Come Sail Away…

The Bachelor

By copygodd | Tuesday, March 21, 2006 | 8:15 am | 7 Comments
sstvgasm.jpg
Seaworthy, yes. But does it boast rich Corinthian leather?

Thanks to alert reader Jessica M., TVgasm has learned that producers of The Bachelor are currently looking to the yachting community for America’s most eligible man.

According to Inside Yachting, the show’s producers are searching for men who are “ambitious, charming and successful and who are looking to find love. The ideal candidate is an attractive, single, 28-35 year-old accomplished CEO, Architect, Lawyer, Entrepreneur or Businessman. The yachting community matches this demographic perfectly.” Of course, with qualifications like that it goes without saying they’ll also be capable of handling 25 beautiful girls at one time. Or 25 cabin boys, in case they want to move the show to Bravo.The article goes on to say that “filming of this popular romance series will take place in an exotic, tropical location, promising to make this the most romantic season ever!”

To which I reply: Shenanigans!!

Look, I’ve been on a yacht once. And believe me when I tell you there are few things less romantic than having a woman cradle your head as you spend two hours throwing up over the side of the boat. Especially if that woman is your new wife and you’re on your honeymoon. I was tossing enough chum overboard that the captain was hesitant to let any of us go snorkeling. In fact, I believe the only reason he relented was in the dim hope that I would be molested by a sea otter.

So, not only will this be the least romantic season ever, it’s also going to be the biggest sham-mockery in the history of the show. Because everyone knows that Mr. Roarke is the most eligible bachelor on any tropical island. Especially now that Gilligan is dead.

Regardless, if you’re a guy sporting a minimum of 27 feet, send photos, contact information and a mini-bio to: Danielle@kasstinginc.com.

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7 Comments

  1. 1
    hardly@work
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 12:13 pm

    I read somewhere today that they are filming in Hawaii. When will they realize that there will not be another trista and ryan. i preferred flav’s show to the bachelor.

  2. 2
    c-rock
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 1:18 pm

    I strongly agree with you, hardly@work! I had mad love for flavah of love. Do you think NY was for real? Think it’ll last with the half his age Hoopz (not they they weren’t all half his age)?!

  3. 3
    LRo9
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    Flava of Love is the greatest show ever! Pure entertainment…I CANNOT wait for the reunion show this Sunday. It basically looks like an episode of WWE Smackdown featuring New York and Pumpkin. Genius, VH1, pure genius!

  4. 4
    hardly@work
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 2:00 pm

    sadly flav and hoopz love did not last past the end of the taping it seems. the following is a link to a radio show flav did in which he says that basically hoopz wouldn’t give him the time of day after the show, it seems she was only trying to further her porn/modeling internet career.
    here is a link:
    http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/6002315.html

    NY has a myspace inwhich she gives dieting advice(coffee and cigs for bfast) and claims to have really loved flav, but now shes in cali, trying to act. sorry, no link for that little jewel.

  5. 5
    copygodd
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 10:47 pm

    i really should’ve watched flav’s show. looks like i picked the wrong season to quit sniffing glue.

  6. 6
    c-rock
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 7:36 am

    Thanks, hardly@work! That was kind! I am surprised about Hoopz. Despite years of watching reality stuff, I still fall for a lot of their lines. xx

  7. 7
    hardly@work
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 9:38 am

    no problem, i never really believed she had feelings for flav, but she couldhave at least spoken to him at the reunion. What I liked about flav’s show, is that it did not take itself seriously. He should have picked Goldie. So does flav get to keep the mansion?

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