
And she used to be a catwalk model? Really? Is she even tall enough?

b-side — I giggled the whole way through your recap.
thanx for the laffs.
34

Firecat

Posted April 26, 2006 at 5:20 pm

As much as I despise Lee, I’ll give him credit for winning another task.

Iliked Andrea in this last episode, she looked kinda hot in that Eastern European sorta way.

I don’t recall seeing Michael (the scarf dude) anywhere. And Sean is a loser.
35

Tabby Lavalamp

Posted April 27, 2006 at 4:10 am

Yeah, Yota. No better way to dehumanize a human being than by calling them “it”.
Andrea may not be a nice human being, but she is a human being and deserves better than that.
36

jash

Posted April 27, 2006 at 11:11 am

thats the thing.

i dont hate andrea because she is a tranny.

i hate andrea because she is a soul-sucking bitch.
37

StopMakingSense

Posted April 27, 2006 at 1:30 pm

Hey, I want to join in on the Hate Andrea parade! I’ve despised here ver since the Brent fiasco when she showed what a tremendous bitch she really was. Honestly anyone that brags that much about how much money they are worth is either (a) full of cow shit, or (b) classless trash. I would prefer to associate with neither.

As for Lee, I don’t see why people have a problem with him. Seems pretty bright to me. However, I think Roxanne could be a sleeper right now. Trump really likes her and she seems very well-spoken and capable.

I am suprised at no comment on Andrea’s robotic tendencies…she seem’s to be a poor man’s Chenbot, if you will.
38

conrad5

Posted April 27, 2006 at 6:18 pm

I’d like to say that the better man won this competition, but it was Allie, and not Andrea who opposed Lee as project manager. When the show identifies Allie as someone who works in “medical sales”, I’ve got to think that she’s one of those cute drug reps that the pharmaceutical companies use to breach the Praetorian guards stationed at the reception desk of most doctor’s offices. Her only impressive accomplishment during this episode was to persuade a majority of her team members to orchestrate a board room contract hit on the queen of adhesive stickers. It looks like she even convinced the show’s producer to display a boom shot of Andrea’s (orange) underwear as she leaned forward over a table. At least Andrea doesn’t travel commando style.

You’ve got to give Lee his props on this one: He conceived and executed a damned good plan. His multi-tracked approach combined bulk sales and old fashioned in your face street sales. He delegated without abandoning, and oversaw without micromanaging. He must have learned in the Don Corleone school of business to:” keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”, because he made a special effort to work closely with Charmaine on the project. It was impressive how he devised a strategy to fully invest her in the team’s success (so that he could ingratiate himself with her), or failure (whereupon he could eviscerate her in the boardroom), depending on how well the team did.

I know it’s fashionable to mock all things Trump, but I found Ivanka’s combination of intelligence and feline sensuality incredibly alluring. She seemed inquisitive and understanding, in contrast to Carolyn, who all too often appeared sarcastic and cold. Ivankas’s got everything¦brains, looks and a kick-ass inheritance. She’s sort of like a thinking man’s Paris Hilton¦or a desperately horny man’s Carly Fiorina. Say what you want about Jr’s dentition, but his analysis was spot on¦or “jolly good”, as Sean might say. I’d prefer his business chops over Bill Rancid’s any day.