There was a lot of coming and a lot of going on last night’s Bachelorette. There were a lot of hard decisions to make and Ashley came through — finally! — in making some wise moves. After arriving in the paradise that is Fiji, the first wrench thrown into the mix was the return of Ryan. Bound and determined to seduce, love, and perhaps one day dismember Ashley, he convinced the producers to fly his ass to Fiji so he could ask for a second chance with Ashley and make more crazy faces for us. After leaving him hanging for a couple of days (no better place to be in purgatory, I think!), Ashley cut him loose, saying that while he was good on paper, she just wasn’t feeling passionate about him and that’s what she wants and needs.
Ben F.’s hard decision was whether or not to tell Ashley that he loved her. After a romantic boat ride and dinner on the beach, he pussied out at the last moment and danced around the L-word. He did accept an invitation to the fantasy suite. When I saw the fantasy suite, I knew that I would have accepted an invite, too! Even if I had to spend all night talking about my feelings with Ashley…. The bedroom opened up to a gorgeous pool and the two went swimming before Ben carried her off to bed.
From one of the most romantic dates… to one of the most awkward. Ashley took Constantine on a helicopter ride to a waterfall where they jumped from cliffs and ate fruit on the beach. At dinner Ashley asked Constantine why he felt like he couldn’t let go and hold her hand or become emotionally attached. “How many houses did you look at before you bought one?” she asked. 108, said Constantine. But houses and women are two different things, he added.
He finally admitted that he wasn’t romantically connected to Ashley, so he left. I’m giving Ashley credit for this because she didn’t ask him to stay and she didn’t cry. She’s growing up before our very eyes, ya’ll!
The final date was with JP. They took a seaplane to a private island, where they talked and frolicked in the beautiful blue water. JP tells us that he’s falling in love with Ashley and wants her to be his wife, but he’s not ready to tell her that. Over dinner, she tells JP that she said goodbye to two guys that week. That was a little dirty because he didn’t know Ryan came back, so it implies that he’s the final contender. But she quickly explained what happened. He seemed relieved that it wasn’t Bentley who returned. So am I, JP. I could go the rest of my life without hearing the name “Bentley” again.
JP got a fantasy suite card, of course, and we had to watch Ashley do the old change-into-something-more-comfortable routine and then they lay on the bed and made out. Her more comfortable outfit was a long white button-down shirt. They both looked shy and it was pretty cute, though slightly awkward because you know that their families are watching this. And you could tell JP was thinking about that! Anyway, Ashley’s virginal shirt was much better than my get comfortable outfit, which is my yoga pants with the holes and the cat hairs, an old Louisville Metro Police Department t-shirt with BBQ sauce on it, and a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos. Yes, the Doritos are considered part of the outfit. I can’t say that much making-out goes on after I put on this outfit, but I AM actually comfortable…
Ashley insisted on having one final rose ceremony because, she told Chris H., she needs the boys to not just be there; she needs to hear them agree to accept those roses because they WANT to be there. OK, Validation Velma. Let’s get on with it! Of course she offered them both roses (although she gave one to Ben first, much to JP’s chagrin) and they both accepted and then it was awkward again because no one really felt like celebrating because there are now two men who are clearly in love with Ashley (although I would guess that Ben is more caught up in the game than anything) and she’s going to dump one of them.Yay? Are you Team Ben or Team JP?
Don’t forget that the reunion show is on Sunday night…. followed by what appears to be a very hysterical finale on Monday. We’re almost there, people! See you for the full recap!