Block That Cooter!

64 Comments

1. 1
   Victoria
   Posted January 29, 2006 at 10:51 pm

   I think I have to vote for Cooter Scooter, because that can be said in polite company; some people might not even get it. Although, if we want to be really raunchy, I would have to give it to Cunt Punt.

2. 2
   juxtapoeser
   Posted January 29, 2006 at 11:18 pm

   taco block-o.you can say it anywhere and its fun to say

3. 3
   subgenre
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 12:49 am

   Cunt Punt

   Definitely.

4. 4
   trufftart
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 4:43 am

   I have to say I’m personally offended by the first submission and I held back on commenting for as long as I could. But, Cunt Punt? Makes no damn sense. Swap it for Cunt Shunt and I hope you’ll find a new front-runner.

5. 5
   beccs98
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 5:08 am

   I don’t know why being able to say it in public is the basis for votes, since this is a version of “cock block”. how many of you shout that out in public?
   I vote for vagina veto, and i’m totally not biased.

6. 6
   m_ruv
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 5:14 am

   Don’t block the box. DON’T BLOCK THE BOX!!!

   As J-Unit can testify, John Edwards LOVES blocking the box.

7. 7
   mellymel
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 5:52 am

   I personally like hole patrol. I think I could actually used that when a friend has beer googles on… Watch out, I am on hole patrol tonight!!

8. 8
   AvaMarie
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 6:10 am

   Twat Swat, much easier to type and I have a feeling that in the next few episodes it will be used quite often.

9. 9
   bluesmith
   Posted January 30, 2006 at 6:19 am

   The Box Out is my fave on the list. Gosh, there are so many creative ways to say reverse cock block. Seems like we’ll be seeing a ton this season…you may be able to use every one on the list! At the end of the day, DrunkTara will be the ultimate coochinator.

10. 10
    captainobvious
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 6:56 am

    Definetly Taco Block-o

11. 11
    sweet j
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:08 am

    I agree with Victoria, Cooter Scooter is pretty funny, and the first instinct is to go with something that’s not too harsh.

    BUT, the whole list is just so damn funny that it would be a shame not to incorporate everyone of these into recaps as much as possible…

    I love reality tv shows but can’t stomach the bachelor and it’s “most exciting rose ceremony ever!” (Also the fact that there never has been and never will be a non-white bachelor bugs me. And there’s always the one token black girl who doesn’t get cut immediately b/c guy doesn’t want to look like a jackoff but who can then safely be cut next round…) So I can’t watch this show–

    But anyway…none of that has anything to do with Twat Swats, Snatch Tackles, and Cooter Scooters. I’ll read the recaps though, just to see usage of these words. Hee.

12. 12
    JasonR
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:11 am

    I’ve been an avid fan of TVGasm for about six months, but only an issue of this magnitude could compel me to expend the great effort to register and post. It’s gotta be “Beaver Block”!

13. 13
    chronic
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:13 am

    Well clam jack only has one vote, so I say it’s still fair game.

    In the interest of rhyming parity with cock block, I say “twat swat”. Though it does seem just a tad too vulgar to ever become proper slang. In which case, my vote goes to “box block”.

    I also think it’d be worthwhile to keep “hole patrol” for the general state of high alert, i.e., when the b’ettes wonder aloud “gee what happened travis and _____” and set out on their merry way.

14. 14
    chronic
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:16 am

    #11, sweetj, you’re wrong. Good Dr. Stork was comfortable enough in being a jack-off to cut both black women first round. Mind you Princess (yes, that was her name) probably deserved to go. The other one, however, seemed quite alright.

15. 15
    HardPerimeter
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:17 am

    I’m obviously voting for cunt punt… and I’m offended that others ARE offended by this. Don’t you know anything about football? Or funny rhyming words? Grow up!

16. 16
    MODULUS
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:18 am

    Box Block – no doubt about it.

17. 17
    ruplub
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:18 am

    As much as I liked my original submission of “cooter crimp,” I must admit that Taco Block-o takes the cake. Cunt Punt is still gold… but since I have to choose:

    TACO BLOCK-O!!!!

    It gets the point across without sounding as vulgar as cunt punt. And you know “The Bachelor” is all about class and decency.

    Copygodd – will you tell us your favorites when the votes are in???

18. 18
    MIAMIA
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:23 am

    I personally like Cunt Punt the best. I also like Clam Slam.

    I don’t like Clam Jack.
    I think that should be replaced with Clam Slam.

19. 19
    happy_gal
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:28 am

    I vote for “hole patrol” and “vagina veto.” Both are not too vulgar but get the point across!

20. 20
    marsgwar
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:32 am

    don’t block-o my taco

    priceless

21. 21
    stacyrocks
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 7:49 am

    In the spirit of what’s happening on The Bachelor (drunken Tara going out and making sure Travis is not getting any from the other girls), I’d have to go with HOLE PATROL But taco block-o & twat swat definitely deserve an honorable mention in some recaps

22. 22
    Emily
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 8:04 am

    I vote for hole patrol or vagina deny-ya.

23. 23
    Belinda
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 8:28 am

    taco block-o it is!

24. 24
    Laughingbabies
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 9:19 am

    Taco Block-O for sure!

25. 25
    Gillian
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 9:51 am

    It’s probably too late to enter this one,..but how about “ho-ho d’oh”!

    Other than that – I like taco block-o & vagina deny-ya.

    There’s also “ho-ho repo”

    anyone???

26. 26
    scorpiella
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 9:57 am

    taco block-o – it says it all!

27. 27
    ruplub
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 10:00 am

    ho-ho d’oh??? CLASSIC!

28. 28
    doorsmats
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 10:42 am

    Taco Blocko….1st place

    Vaginal denial is also good…assuming your pronunciation of vaginal rhymes with denial.

29. 29
    OD-TV
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 11:02 am

    taco block-o cracks me up but what about bush whacked?

30. 30
    jenny10girl
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 11:22 am

    taco block-o is a clear fav…that’s my vote…

31. 31
    chronic
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 11:28 am

    There’s a clear frontrunner it seems. Just realized now (!) that I have a habit of pronouncing taco like wacko (as in jacko). Is much funnier since I got that sorted out. Duh!

    (I do love cunt punt too, but alas, is too extreme I reckon).

32. 32
    kittenww
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 11:34 am

    definitely “twat swat”, with “vagina veto” a close second. whee!

33. 33
    Zharak
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 11:49 am

    Cunt Punt, hands down

34. 34
    livemusicjunkie
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 12:37 pm

    taco block-0

    that cracked me up – my fav, for sure!

    (if it at all matters, I can’t stand the first one – sorry)

35. 35
    Dani
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 12:42 pm

    I vote for Taco Block-o, it has a Leguna Beach flair

36. 36
    erms
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 12:46 pm

    The Box Out and Cooter Scotter fo sho.

37. 37
    kepster
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 1:50 pm

    I vote for Taco Block-o. Though if it wins I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a taco ever again…

38. 38
    lurkertype
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    Box Block.

    (I can’t believe I’m posting this. What hath TVGasm wrought?)

39. 39
    Acton Bell
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 2:51 pm

    El Taco Block-o.

40. 40
    derder
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 2:52 pm

    All of these are brilliant… But if I have to choose one, I choose Hole Patrol. It’s just so vulgar…
    Taco-Blocko is a close second.

41. 41
    Lizardqueen
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 3:37 pm

    lurkertype I feel your pain. Even a bawdy lass such as myself is a tad embarrassed to participate. And to think it all started with such enthusiasm. That being said, I have to vote for Cooter Scooter. It’s cute, it’s fresh, it only has 20 calories. How can you beat it?

    (Hi derder)

42. 42
    Victoria
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 5:40 pm

    Saying it in public was note the basis for my vote, and I am not in the habit of shouting out cock block in public either. I just don’t think cooter scooter is as offensive as cunt punt, though I do like them both. I think that taco block-o seems to be in the lead, unfortunately. Too bad we can’t stuff the ballot box.

43. 43
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 5:50 pm

    #37 Kepster
    “I vote for Taco Block-o. Though if it wins I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a taco ever again…”
    Oh the places my mind went when I read that statement. hehehe

    Ok I’m gonna weigh in on a bunch of the names (bear with me on this analysis)

    Cunt Punt – I think it is probably the best one – but that word really just makes me cringe.

    Twat Block – ick

    Snatch Catch – This doesn’t sound like it was blocked – if ya get my drift

    Booty Block – Now that’s just a whole nutha part of the anatomy and not the one at issue here

    Beaver Block – erm..

    Hiney Hinder – also good for that other category

    Hooha Hinder – hehe @ hooha

    Cooter Crimp – Crimp sounds like you’r doin some stylin down there – not that I’m against a little groomin

    Twat Plot – and this could mean anything – even a plot to get to the twat.

    Taco Block-o – Best of the rest

    Beaver Cleaver – OUCH

    Vagina Veto – that’s just too political

    Clam Slam – this just sounds like rough stuff – not so much denial

    The Box Out – I like this one too

    Clam Clog – Sounds like some sort of seafood hoedown – hehe ..ho..down…lmao

    Bush Push/Tush Push – Push implies it got in – not so much a block

    Coin Purloin – huh?

    Mound Pound – pound – once again it doesn’t sound like a denial

    Crack Smack – so many of these imply mission accomplished

    Hole Patrol – I’m adding this to my vocab as we speak.

44. 44
    zoobabe
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 8:49 pm

    I’ll be vukgar and vote for cunt punt. At least I’d have a reason to say it in public, b/c I don’t usually like that word. I’d say it if some drunk bitch tried to do it to me though!

45. 45
    Victoria
    Posted January 30, 2006 at 10:33 pm

    Tinkerbell, I really enjoyed your analysis. I’m watching The Bachelor as I read it and laughing out loud. Too bad they can’t cunt punt Moanica.

46. 46
    chronic
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 7:21 am

    I have a few British friends, who tend to use cunt a lot, which is a habit I’ve picked up. But only in reference to describing total a-holes (should be used only for men, according to British usage), not in the female anatomy sorta way. I forget it can be rather scandalous to North American ears.

47. 47
    Ruhlface
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 8:17 am

    Taco Blocko!!!!

48. 48
    Vee
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 9:13 am

    According to a “Campus Girls” thread over at Sucks, there’s a term in use for the female clock block:

    “Clam Jacking — When a gal steals a fella that you’ve been eyeing and works her voodoo sex magic on him so that you’re left out to dry. This is the female counterpart to ‘cock blocking’.“Just as Barri was about to make her moves on Dutch, the 6 foot 2 ceramics T.A., a cute little red head cut her off at the kiln and clam jacked her.â€?”

49. 49
    Cobra Kai
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 10:29 am

    definitely gave the wife the old “Twat Swat” (my vote) last night as her cooter looked like the elevator doors opening on the Shining.

50. 50
    Tink
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 2:39 pm

    Don’t know why but
    hoohaa hinder really made me laugh. That’s my vote!

51. 51
    zoobabe
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 3:58 pm

    Tinkerbell (#43)- I have to explain to you that as the originator of “clam slam” I was not intending to mean it in a violent way, but as a way of denying the clam- i.e. slamming shut any possibility of getting any. Thankyouverymuch.

52. 52
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 4:58 pm

    Zoobabe – I wasn’t actually meaning it sounded violent – so much as aggressive along the lines of a “harder, harder, faster, faster” if you get my drift.

    And not saying there is ANYTHING wrong with that … at…all.

53. 53
    zoobabe
    Posted January 31, 2006 at 8:30 pm

    LOL! Cunt punt it is then.

54. 54
    TriciaLicia
    Posted February 1, 2006 at 12:08 am

    Yo Quiero Taco Block-o

55. 55
    blahblahblahgasm
    Posted February 1, 2006 at 7:35 am

    cunt punt! yea yea yea! taco blocko doesn’t really rhyme. clam slam is good but the harder-faster connotation kills it. cooter scooter sounds too cutesy. remember, the goal is to model cock block. cunt punt it is!

56. 56
    Lizardqueen
    Posted February 1, 2006 at 4:10 pm

    Do this many people really say “tacko” when they are talking about a corn tortilla filled with beans or ground meat? “Let’s go get some tackos.”

57. 57
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted February 1, 2006 at 6:10 pm

    LQ – that sounds like the Gawdlewski pronunciation.

    “Gawd I’d love some tackos”

58. 58
    Victoria
    Posted February 1, 2006 at 10:43 pm

    Maybe pronouncing it “tacko” is a regional thing?

59. 59
    chronic
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 7:41 am

    Well, I’m Canadian, so maybe you’re right. Gosh, “Tawko Bell” just sounds so weird!

60. 60
    Lizardqueen
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 8:00 am

    chronic, my love, it’s not pronounced “tawco” either. It’s the A as in “father”. If I find out people are walking around saying “fawther” I’m gonna spit. Try this link http://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/taco . If you press the little red speaker thingy a very nice Chenbot lady comes on and says the word to you. But seriously, I love accents, dialects, colloquialisms (sp?), and the like. But if it doesn’t rhyme with block-o it ain’t funny-o.

61. 61
    chronic
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 8:27 am

    Ahhh, that’s pretty much how I say it actually. So it doesn’t rhyme with “block-o” then. I’m confused.

62. 62
    Lizardqueen
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 11:21 am

    I’m confused now too. At any rate it looks like we have a winner. Don’t you love that Merriam Webster lady? They have a guy too. It’s fun to look up words you like the sound of like pajamas and flagellate. Being the Merriam Webster pronunciation lady is my dream job. Well, that and being EdHill’s personal assistant.

63. 63
    chronic
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 11:53 am

    I’m pretty sure Urban Dictionary lets you submit your own pronunciation. Dang computer at work, filters it as “tasteless”.

    As far as I can tell there’s nothing stopping you from submitting Cooter Scooter (and accompanying pronunciation), so it’s there for posterity.

64. 64
    Lizardqueen
    Posted February 2, 2006 at 12:21 pm

    Maybe I will do that. I always have to look things up in the Urban Dicitonary ‘cuz I’m so out of the “cool” loop. It’s a useful tool. No honorable mention for being the most prolific coiner of reverse cock block phrases. There must have been a dozen and it took up at least 5 minutes of my precious life. Who even knew there were that many terms for the puss?