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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
9:34 am
39 Comments
When it comes to sports, if I don’t have a favorite team, I almost always root for the underdog, so it’s sort of amazing how I have enjoyed the ruthless way the Real World: Austin cast have been treated on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat. I don’t have a favorite team, and to tell you the truth, there are not many people worth rooting for. Let’s be honest, not even the girl with cancer is making us feel all that sympathetic. And if you can’t root for a girl who might lose her ovaries, why would you care about the plight of the Austin cast, who came in acting like they were the greatest thing to hit the airwaves since Models Inc and have since found that even people who are paid to be in Australia hate them? Once four strong, the Austin cast is now down to just one moronic couple. Can Wes and Johanna step up and bet twice as dumb now that Danny and Melinda are gone? It’s going to be tough, but I think they have it in them.Rooting against the Austin cast is really a study in contrasts. On one hand, you can’t stand that you are forced to watch them. On the other hand, they are so dumb, you can’t help but watch. When we came into this season, many people were excited to watch because they heard that Wes was attacked by a kangaroo. But how could that rumor ever be true? At one time Wes might have been a person to pick fights with various marsupials, but now he is a changed man, just ask Johanna!
Johanna says that she has a good relationship with Wes. Although he was “a mess” before she got her hands on him, she is pretty sure that he loves her and is willing to change so many things about himself in order to keep a strong relationship. Imagine that! If the Wes we are seeing in Australia is new and improved because of his love of Johanna, is there anybody who would want to see the train wreck when he was a real mess? Oh, that’s right, it’s called Real World: Austin. And while we are talking about people who were a mess, how the hell does Johanna know? Lets not forget, she didn’t exaclty have it all together when we first met her either. This is sort of a case of the blind leading the blind, or more specifically, the dumb leading the dumber.
But in the end, what really matters is that they care for each other, right? Better that these idiots procreate among themselves, and not muddy up the gene pool with delusions of ancillary reality t-shirt empires. The rest is none of my business, but it is Tina’s business. I can’t stand Tina, but I have to admit, when she isn’t the most annoying person on your television (difficult task, I assure you), she can be sort of funny. Tina thinks that Wes is a sexist asshole and can’t believe that Johanna puts up with all of his shit.
Hmm, are they setting up a Wes vs. Tina showdown in The Exile? It may be a little too early to tell, but they did spend a lot of time focusing on Tina and her partner Kenny at the beginning of the episode. Tina is a shrill wench, but she knows this game, having learned how to play under the tutelage of the lesbianish duo Rachel and Veronica. Tina absolutely LOVES her partner Kenny. Although she commented that she probably has more balls the him (I count at LEAST six), how can she not like a person who laughs at her jokes? And while I am on my fever/drug-induced Tina love-fest, I should mention that she had a great line early in the episode. When she was fake fighting with Kenny, he said that she was used to eating dirty (perhaps knowing she was friends with Rachonica), and she came back saying “So are you, I have seen pictures of your girlfriend!”. Ouch! Perhaps they shot that scene several times in order for Tina to maximize her humor, but I think it was pretty good.
Tina’s only problem is that Kenny doesn’t realize that this is a job. For his part, Kenny says that Tina is growing on him. I take this to mean that having spent so much time in this challenge close to her vagina, he is starting to develop a rash himself. It could also mean that she has taken a liking to the vegemite and her ass is getting bigger, in which case she is “growing” on all of us. Ha! I’ve got more where that came from folks.
J-Unit’s easy three-step diet plan
1. See Tina topless 2. Lose appetite forever 3. There is no step three!
For the most part, it was a pretty tame pre-challenge segment of the show, and then out came Tonya. I don’t know how it happened, but we went from talking about Tina and Kenny to blurred-out shots Tonya boobs. We all know that it was only a matter of time before the crazy started to kick in, but she ran out with a wet t-shirt and then we cut to a shot of Tina, Kenny, and Tonya wrestling by the pool and it’s not long before Tina is topless herself. Now I know Kenny was saying that they needed some sort of motivation to boost their enthusiasm, but I am not sure how that is supposed to help. If anything, the thought of seeing Tina naked again might make some of her friends vote her into exile.
Going into the challenge, Wes talked about how it was going to be difficult. See, “right now” his alliance is really weak, which is news to me because saying that his alliance is weak now somehow implies that it was strong at some point. He’s really worried because Johanna and Jesse are the weakest team and he has been voted in every single time. The only thing he can do now is try and protect Johanna from being voted into exile.
The clue for the next challenge was “Want to get high?”, which I guess assumes that the Fresh Meat and Veterans haven’t been sniffing glue since they landed. Is there any other way to explain Wes’ mohawk? To be quite honest, this portion of the show is very boring. Maybe if there was some cool Australian Sidekick that they could use I would gain interest, but until then the only thing I noticed was Diem’s boobs as she was bending over. To me, it looked like she had those saline dimples that form when you are bending over with your fake breasts.
So, how was everybody “getting high”? Some thought it was skydiving or bungee jumping, but when they met TJ Lavin, he explained that it was just a climbing wall. OK, there was a little bit of a twist. To climb the wall, you would use a series of pegs and each peg had a specific shape that matched a specific place on the wall. For a little added difficulty, your partner would be carrying your pegs, so you not only had to recognize a shape, but be able to name it as well. There was a ten minute time limit, and the team with the fastest time would win. If a team member fell off, that team was disqualified, and if you dropped a peg, you had to finish without that particular shape.
Theo and Chanda won last time, so they got to choose the order and Johanna and Jesse went first. Jesse talked about how there was a lot of pressure for them to do well, and it looked like they were really working well together. After Jesse reached his flag, they only had to wait for Johanna to pull herself up and finish, but she couldn’t do it. So much for saving themselves from exile. Wes, always the optimist, said that Johanna did horribly, but he wasn’t expecting much from her anyway. Yeah Wes, because you have been doing so well in these challenges that you have managed to get sent into exile both times already.
Tina and Kenny were next, but Tina fell off about 1/3 of the way up. Asked to explain what happened, she said that she tried to get up and then she was “down on the ground before you can blink”. Tina also used this explanation when explaining her last trip to Cancun. I had a slightly different take on the events, like the pegs that they used weren’t strong enough to hold her massive weight, which is saying a lot, since Eric was able to get to the top without any problem.
Hey Diem, I like climbing walls too, preferably WITHOUT CANCER
After Tina fell off Wes and Casey finished, and most of the other teams were at least able to make it. During Theo and Chanda’s run, Chand dropped one of her pieces, and although they were still able to finish, there was no way that they were the fastest team to finish. That crown once again goes to Coral and Evan. Tina thought that they must be drinking something to make them fast, but unless they have some sort of new Cuervo blend with ginseng and guarana, I don’t think they have an unfair advantage.
Since Wes didn’t win, it is now time for him to put his master plan into action. First step: Beg Coral not to pick Johanna and Jesse. Second step: Beg Coal not to pick himself and Casey. Step three: vote himself into Exile once again and then KICK SOME ASS!
I guess Wes thought that Coral and Evan were going to go along with his plan, but when it came time to announce who was their pick for Exile, Coral and Evan said “Johanna and Jesse”. Coral then added that she was sick of all of the girlfriend drama, and just so Tina knows the writers still give her the best lines, added “If you don’t want her to go home, tell that bitch to win a mission”. If she was this funny all of the time, she wouldn’t need to put those funbags on display for people to talk to her.
Upon hearing that Johanna and Jesse were nominated, Wes went absolutely crazy. He called everybody two-faced, and now that his girlfriend was voted in, something we “don’t want to see” is taking over, which I hope to God didn’t mean that Danny was coming back. What did Wes do with all of that anger he had towards his two-faced cast members? He took it out on his girlfriend!
While Johanna is not exactly an innocent person, I don’t think she deserved to be the brunt of all of Wes’ frustration at being singled out. Wes was upset that Johanna wasn’t doing enough to stay in this game, specifically she wasn’t trying to convince other people that they shouldn’t vote for her. Now it was true that Johanna wasn’t trying very hard to get anybody on her side, and it’s not right to believe that anybody should just give up, but recent history has taught us that she has plenty of reason to despair. Both Exiles have featured Austin castmates and their partners. It’s not that Johanna hadn’t given up, it’s just that she has no reason to believe that the others are going to start voting their friends into exile. Defeatist, yes, but ultimately correct.
From there, things just deteriorated. Wes and Johanna started arguing. She couldn’t understand why Wes would not only call her stupid, but would do it in front of everybody else. TIna has already given us the answer: Wes is an asshole. Unfortunately, Johanna had no sort of comeback other than throwing her sports drink bottle at Wes’ feet. Great for making you look pathetic, but not so great for winning an argument.
Go hydrate yourself you stupid prick!
After yelling at his girlfriend, Wes finally had enough courage to go after the people he was actually upset with. He went over to the other cast members and warned them that they better not vote for Johanna. Instead, they should vote in the last place team, because that was fair. For all of Wes’ talk that he was going to make all of these people pay for voting him in, it didn’t look like many people were all that scared of him. In fact, it looked like they were more puzzled at what the hell was coming out of his mouth. Theo said that Wes was mad, but also semi-delusional, and when you think about it, calling Wes only semi-delusional is actually a great compliment.
The bigger insult came when Theo said that he couldn’t understand Wes because he “didn’t speak” idiot, and coming from Theo, that says something. I had always thought that Theo was especially well-versed in idiot, but I guess he speaks imbecile and dumbass much better.
When it came down to voting, it wasn’t even close. Johanna and Jesse were voted in, which mean Wes had a very difficult decision to make. If he was going to come back from his third straight trip to exile, it was going to have to be at the expense of his girlfriend. He was going to have to make a choice between his ego or his love life. Faced with such a difficult decision, Wes decided to call the one person he knows that is great at relationships: Danny.
On the phone, Wes is lamenting because Johanna is horrible at this game. That may be true, but why ask for advice from the FIRST PERSON TO LEAVE THE SHOW? Obviously Danny is no better at this game, so what is he going to offer? “Oh Wes, that’s a WICKED pissah! I’m going to Dunk’s to get a Coolatta”. Wes is really worried that this whole thing is going to break them up, which is odd because the only person who wants to break up over poor performance in the Challenge is…Wes! If he doesn’t want this to be a problem, why doesn’t he stop taking it so seriously?
So there we have it. Unless Wes and Casey or Jesse and Johanna can win next week’s challenge, we are going to get our most exciting Exile to date. What did you think of this episode? Will Wes and Johanna break up over the exile? Can anything stop Coral and Evan?
39 Comments
Wes is an idiot. I think Tonya was the one who said they were drinking someone. They used the word “livid” again. Heopfully Johanna can take kick Wes of the in the exile? uh.. there is hope.
That’s one of the big warning signs of an abusive relstionship, isn’t it? I wonder if Wes and Dannyn shared gf-abusing tips on the phone?
Fantastic episdode; I actually giggled when Tina made jokes. Amazing.
I hope Johanna hangs with Coral and Tina more; they’ll definitely get her to drop Wes as quickly as possible.
I wonder if they go against each other in exile, who would win? Because Casey is probably tired of running 2 and half miles every week (or however long the course is). But Johanna’s partner is a queen so there’s no telling how much his luggage weighs.
Didn’t Coral and Evan pick Wes and Casey? And then Johanna and Jesse got voted in by everyone else.
Wes should thank his lucky stars for Johanna being dumb; otherwise, there’s no way she’d be with him!
For the greater good of mankind, I sincerely hope that Johanna follows the advice of Coral and/or Tina, and dumps Wes’s Pilsbury ass. Does anyone remember if the aforementioned T-shirt empire was formed before or after this Challenge was filmed?
Thanks for the recap, J-Unit! Good job.
It was a great episode. I’m glad Johanna had enough sense left to realize Wes was being a total ass. She actually made me laugh when she said she should get her “I’m Not With Stupid Anymore” t-shirt. I doubt they break up though so she is still dumb.
Anyways, there really isn’t many teams to cheer for, I’ve been rooting for Coral & Evan because they’re generally cool and not annoying. It’s a bonus that they are doing very well too. I can’t wait for the outcome next week!!
The whole time I just wanted to go, “Hey Wes, guess what? Your plans don’t work!” Seriously, telling Johanna to just walk and dare them to vote her in is NOT going to keep her out of exile. We’re not 7, this isn’t “Opposite Day” so stop trying to make this work. I swear Wes was the kid who thought if you acted tough the bully would think you’re tough and just back down, but no, he just got smacked in the face with a textbook instead.
Did anyone get the feeling that Wes was hurting Johanna repeatedly during their folicking in the pool?
Ubiquitous has pointed out something I forgot: what the hell was Wes doing to Johanna in the pool? At the end, she clearly was communicating that she wanted him to stop and it was actually hurting but he just kept on…shades of domestic abuse…?
I love how everyone hates the Austin “foursome.” MTV really went after the MOST annoying castmates EVER!! I really, really want to punch Tina in the face. She is gross, and everytime she yells (aka talks) I think she’s going to have a f-ing heart attack…CALM DOWN BITCH!!
One thing I keep noticing that really points out how stupid some of these people are is that a few teams keep voting on performance (or at least that’s what they claim) and try to vote the team that did the worst into exile. Wouldn’t it seem that in a game like this where you’re not voting people off a large team (like in previous challenges) that you’d want the weakest players around in the end to face off against? Maybe we’ll see this kind of thinking after all the Austin people are sent home. Or maybe I’m putting wayyyy too much thought into this.
This season of RW/RR is awesome!
I thought Theo was pretty funny, and the disinterested disgust of the “Veterans” during Wes’ rant was also pretty funny.
Were those Diem’s boobies, or did she pull her knees up under her shirt? If those were her boobs, she needs a mammary intervention – STAT!
It seems like ALL of the men from the Austin cast are hyper-aggressive, and abusive toward women. I still remember that scene when Wes and Nehemiah went after Rachel – if a camera crew hadn’t been there that would have been terrifying. I wonder about steroid use among the men on the Austin cast – they all seem like they have Roid Rage.
Usually after a season has ended the women look more “finished” and attractive. I noticed that both Melinda and Johanna look less attractive, and seem kind of flat and dull.
I’d be interested in hearing what the other RW/RR men think about how Wes and Danny treat their girlfriends – I’m kind of surprised they haven’t hit on the girls just to f— with D & W.
Austin’s new slogan:
Come for the scenery, stay for the codependent relationships you develop!
Hey, Wes is a total asshole and yet he isn’t making cancer jokes. Let’s knock those off, eh?
Wes annoys me. Tonya looks hideous next week. I’m confused. Is Johanna’s partner gay? Someone tells me he is and neither says he’s not. And agree with everyone on the austin boys being wife-beaters.
First comes Austin, then comes marriage, then comes Johanna & Melinda in the hospital carriage.
Graet recap!!
“LIVID”-o-meter:
At least 5 and counting for the season. I swear I will never use that word in my own vocabulary again thanks to these idiots.
“Austin’s new slogan:
Come for the scenery, stay for the codependent relationships you develop!”…….reality monkey…I love it!
lol terence
I agree with The Svan (#14), might want to take those down a notch and not alienate some readers.
dyevka- i was wondering the same thing. Why are they stacking the deck against themselves and making the bad people go? The only explanation is nobody wants to be the bad side of someone who comes out of the gauntlet victorious?
Wes is so lame. That whole “somethign took over me” screams of someone incapable of being responsible of his own actions. I also don’t understand why he thinks his partner is so dumb and such a bad athlete. She not a rocket scientist but he’s acting like he got a monkey or something.
Chanda is the girl to beat. I thought for sure she was done when she fell of that wall, but she came back.
At least these challenges actually require some athletic prowess.
J-Unit….in answer to your question “Can anything stop Coral and Evan?” Apparently not next week if you saw the preview when Coral proclaims “You see these giant t*%ts? These are here to carry goop.” If the next challenge is “carrying goop with your t*%ts”, Coral only has two people that could beat her. Tonya…and maybe that fat guy Eric. He has some big ole man t*%ts!!
chief113, The Svan believes you are mistaken. Coral’s “gifts” have no match on this show. Hell putting together Tonya’s and Erics you might match one of Corals.
Ugh. I know for a fact Johanna and Wes are still together. So this big drama Mtv is working up will probably resolve itself in 2 minutes next episode. And Wes is NASTY. The guy looks like a giant penis and acts like one too.
“Oh Wes, that’s a WICKED pissah! I’m going to Dunk’s to get a Coolatta” .. lmfao
the Svan, I agree with you. I was just trying to be as funny as B Side.
The Svan apologizes for misinterpreting.
I dont understand why they havent voted the couples in sooner…It seems they would have had alot more drama with that. Im sure its a lot easier to send home your friend’s girlfriend instead of your own. Also, I would be voting in my strongest competitors now, you know anyone of those teams could beat Johanna and James in the future.
“Go hydrate yourself you stupid prick”
Sprayed out my Frosted Flakes laughing at that one.
#12, I was thinking the same thing. The Austin cast has bred more asshole abusive men and submissive dumb women than I thought was possible.
I LOVED Coral and Evan voting in Wes and Casey right after Wes came up and talked to them. Seriously, I laughed my ass off. I used to think Wes was a total idiot but at least kind of funny, but now I totally hate him. Why on Earth would Johanna put up with him? At least Danny is pretty attractive. Wes has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Am I the only one who constantly gets Abe and Wes confused? Didn’t they both have roid rage, crazy red mohawks, issues with women, and were just all-out pricks? I keep thinking that they look alike? Do they…maybe I’m imagining things.
Damn, I hate the Austin cast. I live in Austin, and they really made us look bad. i never saw them go anywhere but the Dizzy Rooster and Chipotle. Chipotle is owned by McDonalds. There are hundreds of authentic Mexican restaurants here they could have tried. The Dizzy Rooster is perhaps the lamest bar on Sixth Street. I have never met anyone who has been there, I guess because it’s for underage college freshman and choads. I also hate them because of how lame they are. That’s my rant.
P.S. TJ is hilarious. More TJ bashing about how serious he is please. Coral’s tittays are gigantic.
Save the choad!
I know I am giving these dunces too much credit for thinking this through, but I sppse it’s very likely that the 2nd place team is good enough to win a pardon and send you in their place, but like i said, I really don’t think these people are smart or sober enough to think things that far ahead. I think they want to eliminate the Austin kids for now.
Abe has chnaged a lot (and for the better) since his initial appearance. Wes, however, still remains a tool and a douchebag.
J-Unit, thanks for the Models Inc. reference. I am going to put Cassidy Rae as my computer wallpaper (google her and you know what I mean!)
Hey I have a question. While Melinda was on the show, she kept refering to Danny as her boyfriend. I never heard her say fiance. I also don’t remember Danny or Melinda bringing up their engagement. If they did, I guess I don’t remember it. Did they mention it or are they no longer engaged? Anybody know?
ashleydia,
Danny and Melinda announced their “big engagement” on the RW:Austin reunion special.
Danny made a big show and rented a horse and carriage, got on one knee,and asked Melinda to marry him. He also said if she even thought about Prince William ever again, he’d kill her. (Well, ok, not the last one). But I think it’s just for publicity.
I cannot believe what an asshole Wes is. I mean what does he have going for him? He’s not that good of a player to begin with. He belittles everyone, and the way he talked to Johanna was just sickening. I cannot believe how Johanna could even still be with him after him talking to her like that. Also, he just walks right in and expects everyone to go along with his little voting strategies. No one really knows him that well or likes him that much to do that for him. GET A CLUE, ASSHOLE!!!
Also, I may be in the minority but I actually like Tina. She is pretty funny, and not as bad when without her other Mean Girls. But I like Coral even more because she’s always funny ( “You don’t want your girlfriend to go home? Then tell that bitch to win a mission.”)
instead of saying
“i don’t speak idiot,”
theo actually says
“i don’t speak Ediot.”
i’m mildly amused. it’s good to sound relatively competent when insulting others. go teddy.
was i just imagining things, or did i see theo on “last comic standing”?
Yes, that was Theo.
Wes needs to realize that none of the other players owe him anything. Just because he makes a request or puts something out there doesn’t mean it’s an agreement.
All that aside, his treatment of Johanna was disrespectful and unacceptable. To scream at her and call her stupid in front of all those people… and then when he got on the phone with Danny, he continued it! How can he not realize that that behavior is wrong?
I couldn’t stand Wes on RW – and now he’s worse than ever. And he’s not even the “he’s annoying, but I love to watch him” kind of bad – please, please, please MTV stop using him for crap. He is SO unattractive and his personality makes him HIDEOUS! He is seriously the worst person I’ve seen on “reality tv” and I can’t believe he has a girlfriend. I would change my identity out of shame, if I were Johanna.