[jadedbitch continues with our Bachelor recaps. You can read his blog at http://www.jadedbitch.com/.]
So sayeth Anitra during one of many pointless clips shown throughout last night’s Women Tell All special. I couldn’t decide if that would make a better title or Geitan’s remark that, “These are Bitchelorettes, not Bachelorettes!” We join Chris Harrison in the most work that he’s had to do all season, as he introduces 10 from the reject pile. It was nice to see familiar faces like Danushka (sans sunglasses) and Kara, who in case you forgot, is a single mom, as stated underneath her name to remind everyone. Was it me or was this whole beginning akin to an episode of Jerry Springer?While everyone else dressed to the nines, Megan showed up in a grey Gap-ish top that read “Brunette is the new blonde.” Hmm, is that why you went and dyed your hair BLONDE during this season of the show? Oh wait, that’s right, you did that in order to impress Charlie. The fact that she’s now back to her brunette roots only affirms that fact. Sad that she felt she had to justify her natural haircolor by printing out a cheesy message on her t-shirt.
The claws came out immediately on Kerry, whom I barely even remember being on the show. The girls attacked her for being a loud drunk and talking about people behind their backs, while she claimed the other girls despised her for getting the very first rose from Charlie. Even Chris Harrison sharpened his nails when he congratulated Kara and Megan for being the first ever girls to be dumped by the bachelor on an individual date. Smarmy, much?
If that wasn’t enough to bring up your dinner, we were then introduced to Kara’s daughter who was sitting in the audience. Um, exactly how old was Kara when she had her child? 14? This child looks like she’s ready to start junior high! All kidding aside, she was a lovely child. I’m sure the two have witty banter back and forth a la The Gilmore Girls.
Kristine, the self-confessed secret agent/psycho goth girl, was next to take the hot seat. She told everyone that her job was top secret and she wasn’t at liberty to speak about it. Hence, she was on network television speaking about it.
Kimberley aka Whore of Edmonton entered the room with her two friends, Left and Right. Chris remarked that someone ought to buy her a shirt, as she was sporting another half top? Bikini? Bra? Hammock?
Fellow Edmontonian Jenny tore into Kimberley by saying that she wanted people to know that there was more to Canada than bathing suits and being half-dressed. Ah yes, thanks Jenny for debunking all those stereotypes out there, because you know that when people think of Canada, the first things that come to mind are bathing suits and being half-dressed. Those cheeky Inuit!! There’s nothing like walking around your igloo in a pink thong! In the end though, Kimberley chalked up her rejection to being too wild for Charlie to handle. At least she didn’t say it was because she was too beautiful and needed to be uglier – paging Sarah Dubya!
Lo and behold, Sarah Dub then made her entrance to a welcoming of terse smiles and zero eye contact from the rest of the girls. If you thought they were harsh on Kimberley, she was merely the scratching post for these women to sharpen their teeth on just in time for Sarah Dub. Kindle, who was pretty forgettable during the show, spunked right up during this Tell All and man did she ever look like she was gonna get up and beat the crap out of Sarah Dub right there on stage! She called Sarah fake, fickle, and horrible. Seriously though, was she or was she not cracking her knuckles in anticipation? Her tag team partner, Anitra, chimed in to tell her she wasn’t nearly as attractive as she thought she was.
Pseudo European Danushka made her second “you’re too fat, you should have gone to the gym” comment of the evening to Sarah Dub (earlier, it was aimed at Kimberley). Is Danushka some kind of fitness guru? Stop the insanity! But don’t stop the bickering, bring it on! In fact, bring Jen Scheft into the mix and let the hounds go wild! They’d chew her up and spit her out and then chew her right up again! I have to do a double take at this moment because gosh darn it, I think I’m actually enjoying this episode!
Chris Harrison humiliated Sarah Dub even further by re-showing her idiotic comments from the week before, when she told the world that if only she were uglier, maybe Charlie would have kept her around. It was like throwing a T-bone at a pack of wolves. The girls laughed and attacked Sarah Dub for her comments, arguing inner vs outer beauty with Sarah Dub confusing everyone; Danushka nodded her head sarcastically while chiding, “Poor Sarah!” but it was Anitra who delivered the smackdown with her “I feel sorry for you” speech that included the spot-on line about Sarah Dub’s “self-imposed supremacy that is spewed on everyone – it’s sickening.” One, Two, Three, you’re out! Chris tried to give Sarah Dub the last word, but the girls would have none of that. He eventually had to break up the lynch mob and cut to commercial.
Upon return, the bachelor himself, Charlie, came out to greet everyone. Sarah Dub asked him when exactly did he lose the connection with her and he basically told her that he felt she was putting on an act. Twenty minutes later, she was still trying to process this. I thought there’d be more with him in the range of fire, but he quickly made his escape with 15 minutes left in the show!
Bah, what a rip-off. It’s just 15 minutes of scenes from next week. WTF! Okay, so Krisily and Sarah B. get to continue their relationships with Charlie out in the real world before he makes his decision at the Final Rose Ceremony next week.
Krisily and Sarah B. managed to send a video message to the girls. More specifically, they both had questions aimed at Sarah Dub. And here we thought the good parts were all over. First up was Sarah B. who asked why Sarah Dub told her that lie about Charlie knowing who the final four were already, and that it didn’t include Caroline Rhea’s doppleganger (i.e. Her). Sarah Dub’s response: Sarah B. is a foul-mouthed liar and made it all up in her head. As everyone rolled their eyes, including Chris Harrison, we watched Krisily ask Sarah Dub if she still blamed her for Charlie sending her home. Her response: yes, she does! She claimed a breakdown in the house was caused by Krisily and her leading the “I Hate Sarah” fan club. Hmm, and I thought I was the leader of that?
Did you feel sorry for Sarah Dub after the beating she took? Nah, me neither. So next week is the season finale. Who will he pick? Sarah B. or Krisily? I’m going for Sarah B.