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Saturday, August 6, 2011
8:41 pm
44 Comments
Previously: Flirtation between Paula and MikeMike, as well as CT and Laurel. The latter pairing sent a jilted Mandi flying into Wes’ bed to prove to the world that she is totally not a slut, y’all. Is this the same girl who freaked out last week about being caught topless in the pool? That’s SO MUCH worse than (probably) having sex with two guys in the same house. Laurel and Cara Maria got their first win, as did Wes and Kenny (his mojo is now freshly restored, so we can all return to sleeping at night). Oh, and the Douche Day plan failed spectacularly, sending the enlarged Evan home earlier than expected.
Walnuts asks Tyler and Mandi (who is currently straddling her, by the way) if she should bang MikeMike. Mandi’s contribution is the words “so precious,” which Paula repeats with great emphasis: ”So PRECIOUS!” Ladies, I wholeheartedly agree. Please, for the love of all that is holy (to you two I presume that includes booze, being around assholes, and the ability to afford plastic surgery without ever holding down a steady job), PLEASE treat our dear MikeMike with the respect that he deserves.
Wes must be terrible in the sack if Mandi’s already throwing herself at Walnuts. Although, let’s be honest, no one though Wes was any good in the sack, right?
Walnuts tells us that he is sweet, innocent, and a safe bet. She also tells Tyler and Mandi that she needs more romance. Tyler sets up some pillows out on a balcony while Bananas tells us that Mike is trying to get into bed with “that old lady Paula,” who is from THE VERY SAME SEASON as Old Man Bananas. Apparently everyone wants to do what they can to make this happen.
MikeNuts (Paula Walnuts is the easiest Challenger ever to make couple names for) are cuddling on the pillow pile (there are candles too!) as Paula tries to say it’s romantic and MikeMike can only giggle uncontrollably, both in the moment and in his confessional. It’s as adorable and endearing as everything else he does.
Is that a wine stain on your shirt or are you just happy to see her?
And THEN, MikeMike totally makes his move! He gets on top of her and they start making out while various other challenger peek over from afar. Walnuts, like Mike, can only giggle in her confessional at the silliness of the whole thing.
As we catch glimpses of everyone asleep in their (and each other’s) beds…
… while visions of Evan dance in Kenny’s head…
A loud scream rings out through the night! What horror could have befallen the screamer? And of course, who is this poor, terrified soul? Why, it’s Mandi! And though we may think she woke up sober(ish) and realized she went to bed with Wes, we quickly learn that it is actually a crab who was terrorizing her in the night. Oh good lord, making a joke about Mandi having crabs here is just too easy. CHALLENGE ME, GODDAMN IT!
Anyway, Wes informs us that he and Mandi are “still hooking up” because she has great legs and is “down to earth.” Ummm, okay, whatever you say Wes. Even if she was, that’s like being the tallest midget. Also, you know Wes’ definition of “down to earth” is more like “willing to hook up with me.” Mandi tells Wes he’s her hero and rewards him with some sexytime in the pool while telling us she digs Wes because he is fun and “a good kisser.” It’s all very Romeo + Juliet. You know, the one with Leo.
Any chance this ends with both of them dying of stupidity?
Laurel’s weird flirtation with CT now involved rather large bugs. You know it’s serious because Laurel is wearing LIPSTICK. They also discuss the deep thinking behind CT’s shirt buttoning (or lack thereof). But we don’t get to hear much because we have a voiceover from Bananas telling us about his concern over their alliance. With Evan gone they can’t afford to have Laurel behaving questionably like this. Well, maybe don’t ally yourself with 90% of the other challengers, then.
Bananas and Kenny sit Laurel down and literally hand her a rope, saying it’s enough to hang herself with. Then they discuss the finer points of CT’s wardrobe, namely that he has his badass “golf hat and under armor shirt” and his glasses/combed hair/buttondown shirt combo. The first is for when he’s going to kick some ass, the second is for drinking martini’s and discussing the stock market. (Bananas’ words, not mine. Bananas knows a shitload more about fashion than I ever will.)
Laurel says she doesn’t know what they want from her. Bananas tells her to be a better judge of character (and trusting YOU shows good character, jackass?), and Kenny says he doesn’t want to hear about it when she gets burned. This, of course, only drives Laurel further into CT’s arms.
Kenny looks GOOD. Must have been that 300 pounds of pale asshole he had removed.
Laurel and CT sit down for more of their traitorous “talking” and CT asks about her day. She informs him that she worked out and was interrogated. He says she’s not voting with him or anything terrible like that, so she’s not doing anything wrong. CT rolls his eyes at us as he says the “mob” needs to let people have fun and stop yelling at everyone who talks to him.
Bananas has a clue! Why is no one throwing things at him? I miss that already. Something about getting “cut.” Jasmine tells us this is the most important challenge for the girls since the winners are automatically in the finals, and she wants to get there as a rookie.
Yes! Wes is attempting to strategize! This can only fail gloriously, and I cannot wait to see how. He and Kenny sit down to discuss the all-important “order” since they won the last challenge.
Kenny, Evan is GONE. Let it go.
Now I can’t stop picturing Kenny-as-Justin-Timberlake singing “Gone” and thinking about Evan. Oh, apparently that was an *NSync song. My middle school self is ashamed. Also, OMG remember when Justin Timberlake made music?
Anyway, Kenny and Wes hit a wall when the realize that their alliance contains three out of the four remaining girls’ teams. Again, alliances tend to be counter-productive when they include more than half the teams, but what do I know? Kenny leaves to sit down with some of the girls and see what order will involve the least amount of pesky chicks yelling at him.
Jenn says that she wants last since she’s given it to the other teams on other challenges, and she and Mandi gave Kenny and Wes the placement they wanted when they made the order. Paula just wants to stay out of the Jungle, and someone brings up Laurel “fraternizing with the enemy.” Cara Maria comes to Laurel’s defense by pointing out that Jenn has been getting up close and personal with Adam, which angers Jenn because it is “irrelevant.” Well, yes, because Adam is a sheep who will do what the douches say and thinks he is on their alliance despite being part of the ONLY team they have actively tried to get ride of this season.
“My Vaginal Vortex is extremely powerful and Adam will continue to do what I say. There is no need for you to concern yourself with this.”
CT, on the other hand, has this foreign concept known as “a mind of his own,” which is the one thing in this world that the Douche Trio find most terrifying. Jenn assures us that this will not end well for Cara Maria.
Bananas tells her to look at things from his point of view: she was brought into the fold as a Friend of Kenny, and every word she says to CT makes her less trustworthy. Cara Maria just wants to ease the tension (good luck with that) because she is afraid of everything, I think, so she offers them to go second. Laurel tells us she has just realized she’s at the bottom of the pecking order in the alliance. Well, you don’t have the patented Walnuts Whine (which has been perfected over many, many years) or Jenn’s Vaginal Vortex, plus you’re just the newest ones, so what do you expect?
Also, will someone please tell me where the fuck Ev is? It’s nine minutes into the episode and I haven’t seen her. Plus, this conversation could really use a voice of reason and we all know that is Ev this season.
Yes, finally! Ask and ye shall receive, apparently. I can already feel my brain growing back.
Anyway, this week’s challenge is called Sawed Off. One member of each team will hang from a bunch of ropes (you guessed it, high above some water) while the other will shoot a fire hose, moving the hanging team member so that the ropes are cut by razor-sharp arrowhead blades and he or she falls into the water. You guys, Kenny is SO HAPPY! (I am too, not gonna lie.)
Now for the more complicated rules: first of all, there’s a 20 minute time limit. That’s the easy part. Also they’ll be doing this in two groups (two teams from each gender per group). Whichever group finishes first will provide the winning team from each gender, and whichever group loses will provide the losing girls’ team. Mandi, unsurprisingly, looks confused.
Don’t worry about it, Mandi. All you have to do is hang around and let someone spray a load in your face. It’s like a Tuesday afternoon for you.
And, as Cara Maria helpfully points out, order doesn’t matter, so they’ve all pissed each other off for NO REASON. And now we have seen Wes’ attempt to strategize fail, so Kenny’s newfound mojo has not transferred to his partner.
Kenny/Wes and Laurel/Cara Maria pick the teams since they won the last two challenges. Teams are: Kenny/Wes, Paula/Ev, Johnny/Tyler, and Jonna/Jasmine on one side, and Laurel/Cara Maria, CT/Adam, Jenn/Mandi, and MikeRoy on the other.
Hanging for the first group are Cara Maria, Adam, Mandi, and MikeMike. Jenn scoffs at the thought of her doing the less glamorous job in any challenge, and CT says it’s like a carnival game. Holy shit, that would be the best carnival game ever! I would pay to do that!
Spraying begins! The girls cover their faces while the guys cover their balls. MikeMike spins around and around. Mandi says it looks and feels like she’s having a seizure. Unsurprisingly, CT completely ROCKS and Adam is down in a minute and 25 seconds. MikeRoy aren’t too far behind at a little over three minutes. Jenn and Mandi are next at a little over six minutes, and CT is trying to offer advice to a struggling Laurel but she just yells at him because she’s not allowed to speak to him.
“OMG, that took SO much longer than finishing Wes off.”
As Laurel continues to, in her words, drown Cara Maria in midair, every says it’s pathetic that they’re taking so long. And it gets even sadder when TJ blows the horn and they DQ. Walnuts helpfully explains to us that all they need to do is complete this challenge to win it.
Kenny also scoffs at the thought of doing the less glamorous job as he tells Adam he will be shooting the fire hose. Then he tells us he’s fulfilling his dream of being a Ghostbuster. HA! Kenny FTW right now, since Ev has yet to say a single word this episode, I think. And when the challenge begins, Kenny tells us he’s enjoying spraying Wes and seeing him in pain. Wes, for his part, is not so happy that he can see Kenny smiling.
Also hanging for this group are Paula, Jasmine, and Tyler. Johnny gets Tyler down in 1:01, putting CT and Adam to shame. Paula is down next at 6:11, which is a few seconds behind Jenn and Mandi. Of course, that won’t matter because it all depends on which team wins. Johnny is screaming instructions at Kenny, who is probably prolonging this a bit just because he’s having so much fun.
And, I mean, can you really blame him? This is fun to watch.
With just over three minutes remaining and two people still hanging, the first team is hoping for a win. However, Kenny FINALLY gets Wes to fall and less than a minute later, Jonna knocks Jasmine down too. Walnuts is ecstatic that no one can send her into the last elimination before the final.
So, the winning guys’ team is Johnny and Tyler, which Johnny celebrates by kissing Tyler on the kind like he’s a princess or something. Do you think Johnny’s trying to be nice or trying to be offensive by implying the Tyler should be treated like a lady? Discuss.
The winning (and more importantly, safe from elimination) girls’ team is Walnuts and the still-mute Evelyn. Losing girls, heading into the Jungle, are Cara Maria and Laurel. Laurel is feeling down, like everyone wants to get rid of her. Kenny gives her a pep talk and says she needs to take care of whatever comes her way with or without support. I suppose now that Evan is gone, Kenny’s allowed to have his own personality again.
On the bus ride back (and also via confessional), Cara Maria expresses frustration that Jenn always sails through to the end without having to go into elimination rounds. Yes, we’ve discussed this already, that is the Power of her Vaginal Vortex. Jenn says it’s their own fault for DQing (twice), and they haven’t earned their spot yet. Ah yes, the age-old “This is my sixth Challenge!” argument.
Or, to borrow a quote from Jenn herself, “You’re a ROOKIE. If you don’t GET IT, you’re not SUPPOSED TO!”
Of course, Laurel and Cara Maria are now on their third consecutive Challenge, so they should be on the other end of this argument in no time. Back at the house, Laurel tells Jonna and Jasmine that if they can get CT and Adam to vote for Jenn and Mandi, they’ll be safe from the jungle. Since there are 8 teams left, I’m counting a split vote, but maybe I’m missing something.
The Cancun J’s approach CT, but he says Adam will never vote for Jenn because he is currently under her Vaginal Vortex spell. Also, he does not appreciate Laurel sending them to do her dirty work. He also says that he doesn’t trust Laurel to vote with him and he’d rather have Jasmine/Jonna stay since they’ve had his back the whole time. Laurel says CT could have helped her but didn’t, so maybe he really is Evil Incarnated.
Jenn tells Tyler about Laurel’s attempt to vote her into elimination, and his response is, verbatim: ”When I hear Laurel and Cara Maria say that they want to go against MY best friend Jenn? Hoooold the phone bitch, it ain’t gonna happen.”
I always forget that Jenn’s Vaginal Vortex is so powerful that it even sucks in the gay mafia. No WAY Laurel and Cara Maria stand a chance now.
So then, Mandi decides to have a little chat with Cara Maria, and it’s in her Super Mega Dramatic voice, so you know she’s serious. She says they were supposed to make it to the end together and CM’s a lying sack of shit for trying to take them out.
Teej gathers everyone for the vote and leaves them to it. Bananas asks if anyone has any dirty laundry, and Jenn says she thinks Cara Maria does. CM says she shouldn’t have turned on Mandi like that and she’s voting for the Cancun J’s even though she loves them too. Then she tells us there’s no way she could have gotten everyone to vote for Jenn even if she wanted to. Jenn tells us the same thing, acting like the very thought of anyone choosing CM for her is disgusting. She also gives us this little gem: ”Your wish is nobody’s command.”
They call TJ back and he makes his obligatory comment about how quickly the deliberations went down. Have ANY of the deliberations this season taken much time? Jasmine announces that it will be herself and Jonna, who tells us they could be all upset and “butt-hurt,” but they don’t want to be “those girls.” Respect, ladies. It’s like you’ve grown up before our very eyes.
Oh, excellent. ’Tis time to get “sexy on the dance floor,” says the soundtrack.
Adam just ate a grape and he jizzed in his pants.
Jenn tells us Adam has made it clear “from day one” (DRINK!) that he wants to be more than her friend, and she doesn’t know what “love potion” he’s drugged her with, but she’s got to keep her vag busy SOMEhow, so there you go. Wes is threatening to put the moves on Mandi, which he claims she will not be able to resist. Oh, dear god. Sadly, we do not get to see Wes’ moves, because that probably would have been utterly hilarious.
CM is sulking on a couch because she misses Abram, as we helpfully flashback to their CutThroat romance. CM tells us she doesn’t want to party anyone, just sit by herself because she’s an only child. I’m pretty sure not having siblings isn’t supposed to stop you from having friends, but whatever.
Meanwhile, Kenny and his newly regained personality are impersonating Cara Maria. He says he likes horses and Abram and everyone is mean. I appreciate the effort, but this is not your funniest commentary dear Kenneth.
Is it the winning of a challenge or the loss of Evan that has caused Kenny to regain his personality? Discuss.
For some reason Bananas asks CM if she’s upset, and she brings up the fact that they were using Laurel talking to CT as a reason not to trust them when Jenn is sleeping with Adam. This causes Jenn to flip the fuck out and say that CM needs to get her facts straight before calling Jenn out because the fact that she is making out with Adam does not mean she is having sex. Well, as long as we’re talking about facts, CM said “sleeping with” and we have, on multiple occasions, seen you sleeping in bed with Adam. Unfortunately, Voice of Reason Ev is not around to point this out (not like it would have mattered anyway). Also, from what we’ve seen Laurel and CT haven’t even kissed, they’ve literally only talked, but whatever.
Jenn keeps screaming. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Seriously, why is she so pissed that someone may have implied that she may have had sex with someone she’s been all over for weeks? Even if it’s not true, who cares what CM thinks? Anyway, there’s screaming and clapping and I think CM gets hit in the face and it looks like production steps in. CM stands back and lets Jenn keep going nuts.
Adam tells Jenn it’s not worth it while CT says some things to CM that we can’t hear because a voiceover from Laurel is telling us they’re really mean. Oh, now he’s calling Abram a punk, which upsets CM because apparently her boyfriend and her horse are off-limits. Jenn wants to MURDER Cara Maria right now. Good LORD, woman, UNCLENCH. Something must have been edited out here, because this is just ridiculous overreaction.
Back at the house, CM apologizes to Laurel for causing such a ruckus. Laurel tells CM to stand up for herself and she’ll have her back. CM is amazed that the only person who has her back is her worst enemy.
“Yay, Laurel loves me! All I had to do was make everyone else hate me, but by goal has been achieved!”
The next morning, Tyler applauds Jenn as she walks into the kitchen. Oh hey, Ev is still alive, guys! Jenn tells them she needs anger management because she’s still really pissed. CM listens from another room as Jenn expressed some more anger. Then CM calls Abram who tells her they’re scumbags, drunk assholes who yell just to make noise. Well, that’s certainly accurate. Then he says some nice things about her that make her feel good enough to go confront Jenn who is still bitching in the kitchen. She walks in and they stare at each other while we get a commercial break to anticipate.
They throw some elementary school insults about looking like an idiot and whatnot and how Jenn is totally more important because she has “status.” They sass at each other a little, but overall it’s a pretty non-confrontational confrontation. It is fun to watch CM mock Jenn’s clap-screaming from the night before, though.
As the Jungle nears, everyone in the house is wearing blue shirts in order to show their support for the Cancun J’s in the elimination round. Wes neighs like a horse, for some reason, when he’s clearly hooking up with the most horse-looking girl in the house. Wes says they’re bad human beings and “if no one likes you, you’re the problem.”
POT-KETTLE, DUDE. POT. FREAKING. KETTLE.
Kenny, who claims he’s been unintentionally wearing a blue shirt all day, changes into a black one to make Laurel and CM feel better. I forgot Kenny’s nice sometimes when Evan’s not around.
Ev is speaking words! It’s about time, we’re only like 80% through the episode. She’s claiming that the “tiny rookie team” are the “favorites to take out” CM and Laurel. I think that’s just a BIT of an exaggeration. Jasmine says she doesn’t care about the fighting, she’s just putting everything she has into the Jungle. Which includes 49 pounds of eye makeup, apparently.
When we get to the Jungle, Ev points out that even CT has shown up in a blue shirt to rub it in Laurel’s face. She’s not kidding either. Everyone, all the way down to MikeRoy, is wearing blue. I honestly did not know every single person loved Jenn and hated them that much.
Teej reveals that they will be playing Blast Off. You know, the one where they have to push the other team out of a circle three times? Poor Jasmine and Jonna, that is just not even fair.
“This is going to be such a nail-bi… zzzzzzz. Wake me when I have to blow the horn.”
Seriously, if production chooses these after they know who’s going in, they really have it out for the Cancun J’s. Also, I just noticed that Ev is wearing a Cara Maria shirt. She must have one of those mythical “free-thinking” brains. Also, TJ is totally wearing black, but I doubt he has any idea about the significance of that.
So, um, do I really need to tell you how this one turns out? As Bananas puts it, Laurel is like an NFL lineman, and Jasmine is like a “seven year old girl scout.” Everyone tries to act like the support of the house will help the Cancun J’s, but this was one of the least suspenseful eliminations ever and Laurel/CM take it 3-0.
Jasmine cries and Jonna says she needs to keep her head up. They’re sad to go home this close to the end, and I’m kind of sad too. I was just starting to like them! Personally, I would have liked to see Jenn and Mandi gone, but apparently that’s asking too much.
Teej sends CM and Laurel back to the group as CM tells us she can’t even enjoy making it to the finals since everyone has gotten in her head. To be fair, that’s not a terribly difficult thing to do. She’s a pretty emotional person. On an unrelated note, the Cancun J’s are apparently BFF’s now, so I guess Evan’s therapy session worked. He should be a motivational speaker, then he could tell people about how he lives in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
Back at the house, the group gets a surprise clue from TJ. Oh my goodness, what could it be?! Jenn (who also does not get random objects thrown at her, sadly) says their next challenge is 3000 miles away in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Much screaming and excitement commences. CT claims that there will be “strippers… dogs in clown suits, clowns in dog suits.”
CT’s brain must have been designed by Tim Burton.
Adam says nothing like this has ever happened in Challenge history, and CM says she can’t get excited and she thinks something crazy is about to go down.
Next week: Insanity, apparently. Even MikeMike is yelling! Mascara tears! I don’t even know, guys.
So, while I did end up kind of liking Jonna/Jasmine, I am looking forward to Ev vs. Laurel in the final, that could be epic. Also, there’s no way MikeRoy aren’t going into the next elimination round, so that makes me sad because I heart them. But yay for MikeMike getting some action! I don’t think Paula will do anything mean to him, since she’s just not a mean person, but the guys will probably give him a hard time. It’s okay, he can handle it. Also, I totally enjoyed watching the fire hose spraying, you? What do you guys think about Kenny’s turnaround? Do you care at all about Wes and Mandi or CT and Laurel? Also, since we’ve been making Fat Evan jokes and Slutty Mandi jokes, what’s next? Ugly Wes jokes, perhaps?
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44 Comments
Great recap VA! Love the vaginal vortex, hahaha. So with you on wishing Jenn and Mandi would have gone in instead. Laurel and CM would have owned them. Jenn is such a psycho, and for a former cheerleader, her moves on the dance floor were terrible. That def was an unfair jungle, and I just fast forwarded past it. CT lost some points with me this episode. Was really disgusted with him getting in CM face. Any who, MikeRoy were on Katie and Robyn’s shit show on rtvzone this week. They were pretty hilarious. RoyLee is selling trash man T-shirts now and I thought you might want one VA
http://www.itst-shirttime.com/shop/1668-roylee-inspired-roylee-is-my-trash-man-juniors-tee.htm I really liked this one. Until next week…..
Real disappointed with CTs behavior this week! Just when I was ready to forgive him for all his trespasses (aka unwarranted punchings of smaller persons) in the past… he really turns into a tunnel-vision-minded asshole when he drinks huh.. I watched the Bonus clip of him just going on and on and on at CM… to the point that Johnny and Kenny came off as the sensitive ones! whaa?
Can never quite tell how awful these people truly are and who’s the awfulest.. anyone have an opinion?
Can someone tell me why Kenny and Laurel haven’t hooked up? Or maybe I’ve missed something along the way? These Challenges seem to run together after awhile.
Speaking of assholes, I thought it was total bullshit that Mandi went to attack Cara Maria. No way in hell Mandi would have had the balls to say that shit to Laurel. Way to prove yourself by picking on the weakest link. Also, seriously, Cara Maria – get some self-esteem stat. Or at least, use the Jenn method of self-esteem – yell and clap so loudly and so much that you literally can’t hear anything negative anyone has to say about you. Go so apeshit crazy over the tiniest little thing so that no one wants to bother to say anything negative about you, because it’s not worth the hassle. Lastly, maybe I missed something but I thought Laurel wasn’t letting CT give her advice during the challenge because Laurel’s kind of an asshole and doesn’t want to take advice from anyone, not cause the mob told her not to talk to him. Did I miss that part?
Liz – you didn’t miss anything. Laurel is just a know-it-all asshole. Kind of a female Wes, except bigger, stronger, and slightly smarter.
BTW, VirginiaApple – brilliant headline! [I loved that book when I was 13]
VA – PLEASEEEE tell me that you are recapping the RW: San Diego, when it starts. Let’s keep this train wreck going!!!
Love the fact that MikeMike is getting him some lovin! I follow him and Paula on Twitter (don’t judge), and they are constantly flirting, so they may be together. It’s actually kind of cute.
I don’t understand where the Kenny/Laurel alliance came from. Were they partners on Fresh Meat 2??
Jenn is such a cocky asshole and eazh week she proves this more and more. I felt bad for CM. She was only pointing out the obvious (that Jenn was doing the same thing as Laurel) and Jenn totally jumped down her throat. Wow, Jenn. You are high up in the Challenge pecking order. That is something great to strive for. You know what else is great to strive for? A college degree to fall back on when your Challenge career is in the shitter.
OMG. There is a phone in the Challenge house?!?! Has there always been a phone?? How come we have never seen anyone on it before??
Sick. Jenn’s dancing in the club. Only moves a stripper would know. I really don’t like this skank at all anymore. Andddd we already know you are doing it with Adam, so jump of that denial train. You are only making yourself look worse.
Oh Wes. Talking about putting the moves on Mandi, is probably your way of putting the moves on her. He has no game. Mandi is gross and has already proved that she is the owner of a giant gaping vagina.
Lastly, awesome CT reverted back to dickwad CT. He was totally displacing his anger w/ Laurel on to CM. It was uncalled for. I will have to go back and watch the extended clip.
Wes is so ugly, when he was born the doctor took one look at him and slapped his parents.
Wes is so ugly, when he jerks off, his hand tries to fall asleep.
Wes is so ugly that sasquatch sees him in a club and thinks “that ginger’s got no game.”
And I don’t think you can die of stupid–so Wes and Mandi are probably safe from that. What you CAN do is punish your brain with alcohol and sharp blows, and neglect to provide it with any stimulous whatsoever until your brain basically never changes out of sweats and will only watch Law and Order SVU reruns. At that point, vital organ operation, blinking, and automatic sexual response is about all the effort your brain will make for you.
*gasp* MWMT….that is my favorite Sunday attire and show to watch……should I hang my head in shame?
I think Jenn has missed maybe one challenge since her Real World season. I’m sad for her. Not sad enough, however, for it to NOT be entertaining when she “sassily” told Cara Maria she doesn’t have status. Congratulations, Jenn. You have status among people who don’t know how to move on. Way to put a positive spin on something you should probably be ashamed of.
I think I recall from Jenn’s RW Season that she was a Raiders cheerleader, which would explain the clap yelling and the stripper dancing.
I actually watched the entire Denver season recently On Demand because my social status in life has come to that. Anyway, she was a drunken bitch who slepped with that douche Alex the second night, after her “BFF” Colie claimed him (Colie who turned out to be an even bigger slut bag than Jen…).
Anyway all Jen is the type of girl who has probably burned many bridges in her day, so she likes it when she gets to be Queen Bee, and has people like Tyler defend her. So if her lot in life is to be a bully and brag about her “status”, than it’s a sad, sad life.
I at least get the feeling CM will eventually have more in life than that, even if it is Tim Burtonesque children with Abram.
Sardini – You have made me long for crazy Brooke from the Denver cast. Can we pleaseeee get her back for the next challenge?
@plockness I know!! I loved when she freaked out at Jen and said, “You’re a fucking bitch too, just like Colie!!” Why was that season like 8 times longer than any other season?
Also, these girls that fall for CT…did they not watch any other seasons? I can’t imagine trying out for this show without ever watching RR/RW.
I really loathe Jenn sometimes, especially during her out-of-the-blue hissy fit moments like this one. Brag about your “status” (such a pathetic word to use) all you want, but you still haven’t won a challenge! There’s no way she and Mandi will beat either of the other two teams in the final challenge, so I hope CM rubs it in her face when she leaves empty-handed!
P.S. I miss Brooke, too! She was so hilarious.
NWMTV – you go too far! I love Law & Order SVU!! Can’t stand the criminal minds one though… Is that male detective supposed to be autistic? So hard to watch.
@Enrique’s Mole – Thanks! And LOL at your comment about the difference between Wes and Laurel
@Sunshine – Hahaha! Asperger’s would probably be more accurate.
“Don’t worry about it, Mandi. All you have to do is hang around and let someone spray a load in your face. It’s like a Tuesday afternoon for you.”
hahhahhahhahha BEST. LINE. EVER.
For the viewing pleasure of all you Brooke lovers….
Ok, so I finally was able to watch the episode from last week and have Sooooo many comments (big surprise there). I’ll just go ahead and apologize in advance for writing a book :p
1) I think I have to sadly hand in my membership card to the MP this week. CT has just gone too far with his stupidity and unnecessary meanness for me to like him anymore (particularly when you watch the extra clip…it actually makes you like Bananas and hate CT). Also, unless there was something we weren’t shown, there was no reason for him to be angry at Laurel. She was straightforward with him about her alliance and how she wouldn’t be able to vote for him. What did she do to deserve his ire and him wearing blue at the elimination? As for his stupidity, I have NO clue why he refused to talk about voting Jenn and Mandi in. There was no downside for him as I’ll explain in my next point
2) There were 8 teams left at this point, but Laurel and CM didn’t have votes (because they were going into the Jungle). That leaves 14 votes, so you need 7 to tie, 8 to win. My understanding is everyone gets a vote (you don’t have to vote with your team member, although that always seems to happen). The votes would have shook out like this:
Cancun J’s, Leroy and MikeMike definitely would have gone against the Alliance and voted Jenn/Mandi in (because they know they are going in every time from now on as the new ones, and the J’s would be saving their own butts). That makes 4 definite votes for Jenn/Mandi.
Bananas/Tyler, Wes, Jenn/Mandi all would have voted Jonna/Jasmine in. That’s 5 votes.
The rest were wild cards. Kenny because of his alliance with Laurel (they were partners on Fresh Meat 2), although I think he would have stuck with his alliance and voted the Cancun J’s in. (because there is still one male elimination left and he would want the girls in his alliance to still be on his side). That makes 6 for Cancun J’s going in.
However, that still leaves CT/Adam and Ev/Paula as the wild cards and potential swing votes. CT/Adam voting Jenn/Mandi in should have been a no brainer. Everyone hates CT so they gain nothing by voting for the alliance, it’s not going to gain them any votes next week. In fact, voting Jenn/Mandi in is the ONLY way for them to gain votes. In a Cancun Js/Laurel & CM elimination there’s a chance they are going to lose 2 definite votes on their side (J & J), plus there’s no way Laurel/CM will defect against the alliance. If they vote Jenn/Mandi in, there’s a good chance Laurel/CM beat there ass. That means the alliance has 2 fewer votes, and there’s a good chance Laurel/CM will now be on their side (having defected against their alliance to get Jenn/mandi in the elimination round). That makes a 6-6 tie.
Therefore, it would all come down to Ev/Paula. Ev has already shown that she is willing to stand up to the alliance and has a brain. Paula has been screwed over by the alliance before. This is the last girl’s elimination day, so they lose nothing by going against the alliance (the guys can’t hurt them with votes anymore). They are going to the final no matter what. At this point their strategy should be to give themselves the best chance to win the final challenge, which is clearly voting Jenn/Mandi in. That points a really week team in the final with them (Cancun Js) (guaranteeing Paula/Ev some money since the lowest place they’ll get is 2nd). Also, although I think jenn/Mandi are actually a terrible couple and Jenn is all bark, no bite, they have a better shot of taking out Laurel/CM than the Cancun Js. It’s a win-win for them. Either their biggest competition gets taken out and htey are almost guaranteed a win, or Laurel/CM win but they still have basically a two horse race with the Cancun Js a distant 3rd. Their votes make it 8-6 in favor of sending Jenn/Mandi in. WHY DID THIS NOT HAPPEN? People on these shows are SO STUPID! Ugh!
3) I hate Jenn and think she fully deserved to be sent into an elimination. She sucks at Challenges and always lost every elimination round until she finally got old enough and enough “status” to sail through to finals wihtout ever proving herself. I still don’t get how on Prague she convinced Emily to go into elimination twice so that she never had to go in. Hell, even BANANAS volunteered to take his turn on that Challenge. Jenn is a mean bully, who can’t back up any of her trash talk.
4) I REALLY REALLY REALLY want MikeMike and Leroy ot win the next challenge so they can’t get voted into the elimination round. How awesome would that be???!!!!
CT what did you go and do that for? Even I can’t condone picking on a girl and I already written a book entitled “Excuses To Justify My Attraction to CT” I sadly did not write a chapter on picking on girls. I was glad to see Laurel on the receiving end of something for once but the attack on CM was too random. He is still hot but I must deduct 1000 cool points which sadly puts him behind Kenny
Wes is so ugly he has to trick or treat by phone
@plockeness monster–Wow, Brooke is scary in that clip. Scarier like a Pomeranian.
@Sunshine–My wife watches SVU re-runs about 7 hours of each weekend. I can’t take the public service announcements. Saw one the other day that tried foster awareness of Tibet’s plight, Green card marriages, gay marriage rights, and why torture is BAD, all in 48 minutes. Oh, there was a Special Victims crime buried in there, but that wasn’t really the point. My favorite game to play is to see how long it takes for Stabler or whatsherface to have one of their emotional hot buttons pressed by the case, take it all personal and go off on some half-cocked crusade.
On CT: You can shave the cave man, but you can’t domesticate him. The brute will out!
God love ya jerseyj!
MPHQ releases this statement:
“Although in the recent past CT has shown signs of being a redeemable human being, this latest episode of the Challenge has been a real setback for CT, his fair-weather fans, haters, neutral observers, and MP’s everywhere. It has been brought to our attention that this behavior, although inexcusable might be an act to fool MP members and non members everywhere as there are pictures of CT and CM, with for some reason Chris Angel surfacing on the internet. Also, CT has attended CM’s promo night last Wednesday in Boston at a local bat called the Place. CT has several pictures of himself and CM on his Facebook profile and Tweets her often to see if she is “coming to the gym today”. MPHQ officially suspects shenanigans and will investigate this matter until it is resolved or we as an organization must dissolve.”
@ Faye-MPHQ would love and autographed copy of your book. Does it contain a forward filled with awesome Evan jokes?
-MPHQ
*bar
Wes is so ugly, his pillow cries at night.
Come on people! Where are all the Wes is ugly jokes??? He’s the most disliked challenger this season.
I was too busy explaining basic math…forgot to throw in a Wes is Ugly joke
So…just for you @plockeness monster: “Wes is so ugly he doesn’t need to use birth control…his face does the job just fine”
Also, Wes is so ugly, he stuck his face out of the bus window and got arrested for mooning.
@MP HQ – Thanks for releasing that awesome statement. A copy of my book is on the way. There are chapters devoted to all our favorite challengers … Some notable chapters include:
CT is Hot and other reasons the MP excuse his behaviors
Walnuts – Heart healthy snack or what’s in Paula’s pants
Ya Dumb Bitch – Words of wisdom from Johnny Bananas
Clapping and yelling burns calories – How Jenn stays slim
I’m not a slut, not yet a woman – An in-depth interview with Mandi
I’m not a Gumble Dammit – Adam’s rise to fame
Hey Kool-Aid – Evan’s story
Pillow Biting – When Kenny met Evan
I just read on another website that Wes has been diagnosed with a case of the Zacs – his face look zactly like his ass
@ Faye- if this gig falls through we are considering a FAYE FAN CLUB or FFC!
Faye FTW!
GAGGING. Just another reason that the members of the Douche Brigade are delusional.
http://www.thesuperficial.com/johnny-bananas-real-world-entourage-johnny-drama-cartoon-lawsuit-08-2011
@ NWMTV. I have to admit SVU does go off on their holier than thou tangents. I still love it though.
I have so much to say, I don’t even know where to start…
kdognatl- Love those shirts! I’ll have to see how depressing my bank account is and then decide if I can afford it. I never have time to listen to the podcasts but maybe I’ll try to find that one because MikeRoy is totally worth it.
Kimdragon- I watched the clip too and while I don’t think CT was right to get in the middle of everything and yell at CM, she really needs a thicker skin.
Laura- Kenny and Laurel definitely haven’t hooked up, I’ve recapped all of her seasons and I would remember. They were partners on Fresh Meat though and they do seem pretty close.
Liz- I think Mandi might have gone to talk to CM because they’re supposed to be friends or something? Not sure about that. You are dead-on in your assessment of Jenn though, she does just annoy people into leaving her alone. And it wasn’t clear why Laurel wouldn’t listen to CT during the challenge, he just assumed it was because of the “mob.”
Enrique’s Mole- Glad you enjoyed it!
plockeness monster- They’re going back to San Diego?! That was my favorite season before this last Vegas one! I don’t know if I’m recapping yet, I’m going back to school starting in September so between that, a full time job, my DVR, and a social life I don’t know how much time I’m going to have. Thanks for the Paula/MikeMike scoop! I looked up their Twitter accounts last night, hopefully she doesn’t lead him on or anything. Kenny and Laurel were partners on Fresh Meat 2, and they kicked a lot of ass, but they came in 2nd in the final. Yes, Jenn overreacted and puts way too much emphasis on her veteran status. No clue where the phone came from, and you are totally right about Wes’ only “game” being talking about his moves. Hopefully CT can go back to being awesome, because he really has been this season. And finally, awesome Wes jokes, they made me LOL in my cubicle.
NotWithoutMyTV- I meant to imply that Romeo and Juliet (indirectly) died of stupidity. That didn’t really come across though.
Monae Linder- If never changing out of sweats is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
JudgyWudgy- Well said. It’s too funny to be sad, and Jenn is at least entertaining even when she isn’t likable.
Flippy Floppy- I didn’t watch Denver, but that does not surprise me one bit.
sardini- Jenn is one of those girls who other girls will never fully trust. Notice she always seems to be best friends with the gay guys. And HA! at CM and Abram having Tim Burton children. I still say CM needs a thicker skin though.
plockeness/sardini: Sounds like I missed a good season! Isn’t that back when they still did 30 minute episodes? That’s probably why it seemed longer. And it always amazes me how they seem to have no knowledge of the television show they’re on. Although maybe casting picks people who don’t know every detail of the show like we do, haha.
yummy- Yeah, I’ll be shocked if she and Mandi don’t come in 3rd. I don’t think there’s any chance they’ll win.
jerseyj- Glad you enjoyed it.
plockeness- Thank you for that.
jerseyj- 1. Agree that he should have stayed out of it, but I still think the whole thing got blown out of proportion. 2. Too much math for me at 1 AM, but I do think the teams have to vote together. And Adam is obviously never going to vote against Jenn (although they never said what happens if teammates disagree). Paula also never goes against the alliance even when they screw her over. 3. Jenn won a couple of eliminations when she was a rookie, but I don’t think she’d do as well now. And to be fair, Bananas had to go in because he was the only guy left on his team. 4. So, SO awesome. We all know it’s their only chance to stay out of the Jungle.
Faye- Again, I wonder if that whole think didn’t get blown out of proportion. People do seem to pick on CM too much, but she is good at playing the victim. Wes trick or treating by phone = AMAZING!
MP HQ- Outstanding statement. Remember, despite CT’s past, this is still a television show. At least SOME of it is for the cameras.
plockeness- Now I’m picture Wes laying his head down on a cartoon pillow that is crying. Thank you.
Faye- AMAZING. No other words. I wish we could all write that book together. My friends and I used to say we were going to write a book called “Coral and The Miz- The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.” Might I also recommend “You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry- How Laurel Becomes Hulkel” and “How to Retain Your Brain When Sanity Has Gone Down the Drain- Life Lessons from Ev” and “Building a Pedestal from the Bricks of Failure and Never Noticing That I Keep Falling Off- Heeeeere’s Wes!”
plockeness- Oh look, Bananas is being pathetic. Must be Tuesday.
Okay, I think I got everything.
P.S. Wes is so ugly, he walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job offer!
Wes is so ugly his parents are in the witness protection program
Wes is so ugly the Ugly Stick said “Hey, no coming back for seconds!”
Wes is so ugly, the only person in the Challege house that will have sex with him is Mandi.
Wes is so ugly, he could stick his face in dough and make monster cookies.
Wes is so ugly, his mother had to get drunk before she breastfed him!
@VirginiaApple: Actually Derrick was on the blue team longer than Bananas on Cutthroat. I know it’s pathetic that I remember this stuff, I should probably get a life :p But, Derrick went into elimination twice. He won the first time, so the next time Blue Team had to send someone into elimination Bananas volunteered himself as the only other guy left (actually a fair/not sneaky move…which I know is hard to believe). Jenn, on the other hand, let Emily go in again even though she had just gone in the last time. Shows that she’s a skeezy person who can’t win on her own so she just let’s other people do her dirty work :p
Also, and believe me even I couldn’t have remembered this on my own, I had to look it up on wikipedia…Jenn has been on 5 shows and has only won 4 elimination challenges ever (against the weakest opponent she could get every time): Rachel (insecure chubby chick from RW Austin), Kimberly (really skinny blonde girl from RW Hollywood), Katie Doyle (who is quite possibly the only challenger shorter than Jenn, and who loses almost every elimination challenge she’s in) and Colie (her fellow cast member from RW Denver who was on about 2 challenges and always got eliminated early). Granted, she didn’t lose every elimination round like I thought, but that’s not exactly a Who’s Who of athletic/capable challengers. Any time she goes in against someone with the teensiest bit of skill she lost. Let’s see her take out Ev/Laurel/Rachel (the one Jenn briefly went lesbian for) or someone of their caliber and I’ll believe she doesn’t suck and deserves to make it to every final
P.S. Wes is so ugly, the Boogeyman has nightmares about him :p
jerseyj: First of all, you’re right about Derrick and Bananas, I totally forgot about that. I remember now that I was surprised too. He only did it because it was Derrick, though. No matter how many times Ty, Big Easy, or any other guy (except for Kenny/Evan, but they weren’t on that season) had gone in, Bananas still would have claimed they needed to prove themselves. And even then, he still made Derrick “volunteer” to go in first. I was impressed, though, that instead of whining about needing to “trim the fat” because he had to have girls on his team, he instead led them in regular workouts. Definitely a step up for him.
And trust me, I am in no way saying that Jenn deserves to make the finals without going into elimination. (Also, I use the Challenge Wikipedia pages all the time when I’m recapping haha.) Thanks for the stats. She did beat weak people, but that’s why I don’t think she’d do as well now: there aren’t as many weak girls as there used to be. And in defense of Katie, she’s better at elimination rounds than she is at challenges. I still remember when she sent home David in the first Inferno (yes, I had to look up which season that was) by holding her breath longer than him. Ahhh, the olden days when the eliminations weren’t separated by gender. Katie’s lost a few, also, but that’s because she gets sent in A LOT. (And this is despite the fact that she is tied with Derrick for the most Challenge seasons ever at 9 each- how come she doesn’t get to make the “status” argument like Jenn?) Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, Jenn uses her vagina to get to the end, and it is somehow so powerful that even the gay guys fall for it.
haha I totally agree with everything you just said!
P.S. I had NO idea they used to have girls go against guys in elimination rounds. Maybe I need to check out some of the older seasons! I think I started watching around Battle of the Sexes 2.