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“Complimentary rose service begins after takeoff.”
Hey, do you guys remember JAKE from Jillian’s season of The Bachelorette? He was that airline pilot who was totally intense, fell in love in one date, came back after being kicked off to tattle-tell on Wes for having a girlfriend, then had a tearful hissy fit over a hotel balcony – remember? Well, because his Bachelorette antics proved to be a stellar audition for the role of The Bachelor, ABC bought in and Jake is back to find himself some love! Because he is a commercial pilot and back in the 60′s that was sexy (okay it’s still sexy, just not as romanticized – plus Captain Sully is ushering in a new era of pilot worship) this season has been dubbed “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.” Try not to puke.Here is the image they’d like us to have in our mind’s eye regarding Jake:
Come fly with me!
Here is the image I have in my mind’s eye regarding Jake:
Come cry with me.
Either way, he strikes me not as sincere, but as a huge phony. Like he did exactly what he thought the producers would want him to do so that he could be the next Bachelor. Why? I have no idea, and it’s all just my opinion, so who cares? So we join Jake recounting the momentous misery he experienced last season when Jillian dismissed him. Maybe he is vying for Chris Harrison’s job because everything he says is so dramatic. “I was CRUSHED. Nice guys finish last!” etc. Calm down. He retreated to Dallas to nurse his wounds in seclusion for a while, then after he “made it through that fire” (his words), he decided he’s ready once again to find a woman. Jake is always shirtless unless he’s wearing his pilot blouse – complete with shoulder epaulets, lest we forget that he is stunning and important. He says, “The most powerful emotion is love. (Big pause) Love is perfect. (Big pause) It endures.” I would say scripted, but with this guy it may just be part of his persona. They may not need too many cue cards for him this season because he’s been on a roll since Jillian. We have a huge montage of Jake working out, of course, and standing around in front of airplanes (he’s a pilot!), talking about how his office is at 37,000 feet. They keep showing Southwest planes. Does he fly for Southwest? How prestigious! For funsies Jake flies aerobatic airplanes – the little ones that do loop-the-loops. Jake happens to mention that he’s the ONLY ONE in his family not in medicine. So not only is he an amazing hero, he also comes from a whole family of amazing heroes! Who wouldn’t want them for in-laws? He spouts clichés about love for the next five minutes. He’s going into this one hundred percent!
He arrives in LA and they have him riding around on a motorcycle. I learned from Chris Harrison’s blog that Jake doesn’t actually ride a motorcycle; they just had him do it because it looks cool. Well it might have if they hadn’t given him the world’s largest helmet. He pulls up on the beach at sunset to park on his motorcycle and keep on looking cool. A CGI plane flies by overhead. Oh brother! They may as well have done this:
The Bachelor: Top Gun
He just KNOWS he’s going to walk out of here with a fiancée. He can just feel it!
Chris Harrison walks out of the mansion to welcome us to this season. It seems that the women of America are to blame for what we’re about to experience. They swarmed ABC with demands for Jake to be the next Bachelor. Before anything else, we’re going to have some clips of the 25 bachelorettes. Sweet.
Ali is 25 and appears to live in San Francisco. In past relationships she has been dumped for video games and her own roommate. She thinks Jake is the cutest and that she won’t be able to help falling in love with him.
Alexa is 25 and actually rides a motorcycle (not just for the camera). She talks about straddling her motorcycle and making orgasm sounds. Sounds like she doesn’t need a man at all!
Tenley is also 25 and she’s dancing around on the beach like Sarah Jessica Parker in LA Story.
“Have you ever had a high colonic?”
She tells us she’s in musical theatre (that explains it) and she played a bunch of Disney princesses in Tokyo. She’s also been married and both she and her husband were virgins when they married, so when he cheated on her and ruined everything she was devastated. She’s excited to meet Jake because he could be her knight in shining armor. Ugh. Ladies, you shouldn’t need to be rescued.
Elizabeth is 29 and a captain in the Washington DC National Air Guard. Here’s a woman who won’t need to be rescued! She says that because she’s worn a uniform for so long she has no fashion sense (we’ll be the judges of that) and that all of her loves have been pilots.
Ew, Rozlyn is a model. She’s 28. She says girls are catty and I guess I just proved her right. She’s doing a photo shoot in a warehouse, so it’s probably staged by our producers to demonstrate what “being a model” looks like. Great, thanks.
And that’s a camera. And those are boobs.
Christina is 25 and a guy’s girl. She only has guy friends and says she’s bitchy. I don’t trust girls who can’t be friends with other girls. I must be jealous.
Vienna is 23 and she’s… named Vienna. I lived in Vienna so I adore that city, but it’s a stupid name, sorry. Her parents should have named her the German word for “person from Vienna,” which is Wiener. She’s kinda cross-eyed and she tells us that she loves herself and is a daddy’s girl. She and her poof dog wear matching dresses and have mommy-daughter dates. Okay, Wiener is a lunatic.
Ashley is 29, a teacher, and in constant receipt of packages from her mother containing outfits she needs to wear for Jake, including a string bikini. They’re called boundaries, people.
Another Elizabeth, 29. This one is a nanny. She’s familiar with the ups and downs of love, m’kay?
Ella is 29, cuts hair, and has a 7-year-old son. Apparently she boxes to work out.
Gia is 25 and she’s another model. What, no demo? Oh wait she’s a swimsuit model and lying there in a bikini – sufficiently demonstrated. Okay her body is so amazing I want to kick something. Poop. She talks about her bad luck with men as she looks at her butt from different angles in the mirror.
“Firm from this angle. Pert from that. Delicious all around.”
Kimberly is 24 and an NBA dancer. Yawn.
Caitlyn is 24 and she thinks that her pageant experience will help her tonight. Well I guess she will be strutting around answering generic questions.
Okay that’s enough. The girls are all getting into their sparkly dresses and getting their lungs warmed up to scream.
We have to watch Jake take a shower and pontificate over how profound his journey is going to be. Let’s get on with it already. He gets back on his motorcycle to ride out of the shot and then climb into a limo.
Seriously Jake. Get a bigger helmet.
When he arrives at the Mansion of Desperation Chris Harrison brings him inside for the expected grilling before meeting the gals.
“Now remember. Your contract specifies at least TWO crying jags.”
They go over what happened with Jillian… again. They talk about how Jake is just your everyday, sincere, all American guy… again. He gives the required ABC line about knowing this process works because he SAW it work last season. How many people are they going to instruct to say this before they think we’re catching on? Chris asks if Jake would give up flying for love. Oh for pete’s sake, why would he ever have to? Jake takes a deep breath then gazes into infinity, saying, “Love is more powerful than flying.” Dry your eyes, Jake.
It’s time for the Limo Emergence Highlights!
Ali has lost her voice and is holding a peacock feather, but more importantly, she’s wearing the same dress Jillian wore last season and Shayne Lamas wore a few seasons ago. I guess ABC is recycling more than contestants.
Okay Shayne’s rhinestone band is a bit higher… so is her skirt.
Ella asks how Jake feels to be talking to his future wife. Desperate much?
Kathryn is a flight attendant and she’s wearing a bright purple tutu.
Alexa comes out of the limo wearing Harley gloves.
Corrie asks “What do you think about kissing me?” But she actually says “Kissimmee” cause that’s where she’s from, get it?
Valishia has just visited Texas and she gives Jake some Texas dirt to represent their common ground.
Channy is our token Asian and she says something in Cambodian then tells Jake to come find her to discover what it means.
One of the Ashleys is holding a little wheel that she makes Jake spin to land on one of three pictures of her – it’s something to do with him picking her, I don’t know.
Tiana announces that the first time she saw Jake on The Bachelorette she announced to her friends that he was her future husband, he just didn’t know it yet. Um, fatal attraction?
Christina is holding a basket of jelly beans that she’s going to give out to all the girls as a goodbye gift – meaning everyone’s leaving but her. She hands them out to the girls all smug and snotty. Ugh, she’s the one who can’t be friends with girls. I wonder why.
Ashleigh is wearing a dress with a slit up to her panties (if she’s wearing any). She trips and falls onto Jake and after watching that twice I decided it was fake. Then I read on-line that it was.
Jake: “Whoa! I can see your bajingo!”
Ashleigh: “Great, then it worked!”
Ashleigh: “Great, then it worked!”
Sheila emerges wearing aviator sunglasses because she’s a commercial pilot too! She says she wants to give him this pair of aviators because the two of them are a pair of aviators. This goes right over Jake’s head and he just wants to know how he looks in the sunglasses. I’m guessing Jake’s going to excuse her pretty early on because he has to be the hero in the relationship.
Michelle comes out with her arms spread and buzzing while she tilts back and forth – she’s an airplane!
So that’s it for the intros. With how silly some of these girls were, I think this has turned into a gimmick contest to see who can do the quirkiest thing to catch Jake’s attention. And it only continues as everyone goes inside to get drunk and vie for the First Impression Rose. Here are the highlights:
Jake takes Ali for alone time and she trips on her dress and rips it as she walks up some stairs.
Corrie asks Jake for his top three priorities and he says God, family, friends. Interesting. Sort of.
Channy sits Jake down and repeats her Cambodian line, then tells him what it means: you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime. Oh for crying out loud. No one was interested in her pubic grooming habits. This isn’t Jesse Palmer’s season.
Christina, the girl hater, complains that too many of the girls have their tatas out to play. She DOES admit that she might be jealous because she has small boobs.
“I wish my tatas would come out to play.”
Ella tells Jake about her 7-year-old son who wants to be a pilot and she presents him with a tiny model airplane that belongs to her son. She claims her son sent it for Jake but I doubt that very much.
Ashley changes into a stewardess costume (much like the ones in the earlier picture). It’s a skin tight mini dress. The other girls are, of course, disgruntled. But the cameraman isn’t!
Are we going for a Sharon Stone moment?
Nanny Elizabeth wants to toss a football around with Jake, but the other girls are instructed to join in, so it becomes a blondes vs. brunettes football game. On the concrete. In ball gowns.
“Catch me if you can!” Get it?
Michelle is having some kind of internal crisis. She tells us that with where she is in her life right now she DESERVES Jake. She very sincerely tells Rozlyn that she’s here to get married and she knows it’s with Jake. All righty then.
Kathryn has a fake engagement ring because as she can’t get through her flight attendant duties without being bombarded with suitors. Jake notices, so she takes off the ring and gives it to him – how symbolic!
Michelle bursts into tears because she hasn’t had alone time yet. She goes to Jake, tissue in hand, and sits him down to tell him that she is there to fall in love with him and be his co-pilot. She’s ready to have a husband and she has so much emotion to give him. Jake totally buys it, saying he appreciates her honesty and he can tell this is hard for her. She’s way too upset over a stranger.
“I’m a copilot missing my pilot. Run! The chickens are coming!”
Chris Harrison brings in two of the people you’d least like to see – Jillian and Ed. Chris says they’re the “successful couple” from last season. Oh please, they’re still under contract. They are here to ask the girls stupid questions that don’t shed any light on anything. They make Valishia dance and ask about the importance of premarital sex. Oh also, what kind of animal would you be in bed? Thank you for reminding us how annoying you are, you two.
“If you had 10 million dollars, what color tie would you buy for Jake?”
Tenley sits Jake down and reads him the top ten things about herself – none of them revealing or enlightening (I know how to have an awesome time. I’m a cuddlebug.) The last thing is that she’s a good kisser and she asks Jake to kiss her, which he does – just a peck – and she immediately regrets it. She bawls to the camera that she’s only been with one man – her ex-husband – and she really wanted Jake to kiss her first and she can’t believe she put herself out there and kissed him. Take some Prozac, Tenley.
“I feel like a common street hussy! I’m ruined!”
It turned out to work in her favor because Jake gives Tenley the First Impression Rose! He thinks she was very honest and endearing. She thinks this means that Jake will be pursuing her now. Usually this means she’ll be in this for a round or two and that’s it. The winner is never the First Impression Rose girl.
At last here is Chris Harrison tapping his glass! It’s time to see whose gimmicks worked! Chris sits Jake down and wants to know if there were any moments that stood out. Jake says when Ashley came out in her naughty stewardess outfit she just looked “dynamite” and that she is the most positive person he’s ever met – and it’s contagious.
“Oh, you mean you’re not REALLY a stewardess?”
Chris wants to know what Jake thought of Channy’s Cambodian translation. Jake’s like, “Uh, I tried to just laugh… that was pretty forward. What does ‘landing strip’ mean?” Chris then gives him a mini lesson on bikini waxes and the different results you can request. Jake mentions that he really likes Michelle because she’s so sincere – almost over-sincere (much like himself). Yeah, see to me they both just seem crazy getting so riled up over people they just met.
Okay it’s time to hand out the roses! Chris comes out and reminds the girls about how sincere Jake is in being here to find true love. Don’t forget Chris, he’s also a pilot! Jake comes out and talks about how very, very hard this is and that girls who don’t receive a rose shouldn’t take it personally. Uh, okay. You’re being rejected as a possible love interest, but it has nothing to do with you personally. Sure Jake, it’s just business. Remember, Tenley got the First Impression Rose, and here is how the rest come out:
Ella (has a son who likes airplanes), Nanny Elizabeth (played football), Ali (recycled yellow dress), Vienna (crazy girl who dates her dog), Christina (mean girl who doesn’t like girls), Gia (swimsuit model who stares at her butt), Ashley (naughty stewardess), Rozlyn (model who did a demo), Jessie (who?), Corrie (from Kissimmee), Valishia (gave him Texas dirt), Ashleigh (fake fall), Kathryn (purple tutu, fake engagement ring)… ladies, Jake, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. And the final rose goes to… Michelle (sincere nutcase). Michelle kisses her rose as she retreats back to the girls. Jake oughta love that.
Tiana just can’t understand what went wrong. If Jake had just taken the time to get to know her he would have fallen in love with her! Emily feels incomplete after being excused. She cries a little. Kimberly thinks she and Jake could have gone far, then she starts talking about tingles. “You have tingles and you have to let tingles go. I was one of them.” Oh ten girls! That’s what she said. I watched the exit diaries on-line and my favorite was Sheila the pilot, who said that there’s nothing she could have done differently, there was just nothing there between her and Jake. Some perspective! Also, it’s light outside by the time these interviews are taking place. By then I would have been BEGGING for my ride of shame just so I could get to a bed.
The Fortunate Fifteen
This season on The Bachelor: Things are totally different! Lots of bikinis, hot tubs, bath tubs, picnics, bungee jumping – oh wait, it’s just like every other season. There is, however, some ginormous scandal brewing regarding Rozlyn the model. I’ve read on the interweb that it’s mostly trumped up, but it looks like it makes Jake cry and kick something, so that’ll be funny.
So what do you think? Are you on board for Season 14 of this craziness? What do you guys even think of this show anymore? I’m curious.
Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta
TV Social
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25 Comments
Although I always railed against the media machine known as the Bachelor and felt if it focused on ‘realness’ i.e. politics, education, imperfect hair, things that tend to break a relationship past date 3 it might have more grounding, but, I always liked the openness of the female contestants.
However, this year, I felt the female contestants possessed too many ‘portable’ or media-oriented jobs i.e. model/pageant queen than in years past. The woman who stated ‘I’m 25 and ready to be a wife’ slightly scared me, despite similar sentiments expressed previously. In fact, I thought I counted multiple models/dancers/pageant queens, and fewer women with non-beauty oriented jobs this go-round.
I assumed Bachelor 14 requested ‘model’ wives, but perhaps this reflects the new reality TV model a la Shayne. My other concern is that despite NBA dancers in years past, I always felt the contestants were sincere, but this year, I felt a bit more fakery and insincerity. There were more catty remarks and no one really seemed invested in actually meeting the Bachelor, so, I’m not shocked that the casting couch ‘scandal’ broke this year.
Great Recap, love the LA Story reference, Jake is a tool.
Anybody else read reality Steve? Don’t know if his information is right, but I suggest reading it if you “like” this show.
Oh lordy, I swear this show makes me realize that it can be OK to be single.
So glad to have you recapping, HG!! You’re awesome!
Very interesting info there on Reality Steve. If that’s true then ABC should be ashamed of themselves. Thanks for the link.
The cattier and the bitchier the women, the better the show is. I don’t believe the “process” works but it does make for amusing TV and great fodder for Honey Gangsta.
I was so disappointed in this first episode. I really liked Jake so I was looking forward to this season, but it turned out to be so predictable and boring.
A rose for weirdo Michelle???? Come on!
I read that the scandal involved one of the girls and a camera man on the show. I didn’t read that it was Rozlyn however.
Whoa! Thanks for the headsup, cansnuts.
I’d never heard of that site before.
Ummm…that’s some interesting gossip all the way around!
I liked Jake, and I liked Ali.
But, I have to say…after seeing the promos for the season ahead, I’m not sure I can stomach that. He is all about the drama, isn’t he?
“That’s it! I’m not picking anyone!” Something like that anyway. blech.
Perhaps I’ll just add another tv-free night to my schedule.
Thanks for the recap, HG!
btw, any House Hunter fans out there?
I was watching the other night, and Reid showed up!
I’d forgotten he was a Philadelphia realtor.
I guess he’s trying to extend his 15 minutes.
Arg. “God, family and friends, in that order.” Seriously, can someone blow this guy up? I take the fantasy suite bit is out in that case.
What a pretentious tool. Can’t wait to see him cry. And I sincerely hope one of these dollheads will indeed be his future bride. He deserves them.
With the exception of Gia, who obviously has been completely miscast here. Apparently she didn’t get the memo where it read “butterfaces only need apply”. Can’t tell if she’s hot or not yet — looks like a lot of plastic going on there. The tits, I’m guessing. The lips too. Hard to tell, since the cameraman was too busy with the stewardess’ legs.
Well, okay, the Nebraskan nanny is definitely kind of beautiful.
In fact, I’m calling it right now — she’s going to “win.” Wonder what her landing strip looks like? Betcha it’s shaved into a cross.
Well, I guess it’s better than a season of that runner- up guy…already forgot his name. Reid was my favorite of the bunch last year. I’ll have to sift through my House Hunters to find his episode. Thanks!
This season will definitely be the most laugh worthy for me. Even with my pregnancy hormones I couldn’t find anything to say “awwww” about!
I think this show is devolving and soon the Bachelorettes will start wearing outlandish costumes to get the Bachelor’s attention when they get out of the limo. Like Let’s Make a Deal.
At least Ed and Jillian told Jake not to take nutty Michelle. Of course, he ignored them.
I differ with what you said about Jake’s performance in the Bachelorette, Honey. I don’t think he did “what he thought they wanted,” I think he did “what they told him to do,” thus earning his spot on the current show.
The first thing i thought when he was on that bike was “oh look, lord helmet…”
My three favs still in (loved the capt in the national guard…elizabeth i think…)
1. Tenely…she seems so sweet…she will probably be a bitch…
2. Corrie…sheh just looks so adorable, and I love those big brown eyes…great body too…
3. Ali…very sweet, very hot, what asshat dumps her for ANY video game…hate…
OK cast your vote for the worst “present” Jake recieved. I am torn between peacock feather, dirt, or Cambodian phone sex intoduction. I know there were SO many more….
HoneyG-weeee!!!!!
Yes, I saw some so I could sample the recap delights, but I think Jakey is dry as dust, and will prove to be thuddingly dull–maybe I’m wrong,based on what Itchy says . . . drama . . . . pls sir, may I have another.
Guess I agreed with Ed and Jill on Elizabeth–funny that he kept that Michelle psyco–producers anyone!?
I’ve read Reality Steve before, but not lately, I don’t really care if that slag ho got it on with a member of the staff–good for her, she’ll probably get more 15 mins than all the rest here, combined . . .
This season looks too white and plastic, yeeech, not really the type of girls I like, in any sense, but I guess I shouldn’t judge them on the ball gown eve, and I didn’t really see it all either.
Thanks Honey, bring on the snark!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXXO
Watch this show back to back with Jersey Shore or the Bad Girls Club. It’s like drinking a white russian.
I had no desire to watch this show again, but there is a lull in television programming at the moment so I gave in to a moment of weakness and watched the first episode… which means I’m probably in for the long haul once again. Oh well, The Bachelorette isn’t a total waste, because if nothing else I get to watch a bunch of beautiful, sure-to-be scantily clad women running around.
If I were the bachelor my front runners would be Tenley and Ashley. I couldn’t get rid of Michelle fast enough, but I think that her and Jake might actually be disturbingly right for one another.
This is just my two cents Honey, but I think your take on the women in their exit interviews is flawed. When they get upset and emotional after only a few hours of meeting the bachelor, it doesn’t mean they already have deep feelings for him. What they are really expressing regret about is the IDEA of finding their mate after the months of anticipation and buildup that they invariably went through to get on the show. I don’t find their reactions in any way out of the ordinary or all that extreme. That’s like saying people in the real world are always rational when it comes to matters of the heart. That would make a nice alternate reality, but on this world it doesn’t apply.
Ok, I meant to say the Bachelor and not the Bachelorette. I have to remember to proofread¦
This show sucks so bad… however, we continue to watch…
Jake is a complete A hole – very appropriate for most of the gals selected to be his future bride.
What’s with the excessive shirt off scenes for crying out loud! YUK!
He kept the fake flight attendant?? and the flaky Michelle?? OMG! Jake crying in a future epi? My goodness – he is such a loser!
I said…oh I gotta TIVO The Bach as it started. My husband caught a glimpse of The Bach before I did and he said “oh now I know why you want to see it”…as there is The Bach and his rock hard abs. I was kinda like…ooooh you’re telling me and then I saw his face and was like noooooooo! I think my hubby thought I was certifiable from going from oh yeah give it to me baby to sheer horror in two seconds flat. Jake, this fuckin’ tool from last season….oh how weird he is. He is definitely cute, but his personality is icky! He is just plain, ol’ CREEPY. Blech. Thanks HoneyG can’t wait for you to go off on this goodie-two-shoes and gaggle of mostly whores they have trotted out this time around. Why did they bring out all the skanks for the most wholesome BACH so far? This guy is even more wide-eyed than Mayo.
oh and i forgot…WORD, tommy girl.
last night was the first night i ever watched the show. i must say i am disgusted and enthralled all at the same time. like a train wreck and lady gaga…i CANT TURN AWAY!!!
Not a huge fan of Jake, but I am a huge fan of Honey. Great recap as usual “ and so much “reality” to work with, too! OK, maybe not. I wonder if there is a point at which a reality show stops being “reality” and starts being a farce of itself? On the wings of love? Really? Gag. Characters can be interesting in bits and pieces, but, whoa, is The Bachelor scary this season. Some of these gals are edited to look certifiable (possibly, they are, because how many soundbites can you drop to make yourself sound like a loon?). Add to that a mixed pot of women who need massive amounts of therapy after assorted bad relationships/low self-esteem/horrid childhoods/broken nails, the token “normal gal” or two and a whole slew reality whore-type ladies ), a pinch of a possible-but-not-probable “sex” scandal and you have a recipe that guarantees a stabbing, law suit or worse.
And then you have Jake, who not-by-chance shares three letters with the word “fake.” He wants to be a soap star, doesn’t he? Maybe he hopes they will bring “Wings” back or something, so he can not only be a pilot but play one on TV. Sorry, I didn’t buy it when he was on with Jillian; definitely not buying it now they are staging scenes on a motorcycle.
And they should ban balconies from this show, stat. The producers have the tendency to cast either immature jackarses willing to mouth the right words through their smirks to get attention or “ worse “ the guys who act as though they are auditioning for the role of Juliet and can’t help but burst into tears whenever a balcony happens to be nearby. It’s all dramatic poses and tears — and a conveniently producer placed balcony ready to soak them up. That’s why I watch *Lost* (sans balcony, of course), not why I watch The Bachelor. (And no Bachelor yet has come close to catching Jack’s dramatic prowess; his jears reign supreme and I spit at the sad impersonations cast off by Mesnic, et al. And I’m not sure how this stupid show always manages to snag me.) I’m sure some of the Bachleors are “normal” but, well, why come on the show if you are normal? I think Trista has a been contracted to bare child whenever another Bachelor “scandal” occurs. I’m waiting for the new announcement any minute now (the babies sure are cute!) And Jillian and ED? Not buying that body chemistry. Jillain looked less-than-her-chipper self (ED does put a damper on bouncy-castle-fun times).
Jake is being called a sensitive guy. Not afraid to show his feelings. Loves God and family and flying in that order. Wants true love. Wants a wife to be there as his co-pilot. Although he’s not going to give up flying, so I guess she’s only his co-pilot on his three-days off? I have my suspicions about the guys on this show, saying what they think a woman wants to hear. Look, anywhere else in the world, paying a man to have sex with assorted women on TV is called porn. And maybe this show doesn’t show the whole banana, but it is still implied quite heavily (and in the case case of Jill and ED, shown way to much) that these girls are all hooking up on the overnight date. This is a guy’s dream show, isn’t it? Jake gets to hook up with hot women in such a way to show he is The Man and he might find a hot girl to date for three months after the show is over. If not, he still had sex with at least three gorgeous girls. That is a win-win scenario for any guy.
Either that or Jake really is a sensitive guy who wants to find true love and loves sharing his emotions. A lot. The problem is those sort of guys tend to be a bit hard to live with. I dated a Scottish man who cried at the drop of the hat “ when writing poetry (about salmon), composing music (probably about salmon), if his dilled “ guess what? “ salmon was overcooked (instead of sending the danged thing back), if Celtic won the league again (not an uphill battle in a league of two able teams, unlike the mating habits of the salmon), if Britney got married (not going there with salmon). Wah, all the time, as dependable as the danged Scottish weather, meanwhile all my girlfriends oohed and awed about how sensitive he was (very) and how sweet (he could be) and how it was cool to see a man not afraid to cry during Titanic (winces) and again when talking passionately about his fishing trip to Canada. Yes, he was a bit scary obsessive about salmon, but I was young and he looked like Rafe Fiennes, sounded like Sean Connery and had the body of an extremely pale Greek god — it took two years of his bloody crying all the damned time before I left. I doubt he noticed as Celtic had once again won the league and his team was once again last. And I’m sure somewhere in the world, a salmon cried with him. Wah. Honey-darlings on the show, loverly abs and bright baby blues are a wonderful thing, and having a sensitive lover who can rhyme “salmon” with “lemon” and make it not about cooking is also quite nice, but the crying can become VERY tiresome after a while. It’s called being a bi-polar mess, and it’s really not the least bit sexy. Especially when you wake up one day and realize that his drama has sucked two years out of your life and all you have to show for it is a distinct dislike of salmon and Britney Spears. I can’t help but cringe when I see him cry. It brings back far too many memories of me having to carry freaking Kleenex in my purse.
crt123: What RS wrote about? Completely believable. More believable than any of Jake’s “scenes.” It’s exactly what this show probably does. (And about those scenes: Really, a man on a bike tends to be hot from an aesthetic sort of view, but did they have to put him in a *special* training helmet better designed for breathing in space? Ew.)
jennaboa…LMFAO…you’re ex-boyfriend wasn’t a HIBS fan by any chance was he?
bitchristine: Aw, what’s wrong with the Hibbies, other than Celtic sold them out after Hibs helped found them in 1888?
But, no, he was worse, darling, he supported the mighty Well. The year we were in Scotland they won two matches the entire season — we so lucky to have season tickets so we could sit in the drizzle watching the Steelmen blow shot after shot over the bar. Lovely time, especially as an extremely portly local man with a gift for cursing and consuming meat pies, always managed to sit behind us, providing colorful commentary and a spray of pies bits, bless him. Their kit that year was sponsored by The Untouchables, a local company, but one has to wonder if it was sarcastic commentary on their inability to hold the ball for longer than five seconds. Cute little boys, though and they beat the Old Firm (those two games were Celtic and Rangers) and were the only ones to do so, so it gave a team defeated more times than Susan Lucci at the Daytime Emmys, the oddest of bragging rights.
At any rate, I’d rather watch Motherwell play Rangers in the driving rain (again) than watch Jake recite his lines. Honey makes things so much easier with her terrific recaps. (And besides which, Rangers — though a vile team in general — do wear white shorts. Rain is very convenient for female Scottish footy fans.:))
jennaboa, sounds like an ordeal! Just asking, cuz my husband is from Edinburgh and loves HIBS and hate Celtic and Rangers, particularly Rangers. Although he is from Scotland, he NEVER cries.