Hey, At Least It’s a Win

Entering the final week of elimination challenges on Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes 2, I am beginning to wonder if the producers would be better served to fashion the competitions in a manner reminiscent of the Special Olympics. Just as the Special Olympics endeavors to “empower individuals with intellectual disabilities to become physically fit, productive and respected members of society”, Bunim/Murray really tries to do the same sort of thing for former cast members in the challenges. OK, so Bunim/Murray alums are never going to become that productive or respected spending a few weeks a couple of times a year doing mildly entertaining stunts for the easily amused, but you can always call a former Real Worlder or Road Ruler retarded. As a result you will a) not feel badly about it, and b) probably be speaking the truth at least half of the time.There is precious little filler left in these remaining episodes. There are no more couples on the show since Robin left. Mark, Dan, and Eric are too old to care about drinking all of the booze the producers leave around, and nobody wants to see a drunk Tina half-naked anyway. Brad and his weekly handstand hijinx were eliminated the week before. It leaves us with the ongoing battle within the women to see who will lose against the guys in the final mission, and a little left over resentment from Brad’s slightly shady departure.

I have to hand it to Coral, she is quite the genius. Not only has she made it to the end of the challenge, she is going to be able to take with her two among the group of Arissa, Tina, and Sophia. I’m not sure about you, but that would be one formidable lineup. And by “formidable”, I mean “less intimidating than Jimmy Carter holding a wacky noodle“. But she did get rid of Ruthie, and who would want her determination and physical ability messing up the collective malaise of the group?

As the text message comes, we see that the next challenge is going to be “High Point”. As a thanks for letting a bunch of poorly-mannered kids from around the country(but mostly Los Angeles) run around his state, the producers brought out the governor of New Mexico[actually, it was the Mayor of Albuquerque, thanks JonD] to help introduce the next challenge. (More accurately, the producers likely opted to include him in the show rather than bribe some officials into letting them shoot the show in Santa Fe.) He said it was going to be very exciting, which is hard to believe since they had to go all the way to Albuquerque to find a building tall enough to name the challenge “High Point”.

I make a joke of saying how none of the challenge really benefit from having leaders, but that was an understatement this time. The task was nothing more than walking your way along a small plank onto a small platform. Each player had two minutes to get to the platform, and the teams would be timed to see which group was able to stay on the longest. Well, I think those were the rules. I didn’t really care too much, because the guys decided that they were going to throw the challenge before it was even started. The previous night, the guys decided that Mark and Dan would be leaders. Mark and Eric were the two people who were in line to get voted off. By splitting them up, they guaranteed that one of them would go. Since both of those guys had lots of stuff to do outside in the real world (which in Mark’s case means spending large amounts of time shopping at the Target in the West Hollywood Gateway). When the girls announced Coral and Arissa were to be leaders, Mark came up with the idea to throw the competition. That way, the girls would be forced to play with Arissa in the final challenge. If the guys lost, it meant that Mark would be going home, but at least it was for the sake of the greater good.

In the first heat Arissa, almost single-handedly ruined the guys plans. Both guys made it onto the platform before Arissa had made it one-quarter of the way, which was too much for her. She said that there was no way she could do it, and although her teammates were screaming at her to go, she was about to make her way back. This forced the guys into action a little sooner than they had planned. They both pretended to lose balance and fall before Arissa had a chance to chicken out on the mission. The next heat went exactly the same way. Now, all of this probably should have been exposed as a sham from the get go, but the girls were so happy for their win, they not only believed that it was well-earned, they thought it was an omen that they had a chance for victory come the final challenge. It was only going to take some careful deliberation to choose between keeping Sophia or Tina. Hopefully the thoughts of all that Todd Oldham furniture they just won wouldn’t cloud their decisions.

For the guys, they were all praising Mark for his sacrifice, and I’ll admit that it was pretty selfless of him. He had wanted to go all the way with his good friend Eric, but when it came time to choose between the two of them, he decided to drop out. Sure, it was true that Mark had already made a final and won, and Eric hadn’t, but it just goes to show you what has differentiated the guys from the girls all season long. To be honest, it probably wouldn’t have mattered what three girls had made it to the end, but Mark should get some props for putting his team first.

The girls deliberations were as silly as ever. Arissa and Coral were so busy congratulating themselves on their miraculous victory that they actually believed that choosing between Tina and Sophia would make a difference. In the end, it came down to a matter of puzzles. Coral had been screwed over by a crossword before, and she wasn’t going to let it happen again. Therefore, Sophia was in, Tina was out.

When the names were announced on elimination hill, Mark, of course, knew what was coming and didn’t make a fuss. Everybody was sort of stunned to see that Tina was leaving, only because they nobody ever really imagined having two physical liabilities like Sophia and Arissa both making it to the end. Then again, it would be funny watching the two of them try and carry Coral should she pull a repeat of her Gauntlet final challenge performance. Tina pretended like she was OK with the decision, but really wasn’t and did a really bad job of sounding sarcastic in her defeat. Whatever. She is loud and sucks.

So, we are left with the final episode. I am sure the Vegas odds are somewhere in the range of 1 Million to 1 for the girls to win. If the rest of the season is any indication, Coral will soon have to pose for Playboy as she realizes she is never going to actually win money participating, and Arissa will start her porn career before she loses all of her buzz.