The Bachelor Recap: Hometown Hoopla

The Bachelor

By Hazylazy | Tuesday, February 21, 2012 | 2:22 pm | 23 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Recaps, The Bachelor

This week, The Bachelor takes us on the most exotic trip yet, to the girls’ hometowns.  We start by heading down to horse country in Ocala, FL.  Ben finds it “super sexy” to see Lindzi on a horse.  Yeah.  She knows how to ride.  Lindzi gets Ben on a horse and teaches him how to use a whip.  Insert your own dominatrix joke here.  Ocala is beautiful, though and there are lots of pictures of all the green hills and trees as Ben and Lindzi have a “serious” conversation about her past.  The only other guy she brought home, though, is the guy who dumped her via text message.  I’m kind of doubting the whole text-message breakup after she said they lived together.  How, exactly, did that play out?  And why does no one question the logistics of said break-up.

How many horses’ asses can you spot in this picture?

They ride off into the midday sun to meet Lindzi’s family, where Ben will probably ask them why they can’t spell.  Really, who spells it “Lindzi?”  She introduces her parents Margie and Harry…possibly spells Mahrgee and Hair-E.  They decide to have Carriage Races, showing us how much money Hair-E and Mahrgee really have.

Carriage races are how us Florida folk get down.

If you are not aware of this, Ocala is where a lot of rich people raise horses and evade taxes like Wesley Snipes.

What happens in Ocala stays in Ocala.

The losers have to pull the winners’ carriage back to the house like horses.  Back at the house, Lindzi and her mom have a heart-to-heart about her last breakup and how her mom doesn’t want to see her go through that again.  So, why on Earth would you want your daughter to go on The Bachelor?  Mahrgee tells Ben how sheltered Lindzi was as she grew up, which is the reason she never really dated.  Great job, Mom.  You really screwed your daughter up by not allowing her to progress normally in a social setting.  They both seem to approve of Ben and Ben thinks Lindzi’s parents are “salt of the Earth.”

Their “wine glasses” are mason jars on stems.  You might think this makes them “salt of the Earth.”

They are just such simple people who raise and race thoroughbreds.  Ben likes that Lindzi is humble and grounded, which begs the question how can he possibly put her in the same category with Courtney?  Courtney is far from both of those.  Ben says he may be falling in love with Lindzi.

She’s twirling again.

Now we take the last train to Clarksville, Tennessee where we find Kacie practicing with the marching band from her high school.  Kacie is looking forward to surprising Ben “all day.”  They share a little picnic at the football field named for her grandfather.  She talks about her grandparents and their love and how her grandmother died shortly after her grandfather, after predicting that she wouldn’t make it to Christmas.  They drink wine in the bleachers, something I’m guessing Kacie may have done before.  Kacie lets him know that her dad is a federal probation officer who doesn’t drink.  Fan-tastic.  Ben’s hair actually looks a little better in Tennessee.  Maybe he should move there.

They head home to meet her parents and her sister who looks a LOT like her.  Man, do they talk like folks from Clarksville.  I bet they went to Austin Peay.  If you ever get the chance to go to Clarksville, be sure to go to a football game.  It’s fun to hear a stadium full of people yell “Let’s go Pee!”  Kacie tells her sister how she wants her parents to trust her.  Kacie’s dad tells Ben that marriage is very serious and that he doesn’t want to see Kacie get hurt.  Ben is not sure if her dad likes him.  He doesn’t.  Kacie’s mom tells Ben that they are very protective of Kacie.  She has a serious problem with them moving in together before getting married.  Ben doesn’t think he will get her parents’ approval.  Ben also seems to think this is negotiable.  It isn’t.

This is the most insincere hug ever.

Well, they are sure to watch the show and I’m guessing that even if they do get their approval at this point, the naked shenanigans with Courtney will probably revoke that.  Kacie’s dad repeats the “no moving in together” discussion with Kacie.  She tells her dad she would say “yes” if Ben proposed.  Kacie’s dad tells her he would not give his approval.  He doesn’t want them to rush anything.  So, again, parents shelter the daughter.  The worst part is that the quickest way to have your overly-protected daughter run off and get married is to tell her not to.

Nicki and Ben talk to a grizzled old Texan who tries not to laugh as he gives Ben ridiculous boots to try on.

Ben heads to Hurst, Texas, now, to meet Nicki and her parents.  She takes him into a shop to buy his first pair of cowboy boots because finding boots is very similar to finding the right partner.  Why must we force these metaphors?  Ben buys a cowboy hat, showing that he did not, in fact, find the right fit and they duck into a saloon for some sarsaparilla.  Nicki brings up her past again and how the last man she brought home was the man she married.  Her parents also don’t want to see her get hurt again.  Why does everyone feel the need to bring this up?  Are there parents out there who root for their child to suffer a broken heart?  The sad part is that almost all, if not all, of these girls will get their hearts broken by the end of this.

Sluurrrppp!

Ben gets to meet Nicki’s parents Doug and Laura and her brother Matt.  Nicki’s parents are divorced, but seem to get along pretty well.  Laura really likes Ben and lot and says she sees a connection with Ben that she didn’t even see with Nicki’s first husband.  Laura tries to be Nicki’s best girlfriend, which is not shocking seeing as her dad primarily raised her.  The vibe between Nicki and her mom is borderline disturbing, probably because she mom tried to find her place as the “cool mom.”  Nicki and her dad sit down to talk about feelings and Doug says he may have given her hand in marriage to readily the first time and thinks he let her down by not asking more questions.  He feels he let her down the first time and wants to make sure she’s protected from pain.  Nicki’s parents have severe divorce guilt.  I bet Nicki and her brother got every little thing they wanted growing up.  Nicki is not the first girl to defend Ben to her parents, but Doug seems more trusting of their bond.  He caves rather quickly and gives Ben and Nicki their blessing.  We don’t see Ben talk to either parent, which either means it wasn’t interesting at all or they are editing because it’s not important and Nicki is done.  My guess is that Nicki is done although she admits that she loves Ben and he admits there have been times that day were he could see them together.  He also said that about Emily last week, though, so we shall see.

Courtney’s dad is about winning, too.

Now the model Courtney brings Ben home to meet her family in Arizona.  Courtney has spent a lot of time thinking and feels bad about her relationships with the girls.  She may finally be realizing what it means for her to make it to the end and Ben see all of her crazy on National television.  Courtney tells Ben that her dad calls their house the “house of little girls,” which is not at all creepy.  She introduces them to her parents and her slightly heavier and less attractive sister, Rachel.  Courtney clearly gets her crazy facial expressions from her mom, who has not aged well.  Ben should really look at the mother’s as a glance into the future.  It’s not pretty.

Yeah… a look into Courtney’s future.

Courtney and her sister have a heart-to-heart about love and Puerto Rican shenanigans.  Her dad makes an awful metaphor about marriage being a bet and the chance of “winning.”  So that’s where Courtney gets the competitive streak.  Both of her parents love Ben and think they are well-suited for each other.  But that is mostly based on how happy he makes Courtney.   And the fact that she’s fucking nuts.

Courtney takes Ben to a farm and tells him that she feels really good about them.  She tells him about her first photo shoot at said farm (because Arizona is known for it’s amazing modelling industry?) and how they were setting up a wedding at the time.  As luck would have it, they are setting up for a wedding in the exact place Courtney wants to get married.  Ben is a little nervous, and he probably should be.  This is not a coincidence.  The crazy pops out with a bowtie, rings, and paper for the two of them to write their vows.  Courtney then ambushes him, Miss Piggy-style, with a wedding.

I thought Fozzy was playing the minister.

She wants to tell Ben that she’s in love with him, and what better way than to have a maybe real minister and maybe their real vows.  He tells her that she’s strong and “kindof beautiful.”  Well, he actually says “kind and beautiful,” but I prefer the other way.  Courtney rhymes hers and finally tells Ben that she’s in love with him.  He finds the “wedding” romantic and intimate, not psychotic.  I really wish I could see his face as he finds out how conniving she really is.  The minister announces that it wasn’t a real wedding and you can almost hear Ben’s sigh of relief.

This isn’t a real wedding, right?

Back in the Bachelor sitting room with Chris, we recap the dates.  I’m not going to recap the recap because that just makes my head hurt.  Clearly, we are just killing time here.

Remember when we had to watch them go through this ever week?

Ben feels bad because he knows he has to get rid of one of the four of them.  First, though, he has to stare at their pictures.  Chris greets the women and as much as I dislike Courtney, she looks better than she ever has.

The final four await their fate.

The first rose goes to…

Courtney.  There are disparaging looks from Kacie and Nicki.  Courtney uses her little baby voice and saunters back into her place to smell her rose.  Rose #2 goes to …

Lindzi.  She’s happy and probably a little relieved.  And the final rose goes to…

Nicki.  Damnit.

Nicki and Lindzi show compassion while Courtney makes a face.

Kacie is trying really hard to smile, but is heartbroken.  She cries, probably knowing that her parents totally screwed this up for her.  She holds it together amazingly well until she gets in the car.  She doesn’t understand why she’s not good enough.

Poor Kacie.  Think she’ll agree to be on The Bachelorette?

It’s really tough to watch her fall apart, but Ben heads back to the other girls and announced that the remaining three are headed for an alpine adventure in Switzerland.  Looks like we’re in for some drama next week as Courtney realizes how much she might have fucked up and that Ben is actually going to see and hear all of her “winning” talk. Someone arrives unexpectedly at Ben’s door and I’m hoping that it’s Emily to tell Ben… again… how seriously fucked up it is that Courtney is still there.

On to Switzerland!

In a scene we didn’t see, Rachel (Courtney’s sister), throws her under the bus by bringing up their skinny-dipping adventure.  I wish they’d kept that in.  This episode was a bit less than interesting, but at least there is the promise of drama next week.  Personally, I cannot wait for “The Women Tell All” in a few weeks.

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!

About

Hazylazy has been described as "an English professor who watches a lot of trash" and this could not be more accurate.

23 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Clearly Turtlehead eliminated the one gal who wouldn’t be DTF for the fantasy suite episode. He did a favor, and she’ll figure that out watching this season. She’d be a great Bachelorette, except for the disapproving dad thing.

  2. 2
    Hazylazy
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I heard someone say that Courtney’s “vows” were actually from Sex and the City, but I didn’t watch that, so I can neither confirm nor deny.

  3. 3
    Britty
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Two things:

    1) The Courtney-Ben wedding thing happened before he met her parents. They were both wearing the “rustic” wedding bands at her parents house (also that’s how those hometown dates usually go). I can’t figure out why they edited it to look like he met her parents first. To keep us watching??

    2) I like Lindzi (stupid spelling and all) but does the way she says important drive anyone else nuts?? Is that some sort of speech impediment I’m unaware of?

  4. 4
    Adelefig
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I must be losing my mind cause I DID see Rachel bring up the Ben/Courtney skinny dipping in front off Ben and the parents…did I imagine this??…yikes…Please someone tell me you saw it too??

  5. 5
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Well, now we know where Courtney gets her annoying baby voice and weird stilted mannerisms-mom! And I totally agree on the old “look at the mother”. With that logic he should dump them all and go for Kacie- her mom is a babe and looks exactly like her.

    I kind of wish he had explained his reason but I felt it was a good move after her dad told him to drop her now if he wasn’t serious so she wouldn’t get further hurt. Maybe the only nice thing Ben’s done all season. She really shoulda kept it together in the limo though. Her breakdown was weird and hard to watch. In fact all the girls seemed so odd at the rose ceremony, like they were all wayyyyy too drunk or something. Everyone had weird expressions and body language. Maybe it was a “take two”?

    @Britty-great catch! I love when people notice the reverse editing! I also strongly believe the producers pulled Courtney aside and said “we have to edit you to look like the bitch bc you were the only interesting personality whatsoever but if you are in the top three you have to act like a love robot or america will hate you”

    I finally get the value of the hometown episode though, these women have been so bland I finally have opinions of them and insight into their behavior:
    Kacie : immature and rebellious of a hard-nosed daddy which is why she acts like a little angel but then curses and takes “risks” like loving someone after three dates.
    Nicki: I really like her but her screwed up parents make me think probably a good indicator of why she had a failed marriage that she put “two whole years” into
    Lindzi: man, I usually think horse people are nuts but I like all these people. Ben is a fool if this is not his front runner
    Courtney: conniving troll with troll parents.

    @Hazylazy: yes yes yes! the only way I see the Lindzi thing going down is if she did something really f’d up like cheated. Then you can totally send a petty cruel text. Or if they took about six months to break up and that was the very last of the endless back and forth. Totally not how someone who lives with you breaks up with you out of the blue. If for no other reason than its totally awkward when they don’t check their phone til you’re watching tv together.(oh and great recap ;) )

    For the record I hope the surprise visitor is Shawntel again.

  6. 6
    wow
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Adelefig – you aren’t crazy, it was in that little extra segment they show after the credits.

  7. 7
    Jennasaisquoi
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Here’s Carrie’s vows from SATC and Courtney’s…..

    Carrie Bradshaw: “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love.”

    Courtney Roberston: “I’m looking for love. Passionate, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

    Writing your own vows for your fake wedding is haarrrdddd…

  8. 8
    ash1
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    @missmia – Kacie’s mom was a hottie, except for the awful glasses-in-an-hour. Yet boy, was that marching band/baton routine annoying as hell…statute of limitations on that being cute wore out at about age 10! I’d be seriously skeeved if that had actually turned Ben on.

    Courtney’s dad was trying to be all millionaire-y in his argyle, but dude’s house was pretty working class…hmmm…he’s starting to remind me of Courtney.

    I like Lindsay (sorry, I just CAN’T spell it with the stupid Z) and even her bad make-up, but in about ten years she is going to look like utter shit…dimples turn into cavernous wrinkles, and all the tanning and heavy foundation won’t help. I still say she has bulimia voice, but at least she didn’t milk it like Kacie.

  9. 9
    wow
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Yeah ash1 – Her makeup is baaaad. Everytime I look at her I think, she should be pretty but somethings messing it up…totally agree that she won’t age well at all!

  10. 10
    melange
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Is it the 3-remaining dates that have the overnight cards? If so, agreed with the above: Kacie was the least likely to be down for boning. Nicki is divorced, Lindzi lived with a guy, and Courtney probably got her start modeling on a casting couch.

    Kacie totally dodged a bullet! I’d love to see her as the next Bachelorette instead of that hypocrite whatshertits Emily from last season (crycrycry, dabtear, nooo I don’t want to be on the teevee any moar!) Of course, the producers would probably drain Kacie of all her great personality, just as they’ve done with every Bachelor/Bachelorette (not that Ben had much to begin with).

    It’s fitting that Courtney got the “crazy” hometown. There’s always a hometown date where the contestant does something nuts and usually they’re the one that goes home. I guess a disapproving family trumps crazy, or Ben is too smitten (or dickwhipped) to see it.

  11. 11
    kthxbai
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    @Hazylazy I thought about you all through this episode. Hoping you weren’t still drinking to HB lines. Because they had so many you’d end up in the emergency room.

    What I wonder about Lindzi getting text dumped is how come she saved the msg to have it to put on the show?

    ROFL @itchy! I’m going to call him Turtlehead all the time now. Thanks!

    @melange LOL I was just getting tuned up to type “Kacie dodged a bullet” when I saw you already did!

    She should send Ben a thank you basket of hair products. And some instructions.

    @Britty Once you get used to stuff like time travel hair and incredible shrinking babies on Teen Mom 2 stuff like back assward wedding scene editing is nothing.

    @MrsMiaWallace The rumor is that if they’re not sad enough, the producers pick at the girls till they make them cry. Like they did those sisters on Toddlers and Tiaras. So they’ll get a good exit interview.

    This show might as well go ahead and put their Executive in Charge of Bad Metaphors in the credits. Because it’s so not a secret that they’ve got 1.

  12. 12
    polk8dot
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    The story is that Court had a live-in boyfriend, Cavan Whatever, whom she was about to marry at the time she got the call back for the Bachelor. Looks like in a true slot fashion she put him away for a rainy day, and decided to go for some ‘fame and fortune’ on this train-wreck of a show. I bet she will be back with Cavan the moment she’s done milking all possible publicity out of dating Ben. Also, allegedly there is a ‘dirty sex tape’ of the two of them out there, so that’s what we have to look forward to next, after she’s used up all other ideas to prolong her 15 min. ( the shining example of Paris Hilton and Kim Kartrashian lives on. It’s good to have aspirations!)
    Another curious tidbit – this is not her first rodeo, either. She was on an Australian dating/challenge show with her then-boyfriend (another publicity ho’ himself), and it aired back in 2005. According to her bio she is 27 now, so she would have been barely 20 then. Only she looks much older than that in the shots from the show (except for her body, which looks like a 15 year old boy’s – flat and lanky. Obviously she had some surgical aid with her looks, and not just her nose and lip implant.)
    I just can’t stand this skank, so I went looking for some trash on her. Imagine my surprise when I found all of the above info on her IMDB page ;)

  13. 13
    Danielle
    Posted February 21, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Thoughts:
    Why did Linzi not know when/how/where her parents got married?? Why were Ben and Linzi learning these things at the same time?

    I agree, Kacie was kicked to the curb as soon as it was clear that she wouldn’t be putting out–or, at least when it became clear that HorseAss couldn’t do it without the fear of her probation officer dad’s gun in his face upon airing of the episode.

    Heard Kacie was made crazy by producers by driving her in circles for 2 hours in order to get her ridiculous parting words. Personally, I’m not interested in her ever being the Bachelorette. I think she’ll go on the Pad and be fine.

    Guessing Nicki will be gone next–just because I can never seem to remember that she’s still on the show!

    P.S. the 3rd place loser almost always, to me, seems to be the best match…wonder why they’re always eliminated at that point?

  14. 14
    sweetroisindubh
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I’ve started playing a new drinking game. I take a shot whenever someone says he or she didn’t “expect to find love” (or some variation of that)…on a show designed specifically for one person to find a husband/wife.

  15. 15
    Hazylazy
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 7:57 am

    I can’t play the drinking game as I’m currently knocked up, but I live vicariously though my readers :)

  16. 16
    sweetroisindubh
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Then two shots for me it is, Hazylazy!

  17. 17
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I call him Turtlehead because he talks like Kermit the Frog? And that annoying thing he does with the upward inflection at the end of every sentence?

  18. 18
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 10:45 am

    The producers keep topping off their glasses faster than a Chinese busboy in a Dim Sum joint. If the contestants aren’t drunk, nobody goes into hysterics in the limo of shame. They’re like, “Eh. I got shit to do at home, anyway.” Certainly there would be less fighting and crying without all the alcohol.

    Since they have to rent that effin’ helicopter all the time anyway, it also doubles as a special delivery booze vehicle. Once, Chris Harrison got drunk, went for a ride, and puked all over Rozalyn Papa from 800 feet up.

  19. 19
    l.e.boe
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @kthxbai ‘She should send Ben a thank you basket of hair products. And instructions how to use them.’ BA HA HA HA HA!!!! Good one!!

    I would much rather see Kasey as the new bachelorette then horrible dead fiance Emily!! I already hate myself enough for watching Ben as bachelor, I can feel the self hatred intensifying since I am going to be watching every week of ‘dead fiancee’ as bachelorette. I can fool myself and say I won’t but who am I kidding. The only way I got through her screen time on Brad’s season was taking shots every time she cried, talked about her ‘dead fiancee’ or being a single mom. I was so drunk….

  20. 20
    itchy
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I watch the Bachelor because of the 20 or so gals hanging out in bikinis and mini-skirts. I watch the Bachelorette for the whole bukake thing. So, yeah. Um. Huh.

  21. 21
    cam
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Notwithoutmytv: super funny post! Thanks for the laugh.

    hi Britty! I too have noticed the way Lindzeee says “imporTanT” — she manages to enunciate in a non-annoying manner! That’s quite a feat! Not sure why she singles out the word “imporTanT” to enunciate though…

    I say No Way to Kacie being the next B’ette. She too young. We like our B’ors and B’ettes to be mo’ desperate.

  22. 22
    cam
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Itchy ! I loved your post too! How did I miss his ending every sentence with a question? Is it because I’m so dazzled by his looks, charm and wit?
    Nope, prolly too many shotses.
    – Do you think the prod-ucers coach the B’or to speak in vague, lame terms which attempt to keep the audience in suspense/lead the girls to think there’s a real “connection” (gag)? (…Well, that plus his tongue, ick).

  23. 23
    breezybtvs
    Posted February 22, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Turtlehead is not a bad nickname but my girlfriends and I refer to Ben as DW, the little sister from the Arthur books. Spitting image!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.