Ever wonder what it would be like to tag along with Mike The Miz to a Playboy Party? Me neither, but some casual web surfing brought me to his joyfully dumb site which boasts official Miz wear, a theme song, and a selection of cringe-worthy modelling photos. The real heart and soul of the site though is in the journal entries which provide a grammatically incorrect look into the wild and zany world of Mike Mizanin.
In Mike’s gripping account of his trip to the Playboy Mansion for this year’s Midsummer’s Night Dreams party, he details intriguing events such as losing his robe and eating lambchops. Proving that The Miz truly doesn’t live in the Real World, he spends a good deal of time talking about meeting his favorite actors from Nip/Tuck – but refers to them as their character names the entire time:
“Now here’s the funny part I thought that Sean McNamara was the fatherly type but in real life they are completely opposites at least that night they were. Sean McNamara was all over the place and Christian Troy was just chilling but hey it’s the playboy mansion.”
I’m surprised Mike didn’t add “People kept calling them Julian McMahon and Dylan Walsh. What’s the deal with that?”
More recently Mike documented his glorious trip to the VMAs this past weekend. Writing with an “aw shucks!” tone, The Miz recalled the “beauty buffet” which apparently was sort of like Make Your Own Sundae, except with expensive luxury items like cologne, sunglasses, and N-Gage systems (suckas – its already obsolete). Mike responds to every freebie with an excited “How awesome is that?” rhetorical question, especially when he nabs complimentary Khiel’s skincare products which fits perfectly into his Queer Eye regimen. Literally. And yes, Mike did take the time to get his hands exfoliated.
There are many highlights in this entry – like when Mike rebuffs MTV for not giving him a VIP pass to where the real celebs hang out – but I personally enjoyed Mike’s answer to the un-asked “Who are you wearing?” question:
“I decided to wear my Energy jeans with my Tommy blazer and a white button up, white Tommy shoes with Diesel Shades. Let’s just say I didn’t pay for a damn thing I was wearing. How cool is that?”
I guess unless some bizarro event occurred and the TVgasm staff wound up on a Bunim/Murray show, we’ll never know what it’s like to be an MTV reality star. I don’t begrudge Mike any of the cool gifts he received, but I do begrudge him for not making any sense out of it:
“It’s funny when you don’t need things for free you can get them easily but when you do you can’t. It’s really stupid. Luckily I’m not one of those people so I took as much free stuff as I could.”
Yeah, okay, whatever. Check out mikethemiz.com for more awkward prose.