When in the course of reality events, it becomes necessary for one production company to dissolve the the bonds of originality that have separated their show from every other. That production company is Bunim/Murray and the result of all that lack of originality becomes the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Forget that you see the same people returning year after year. Forget that you see the same host returning year after year. I think everybody knows that on its good days, this show is a glorified quasi-celebrity bitchfest. Admittedly, the producers have shown they can make that enjoyable. On the days there isn’t a lot of ill will being spread around all over the place, the show turns into some sort of lame version of Where Are They Now crossed with Fear Factor, and those episodes have me reaching reaching for the whiskey bottle pretty quickly. I figure that going throgh the show drunk or passed out is much more tolerable.Unfortunately for me, I have been trying to save my liver function for the weekend. There are a lot of great parties in Hollywood at this time of year, but few will match the party that is the Battle of the Sexes. After Abram took all of their toilet seats last week, I was ready for the aftermath. The girls would be pissed, the girls would be out for revenge, the girls would be….uh, getting drunk by the pool and hooking up with the guys? I’ll admit, it is hard with all of those hot bodies around, including those guys who like to drop trou (Ace) and those girls who like to get drunk, hookup, and flash their boobies (Tonya). However, we are supposed to have a rivalry here! You shouldn’t be sleeping with the enemy, let alone cohabiting the same place. And if you are near each other, you should be hating it. I had the pleasure of spending the weekend in Dallas during the Red River shootout. There were fans of Texas and Oklahoma in my hotel, and although there was plenty of security to prevent fighting indoors, you can just tell that the people wanted nothing to do with each other. They sure as hell weren’t trying to spark a romance like Abram and Coral at the beginning of this show (more on that later).
To tell you the truth, I can understand why the producers would throw this lot by a pool, give them lots of booze(Derrick had a tight grip on his beer bong), and tell them to have at it. After all, drunken hookups are a staple of the franchise. I also think that it is more important to cultivate some sort of rivalry between the sides, because the hookups will always be there. While all of the smoochy smoochy is going on, we are missing keeping the likes of Coral, Tina, Tonya, Rachel, and Robin all locked up together under the same roof. With guys around, they have something to keep their minds off of how much they hate each other. Instead of complaining about how big of a slut somebody is, we have a scene of the girls fawning over Adam, of all people, and his Real World “freestyle”. I guess it could be more aptly named Real World slam poetry, because it was clearly rehearsed. I am sure he came up with it and performs in front of people using lots of body gyrations, all in an attempt to make people forget he grew up in Beverly Hills and probably listens to lots of emo.
So what about this week’s competition? Everybody was told to wear a bathing suit and shoes, although I am not sure why they feel it’s necessary to be appraised of everybody’s wardrobe. It’s not like anybody is going to be asked to wear a sweater in the middle of Texas in the summer. The challenge for the week was called “Snake Pit Poker”. The challenge was actually pretty decent, because a lot of people are afraid of snakes, so this was going to be equally difficult for the girls and the guys. Everybody had step into a small box, each with about 150 snakes, and grab five poker chips. You could only grab five and you had to wait for your “pit boss” to give the OK before the next person stepped in. The goal was to get exactly 175 poker chips and the team with the shortest time would win. There would be penalties for early entry into the box, for collecting any chips while not fully inside of the box or while standing on the platform used to get out of the box, and for any chips over or under the 175 chip total. For captains, the guys chose Brad, Theo, and Frank, and the girls chose Aneesa, Cameran, and Coral.
Now, I was surprised that Cameran would ever be chosen as a captain, because she really isn’t here for the competition and repeatedly states that everybody takes things too seriously, so it was great to see her next to Coral, who takes the completely opposite attitude. As for the actual challenge, it didn’t look that bad. 150 snakes sounds like a lot, but they were mostly spread off in one corner or another and people really didn’t get that close. To tell you the truth, I was wondering how many of the snakes were actually alive, since I saw a few shots of snake skins after they had moulted. The camera zoomed in a couple of times and made it look like a couple of people were bitten, but I wondered if that was actually the case. If people were being bitten, we surely would have heard about it, right? And at least one of the girls would have screamed or started crying, correct? The biggest injury out of the whole thing was when Theo misjudged his exit out of the snake pit and put a gash in his shin. The only person who was even the least bit feisty was Jonny Mosley, who got a little upset when there were a string of three or four penalties in a row. He’s night quite Jeff Probst testy though.
If you hadn’t figured it out yet, the game had nothing to do with poker other than the chips, but I guess “Snake Pit Counting to 175″ doesn’t have the same sort of ring to it. The girls had four penalties and the guys had two, one by Abram, one by Ace. The girls ended up with 176 chips, which Coral said was impossible because she was counting. Although the girls had the lead early in the game (or at least the people interviewed said the girls had the lead early in the game), the guys stepped up and beat the girls in time. Add on the penalties for both sides, and the guys team came out victorious. For their trouble, they got some low rider bikes, so make sure to look for them all on ebay because it’s not like any of these fools are going to use them in LA.
The inner circle was boring again. The guys, based their challenge on performance, which meant that Abram or Ace was up for elimination because of the penalties. They eventually chose Ace because he also did poorly in the first challenge. There wasn’t even much drama on the girls side. After about two minutes, everybody decided on Cameran, which is a pretty good choice since she wasn’t exactly slamming any of the competitions and she really wasn’t there for the whole “competition” part of the challenge, so it can be seen as some dead weight. One last confusing part of the challenge is the whole “Elimination HIll” thing. Elimination hill is some mound of dirt a little bit away from the rest of the challenge complex. I think it would be more aptly named “Fake Goodbye Rock”, but that’s just me. Cameran told the girls she hopes they win, and the guys showered Ace with beer while he sipped from a handle of Jack Daniel’s. I don’t watch the Real World, so I consistently wondering why everybody thinks this guy is cool. He was the first to leave the Inferno, and the second to leave Battle of the Sexes 2. Perhaps he is fun in real life and so all of his friends on the show give him praise, but he’s just a huge pussy from what I have seen of him on the television. Still, he is better than having to watch CT.
Bunim/Murray clearly projected that Ace was going to be gone by focusing on him so much in the early going. With so many people the cast and only about twenty minutes of actual air time, they don’t spend too much time on people who aren’t at least threatened to be going home. Same could be said for Abram and Coral, but they were the misdirection in this case. Apparently the rumors were true and there is a little something going on there. Coral said Abram was a very important part of her life, and Abram, after a couple of minutes of incoherent semi-philosophical babbling (Ovid, he is not), said that Coral would be a challenge, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. This relationship is surely bound to last, and I am sure Coral is getting relationship advice from the Miz, since he seems to be able to stay together with a Bunim/Murray alum for at least two weeks in a row. I can tell that Abram is sincere about love, at least until the next threesome shower opportunity with Veronica comes calling.
At least I have The Passion of the TVgasm to keep me interested.