Meat Market? I’m Sold!

The Challenge

By admin | Wednesday, May 31, 2006 | 1:55 am | 55 Comments

Now that the summer months are upon us and the networks are about to fill us with reruns and crappy series that won’t get picked up for the fall, it’s time to narrow down your priorities. Do you spend a little time in the yard? Perhaps join the family on a vacation? Maybe pick up a good book or two and reacquaint yourself with your brain? Those are all good choices, but if you cared about any of them, you wouldn’t be visiting TVgasm. We’re here to talk about what we like to talk about the most – trashy TV. My friends, there is nothing more trashy than taking 24 Bunim-Murray projects, sending them to Australia, and watching as they tear each other apart for money. Yes folks, it’s the Real World/ Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat, and if the first episode is any indication, it’s going to leave us very satisfied this summer.I have to be honest. A lot of people, myself included, originally thought that this was a desperate grab to inject some life into this series. I’m not sure if the people who thought up of this idea were desperate or not, but I hope to one day thank them because the premise looks to be a winner. Take twelve Bunim-Murray characters who think they are the greatest things in the world because they’ve thrown up or had sex on camera and pair them with twelve new cast members desperate to become famous for throwing up or having sex on camera. Have them fight over some money ($250,000 for the winning team – the most in challenge history), and that’s really all you need.

As we started out, our favorite mop-haired meathead Theo immediately disparages the new contestants, complaining that these people are invading his workplace. After all, he wouldn’t try to go to their job and try to out-latte them! Oh snap! You, GO girlfriend. That was so funny and you delivered the line so naturally, I had NO idea whatsoever that somebody else wrote that line for you and had you film that segment after the fact.

But as much fun as it is to make fun of the “Alumni”, as they are called on the show, it is the fresh meat where we have our real fun. First of all, we get Evan, who immediately evokes memories of The Miz. As an added bonus, he’s Canadian. He states that he’s young and stupid and very good at making bad decisions. Chances that he takes Mike’s place as the goofy and charming meathead comedian? I’d say about 99 percent.

And then there is the girl whose name is Diem. Yes, Diem! Poor girl, she probably is the wet dream of every Latin major in the country (and since I was a Classics minor, I can make fun of all of you!). I can just see the pick-up line now “Hey baby, you can call me Horace, because I want to seize the day.” And if you thought that was funny, you probably need to look at some porn.

I can’t go into the specifics of every single bit of Fresh Meat, but before I move on to the details of this episode, I have to mention Ryan. With his Chris Cornell soul patch and his Ice Cube bandana, it makes me feel like I’m watching MTV in 1994 all over again. This guy must LOVE Eric Neiss.

As soon as the Fresh Meat arrived, they had to complete a bunch of agility drills. Why? Because they were about to be drafted. Each member of the alumni team had to pick a member of the Fresh Meat of the opposite sex to be his or her partner for the entire Challenge. When you think about it, this is great. Each person has a sort of a mentor, although I hesitate to use that word when Tonya or Tina is involved, and it means that there will be more rivalries than Alumni vs. Fresh Meat all season. By the way, what was Tina talking about when she said that the Alumnus would be at a disadvantage because they were old and out of shape after too much drinking all of these years? Isn’t that exactly how she came to us during Road Rules South Pacific? Why is she trying to blame the ugly on age?

Danny got the first pick and he chose Ev, and Coral followed that up by picking Evan. Darrell picked Aviv (not sure if her middle name is Tel) and Tonya picked Johnnie, the buff black guy who looks like a crazy version of Tracy Morgan who has been hitting the gym and not the snicker’s bars. Theo picked Chanda, Tina picked Kenny, Wes picked Casey, Johanna picked Jesse, Derrick picked Diem, Katie picked Eric (the first fat guy experiment since the disastrous episode we call Darnell[sorry, that is Donnell - thanks jfazz]), Melinda picked Ryan, and Shane was left with Linnette.

After our host, TJ Lavin explains the particulars of the game; everybody gets a look at their house for the first time. If you’ve seen any Real World house in the last several years, you probably have a good idea of what to expect. Some beer pong over here, a fat guy doing a cannon ball over there, and all of the people immediately trying to size each other up.

The purpose of being on this show is to be as confrontational and outspoken as possible within the limits of good taste, but for the Fresh Meat, you could tell that they knew they were second-class citizens. Danny and Wes, not happy with the sleeping arrangements, even kicked some of the Fresh Meat out of their bedroom so the two of them could be with Melinda and Johanna.

We all expected the people from the Austin cast were going to suck, and they did not disappoint. Wes is talking about how much he loves Johanna. I wish that he had instead taken a look at his website and perhaps fallen in love with some grammar and common sense. But what about Melinda? We can always count on her to say something moving and profound, like “It’s like I’m on a vacation with Danny.” Let’s see, you fly to a foreign country with your significant other and are being paid to be there. I know Theo called it his job, but for the rest of us, that is EXACTLY what a vacation is. I could have used a vacation myself, perhaps from Danny and his stupid hats.

You were probably as THRILLED as I was to hear that the people from the Austin cast were being targeted early in the game. It was hilarious to watch Wes and Danny act like they own the place, but it was even better to watch a professional get it done. Danny read the first clue out loud, and he finished it off by saying you had to stand tall withy our partner, but since he is from Boston and hardcore, it sounded more like paahhhhhtnuh. Immediately, Coral called him out for having such a stupid accent.

You see, this is also the first Challenge for everybody from the Austin cast, and the rest of the Alums weren’t going to let them into the inner circle any quicker than the so-called “Fresh Meat”. So when Wes, who showed up with a mohawk that really enhances both his pasty complexion and his intellect, tells his partner Casey that she should stay away from “anybody you saw in middle school”, it’s great to see that he is saying it without realizing the wonderful irony in that statement. I might have thought Ev was naive for saying things like “this isn’t the smartest bunch of people”, “I’ll be calling the shots”, and “things will work out the way I want them to”, but Wes was just BEGGING for a reality check.

So the first challenge came up, and it was OK, but the drama really doesn’t come with who finishes first, but rather who has to worry about going home. The challenge took place on the “tallest residential building in the world”, although a simple Google search tells me that I didn’t have to use quotes around that statement. Each team would be strapped to each other, back to back, walk 25 ft on a wooden platform off the side of the building, do a 360-degree turn, and then come back. The team with the fastest time would be immune from “Exile”, which is like the Inferno or Gauntlet.

For some reason, this challenge reminded me of The Amazing Race

Although they tried to make this task seem really scary with people talking about how they “feared for their lives” or “couldn’t imagine doing this with somebody they have just met and don’t trust”, not to mention Casey who said she might pee herself, the big drama was with the order in which the teams had to complete their task. Despite what some people say, having strategy is a big part of this game, but seeing as most of the people on this challenge couldn’t find their own asses using both hands, the only real strategy you see is “try not to be first and watch what everybody else is doing”.

Coral and Evan won the luck of the draw and got to pick first for this game. Since everybody wants the Austin kids to suffer, Coral and Evan put Danny, Wes, Johanna, and Melinda near the front. There wasn’t a lot of wind and the platform was pretty wide, so a lot of teams appeared to have really quick runs.

In the end, it was Coral and Evan who came out on top. Evan really is a beast and he will be tough to beat physically, especially when Coral is playing the mental game. As winners, they got to pick the first team sent into Exile, and they chose Wes and Casey. It was a real blow to Wes, but he had a master plan. The rest of the teams would be voting for the second team to go into Exile, and as long as Wes was going up against somebody weaker than him, he would have a good shot.

Time for some strategery, don’t you think?

Wes’ master plan was to go against Shane because, you know, gay people are weaker and guys with mohawks can never be wrong. But picking on Shane because his wrist was a little limp was not going to be enough for Wes, even if he got all of his friends to vote for Shane and Linnette, he was going to need a few more votes to protect himself. He needs to make a deal with somebody trustworthy and won’t go behind his back. Hmmm. Who could that be? Of course!

TONYA!

Stupid Wes, he made a deal with Tonya. He told her to vote Shane or else they would come after her. She gave her word, but even Danny was smart enough to know that a promise from Tonya isn’t worth that crisp one dollar bill Johnny Fairplay uses to do lines off of her cooter. Wes slaps his head in disgust, and moments later, Tonya is letting everybody know about his master plan.

I felt bad for Tonya for like two minutes when she started talking about how she doesn’t want the game to be about manipulation and lying. She probably thought that with new partners and a whole bunch of new characters she might actually have a chance at getting off to a new start. But this is the Challenge, and we don’t pay to see fair, so I am not sure who she is kidding.

As I said before, the Austin kids were being targeted, and while Wes was campaigning to get people to vote for Shane, Derrick told everybody about the plan to make sure that Wes would not go unpunished. In retaliation for trying to vote out Shane, the rest of the people were going to vote Danny and Ev into Exile, pitting the two best friends against each other.

Now, the plan might have been to vote for Shane, but the voting was oral, and even though Coral and Evan weren’t there to cause trouble (winners of the challenge can’t participate in the decision to put the second team into exile since they were already responsible for one team being sent there), Shane and Linnette let it be known that they were going to vote for Danny and Ev as retaliation against the Austin cast. Theo and Chanda are next, and they aren’t down with the entire “Fuck Austin” mentality and vote Johnnie and Tonya into exile because they had the worst time.

Now, instead of sticking to the plan and voting for Shane, Melinda sees an opportunity and votes for Tonya and Johnnie as well. It looks like it is going to be close vote between Tonya and Johnnie and Danny and Ev when it comes time for Johanna to vote. Even though the plan had obviously changed, Johanna decided that she was going to vote for Shane and Linnette just like Wes told her to, all but removing any chance she had of perhaps saving Danny from having to go into exile as well.

After the final votes were counted, it turned out that Johanna’s decision would not have made a difference, but you never know what could have happened if they had only stuck to the plan. Danny was absolutely furious. After explaining that it took a lot to get him mad, Danny let Johanna have it. Umm, did Danny realize that we were all watching the Austin season? It takes a lot to get him mad? Like when he got in that fight and came home and blamed Nehemiah for not having his back when Nehemiah was not anywhere near the scene? Or when he broke up with his girlfriend because she joked that it might be fun to shag Prince William? Or when he went to American Eagle and the only hats they had left had full-size brims? The only thing it takes Danny to get mad is, well, Danny.

With Danny and Wes pegged to battle in Exile, the only thing that could save one of them would be to win the challenge the next day. The game was called bush whacked and it put all of the teams on raised wooden platforms. A medicine ball would be swinging around and they would have to try and knock each other off and you could also be eliminated if you held onto the ball for more than three seconds.

Again, nobody cared who won, we all just wanted to make sure that both Danny and Wes lost. Things got started off well when Danny, who doesn’t get mad very easily, got knocked off early and immediately threw a temper tantrum. After four people were eliminated, the remaining teams placed themselves on higher posts. When another four teams were eliminated, they moved up to even higher posts, and I was starting to get worried because Wes made it to the final round.

Fortunately, all of my anxieties were put to rest when Wes was eliminated. Now you would think that it would be a nice relaxing time for the remaining teams now that there was no worry that any of them would be going to Exile, but that was not the case. Johnnie and Tonya were still in contention, and Johnnie doesn’t like to lose. He and Tonya started arguing because he thought that Tonya was giving up, but she was screaming that wasn’t the case.

In the end, Tonya got hit and the head, and although we would imagine she is used to the donkey punch, this knocked her off the platform. It looked like Johnnie was so disgusted that he simply threw Tonya off, but my interpretation is that he actually tried to save her, but when he tried to grab hold of her, he only got a handful of boob. Worried that he would get some herpes or kidney stones, he took his hand away and Tonya fell on her ass. I would normally call Johnnie a jerk, but since this is Tonya, I kind of think that I should blame her for getting in the way.

Besides Wes, Danny, Melinda and Johanna, everybody was fine with the Exile teams and was actually bummed that they couldn’t watch. Eventually, they all decided that it would be just as much fun to get drunk instead.

Danny and Ev, Wes and Casey were taken to the secret Exile location, where they learned of their task. When they arrived in Australia, everybody had their bags weighed. It seemed strange at first, but we soon learned the reasoning behind it all. Each team was going to have to carry they weight of all of their bags through the Exile course.

Right away, Casey was worried, because she had packed a lot more weight than Ev. Isn’t it cute when they are so young and innocent? Casey didn’t realize that she is now with Bunim-Murray and you can always count on somebody being dumber than you. Danny had decided to pack a lot of Melinda’s things with him, meaning his bags alone were 103 pounds, or just ten pounds less than the combined totals of Danny and Ev.

By the way, kudos to the producers. Now that all future Challenge contestants will be worried about the weight of their bags, it will be much easier to force lots of sponsored clothing on the contestants.

It might have looked like Wes and Casey would run away with it, but this Exile had two puzzles. Now we know that puzzles are like kryptonite for most of the teams, and Wes was not wasting any time sticking around to solve them, but I liked the idea that intelligence could actually help these people. I mean, if you can get a gorilla to do sign language, a few mind teasers shouldn’t be a problem, right?

Well, the first mind teaser was simple enough, and Danny and Ev even finished it, but it only took one minute off of their time, which wasn’t enough to make up for the time it took them to finish. They chased after Wes and Casey, who had made it to the second puzzle, but had already decided to skip that as well.

Danny and Ev got tot he second puzzle and decided it was worth a shot, but they were disqualified after Ev didn’t follow the instructions. And it’s too bad because the reward for the second puzzle was to drive all the way to the finish line.

Wow, that could have been such an exciting finish, but instead we had to believe the editing that showed Wes and Casey struggling and Danny and Ev were close behind. We cut to a shot of the house at night. Everybody is wondering who is coming home, and it’s Wes and Casey that come out of the truck.

One Austin asswipe gone, three more left to go.

So what happened on the Exile? Nothing much. Danny basically gave up after he saw that he couldn’t win. He even dropped his bags at one point and let Ev carry them all herself. That wasn’t as bad as Danny’s speech saying that it was “the worst feeling in the world” because he would be leaving Melinda.

I guess chivalry is dead

Uh, I don’t want to be a jerk or anything, but did he not get ANY perspective while he was in Austin? Is being eliminated first and getting paid for it all that much worse than having to have facial surgery or, I don’t know, you’re mom dying suddenly while you are out of town? And of course Melinda was no better. She spent all of her time crying herself to sleep in bed saying that it is the worst feeling because it’s like she “lost Danny forever”. Do these people hear the words that are coming out of their mouths?

You have probably figured out that I really loved this whole episode. Yes, it does suck when teams gang up on other people, but there are a lot of ways that individual performances play a part in the game that I think a lot more people have the chance to do well. I might have been a little more concerned about fairness, but after Wes and Danny walked in, acting like they owned the place, kicking other people out of their own bedrooms, I’ve decided they got what they deserver. Maybe if they weren’t such assholes, people wouldn’t target them.

When Wes and Casey came back, they lied about what actually happened in the Exile. I guess it is a decent enough strategy to keep people in the dark, and by the looks of it, Exile challenges will be different each week, but I was really hoping for the chance to see the look on Melinda’s face when she realized it was all of her stupid luggage that held back her boyfriend.

I guess Danny won’t be the “butt” of any more jokes this season

Whatever I lost when Melinda was kept in the dark about the challenge, I gained back with Evan’s going away gift to Danny. In order to make Wes feel better, he decided to let him staple the letters D-A-N-N-Y onto his own ass. Now, not taking into account he homoerotic nature of stapling the name of your best friend onto another guy’s backside, I guess it was good therapy for Wes, and taught all of us that Evan wasn’t lying when he said he was great at making bad decisions.

And that’s it for this week’s episode. I am sorry it was so long, I just had a lot of things to explain, and it was the rare one-hour episode treat. I am happy to announce that it looks like this will be a great season. The previews gave us a look into future episodes, including a possible hospitalization for Coral and Derrick’s attempts at initiating some of the girls into the wonderful world that is the Bunim-Murray Valtrex plan.

No seriously, what is that?

What did you think of the episode? Who are your favorite “Fresh Meat”? What is your favorite pairing? Who do you think will win?

Comments (55)
More About Author

About admin

55 Comments

1

chief113

Posted May 31, 2006 at 4:28 am

First to post again! Man, I need to get a life.
2

TheEmancipationofGigi

Posted May 31, 2006 at 6:02 am

Wow, this episode was amazing. I completely hated the idea of the fresh meat too, but it seems to be working well, at least initially.

I really hope that the Coral hospitalization thing is only temporary, and I loved that Tonya has to lock up all of her things in plastic bags out of fear of getting it thrown in the pool. Bad karma from Beth, who would make this show complete.

Very promising start!
3

CommonSense

Posted May 31, 2006 at 6:22 am

The only thing that would prevent Coral and Evan from winning is Coral’s apparent hospitalization. Otherwise, Evan’s athleticism and Coral’s being smarter than everybody else will prove too dominant. That being said, Darrell and Aviv are my darkhorses.

Oh, and besides the fact that he is a giant toolbag loser, do you think the “alumni” hate Wes so much because of his attempt to mirror Abe in every single way, except replace ” has anger issues but is generally well liked(abe),” with “insufferably lame and egotistical, and the only one buying into his own bullshit (wes).”
4

Leah3t

Posted May 31, 2006 at 6:30 am

Loved loved loved it. I thought it was going to be terrible but I was entertained from start to finish. I was hoping that Melinda and Wes and Jo would try to not live together after the room mess up from Danny’s loss, and that everyone would tell them “too bad.” Too bad that Danny’s partner had to go though, she seemed cool.
5

k37744

Posted May 31, 2006 at 7:05 am

yar, shiver me timbers.

it’s not 1990.

take.
out.
the.
comically.
large.
nosering.
6

gunnit

Posted May 31, 2006 at 7:23 am

Coral and Evan Forever!

Those two are going to kick ass. He’s athletic, and everyone is scared of her. She’s hilarious. Loved when she told the newbie that when the whole MTV thing didn’t work out she’d see her on Girls Gone Wild.

Best part of this show, that the alumni actually consider this their “job”.

And who the hell ever gave Tina any street cred? She’s the most unathletic of the bunch. And she’s icky. I hate when she runs her mouth.

This is going to be a great season.
7

Lisa

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:27 am

Agreed, gunnit — I can’t stand Tina. She talks so much smack but she can’t back it up during the actual challenges. Just because you’re loud doesn’t mean you’re physically fit.

I think this is going to be a great Challenge. I was nervous about the whole Fresh Meat idea because I thought it would be Alums vs. Newbies and they would all just get picked off, but this pairing thing is a great idea. Makes alliances more important, which means more lying and scheming and fights!

Melinda makes me want to throw up. Anyone who can’t be away from his/her significant other for three whole weeks needs a big-time reality check. Does anybody see any redeeming qualities in Wes that would make Johanna want to date him? I can’t wait until that fight they previewed between the two of them. I hope they break up on TV!!

Awesome recap, J-Unit; it was a very full hour! A couple partner mixups in the paragraphs about the voting though — Should be Theo and Chanda, and Danny and Ev.
8

D-Hoffs

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:27 am

Wes desperatelly needs a tan, altho i feel like he would just turn red. He is just to icky to look at.

Tonya basically just sucks at life.

J-Unit i enjoyed the comment about Darnell, I had almost forgotten about him! He was always good for a laugh.
9

MTV4ME

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:28 am

I can’t believe how stupid the Austin cast is. They’re going up against seasoned veterans and they immediately call negative attention upon themselves. They deserve to be targeted. It’s just unfortunate that they’re paired with innocent people.

Wes is a complete dumbass. What women see in him is a complete mystery to me.
10

hollabackboy

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:45 am

I was originally turned off by the idea of 12 unknowns like everyone else. But when I saw the previews of this season and saw the alumni coming back, I knew this season would kick his ass.

Let me start of by saying everyone in the Austin cast, except Johanna, annoys me. Danny and Wes are huge tools and Melinda is a whiny, codependent slut. Did I mention she’s ignorant too? (Watch the After Show to hear from Coral the comment she made about “colored women”). That Ev girl made me want to punch her. She walks into the game thinking she’s gonna call all the shots, I’m so glad she got eliminated. I’m glad people are targeting the Austin cast cause they’re annoying as hell.

As far as the other alumni, I’m so happy to see Coral back. She’s funny and a great player. I bet her and Evan make it to the end. Tonya is definitely going to get into some fights, not to mention with her partner Johnnie (who’s kind of an asshole). I’m not exactly sure how Tina will do this season. She’s not exactly the best girl there, and she doesn’t have her Mean Girls to back her up. (BTW, it would really be great if Veronica was back!). Although she does know how to play the game dirty. I think Darrell, Theo, and Derrick are the only real competition out of the male alumni.

This season will definitely make up for the painfully boring “Gauntlet 2″.
11

karen

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:08 am

oh my goodness what was theo doing on last comic standing last night, what now he some type of comedian. Is that is new “job”.. hilarious. he made the cut too! oh well at least he’s good eye candy.
12

Leah3t

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:14 am

Jo and Wes breaking up on tv would be the highlight of my summer tv viewing.

when melinda said ‘i feel like i’ve lost danny forever’ i wanted to scream.
13

Ash

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:17 am

Oh gosh, this one is going to be good! Like everyone else, the idea of the new people was a little weird to me, but pairing them all up is going to create so much drama, I love it!
Why can’t I remember who Darnell is? The name is familiar…
14

lia

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:18 am

i love, love, LOVED this episode! mostly bc i take huge pleasure in seeing the austin cast targeted. mostly bc i hate the austin cast (i.e the members that are there). sadly, i can say that wes & jo haven’t broken up bc wes is from ks (where i’m from) and he likes coming back to overland park w/ jo and running around town in hopes that someone might care. as for melinda & danny, how happy was i to see danny go???? i really can’t stand those two and the things danny says defy just about every thought i’ve ever had that he might, at least, have a brain in his head. next gone: melinda. my summer is sooooo set bc of fresh meat!!! team coral & evan forever!!! p.s. did anyone else notice in the previews coral & evan kiss??? coral manages to snag all the guys….well abe & evan, but hell, i want them!!
15

CommonSense

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:29 am

Ash,
Darnell was on the Road Rules awhile back, and was probably best known for being the first legitimately fat and obese person to appear on these shows. He was generally loud, lazy, obnoxious, and had a gap in his teeth you could drive a truck through. However, he is probably best remembered for instigating that Abe was a racist, which caused Abe to beat the crap out of him and thus get kicked off the show for assaulting him.

oh, where are thou, crazy, violent Abe?
16

alienlips

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:34 am

Well if the alumni think this is their “job”, then I am all for watching Wes get his ass kicked by a kangaroo while on the clock!
17

zevonia

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:50 am

Actually when I first heard about this season I was more upset that the Austin cast was going to be there. I was not looking forward to Danny & Melinda becoming a Randy & Kina clone. So glad Danny is gone. Just three more to go- feel sorry for their fresh meat partners as they have no chance of surviving.
When I saw Theo on Last Comic Standing I thought “isn’t his job doing the Challenges”? Who does he think he is coming in there and trying to show comics how to do their job? I don’t see him lasting long.
18

zevonia

Posted May 31, 2006 at 9:58 am

Oh, and great recap, J-Unit. I laughed and giggled and chortled and- well, you get the idea.
19

Ash

Posted May 31, 2006 at 10:02 am

Thanks CommonSense, I do remember him now… unfortunately.
20

MrsC

Posted May 31, 2006 at 10:17 am

Even though I do love the RR/RW Challenges, wasn’t sure how this one would be… Oh yeah, it’s lookin’ great!

A mohwak? Just when Wes couldn’t be uglier. Yeah, MTV4ME, what does Johanna see in him? Someone tell me that!

You had me laughing k37744(Post#5, shiver me timbers indeed, Coral is such a pretty woman, why does she wear that thing?

And nice recap J-Unit!
21

jfazz

Posted May 31, 2006 at 10:38 am

Ash, J-Unit and Commonsense are thinking of Donell not Darnell.
22

Ubiquitous

Posted May 31, 2006 at 11:29 am

Let me start of by saying everyone in the Austin cast, except Johanna, annoys me.

The fact that Johanna is stupid enough to be in what appears to be an abusive relationahip with an Abe wanna-be doesn’t bother you?

Darnell was on the Road Rules awhile back, and was probably best known for being the first legitimately fat and obese person to appear on these shows. He was generally loud, lazy, obnoxious, and had a gap in his teeth you could drive a truck through. However, he is probably best remembered for instigating that Abe was a racist, which caused Abe to beat the crap out of him and thus get kicked off the show for assaulting him.

His name was “Donelle”, actually, but I call him “Doughnut”. He also is remembered for thinking himself a lady’s man, despite his lack of charm, waxing his eyebrows and wearing woman’s body spray, not to mention he was arrested for beating up his girlfriend. Naturally, after he got his butt kicked by Abe, he spouted off about how he was about to beat the crap out of him.

All in all, I think this is going to be the best challenge to come down the pike in ages.
23

Vasha

Posted May 31, 2006 at 11:43 am

As soon as those idiots from Austin started acting like they owned the place it was obvious they were going to be the main target.
Wes is a dick. I never watched RW-Austin and judging from what everyone wrote about that season, it’s no big deal.
I am so glad Coral is back, if only Mike and Abe were there that would be great.
This was a fun recap J-Unit.
24

Ubiquitous

Posted May 31, 2006 at 11:51 am

Wasn’t Eric in one of the Austin Powers movies?
25

djo8901

Posted May 31, 2006 at 11:51 am

Wes is so stupid and disgusting. And I cannot stand it when some moron gets a “mohawk” and thinks they are super cool because of it. I hate.
26

erms

Posted May 31, 2006 at 12:10 pm

CORAL IS MY HOMEGIRL.

I need to watch this whole thing over + the overdrive preview they had at the end.

She totally dissed on Danny’s boston accent one time when he was reading those text messages. Hilarious.

Danny made me so mad this whole episode. He was such a sore loser at the end trying to reach the finish line. Basically cussin’ out his partner and criticizing her for not carrying enough and running faster. DOUCHEBAG! He is like Terry (survivor) but at age 20 before he joined the miltary and whooped his ass.
27

stacyrocks

Posted May 31, 2006 at 12:36 pm

Great recap J-Unit!!

Based on this episode, the season looks VERY promising. I liked it a lot! Especially now that I know Danny won’t be on the rest of the season. He is so annoying and dumb! Next episode better not focus solely on Melinda being sad, whining about ‘missing Danny sooo much’ and ‘I can’t do it without Danny here!!’. I might be physically sick if it happens.

I am cheering for Evan & Coral. I’m so glad she’s back! Evan seems like a really cool kid, even though he made me cringe with him getting ‘DANNY’ stapled to his ass. He’s a crazy Canadian, I gotta support my kind, hehe.
28

B-Side

Posted May 31, 2006 at 12:58 pm

Yes, I’m definitely a convert to the Fresh Meat. I love that they’ve gone back to 12 teams of two (like Battle of the Seasons), and I LOVE that Danny was cut first. What an idiot.
29

Belinda

Posted May 31, 2006 at 1:20 pm

I’m loving Fresh Meat and looking forward to what the season has to offer. I hate Danny and am so happy he was eliminated. Hopefully Melinda will stay in the game – that would be sheer torture but sooooo much fun to watch. HA!!
30

Lisa

Posted May 31, 2006 at 1:51 pm

Just realized Danny and Melinda are borderline reminiscent of Holly and Chadwick. If Melinda starts going on about how she was wearing cowboy boots and a sundress when they met, I think we’ve got trouble on our hands.
31

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted May 31, 2006 at 2:06 pm

I think this season of RW/RR: FMC is going to be HI-larious!

I was kind of hoping Danny would stay for a few episodes – just to watch him get his ass kicked (and maybe lose a few of his new Chiclets, I mean CHOPPAHS). Also, I really wanted to watch him “go all OJ” on Melinda’s ass when the other guys started flirting with her. Maybe now that she’s around other male Reality TV eye-candy, she’ll see Danny for the pathetic douche-bag he really is.

I have to admit I find Johanna as annoying as the rest of the Austin cast. I mean she went to The Clink for stealing from a HOMELESS person – and then felt sorry for HERSELF! Plus, she’s willingly, and apparently enthusiastically, dating Wes. Wes STILL looks like he smells like cheese; he is in desperate need of a trip to the Pineapple Gallery Mystic Tan Emporium.

Good catch on the Herpes pic of Tonya, J-Unit! Now we can track on who, and where she’s had her pie-hole by the appearance of sores; and people who look uncomfortable in wet bathing suits.

I’m completely lame, but I think Theo’s pretty hot, I actually like his goofy sense of humor – he cracks me up. Of course I also still use my Underdog lunchbox – (just for make-up, I swear!) – so I may also be slightly simple-minded.
32

Court_Love

Posted May 31, 2006 at 2:14 pm

Couple of things…

Where was Melinda’s MTV bought engagement ring?

Isnt this the challenge that Wes gets attacked by a kangaroo?
33

anniedawg25

Posted May 31, 2006 at 3:43 pm

great recap, J-Unit!

First of all, I was a little wierded out by the “Fresh Meat” idea, but I am glad to see the pairings of alumni/newbies! Now I wonder why the producers waited so long to think of this idea? I wonder if any other alumni got mad that they lost their “jobs”.

I was THRILLED to see Danny get his ass sent home on the first episode…countdown to Melinda’s meltdown starts in …3…2…1..(who wants to bet she somehow throws a mission or voluntarily leaves). Although I agree with a previous post, I would have LOVED to see Danny go “psycho-controlling” on everyone in Australia for looking at her. (Hey maybe that’s why Wes gets beat up by the kangaroo, protecing Melinda for Danny)

Anyway I am very excited for the new season and all the reviews in the future.

P.S. Jesse is from Albuquerque..which is where I live. If I get “Jesse scoop” I will definatley post it!
34

SimonOKOK

Posted May 31, 2006 at 4:43 pm

Am I the only one that thought that Eric kid was kinda hot???
35

Ubiquitous

Posted May 31, 2006 at 4:49 pm

Isnt this the challenge that Wes gets attacked by a kangaroo?

Alas, that was a hoax. A guy trying to prank Wes’ manager with a phony job offer ended up getting pranked himself.
http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/challenges/2005_Dec_06_wes_kangaroo_story
36

Duchovnysfan

Posted May 31, 2006 at 6:40 pm

yay for recap! This looks like it will be a fun season. Although I’m a little disappointed that the Exiles are basically races in different locations in Australia.

Those puzzles were a complete joke, you can solve them in 30 seconds especially the second one with the sticks.
37

gasmgrrl

Posted May 31, 2006 at 7:52 pm

As everyone has said, I too thought the fresh meat concept would be lame, but instead it is AWESOME.

Evan and Coral all the way!

Although I avoid MTV Overdrive on general principle, the Coral interview is well worth it. Hollabackboy, I was amazed
by Melinda’s ignorant “colored women” comment and to Coral of all people! Melinda must have a death wish.

Can’t wait for the awful Austin cast to get kicked off.

I love all the Abe references in this comments section. I miss Abe! I especially love how racist he was on his season of Road Rules, but then Coral turned him around. Back then I thought Abe was on his way to Grand Wizard status and then to fall in love with Coral. Ah the power of black women! Seriously, we’re amazing.
38

saralina

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:23 pm

wouldn’t it be perfect if melinda stayed on the challenge for awhile without danny and breaks up wih him for someone in the cast! she just dates whoever is around.
39

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted May 31, 2006 at 8:40 pm

Is MTV Overdrive online? Can I view it on a Mac w/current OS X?

Did Melinda really use the term “colored”? How can anyone with access to technology, education and who exists in the public forum not know better? I am seriously horrified – did anyone object to her terminology?

How could she live with Nehemiah and Johanna, and not realize how utterly offensive that is? I am so bothered by this… I like to laugh at the stupidity of people’s actions on these shows, but this just isn’t funny – it’s frightening. The last time I heard that term it was in 6th grade, and we were reading Mark Twain – and I believe we all knew it was an offensive term – and it was 1977.

Melinda sucks.

*SimonOKOK* – I think Eric has that kind of Oliver Platt/Chris Farley charm – !
40

raggedy_andy

Posted May 31, 2006 at 11:24 pm

Thanks for the recap, J-Unit. Echoing like others, I was hesitant about the new theme, but was pleasantly surprised with the twists they brought in. Well done.

I’ve never watched an episode of RW:Austin, but the moment I saw Wes, he immediately looked annoying and, when he opened his mouth, it just confirmed it. I really don’t understand what Johanna sees in him. Danny sounds dumb and Melinda seems annoyingly naÃ¯ve. Thank wickedness, they’re being targeted, especially after that whole room incident they pulled.

I enjoy Coral in moderation. Tina looks and sounds like someone you just want to slap. Derrick seems like he might play it a bit more low-key this season. Tonya’s weird as usual. I don’t remember what Darrell or Shane were like. Katie seems okay. One of the things I remember from Theo was the little star he had under his eye during his season; it was like a target for my fist.

I wonder what the “fresh meat” will do after the season (will they do it backwards and do a season of RR or RW after the Challenge or will they just fade to nothing?). Ev exuded pretentiousness, so I guess it’s lucky for her that I didn’t get to hate her more. Evan looks like he’s the stereotypical dumb jock and pretty much proves it when he lets Wes staple Danny’s name to his rear (he deserves tetanus for that). Johnnie looks belligerent (incidentally, Tonya seems to do better when she’s motivated by spite, but I’m not sure he’s going to provide the right kind for her).

SimonOKOK (#34), you’re not the only one. Not sure how the tiny girl/big guy dynamic is going to work for him and Katie, but I hope they stay long enough ’cause he’s the first sort of eye candy for me from Bunim/Murray. What can I say? I likes ‘em thick. ;-p
41

hollabackboy

Posted June 1, 2006 at 7:36 am

#39

Yeah, I was actually surprised. I didn’t know Melinda was so ignorant. When Coral was talking about her hair being dried out, I think Melinda said Coral has to use special shampoo for “colored women”. That really gave me a reason to dislike her.
I wish Coral would have cussed her out and embarassed her, but she said she took the high road and walked away.

Overdrive is located on overdrive.mtv.com. I think if you have something basic like Windows Media Player on your computer, you can watch it(which is what I have, because my computer’s not that high-tech and I can watch it).

I loved the Coral interview, though, because she’s so funny in her opinions about everyone. I could not stop laughing throughout it.
Can I also point out that the Ev girl, who I did not like at all, who called everyone else “dumb” got disqualified for not following the directions that were RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER and that she read aloud.
42

J-Balls

Posted June 1, 2006 at 7:51 am

Best part of the episode was scenes from the next when Tina says “I’m not fresh meat! This isn’t my first challenge! ARE YOU SEEWEEOUS?” Stupid lesbo Elmer Fudd wannabe. She’s so hateable.
43

G

Posted June 1, 2006 at 10:04 am

kenny is a hottie
44

k37744

Posted June 1, 2006 at 12:23 pm

j-balls,

didn’t see the episode yet but i’m down for some tina hate. she’s a strong contender for a smackdown. seeweeously.

girl’s got a mouth issue.

a ‘missue’ if you will.
45

theironmanny

Posted June 1, 2006 at 1:43 pm

As much as I can’t stand Wes, I was so glad that Danny’s punk ass went home first. How Melinda can be around such an obvious insecure douche bag like him is beyond my comprehension. Although she isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed either. Also, Tonya is so freakin’ gross.
46

Pie

Posted June 2, 2006 at 8:08 pm

I’m officially on the Coral & Evan bandwagon. Love the new concept!

Coral was hilarious on MTV Overdrive. I loved it when she said she hopes Tina’s partner can carry her fat ass over any obstacles over four feet tall. Classic!
47

Lori MacBlogger

Posted June 3, 2006 at 12:40 pm

Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it.
48

GiadaFan

Posted June 3, 2006 at 9:30 pm

Excellent recap J-Unit!

Loved this first epi., even though Mrs. GiadaFan makes fun of me. Well, if she gets to watch “So You Think You Can Dance,” I get my guilty pleasure, too!

As much of a freak that Coral is, it’s good that she’ll be around to bitch-slap some of these newbies.
49

ClariceStarling

Posted June 5, 2006 at 11:07 am

Evan and Coral all the way. I think I’m in love with Ecan. He is FOYNE! FOYNE!!!!

And EW! What is up with Wes kicking those boys out of their room because of intimacy issues? He deserves to be targeted. Assholes.
50

bluespanishsky

Posted June 5, 2006 at 3:18 pm

I loved the recap! I was so glad to see Danny go home, I can’t stand him or Melinda. I don’t understand how guys think she is hot. Her hair looks like she hasn’t washed it in days, and her face and body aren’t great. She’s ok looking but nothing special. I can’t stand Wes either, but I actually like Johanna and as many others have said, i can’t fathom what she sees in him.

Also Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict (#39) I can’t access overdrive on my mac with OSX either. I got a message saying it is not compatable with macs. If you have comcast on demand, they sometimes air the overdrive stuff on there.

Cout_Love (#32)- I was wondering the same thing, where is the engagement ring Danny “bought” Melinda?
51

San

Posted June 6, 2006 at 1:30 am

Loved the recap!
Hooray for Evan and Coral! Definately happy to see that Coral is back and I can’t wait for her to put these newbies in their places and “Beat bitches up!”
Also loving that the Austin cast is being targetted. Wes is a blithering idiot, Johanna should be smacked for seeing anything in Wes, Melinda is an ignorant cry baby, and Danny, he walks around like his shit don’t stink ((Eh hem, particularly when he made an appearance at a club in Alb. New york and was a COMPLETE asshole…wearing his ugly hat and all!)) Needless to say, I’m glad his punk ass went home.

So excited for the rest of this season!
52

jfazz

Posted June 7, 2006 at 6:27 am

San,
You should read Ev’s comments on Danny on their flight home. http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=82367900&blogID=129830730&MyToken=2e8c2b4a-afcc-4488-b852-c46870272f32
“On the trip home, I listened to you rant about how much you hated Nehemiah and Rachel from your season, saying the harshest things possible about them, things I wouldn’t utter even now, simply out of respect for them. You tried to say that Nehemiah made up all kinds of things about you just out of jealousy for you, because he wanted to be like you. Then you bragged about being an Abercrombie model, how your relationship was the greatest and how mine was doomed to failure, and how much you hated your fans who wanted to see you at your club appearances. “
53

cd2272

Posted June 7, 2006 at 4:32 pm

I thought the first episode was awesome! I am pretty much in LOVE with Evan. He is absolutely hilarious and I think him and Coral will win it all!!

I actually really liked the Real World Austin, but now the cast is just annoying and you are totally right, they came in acting like they knew everything. Hopefully they all go home soon.
54

antebellum

Posted June 7, 2006 at 7:31 pm

Ev’s comments on Danny were hilarious. I couldn’t believe towards the end of the Exile, she was dragging one of the bags (probably Danny’s heavy one), tripped, and he just said, “Come on,” leaving her to carry the other one as well. What a fucker.

Hey, anniedawg, fellow Albuquerquean here. I have to admit I was sort of jealous of Jesse getting to be on the Challenge, probably just because they won’t be recruiting here again for a while. I swear I’ve seen him somewhere before, too. My mom works for UNM, maybe he came into her office one day or something.
55

UglyCutie

Posted June 7, 2006 at 10:27 pm

I also was kinda of bummed that jerkoff went home. I was waiting for the domestic violence to start. I just saw the show again and I noticed when Melinda’s partner tells her that Dannys worried about what kind of miniskirt she’s wearing. I really hope Danny gets his ass beat AGAIN! Had I known then what I know now I would of appreciated the Austin beat down much more.