Dr. McRottenEggs, I Presume?

The Bachelor

By copygodd | Wednesday, January 11, 2006 | 12:32 pm | 47 Comments
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Right up front, I’ll admit I’ve never watched an episode of The Bachelor before. (Or The Bachelorette, for that matter.) Which made me a little apprehensive about recapping the show, as I know how seriously some of you take your snark. But when have I ever let my unfamiliarity with a show stop me from making fun of it? Besides, this means I finally get to recap a show that 1) people actually watch, and 2) isn’t centered around the contestants’ fat asses or Vince McMahon’s fat head, which, as anyone who’s ever watched RAW knows, is pretty much the same thing.

But enough about me. Do you smell rotting eggs? Then let’s get this recap started. This season is being billed as “The Most Romantic Bachelor Ever”. Which makes me glad I haven’t wasted my time watching all the less romantic seasons that came before this one. And just why is this one so romantic? Because it takes places at Paramount’s Kings Island amusement park. Not really, although the way the French have whored up their Eiffel Tower with all the Christmas lights you’d be hard pressed to tell the difference. Especially women as well-traveled as this group. When driving by the Tower, one of them (I’m not sure which, and really, does it even matter?) screeched, “It’s even better than the one in Vegas!”
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Evidently, the producers have also found “The Most Impressive Bachelor Ever!” — Stork, Travis Stork. Graduated Magna cum laude at Duke, top of his class in med school and now an ER doctor in Nashville, where he’s saved the lives of hundreds of people. However, as Host Chris Harrison later asks, “As an ER doctor, Travis has held many hearts in his hands. But can he handle 25 at one time?” Too bad Travis isn’t an OB/GYN, because I’d love to hear where Host Chris Harrison would take that analogy.

Other than meeting Travis and the Bachelorettes (wouldn’t that be a fun name for a sock-hop band?), not a lot happened in tonight’s episode. The first 30 minutes were spent meeting 25 women. The second 30 were spent eliminating 13 of them. Oh, and some horny oncologist went batshit crazy because Dr. McDreamy wouldn’t breed her.

While Host Chris Harrison and Travis wait outside the 14th century French chateau where this season takes place, the limos start to arrive. There are five women to each limo, which makes it next to impossible to understand a word they’re saying as they pull up. Fortunately, they get out one at a time to meet the man they hope to bed.

First up is Susan, a financial associate, which to me just sounds like a fancy way of saying gold digger, but whatever. Next is Cortney, who calls Travis “Prince Charmink.” I hope she stays, because her eastern European “g” should provide me with a lot of comic fodder. Kyle is out next. The only reason I mention her (because this is the last time she’s ever seen) is because she’s a senior copywriter, just like me! Alas, ABC calls her a “Copy Writer”, which is a lot like calling Travis a “Doc Tor”. Rounding out Limo #1 are April, who tried to pull a Cinderella and dropped her shoe, and Jehan, whose name sounds too much like “Jihad” to be taken seriously. Plus she sells vitamins, which everyone knows are totally overrated.
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Limo #2 gives us Kristen, a drunk hugger with a teeth fixation (good thing this isn’t The Bachelor: London); Jennifer, a model; Tara, a potential psycho and bonafide dirty girl; Venus, a physician; and Moana, who wins the prize for Busiest “Perfect Date” description: “Sitting in a museum, going to watch a hockey match, laughing on a street bench over coffee, flying a plane, listening to music, but most importantly, laughing”, and Frankensteiniest “Perfect “Mate” description: “Looks like the ’06 version of Gregory Peck with a little bit of the Knoxville gruff and has the wit of Luke Wilson, charisma of Tom Cruise, humility and strength of Robert Redford and the alternative edge of John Cusack.” Hope she’ll settle for Travis.

In the third limo we get Cole; the first of three Saras (although she’s the only one without an H); Lisa; Princess, one of the few non-Caucasians who’ll no doubt be gone by night’s end; and Liza. All in all, a pretty boring limo.

Before the fourth limo arrives, Host Chris Harrison informs Travis that he needs to eliminate 13 of the women tonight. No pressure, though. The fourth limo pulls up and we get SaraH, a kindergarten teacher from Nashville, just like Travis! Kathy, a grad student is next, followed by Jaime, who says she’s from southern west Virginia. Or maybe she said southern West Virginia. I honestly wasn’t paying attention. Elizabeth, a social worker from Windham, New Hampshire, is introduced next. (Note to sg-dub: if the social workers in Connecticut look like this, it might be worth having EdHill make an anonymous complaint to child services.) The last bachelorette to emerge is Yvonne, who wins the prize for Best “Perfect Date” description: “Being with someone who did nothing to annoy me.” Oddly enough, that’s pretty close to the vows my wife wrote for our wedding.

The final limo gives us, in quick succession: Shiloh, an advertising manager and lover of private jets; Ali D, a professional NBA dancer; Stephanie, a PR director; Allie, a psycho oncologist who’d be more at home on Nip/Tuck; and finally SaraH-eh?, a student from Manitoba.

Travis is really gunning to get in to the ongoing party, but before he goes in Host/Wingman Chris Harrison tells him he can hand out one Immunity Rose during the party to the woman he wants to stay. He also calls dibs on Travis’ sloppies.
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Once Travis finally enters the room, the girls go silent. (I know, I couldn’t believe it either!) Jennifer tells us she thinks he’s ridiculously gorgeous, and that they’d make “hot little babies”. (Maybe EdHill should call Children’s Services on her.) Travis starts making his rounds (ah, doctor humor), telling one group of women it must get boring talking about at him at some point. For me, that point is long past.

After he reveals he’s a doctor, however, things start to get a bit more interesting. And by interesting, I mean we see the first crack in Allie’s thin veneer of sanity. See, she thinks she’s a shoo-in because she’s also a doctor. (I believe she practices at Arkham Asylum.) Unfortunately, she fails to see the one fatal flaw in her plan: she’s certifiably insane. “I’m here to meet a husband,” she tells us. “And hopefully, the bachelor will be that guy. Because quite frankly, my eggs are rotting.” Great. Now every time I visit Yellowstone Park I’m going to think of Allie’s rotten cooter.

One of the harpies says Travis has doctor’s hands. Which as we all know means he also has a really big scalpel. Outside, some of the women visit with Travis on the balcony. SaraH asks why he’s still single. “The easy answer,” he tells her, “is that I just haven’t met the one.” The hard answer, of course, is “E=MC2.”

Not-crazy-Ali tells Travis she’s looking for a manly man who can chop wood. Coincidentally, Travis tells her he has some wood that’s in need of chopping. In his pants!

Kristin spends her alone time with Travis giving him a shot glass from her hometown. She’s also written a bit of verse: “Dear Travis, I hope you and I get a ‘shot’ at getting to know each other.” You know, cuz it’s a shot glass? Too bad she didn’t give him a Bible, cuz then she could’ve said she hopes to get to know him in the Biblical sense.

Moana and Travis are seen talking outside. Later, Moana tells us “he asked me a question, and he seemed actually interested in the answer. That’s kind of a first for a man.” Evidently Moana’s never been propositioned at last call before.

Meanwhile, some random man brings the Immunity Rose into the room. And just like that, the competition is on. When Travis comes back in, he tells the women the secret of the Immunity Rose, which gets Yvonne all fired up. When Allie tries to talk to Travis about their medical backgrounds, Yvonne interrupts and then just sits there. From the strained look on Allie’s face, I think she was trying to give Yvonne head cancer. Allie then tells Travis she’s ready to move on to the “reproductive stage” of her life. “So, if that seems to match your goals, then I’m here,” she finishes, delivering what has to be the “Most Romantic Bachelor Pickup Line Ever!”

Back outside, SaraH-eh? tells Travis she loves camping. This is good, because Travis loves women who love camping, which SaraH-eh? thinks is “wicked”. Other things SaraH-eh? thinks are wicked: witches.
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Finally, Travis spends a few moments with Susan, who was the first to arrive. She instantly hits it off with the good doc, which of course makes the other women start sharpening their claws. I hope the producers didn’t spend a lot of money on drapery for this show.

Afterward, Travis picks up the Immunity Rose. Instead of handing it to Susan, however, he goes outside and gives it to SaraH-eh? SolidGold-Ali spies on them through the window and tells the other women he’s giving the rose to SaraH-eh?. Judging by the looks on the other bachelorettes’ faces, I don’t think SaraH-eh? will live to see the morning.

Oh look, it’s Host Chris Harrison, who comes in glass a’tinklin’ and nose a’twichin’. Must be time for the real Rose Ceremony. But wait, there’s a twist! For the first time in the show’s history, more than half of the bachelorettes will be eliminated tonight. Snap!

Travis gives a nice speech to cheer up the potential losers. “Tonight has been beyond my wildest imagination,” he says. “But at the same time, it’s been very difficult, because 13 of you aren’t going to get roses.” Or the chance to play doctor with Stork, Travis Stork.

The Rose Ceremony is next, where Travis asks the women he’d like to stay if they’ll accept his rose. Personally, I liked the Pearl Necklace Ceremony on Joe Schmoe better, but that’s just because I’m an incurable romantic at heart.

In addition to SaraH-eh?, who got the first Immunity Rose, Travis also gives roses to Cole, Moana, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Shiloh, Yvonne, Jihad, Susan, Tara, Sara and Kristin.

“I wore a girdle for this?”

But what about Allie, she of the decomposing ovaries and stanky hooha? She’s as shocked as I am that she didn’t get picked. Although not for the same reasons. She thought Travis would keep her for her breeding stock; I thought the producers would make Travis keep her for the ratings. Fortunately, we still have Crazy-Eyes Killah Tara.

While the rest of the women start hugging goodbye, LunaticFringe-Allie puts on the type of display that TVgasm was made for. “I cannot believe he chose some of those women over me,” she tells the camera. So I guess she can believe he picked some of the others. “I dedicated my life toward my career, and he doesn’t choose that. Just like every other man I know. It’s a double-edged sword.” In her case, I think it’s more of a rusty spoon, but whatever.

Outside, the tirade continues. “The only reason I came on this show was because conventional methods weren’t working,” she cries to TotallySane-Ali. “I told him I was ready to get my reproductive life going. Because that’s the only reason to get married is to have kids.”

Okay, as a non-breeding happily married man, I have to disagree with that last statement. And, evidently, so does Mortified-Ali, who tells Allie “that’s just your opinion.”

“NO!,” insists Allie. “He’s in his 30′s… He should be willing and ready to proceed with that part of his life. And that part is tapping this fine ass before my liquefied eggs seep through my pores!”

Wow. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen someone on TV so intent on mating since this guy.

DanceDanceRevolution-Ali tells us that Species-Allie “repeatedly told me her eggs were old and her clock was ticking, and that’s just not something you want to tell a guy when you first meet him.” Other things you don’t want to tell a guy when you first meet him: you’re friggin’ nuts. Oops, too late.

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“I’m not a psycho, but I play one on TV.”

Not content with bitching at the other women, Allie goes off in search of Travis and challenges him straight up, ala early Paula Abdul, why he didn’t choose her: “Am I not attractive?” she demands. “Am I too short? Are my boobs too small?” I’m surprised she didn’t ask, “If you prick me, will I not breed?”

Travis tries to be diplomatic about it, but finally gives up. Too bad they’re not in a castle, because he could’ve had security throw her in the moat. As it is, he watched her storm off into the night like a hound of the Baskervilles. Only more rabid.

Back outside, Alli says she thinks she should stop dating, and maybe join a convent. Yeah, like the nuns are going to take her. “He’s just like every stupid doctor I know,” she says. “He’s intimidated by a professional woman. Maybe I just won’t date any more.” I don’t think that will be a problem once America sees this, Allie.

While Allie is left fuming in the garden, Travis gathers his harem and they toast to the upcoming season.

Oh yeah, as the final credits are running, they show Allie berating some poor production assistant about Travis. “I don’t know him,” the schlep tries to tell her, but it’s to no avail. “I guess I shouldn’t have talked about reproducing,” she says as we go off the air.

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So what did you think? Is this season of The Bachelor going to live down to the previous seasons? Did the producers make a mistake in letting Allie be cut so early, or will Tara live up to her crazy eyes and satisfy our freak jones?

About

47 Comments

  1. 1
    c-rock
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 12:49 pm

    Before the show ended, I was thinking — maybe the producers will take pity on Dr. Allie and let her have her own show where the players would all have to want (or convicingly act like they want) babies ASAP. But then I guess the good Doc blew it by being so freaky at the end (never mind being TOO heavy on the eye make-up). Too bad …and by the way, I thought women could have babies well past 33! But what do I know, I’m not a doctor. – c rock P.S. (One of Allie’s comments sounded like she only goes after professionals. HINT to Allie: look for someone blue collar, or maybe an artist or something. You can pop out the kids and go to work, since we know how long and hard you studied yada, and yer guy will be a house hubby. Lower those standards, Doc!)

  2. 2
    trickydick
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 12:58 pm

    THEY HAVE GOT TO HAVE ALLIE AS THE NEXT BACHELORETTE!!!!!!

    Sorry for the shouting but could you imagine a season of her and she’s in the power seat? The possibilities are endless.

  3. 3
    Victoria
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 1:02 pm

    copygodd-this is the first recap of yours I have read, and it was very good. I loved the if Travis were an ob/gyn…I think Tara is more than capable of providing the psycho we need every season.
    How would you like to have Allie as an oncologist and then be watching this? Now that is truly scary. Would you let this woman treat your cancer? No thank you.

  4. 4
    ruplub
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 1:02 pm

    I swore this show off after the Jesse Palmer fiasco of a season and now I’m sad I missed this one. Does this mean I have to start watching again?

    Of the 13 women left, how many would you classify as “psycho?”

    Copygodd, you are funny.

  5. 5
    Phenom
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 1:03 pm

    that first picture looks that chick has a friggin beard….LOL!

    I don’t watch the show and doubt if I ever will but the recap was great Copygodd, I’ll just read those……

  6. 6
    EdHill
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 1:07 pm

    I gave this one 5 minutes and I had to bail. All those harpies screeching made my head hurt. I’ll have to wait until they thin them out some more. But now that I’ve read the recap I have to say I’m pissed I erased it off my TiVo and missed Allie’s frantic putrefying ovaries diatribe. What can be more charming than a woman demanding that she wants you to reproduce for her. If I was the bachelor and she started doing the whole “are my boobs too small?� rant, I would’ve just went for it and said “yes, you’re racks too small, you’re ugly and quite frankly I’m detecting what could only be described as runaway case of vaginosis.� I would be the best bachelor EVER.

    I actually dated a social worker once. Big mistake. Their jobs make them trained in the art of manipulation. She could talk her way out of anything. She was nuts too, which to this day I find comically ironic.

    Only chicks would gauge their perfect man by comparing them to celebrities. That’s so stupid. I bet that girl does nothing but read US and People all day. Do you ever see a guy say “I want a girl with the independence of Julia Roberts and the intelligence of Hillary Clinton!�. The closest I’ll get to that is by saying something like “She needs to crave kinky sex as much as porn star Britney Rears.� At least that’s what it says on my match.com profile. I don’t seem to get a lot of hits….

  7. 7
    BigMax
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 1:35 pm

    Dr. Stork looks a little like the legendary Stork from Animal House — that alone may be enough reason to watch the show…

    By the way, shouldn’t Dr. Stork actually be an OB/GYN? That name is perfect for promotion (have your baby delivered by the Stork)…What a missed opportunity!

  8. 8
    stacyrocks
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 2:13 pm

    I only watched season 1 of the Bachelor + 2 or 3 episodes of the 2nd & 3rd season and I let myself get into the hype of this season in PARIS! THE MOST ROMANTIC ‘BACHELOR’ EVER! WATCH OR DIE!! and I am glad to have recorded it because then I would have missed Crazy Allie and her reproductive urges. Great recap copygodd… I snorted at the ‘not an OB/GYN; can he handle 25 vaginas at once????’. Classic.

  9. 9
    chronic
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 2:43 pm

    Go Canada! Hey, knock the Canuckian all you want, but she was by far my favourite coming out of the limo. Very laid back, charming and sexy (none of this “thank you, nice to meet you, thank you, thank you, ok, nice to meet you.”) Plus, she actually looked like she might dress half-decently. She was dressed in formal attire, but managed to look low maintenance at the same time – huge plus! Simple but elegant dress, subtle makeup, flattering and not overly done hair. Was enough to make her really stand out from the rest (er, in a good way, not the psycho way).

    Why the eff, do most of the women opt for overdressing like they think it’s Oscar night, in some trashy sparkling full-length naval-plunging monstrosity. And women, please, lose the freakin TENDRILS. They look like poo. On everyone. Though Miss Virginia’s c. 1984 junior-high hairdo, complete with shellac wall ‘o’ bangs clearly takes the cake.

  10. 10
    RMMommy
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 2:57 pm

    OMG That was hilarious. You just can’t stop watching this show. Ali was on the radio the next day complaining about being drunk and underfed. She held her own under tough questioning, but still came off as a whack job. Great recap.

  11. 11
    Bauer's Sweetheart
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 2:59 pm

    All I could think of when seeing that snarl on Allie’s face as the Bachelor was handing out roses – and she realized she wasn’t going to get one – was Sam, the recently deceased “world’s ugliest dog.” Could we get a side by side comparison of that please?

  12. 12
    stacyrocks
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:01 pm

    Oh, and chronic pointed out something I forgot to comment about. I had no idea that they let Canadians on this show! Why can’t CBS follow the lead for the Amazing Race? It probably has to do with taxes and prizes or something along those lines… no fair. But yeah, chronic, you are always on point :) funny funny.

  13. 13
    Deeablo
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:04 pm

    I watch several reality shows – TAR, Apprentice, Project Runway – but I’ve never been into The Bachelor. (It’s no Temptation Island, or even Bachelorettes in Alaska; now there’s good “reality” dating).

    However, I heard about the “rotting eggs” comment through several media outlets, and I knew I could count on TVGasm to deliver an informative and hilarious recap. Thanks!

  14. 14
    HicksPub
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:08 pm

    Excellent work, copygodd. For a first-time recapper for this show, you have the perfect amount of attitude for the occasion. I’m with chronic…I wouldn’t mind seeing a nice-looking girl step out of the limo in jeans and t-shirt and say that her interests were watching football and basketball on TV and drinking her birth weight in Miller Lite.

  15. 15
    stacyrocks
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:13 pm

    One more thing… (I’m sorry about all the posts, I keep getting interrupted by a bitch called work!), I thought Susan, the first girl from the limos, looked like America’s Next Top Model cycle 5 Cassandra’s twin, but with a cheekier face. Total Ashley/Mary-Kate Olsen effect.

  16. 16
    Laska
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:30 pm

    I hated all of the “I love YOUR house”, “Wow! YOU have a great house!” comments.

  17. 17
    KT
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 3:32 pm

    fabulous recap copygodd! laugh out loud material… will definitely be checking in every week… thanks!

  18. 18
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 4:14 pm

    (I believe she practices at Arkham Asylum.) <–Laughed my bum off at that one.

    Stacyrocks – I thought the same exact thing about Susan resembling Cassandra. Susan was very pretty and my pick for the “win” if you call being chosen to be dumped three months later a “win”.

  19. 19
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 4:15 pm

    Oops it cut of my comment – I guess I shouldn’t use brackets

    (I believe she practices at Arkham Asylum.) I found that to be the funniest comment of a VERY funny recap. Well done Copygodd – such an excellent start – gonna love reading your recaps of this season.

  20. 20
    amandabrooke
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 4:40 pm

    Come on, of course Tara is going to be a psycho..she is a ginger kid…she may look like a daywalker, but I bet there are freckles underneath all that make-up…

  21. 21
    EROSion
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 5:35 pm

    Susan looks like Cassandra’s older (and less whiney) sister.

    Those were the lamest first impressions ever! Chronic, I’m glad I’m not the only one to notice the “thank you thank you nice to meet you nice to meet you” model chick. The ladies were trying way too hard and Travis was very awkward. I hope that means he’s more of a “real” person than the players and actors of earlier Bachelor seasons.

    And holy god, I could not believe the stylists allowed those girls to get in front of the camera with those hideous dresses (Jaime) and hairdos (blue dress girl and Jaime).

  22. 22
    trickydick
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 5:52 pm

    EROSion, didn’t you hear, he is the BEST BACHELOR YET!! and on the best “The Bachelor” ever no less. Don’t doubt his realness.

  23. 23
    shelbz982006
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 5:59 pm

    Awesome recap, the show was so boring until the psycho doc! Will someone please tell me where jennifer the model was before? I have seen her somewhere, on another reality show somewhere, I know I have seen her…

  24. 24
    susiecumquat
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 8:55 pm

    Copygodd your are a god, fist recap I LOL LOL LOL If only Dr. Stork was an ob/gyn, he could check out my shenaynay any time.
    To bad physco rotten eggs is gone that was some good t.v.
    I was ready to give up on The Bachelor but this one sucked me back in. But enough with the Thank you’s from these prom queens, thank you for what, making me compete with 24 other desperate physco’s in a country where they hate American’s.
    Did anyone else think stork, travis stork was wasted during the speed dating!!!

  25. 25
    Lady J
    Posted January 11, 2006 at 9:59 pm

    I was wondering what the evening gowns said about each girl. Some were classy and tasteful, some were prommy, the NBA Dancer’s was a bit racy, the heavy blonde’s had no built in breast support (sorely needed), the red head’s showed she was uncomfortable with strapless. The binding in a strapless gown is powerful, either let it do it’s job or wear straps. Don’t pull pull your dress up and slouch.

    Dr. Allie had a point. She was just misdirecting her rage. A man in his 30s need not be ready to start a family. I’m 32 and not too interested in breeding. You can freeze eggs nowadays, if it’s a real worry.

    Allie did have a point about the clock ticking though. Women can have kids well past 33 but in the mid-30s birth defect risks make it generally high-risk. I know a woman in her late 30s who just had a baby with Down Syndrome and other serious problems. There was a recent report on how the frequency of this is on the rise.

  26. 26
    IHeartTV
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 3:44 am

    I have never watched an episode of “The Bachelor” until now. If they’re all like this one, I’m sorry I missed ‘em. I’m guessing if she really is a doctor, Allie G. has to be pretty smart or at least reasonable. How could she flip out like that? She makes the outbursts on “The Gauntlet” seem relatively reasonable. I’m pretty sure men don’t want to think of any part of a woman as “rotting.”

    Also, I’m really enjoying everyone’s vagina euphemisms. Ah, they take me back… My fave will always be hooha diddy.

  27. 27
    Helenann
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 6:11 am

    copygodd–fabulous call out to, “The Merchant of Venice.”
    (If you prick me, do I not breed?)
    If you snark me, do I not laugh?
    Excellent job!

  28. 28
    G
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 6:38 am

    I like how ABC finally got the hint when they always used to be like “coming up…” when they cut to commerical break! YAY! Also, wasn’t it werid how the rejected girls were banished outside in the cold and given blanets while they waited for their transportation, you would think the limos would be on time!

  29. 29
    G
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 6:41 am

    PS, why is he picking all these young girls, lets be honest is a student whos 23 going to have enough in common with a doctor who is 33??? SaraH doesn’t seem overly mature anyways…

  30. 30
    zoobabe
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 8:26 am

    He’s picking those young girls because he CAN! His comment to the camera was “she just so cute”. It just goes to show what’s really important in making a first impression. Looks do matter.

  31. 31
    ruplub
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 10:48 am

    Here’s an article with our favorite psycho doc:

    http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/eliminated-the-bachelor-paris-bachelorette-allie-garcia-serra-%22that-so-not-me%22-3903.php

  32. 32
    chronic
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 11:23 am

    So she’s saying all the bachelorettes were basically drunk? It does seem plausible in hindsight.

  33. 33
    livemusicjunkie
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 11:46 am

    Thanks for the great recap! That Allie did crack me up, though. I mean, I’m older than her, single, and no children. I would love to have children and I believe in complete honesty when looking to date someone; however, I have never and would never say: “I’m ready for the reproductive stage.” WTF???

    Also, did anyone catch the very begining of the episode where they were showing glimpses of previous shows – they showed Trista and Ryan married and the Bachelor who chose Mary (can’t remember his name) and they said they’re getting married in November. Has anyone heard what happend to Meredith and her guy (because last I knew, they were engaged)???

  34. 34
    livemusicjunkie
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 11:57 am

    okay – sorry guys – nevermind…I answered my own question about Meredith.

  35. 35
    zoobabe
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 12:15 pm

    they load that house up with liquor every season so the girls will get “loose”, and bitchty/weepy and forget about the cameras on them.

  36. 36
    ruplub
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 1:17 pm

    Even better!

    http://www.drallieg.com/

  37. 37
    zoobabe
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 1:27 pm

    that was funny ruplub! I wonder what the T-shirt says. Do you think that she realizes (as a doctor) that she doesn’t need a man to get pregnant? She could certainly afford artificial insemination.

  38. 38
    chronic
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 1:31 pm

    Cool link. I actually tend to think crazyAllie might not be too bad in the context of an actual relationship, if she could ever get one. Obviously some people are better at this than others.

    I often make a crap first impression, er, not that crap, and I could see how it might kinda drive you nuts in the end, especially with the clock thing (don’t have one myself though), it really is a biological raw deal for women. We all know first impressions can often be misleading, but we still chuck people in a heartbeat if they fumble a bit at first. Or are not quite dreamy enough. It can be frustrating, because men I know through non-dating situations usually dig me, and yet I’m guilty of it myself.

    Conversely, I have a sorta-friend who makes the most amazing first impression. Pretty much any man is ready to seriously commit to her after one or two dates, but she is positively bonkers in the end – miserable, passive/aggressive, manipulative, clingy, you name it, but it usually takes them a good couple of months to realize it. And then the poor bastards are in so deep, it’s a freakin train wreck every time!

  39. 39
    ruplub
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    According to realityblurred.com, these will be the slogans:

    “Still, she’s turning her new catchphrase into t-shirts that she plans to sell; they’ll say things such as “Let’s Reproduceâ€? and “My Eggs are Rotting.â€?

    She probably feels like a total ass and now is trying to save face. What a loser.

  40. 40
    Lori
    Posted January 12, 2006 at 8:42 pm

    Okay, it’s bad enough to talk about marriage and kids on the first date, but the fact that she kept referring to it as “reproducing”… First it reminded me of a science experiment; then, the catchy song from Grease 2 – “Reproduction (reproduction)”,

    Also, does anyone else think the show’s hairdresser should be fired? What was with the awful pageant do’s?

  41. 41
    Lady J
    Posted January 13, 2006 at 7:00 am

    Thank you Lori for the first LOL of the day!
    “Re-pro-duc-tion (reproduction) Baby, give it to me now…”

  42. 42
    shesnotdizzy
    Posted January 13, 2006 at 7:28 am

    Copygod, superlative recap. You are clearly top notch at this and I will watch this show faithfully simply so I can enjoy the recaps more. I really laughed and Dear Lord, did I need that this morning! Drop your dignity at the door ladies, and entertain us this season, we can’t wait!
    Dizzy

  43. 43
    EROSion
    Posted January 13, 2006 at 1:06 pm

    “Re-pro-duc-tion, is that all you think about!?”

  44. 44
    Lizardqueen
    Posted January 13, 2006 at 3:17 pm

    I prefer- “Rock-a-hula-rock-a-hula luau, luau, luau, luau A-wham-bamma-lamma
    Shanga langa langa langa luau, luau, luau, luau”

  45. 45
    Helenann
    Posted January 14, 2006 at 12:01 am

    how ’bout the:
    “We’re gonna sco-ooooo-re tonight…”
    or the, “I’ll be yours in winter, when the snow is on the grou-ound…”
    or, Michelle Pheiffer at her finest, “Whooo, whooo, who’s that guy…”
    I heart Lizardqueen, Lori and Lady J!
    (“oh, someone tell me where the piston goes?”)

  46. 46
    Lula
    Posted January 17, 2006 at 6:55 pm

    Great post! Funnier than watching the actual episode which was quite boring until Dr. Allie’s crazy rant. The rest of the season’s episodes will not compare.

  47. 47
    BuLaffy
    Posted January 27, 2006 at 10:14 pm

    Moana is the smartest one there, in my humble opinion. First of all, she’s taking her own sweet time to get acquainted with Travis, instead of gaping at him with starstruck, dollar(correction: BIG DOLLAR)-signed bug-eyes. Furthermore, Mo knows when a guy is interested and can afford to make a move when she feels like it. I’m learning some valuable insights from her as well… having experienced my own Kristen moments! I can’t help getting a perverse kick out of the way a few of the other girls seethe at Mo’s lack of desperation. They’re threatened because there’s no LESS THEY can do to impress Travis, who seems to like Mo’s casual attitude about him. When I see Shiloh, Sarah Tennessee and Tara get so incensed about Mo’s ‘whatever’ response to their needling (as if Moana is not entitled to participate unless she’s drooling like they are), I am reminded to take better care of myself around men. Thanks Mo!

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