The Meat Is Done

The Challenge

By B-Side | Wednesday, September 6, 2006 | 12:09 pm | 39 Comments

Congratulations! As of 10:30 PM Monday night, the eponymous Fresh Meat of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge officially graduated to sophomore status. Yes, the show wrapped up its triumphant season of bag-schlepping as one winning team finally grabbed the grand prize of $250,000. With only three squads left, it was a toss up as to who would win. Okay, it really wasn’t. It was obvious who would dominate this final challenge, and that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t have been able to stomach any other result. However, in the interest of not spoiling this most intense of outcomes, I won’t say who won here in this opening paragraph. Instead, I’ll pass the time talking about something else: a horrendous TV show I saw yesterday. It was called The 200 Pound Tumor, and it was on the Discovery Health Network. It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen, not including Wes’s cocky face. Hmmm… I’m veering towards nausea. I better get to the recap.This week’s finale started off with all the teams nervously preparing for the next day’s mission. I’m sure the producers probably wanted us to wonder who would win the big prize, but honestly, at that moment I was more concerned with what had happened to Darrell’s head. It looked like he was recovering from a lobotomy. Either that or someone had cruelly extinguished a cigar on his forehead.

Nevertheless, the gang all gathered around the table and eagerly read their last clue: “Congratulations on making it to the end. Your final challenge is tomorrow.” I’m not sure if that really qualifies as a clue as much as light plaudits followed by general directions. Whatever the semantics may be, the gang was psyched for their final mission. Wes and Casey were particularly confident in their chances of winning, thanks to all their victories in Exile. “Hopefully we’re going to be able to use that as a catalyst to go into the final mission with enough confidence,” Wes said, unsurprisingly misusing the word “catalyst.” Of course, anyone who’s seen just a glimpse of this season could tell you that Wes and Casey haven’t won the Exiles thanks to their perfect blend of brains and brawn. It’s more like they just benefited from other teams’s stupid mistakes (ie. forgetting flags over and over and over again).

Wasting no time (except to show Darrell sipping from a giant water bottle — or jug, really), the show then headed down to the sandy beaches of Australia where the final challenge awaited. A smiley TJ Lavin revealed that teams would be participating in what was essentially a super-sized Exile course — a ten mile foot race, to be exact. Along the way, there would be several checkpoints as well as two of those nefarious puzzles. Unlike the Exile puzzles, however, there were some unique rules attached. Each team would have three chances to correctly solve the puzzles. At the first one, a correct answer on the first try meant that a team could advance to the next checkpoint without adding any weight. A correct answer after the second try meant they’d have to haul twenty-five pounds total. Third try was fifty pounds, and a total failure to solve the puzzle would result in a hundred pound burden. Things changed around on the second puzzle. A correct answer on the first attempt meant that teams could remove a hundred pounds. Second attempt meant losing fifty, third was twenty five, and failure meant removing nothing. So basically, the key was to answer the first puzzle on the first try. That way, the second puzzle would be rendered useless. This all sounded very convoluted, but I did like it and kind of wished this was how the puzzles in Exile operated all along (in case you were wondering how I really felt about that issue. And I’m sure you did).

Oh, and one more thing. Teammates would be tethered together with a six-foot line, another nifty touch that would have been nice throughout the season. Actually, you know what would be the best? If teammates had to be tethered at all times. Kind of like that failed dating show, Chains of Love. Next season… next season…

Anyway, as the teams prepared to commence this beast of a challenge, Wes feared that his long suffering partner Casey might not rise to the occasion. “She’s just too young, immature, and stupid to realize how much is on the line right now,” he said, erroneously implying that he on the other hand was not young, immature, and stupid.

Elsewhere in this suckfest, Tina and Kenny bickered about the daunting path ahead of them, with Tina being particularly pessimistic about their chances at success. If only this challenge featured a prominent “buzzard voice” component…

Well, after the commercial break, TJ Lavin finally let the teams loose on this course, and unsurprisingly, Tina and Kenny continued to yell at each other over pretty much anything. “You’re not even sweating!” Kenny yelled; although, as far as I could see, Tina was covered in a shiny film of perspiration. Kind of like the time she found out Krispy Kreme opened up down the block from her. Mini zing!

Anyway, the teams all trotted across the beach until they reached checkpoint one which commanded them to… RUN THROUGH THE SURF! How very intense!!! What might come next? X-TREME Sandcastle building? Well, everyone managed to plod through the water without much of a problem; although, Casey did flail around as if she were navigating through a jellyfish minefield. Oh, how I would have loved to see Wes step on a Portuguese Man O’ War. I would say stingray too, but, well, stingray jokes are apparently verboten in pop culture for about a week or so.

At checkpoint two, the teams encountered the first puzzle which involved moving pegs on a board. Everyone messed up their first two attempts, but in a nice development, Aviv managed to get it right on try #3, which meant she and Darrell only needed to haul around fifty pounds on their backs. Wes, Casey, Tina and Kenny, however, completely failed — shocker! — and so they were saddled with the unenviable task of dragging a hundred pounds across the beach.

Checkpoint three then had the teams doing the military crawl under some ropes, and even though Darrell and Aviv had been in last place, their lighter load meant they were able to easily catch up and surpass the other two teams. Casey, on the other hand, struggled with the challenge and told us, “I’m not going to lie. I’m a girly girl. I like to sit at home and shop and put on makeup. That’s what I do.” Sadly, this completely shattered all my preconceived notions about her, which mainly consisted of her attending literary lectures, watching Masterpiece Theatre, and studying Proust.

Well, with Darrell and Aviv safely in the lead, we randomly saw a flashback sequence of the two’s greatest moments of the Challenge. Hey, there they were doing that one challenge. And there they were winning the pardon! And there they were hugging! Yay time filler!

Back in the final challenge, Darrell and Aviv then reached the fourth checkpoint, which required one teammate to carry the other. I think America was all the same page about this one: sucks for Kenny.

Somewhere amidst all this, Wes told us, “I really wanted to be here regardless of how pathetic Casey really is at this game.” Look, Wes, Casey may not be a great athlete, but thanks to her packing lightly, you’ve won all your Exiles; so you better be thanking her thrifty ass. Nevertheless, we then sat through a random Wes and Casey flashback montage, and when we returned to the challenge, we saw poor Kenny lugging Tina across the beach. This was a task that the human body was not build to endure. My back hurt just watching this. Somebody enroll this guy in World’s Strongest Man.

Sure enough, we then sat through a third and final flashback sequence of Tina and Kenny’s finest moments, and as we headed into commercial, the producers tried to mislead us into thinking this wouldn’t be a Darrell and Aviv blowout. “I think it’s still anyone’s game,” Casey told us. “As long as we get to those puzzles, I think we still have a shot at first place.” Yes, except you haven’t solved a puzzle all season long. Unless the second puzzle involves spelling the word “cat,” these two have no chance at mounting a comeback (and quite honestly, “cat” might be too difficult).

After the commercial, we arrived at the second puzzle which featured five boxes arranged like a Tetris figure. Teams had to move two sticks to create four equally sized boxes, and sure enough, Aviv managed to solve this brainteaser the first time around. This meant she and Darrell could drop all their weight. How anyone could catch up to them now was beyond me. All but cementing their lead were the performances of the two other teams who struggled to solve the puzzle. Tina and Kenny removed what looked like two random sticks, but as a result, all they were left with were two rectangles and two squares. Funny thing about rectangles and squares: they’re not the same size (although, technically, squares are rectangles, but you get what I’m saying). Sure enough, the two teams were unable to figure out this intensive challenge, and so they both had to trek onwards with all their weight (that’s one hundred pounds, in case you forgot).

Look! Four identical squares!

“We’ve kicked ass in all the Exiles, but yet we suck so bad,” Casey said of their showing. I guess that’s what happens when you’re forced to use your brain to excel. Anyway, Darrell and Aviv sped through checkpoint number six, which had them climbing up a mountainside, and unsurprisingly, when they reached the top, there was TJ waiting at the finish line. Our hopes and wishes had come true: Darrell and Aviv won! Honestly, as long as anyone but Wes had earned that money, I’d be happy. This was certainly a momentous occasion, as evidenced by Aviv who stoically noted, “We won.”

Is it me, or does Darrell look like he’s about to say “Hey HEY hey!”

Aaaaand… scene.

Meanwhile, back on the warpath, the other two teams slaved away for second place. Day turned to night, and finally, Tina and Kenny arrived in front of TJ, who said, “That’s a strong second place, my friend.” Um, it’s night time. That’s not strong at all. They were like hours behind.

Coming in third place were Wes and Casey, who finally got to taste glorious defeat. With everyone standing around, our pacifist host tried to raise spirits by saying, “I just want to say there were no losers to day.” Except, you know, for the losers — of which there were four.

A bitter Wes sneered off his loss by barking at us, “Anyone who says congratulations for bronze can suck my dick.” He then added, “And so I invite all males with brown hair, blue eyes, and athletic builds to tell me congratulations for my bronze. Seriously, I really want you to tell me that. Oh, and if you’ve got dimples, I’d like that too.”

For her part, Tina begrudgingly commented, “I guess the best team really did win, but the better team got second.” That’s impossible. You can’t do better than the best. The best team IS the better team. Mind your semantics, woman!

We then sat through even more memories from the season as Kenny said, “There’s so many things on this Challenge that I never would have been able to do.” You know, like diving into water and crawling under ropes and grabbing onto a rotating crocodile. Life changing experiences!

But no Fresh Meat episode would be complete without some obligatory Wes bitching. “This game is not about fairness. It’s not about scores. It’s not about how good of a competitor you are. It’s about politics, and the fact is the Austin cast got screwed,” he complained, clearly not realizing that a) the Austin cast screwed itself when it clung together like a little clique or b) he was in the finals; so he really had nothing to complain about.

What did you think about this finale? And what about the season as a whole?

Comments (39)
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39 Comments

1

LagunaBeached

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:18 pm

OK Season. I’m happy Wes didn’t win.
2

Niecy

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:42 pm

does wes realize everything he said about the game not being fair and it’s not about being a good competitor directly applies to him? what a fucktard
3

mo_knows

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:43 pm

So glad Darrell and Aviv won… I hope that Wes is banned from all future challenges. You can tell his balls smell like asparagas. And I laughed too that it took the two other teams until nighttime to finish. Pathetic!
4

mo_knows

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:45 pm

yes, fucktard id precisely the right word for Wes… that, and Scott Fargas
5

Fuxy

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:53 pm

mo_knows: “You can tell his balls smell like asparagus.” HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I found that quite fucking funny.
6

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:59 pm

I thought this season had potential when it started, but it just sucked.

LOL about Wes’ balls smelling asparagus! The whole idea completely grosses me out, yet I keep thinking about it and laughing. Eeeeeew!

Can TVGasm market a shirt with Wes’ pasty face, and the word “Fucktard” underneath? I’ll buy one.

The RR/RW reunion is next Monday – hopefully that will be more interesting than this whole season. Maybe the rumours about Danny Masshole and Melinda the Slovenly breaking up will turn out to be true. I hope Ev is there too, so we can enjoy her Danny-mosity in real-time.
7

stacyrocks

Posted September 6, 2006 at 12:59 pm

I’m glad Wes & Casey were a distant third! I cracked up when the last 2 teams crossed the finish in the freaking dark. That was beautiful. Anyways, the season started out very strong and ended… okay, I guess. Okay since Wes did not win. Darrell is a lucky boy! He just takes part in every other challenge, wins the money, spends it and shows up again.

Thanks for the recap, B-Side!
8

BonaFide

Posted September 6, 2006 at 1:01 pm

B-Side, I know it’s not your style, but please consider revising the following -:

Funny thing about rectangles and squares: they’re not the same size (although, technically, squares are rectangles, but you get what I’m saying).

So Darrell never loses a Challenge, huh? I’m very happy for Aviv. She deserved it.
9

MyJacob1

Posted September 6, 2006 at 1:19 pm

Hmmm, Aviv and Darrell.
Love Darrell hate Aviv, her eyes make her look ultra retarded. Perhaps I was hoping for Tina and Kenny to win.
10

hollabackboy

Posted September 6, 2006 at 1:26 pm

I was actually rooting for Tina & Kenny, but oh well. Darrell’s won every challenge he’s been on, I was kinda hoping someone would beat him this time.

This season wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t as great as I expected it to be. The last really good challenge was the Inferno 2. After that challenge, they haven’t felt the same. We need to get some of these veterans out of retirement (The Miz, Veronica & Rachel) because they made for some good TV.
11

JaxMcG

Posted September 6, 2006 at 1:32 pm

I should be thrashed for saying this… But I think Tina might have been somewhat logical when saying the “better” team came in second. I think she was going with the good, better, best order so Aviv and Darrel were best, she and Kenny were better and Wes and Casey – well it’s hard to call them good… but you get my drift.

Holy crap, I can’t believe I just tried to defend Tina… Please ex-communicate me now.
12

joeypotter

Posted September 6, 2006 at 2:25 pm

This season was just OK. So long as Wes didn’t win, I’m fine.

I know I missed a few weeks, but was the story that Wes would get his ass kicked by a kangaroo just a big fake out? I SO wanted to see that.

I’ll be so sad if I missed it, but maybe they’re saving the Wes-roo showdown (with Kanga the winner fer sher) for the reunion show.
13

Belinda

Posted September 6, 2006 at 2:27 pm

OK – Did I miss something? What happended to the Kangaroo and Wes?
14

antebellum

Posted September 6, 2006 at 2:32 pm

The kangaroo-Wes showdown was a rumor. It didn’t actually happen, but it did bring a joyous mental image to us all.

Boring finale. I knew Darrell and Aviv would win once they solved the first puzzle, meaning nothing interesting about the whole episode. I’m surprised second place didn’t get more than $30k total. I’m also surprised that you didn’t screencap TJ’s face near the end with the lighting they had to add since it was nighttime(he looked fucking weird), but very happy for the bruise on Darrell’s head screencap. What was that?
15

southernbelle

Posted September 6, 2006 at 2:46 pm

I too am laughing at the asparagus. That’s so gross. But funny!
To me, Casey always sounded like Romy from, “Romy & Michelle’s High School reunion.” I kept finding myself waiting for her to say that she had invented Post Its. Have a “Romy and Michele” day!
16

MissKatrina

Posted September 6, 2006 at 3:13 pm

This season wasn’t so bad. In fact, there were two things I loved about it:
1) Austin cast was hated by everyone
2) No Beth from RW Los Angeles

So glad that pasty schmoo lost. I hope karma kicks his ass. Either karma, or a kangaroo.
17

Leah3t

Posted September 6, 2006 at 4:00 pm

I thought this season was a lot of fun. I actually enjoyed the eps (except for the boring derek and diem one) and was curious to see who’d come out on top.

When Casey was crying for letting Wes down I wanted to barf. The abusive relationship comes full circle. Gosh that guy sucks and should never be on TV again. Like long neck on project runway, he is not a fun bad guy to watch. he is just lame.

Tina girl, you are not good at puzzles. I’ve beaten that thing while drunk at my local friendly’s. 250,000 on the line and you couldn’t do it? boooooo.
18

whwhwhymustiwatch???

Posted September 6, 2006 at 4:14 pm

Ugh…Wes. Seriously, has there ever been a bigger douchebag on reality television?
19

whwhwhymustiwatch???

Posted September 6, 2006 at 4:22 pm

Wait…I could be wrong. It might be a tie between Wes and Tyler from Real World…
20

the_baddest_bitch

Posted September 6, 2006 at 4:23 pm

I swear some of the comments are funnier than the re-caps (which are fucking hilarious!) Wes is a fucktard. An ugly fucking, pasty, frekely assed, dickweed of a fucktard. I found the show unwatchable because I found myself nearly putting a hammer through the TV screen every time that hideous leprechaun reared his oddly shaped mohawked dome. Goddamn that jerk is one ugly bitch! I’m just glad i got to watch him have his pasty flat ass handed to him in the end. I HATE Wes! I hope someone buries his detachable aspargas scented penis so he can finally live life as the bitch he really is.
21

partysunflower

Posted September 6, 2006 at 5:10 pm

so much for Wes not being on any future challenges. He is in the cast for the next RW/RR challenge called the “DUEL” not sure when it airs but unfortunalty we will TINA again … and the worst… BETH. how annoying is that.

Thanx for the recap B-side.
22

reeeeelbigfsh

Posted September 6, 2006 at 5:50 pm

definitely dug this challenge. does anyone know if the fresh meat people are returning for a future challenge?

and does anyone know what the deal is with road rules?
23

raggedy_andy

Posted September 6, 2006 at 10:24 pm

Like I said before, the season had lots of potential and brought a lot of great ideas, but they just didn’t seem to be fully thought through and implemented well enough. It was ok.

reeeeelbigfsh (#22), there are a few of the Fresh Meat people coming back for the next one (“The Duel”). I’ve been wondering about Road Rules, too. Maybe they stopped because of gas prices. P
24

c-wise

Posted September 6, 2006 at 10:43 pm

I thought this challenge was pretty good… better than the last one for sure.

southernbelle (#15) – Thank you, that comment about Casey made my day. If only the show had ended with an elaborate three-way dance between Wes, Casey, and Tina set to “Time After Time…”
25

zevonia

Posted September 6, 2006 at 11:40 pm

Thanks for the recap, B-Side. As soon as Aviv solved the first puzzle it was obvious they were going to win. I knew Wes (the Fucktard) and Casey (the Fucktardette) wouldn’t win because they couldn’t solve a puzzle to save their lives. In spite of knowing Wes’s propensity for stupidity, I was still amazed at how many times he insulted Casey’s performance. It’s not as if he did anything great during the challenges. Of course, he was also a complete dickhead to his own girlfriend! Can’t wait to see the reunion and what he has to say for himself.
26

Fuxy

Posted September 7, 2006 at 1:08 am

While I laughed raucously at the asparagus-scented nards comment, it’s also disturbing to me. I SO do not want to know what’s going on in Firecrotch’s pants.
27

bottled.brunette

Posted September 7, 2006 at 7:12 am

I’m glad Wes didnt win…but I liked Casey, so that sucks for her!

I wonder if Wes and Johanna are still fighting…i mean…dating!?
28

mouth

Posted September 7, 2006 at 7:46 am

As much as you guys hate Wes, can you imagine how much shit will go on next season if it is true that Wes, beth, and tina are on the same team? That shit would be hilarious. You saw how much crap he gave Casey, and she was a hottie, imagine how much crap he would give big fugly beth. Good tv.
29

Ubiquitous

Posted September 7, 2006 at 8:18 am

Instead, I’ll pass the time talking about something else: a horrendous TV show I saw yesterday. It was called The 200 Pound Tumor

Wow, I initially parsed that as The 200 Pound TINA!

The RR/RW reunion is next Monday – hopefully that will be more interesting than this whole season.

Oh, goodie! I was worried they wouldn’t have one after not seeing any ads for it.

But I think Tina might have been somewhat logical when saying the “better” team came in second. I think she was going with the good, better, best order so Aviv and Darrel were best, she and Kenny were better and Wes and Casey – well it’s hard to call them good… but you get my drift.

That’s what I thought she was trying to say, albeit in a clumsy manner, as well. Oh gawd I’m defending Tina!
30

joeypotter

Posted September 7, 2006 at 11:19 am

I’m still bummed that the kangaroo kicking Wes’ ass was a rumor.

Now, MTV, if you have half a brain (and given the new season of Laguna Beach I’m not sure you do), you will post haste arrange for a showdown between the fucktard and a giant, pissed off kangaroo. That, my friends, is television to live for.
31

netnuh

Posted September 8, 2006 at 6:49 am

Celebrity Deathmatch: Wes vs. Kangaroo
32

shiaobundan

Posted September 8, 2006 at 9:55 pm

I’m just glad Diem and Derrick didn’t make it to the final 3. I’ve always loved Tina for telling psycho-slut Tonya off, and Kenny is hilarious so I was rooting for them… but Darell and Aviv deserved it more than any of the teams there. I admit, as much of a dick as Wes is, I rooted for him and Casey the entire season.

…either way. Wes/Casey and Tina/Kenny should stop acting so bummed about losing. They’re still getting a bigass check for doing nothing more than take a two-week vacatino.
33

ilovebside

Posted September 9, 2006 at 10:21 am

bside, you totally forgot about the comment Kenny made about having to carry Tina’s fat ass. It was hilarious!
Can’t wait for the reunion and of course the recap!
34

GoldCrayon

Posted September 9, 2006 at 5:35 pm

Road Rules has been dead for some 2 or 3 years now . . Thats where Derrik and Kina and Jodi came from . . .
35

GoldCrayon

Posted September 9, 2006 at 5:37 pm

Road Rules has been dead for some 2 or 3 years now . . Thats where Derrik and Kina and Jodi came from . . . the last season i mean
36

MichyPR

Posted September 9, 2006 at 6:50 pm

LOL great recap, haven’t seen the episode yet but whatever. Anyways, I kinda was rooting for Kenny and Tina just because Kenny is a hottie lol and besides after having to carry Tina he should have won. But like everyone else has said at least Wes and Casey didn’t win cause they suck. Well, Wes really sucks, don’t really care about Casey
37

whwhwhymustiwatch???

Posted September 14, 2006 at 2:59 pm

What’s the deal? No recap for the reunion?
38

anniedawg25

Posted September 17, 2006 at 8:13 pm

whwhwh….yeah I agree!

A reunion re-cap is much needed…..just to see a freeze frame of Theo in that neck brace!!! He looked ridiculous!
39

carpe_noctem

Posted October 15, 2006 at 3:37 am

This was the most boring Real World/Road Rules season ever. Can’t exactly pinpoint why–it had its fair share of drama. Maybe it was the Exile (the aspect of a long and uneventful race rather than some intense man-on-man combat), the unfamiliar (not to mention extremely uncolorful) Fresh Meat, or perhaps the lack of the notorious Beth. “The Duel” is already showing much more promise, and I’m just glad that we’re moving on from the Fresh Meat concept. Wes’s assholishness unfortunately wasn’t enough to make this season interesting. Darrell and Aviv were so void of personality, I hardly even noticed them until they crossed the finish line.