Hey Gasmii! PopePhilly asked me to do the Minicap for our special Three Hour Live Extravaganza Hope You Are All Drunk Enough to Get Through This Historic Bachelor Finale. But she promises she’ll be back with the full recap later this week! Can’t write a finale minicap without some spoilers though, so for the major ones I’ll do my best to warn you ahead of time in case you haven’t had time to watch.
I’ll tell you something, though: Sean’s nephew quickly becomes my favorite person ever to appear on The Bachelor when he announces, “Emily didn’t pick you! HA HA HA HA HA!” Isn’t that how we’ve all felt, at times? Catherine’s up first to interview for the position of Sean’s Wife, and I’m just surprised when no one asks her what her greatest weakness is, and to give an example. Anyway, Sean’s family loves her, and like anyone sane, they’re skeptical about whether or not the two are ready for marriage, but whatever! The only surprising thing about this whole meeting is that I noticed it’s possible that Sean shaves his legs.
Lindsay’s road is just a bit more rough than Catherine’s was, because Sean’s family teases her about the first night wedding dress that we’ve heard about no less than 3,000 times now. Hey guys, do you remember the season premiere? Remember how Lindsay came out of the limo in a wedding dress? I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! But her time with the Lowes sounds like a job interview too, and leaves me feeling icky. And it doesn’t help that she’s talking about Life’s Big Issues in that annoying baby voice.
Afterwards, Sean’s family does what almost every other Bachelor/Bachelorette family has done, and sits on the fence, refusing to tell him if they like one of the ladies better than the other. Sean’s mom, however, does plant her flag firmly in the ground to indicate that she doesn’t think he should be making any hasty decisions regarding marriage about women he has met in alcohol-fueled SuperDates.
“I am now questioning ALL of your major life decisions. Good job, son.”
For their last date, Sean and Lindsay floated down a muddy river in a raft between some mountains, and don’t you feel bad for the guys working the raft? Must have been super-awkward to have been them. Back at Lindsay’s hotel suite, they make out a lot and don’t talk much except for Lindsay to tell Sean that she’s nervous, and for him to tell her not to be. Guess that answers the question about how AshLee got confused, assuming he had a similar conversation with her. On Catherine’s date, she was really, really excited about riding an elephant, and then they almost die in a tragic elephant-ride-fatality when Sean decides to be a practical jokester and commands the elephant down a steep hill. But then later on, they talk a lot, and seem to have more than just the physical connection. **SPOILER** Catherine freaks out though, going so far as to follow him back to his room, when he doesn’t return the sentiment (which of course, he can’t, because he’s not allowed to by contract.) **/SPOILER**