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Wednesday, February 1, 2006
3:07 pm
50 Comments
Call me crazy, but I’ve come to realize something: I’m entirely way too into this season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Some people have accused The Gauntlet 2 of being slow or predictable, but I’m still a bit hooked. I would say it’s the non-stop bickering, but I think it’s more than that. In fact, as much as I hate to say it, I think there might be one person to at the heart of it: Beth. I know, I know. Beth. Osama Beth Laden. Truth is that Beth always seems to be gone after two or three episodes, so we really haven’t been able to revel in her awful-ness. As such, she’s never truly been as hate-able as Veronica, as idiotic as Tina, as bitchy as Coral, or as self-important as Rachel, but for once, with all those girls no-shows this season, Beth has the villain spotlight all to herself, and she’s taking full advantage. I don’t know what’s more enjoyable: witnessing her sadistic rule as team captain or watching the Veterans grumble and sneer under her tyranny. Either way, it’s solid escapism.Now, before I write anymore, I have a confession for all you Alton fans out there (and I know there are many). On Monday morning, I actually had the opportunity to meet him, but I opted to sleep instead. I know, this is sacrilege to many of you — how could I pass up the opportunity to take a photo of ALTON?!?!? Well, I got home at like 5:00 AM and would have to wake up at 8:30 AM and yada yada yada, no Alton/TVgasm love. By the way, anyone who saw Tuesday’s Reality Remix, might have noticed that Alton’s “cartwheel of rage,” a term we coined as a joke, actually surfaced on the air. Kennedy happened to interview Alton, and the very first question out of the gate: “So you did — maybe you’re most famous for the cartwheel of rage during a challenge. You did a cartwheel of rage when you didn’t like a call!!” We’re starting trends, people.
Anyway, enough babbling. Let’s talk about Monday’s show. So the episode began with Jillian talking to Cara and Suzie, a.k.a. Team Pariah. For those of you who missed last week’s episode, a scandal erupted when Jillian gossiped that Cara and Suzie were intending to ally with Brad, David, and Timmy (on the opposing Veteran team) to create some axis of evil that would throw missions to further their cause. Who knows if it was true — something tells me this was just a giant game of Telephone. Anyway, now Jillian wanted to tell Cara and Suzie that it was she who had blabbed to Kina and started this whole mess. And that’s about as far as I could get before I was totally confused by the situation.
Yes, two seconds into the episode, and I was already completely lost. I mean, there were some things I could understand, like when Suzie told Jillian, “But why do you say ‘you guys’ when you were there and you were involved.” But then my brain was completely stumped by Jillian’s response: “Because if I would have said something, it would have looked bad. Rather not say anything at all.” So did Jillian just admit that she didn’t implicate herself because she wanted to look like the hero? Does that mean that she lied? And who did she not want to look bad for? Anyway, before I could really grasp the crux of this discussion, the girls then found Kina and Ibis and tried to explain to them the situation — whatever that was. Furthermore, they wanted to call a team meeting to clarify (READ: confuse) the situation more. However, Ibis was not a fan of that.
“If she’s gonna say, ‘Well, she told us’ in front of the whole group, it’s gonna really make you look bad,” Ibis said, not really making any sense to me. Maybe I’m just on crack. Or maybe the very sound of these people’s voices is enough to make my brain rot in real time. Anyway, there was more back and forth, with Ibis now saying that Jillian said that Cara approached Brad about an alliance. Not so fast, girlfriend. Jillian retorted that Cara approached her and Suzie about an offer made by Brad. And to that, Cara asked how could she just ignore this vital information. Should she laugh it all off? If you’re confused, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Maybe if the cameras had ever caught this controversial meeting, we’d be in better shape.
Ultimately, Kina flipped out (of course) and said, “The fact that you would even have a conversation that would entail f*cking people over on our team is pissing me off right now and will piss everyone off as well. So please take my advice and don’t rehash it!” Well, we don’t know if it was a conversation about f*cking people over on the team. THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT. Kina’s Jersey Alert Level then went from orange to red as she swiveled her head and told Cara to have her “damn meeting.”
“What was I thinking to think taht you were ever approachable because you’re so NOT approachable,” Cara whined. And to prove that she was, in fact, approachable, Kina simply recoiled her head and walked away. Like any approachable person would, mind you. The best part of the whole thing was how when she stormed away, so did Ibis — almost as if she were her royal servant, which she probably is.
Meanwhile, this scandal had spread its way over to the Veterans, who were so concerned, they were throwing around big words like “supposebly.” In an interview, David disavowed himself from the alliance, saying that he could barely trust Cara and Suzie. Brad also denied any relationships, saying he had no motive to betray his team like that. After all, he’s in “very good spirits” with his team. Don’t know about his standing, but the spirits are great. Ultimately, Brad dramatically addressed the Vets by stating, “I feel very violated right now. I feel VERY violated right now!” Oh, calm down. Wait until one of your teammates butt-rapes you before you start throwing that word around. (Then again, he did receive an atomic wedgie from The Miz, so he probably does know a thing or two about male-violation.)
Well, the new day brought new dramas, and this one was called “Beth.” You see, it was women’s Gauntlet day, which meant that if the Vets lost, Beth would be headed into the Gauntlet, most likely taking Montana with her.
“Everyone knows that Beth is a weasel. Beth has all the credibility of a late night informercial,” Montana said. I don’t get it. Are infomercials not credible? But those midget twins know the secret to success! Are you saying that they’re lying?? Does this mean the Ab-Slide might not actually work?? C’mon, Montana. You’ve said a lot of loony things, but this is by far the looniest.
Less credible than Guthy-Renker?
Anyway, at the Challenge, groups of two people from each team had to balance on a ropes course over the ocean. Each person would be on a tightrope, and the couple would have to balance using only rope they’d hold between them. If either teammate were to let go of the rope for any reason, they would be disqualified (and most likely halfway en route to a watery demise). Well, Landon and Alton were up first, and even they — two of the most agile players — were having problems; so we knew this would be a tough challenge. After a few false starts, the two guys made it across, thus making them the first and last duo to complete the course. Everyone else failed miserably. Just another poorly thought-out challenge (hey, let’s have two people push three tons instead!).
Nevertheless, we were treated to an amusing montage of various people falling in the water, including Mark Long who described his harrowing defeat: “Luckily, I landed in the water feet first because it was a pretty nasty fall.” Man, wouldn’t want to hit that water faux-hawk first!!
Later, Kina took a rough fall, but sadly, she did not yell at gravity for conspiring against her: “The fact that you would even have a conversation about making me fall is really pissing me off right now!”
There seemed to be some promise with Katie and Derrick, but of course, between his constant state of drunkenness and her general lack of coordination, they were a not a perfect match for this ropes course. “Alright, I got you,” Derrick said to Katie, just about two seconds before she plummeted down to the ocean. Way to go, Derrick.
Cara and Suzie managed to get about halfway across the course before they fell in, and when they resurfaced on the dock, we were privy to some classic female phoniness as the two joined into a group hug with Kina and Jillian. Idiots. And speaking of idiots, why the hell was no one pulling the rope as tightly as possible and using each other’s weight as counterbalances? Okay, okay, easier said than done. I understand. Hey, I’m a blogger. I have nothing better to do than to complain and act like I’d be totally awesome in other people’s situations. (I’d be falling off those ropes so fast, you wouldn’t even know what had hit you.)
Ultimately, it came down to the Veterans’ last couple: Timmy and Beth. If they could cross the course faster than Alton and Landon’s time, the Vets would win the challenge. “I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!” Beth chanted to the camera. For a moment, I thought she could, but then her teammates began yelling at her to hurry up, and well, that old passive aggressive bitch came out again. “Everybody’s screaming. I can’t do this. Forget it,” Beth said, opting to throw the mission to spite her team rather than give it an old college try. Of course, to hear her say it, Beth would explain that she tried, she really did try, but her teammates psyched her out and blah blah blah, I didn’t really care. All that mattered was that Beth was headed into the Gauntlet, and her team was P.O.’d at her.
After a dumb Rookie celebration, we then headed to the Gauntlet deliberations where Derrick (who seems to have grown a Brillo pad on his chin) expressed his frustration by dropping his water bottle on the coffee table from HOSTILE HEIGHTS! Oh man. This was gonna be tense! Well, only sort of. Because of the nature of the show, we could hardly spend thirty seconds on this segment, lest we cut into precious Gauntlet time. Ultimately, Beth and the team selected Montana to go into the Gauntlet, and as for the event: Captain’s Choice (are there any other options on that wheel?). Beth selected her forté, the Reverse Tug O’ War, and then we were off to the sandy showdown on the beach.
I hope he knows about the shower mold on his face.
“Welcome to the Gauntlet with Beth versus Montana. It’s definitely going to be a bitch fight. Reeoowwwr!” Beth said, making a little kitty claw at the end there (gotta work on my onomatopoeias, I know). Anyway, because the Rookies were so happy to see these two rivals go at it, they showed up bearing “monster truck rally” signs which made them look like bigger dumbasses than usual. (Still don’t know how a “D-Fence” sign really applies to monster truck rallies, but hey, what do I know?)
Anyway, TJ called the girls down to the pit and warned them, “You’re gonna have to try your hardest.” And knowing TJ, he really really meant that. Seriously, he looks forward to this all week long.
Well, no need to stall. Montana and Beth went at it with the Reverse Tug O’ War, which meant lots of close-ups of the girls clawing at sand, writhing against the rope, and grunting for domination. This was intercut with both teams yelling back and forth — the Vets pushing for Montana, the Rookies supporting Beth. Alton in particular was yelling so hard, he looked like every vein in his body might just pop by the end of the competition.
Just stop, MJ. Just stop.
Ultimately, Beth won (as if Montana even had a chance), and as she retreated to her team, she snipped, “Thanks, even though I’m sure you wanted Montana to win.”
“I did want Montana to win, definitely,” said Derrick, adding, “You’re the meanest f*ckin’ person I’ve ever known.” Oh no he DI’INT! This resulted in Beth throwing her head back in shock — a moment that was amusingly highlighted by the sudden use of slow motion and low, electronic synth noise which seemed to say, “OH SNAP!!!”
Yes, the Vets were pissed because now they had old Beth to answer to once again. I think Aneesa put it best when she said, “Beth is just… BEETHHH.” I guess it doesn’t translate to text as well. Just take my word for it: it was funny.
Anyway, after Beth and Derrick exchanged a few pleasantries (She: “Asshole.” He: “Bitch.”), we then found Montana washing away the sand and pain in the ocean. “It was hard,” she said, “It was just no way I could pull her. She has twenty pounds over me.” Translation: “Whatever, at least I’m not FAT like BETH!” She then concluded, “It just goes to show you good doesn’t always win over evil.” I personally like to think of it less as good and evil and more like conniving versus manipulative.
As for Beth, she was relishing the turn of events, as she gloated to the camera: “Montana, I’m so sad I had to kick your ass… Buh-bye!” And with that, she let out an impish cackle and skittered off screen. Normally, I’d say “What a bitch,” but honestly, she’s having way too much fun. I can’t begrudge her that.
Back at the house, the Rookies all gathered together for a team meeting where all the controversy and chaos was brought to an end. The hatch was buried, the water: under the bridge. After all, this was just high school, emotional drama, as Jamie put it (in a rare on screen appearance). Yes, we were all moving on, especially that bastion of emotional maturity, Kina, who said, “I don’t trust Cara and Suzie. Whatever.” Okay, so maybe not everyone was over it, but as Mariah Carey once said, “Love takes time / to heal when you’re hurting so much.” So true, so true.
As the show ended, we saw Montana scuttling off in a Trinidad cab — off to another great adventure in her life (perhaps Blair’s internet party?). We then heard Beth’s cocky voice once again as she warned, “Karma’s a bitch, and you got yours!!” Something tells me she’ll be getting hers too, but until then, please keep terrorizing your team.
What did you think about this episode? Are you enjoying the Beth vs. Veterans battle as much as I am?
TV Social
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50 Comments
“supposebly”….ahhh….can we put together a rw/rr dictionary?
I’m sorry montana but you are no petite flower. Beth does not have 20 pounds on you.
Shame on you B-side for sleeping through Alton. Shaaaaame.
Brad’s rant about feeling “violated” was hillarious. And finally, we get an interesting, difficult challenge.
And yes, Leah3t- I too have wondered why they keep saying Beth weighs more than Montana (Looks pretty even to me). Did anyone notice Kina’s little pink ruffled swimming bloomers early on? I haven’t seen those since 1983 (except on April, BB6). And yeah, I will admit it, I am sucked in. Beth is thee most annoying reality TV person I can think of (well, not really, but she is up there). However, It’s irritating how the editors throw in her little evil “hee hee hee” chuckle when it’s obvious she isn’t actually doing it.
Excellent re-cap and episode.
Just had to say, LOVE the MJ screen shot and caption. I feel that way every time I see his golden boy fro. Uggggg
;>
all i can say about kina in the picture above is : get that girl a banana, STAT! she looks positively ape-ish.
and what pisses me off about her is that she thinks she’s a “strong” competitor because she’s captain..news flash: you were in ONE gauntlet where your apponent (cameron) ‘surcumbed’ and didn’t even try to beat you!
and one more thing: thank jesus for beth!
OMG . . . . Beth = Bitch
Does anyone else think that the Suzie/Cara controversy was made by the producers to boost poor ratings
montana= fat whore
oooo jodi and alton hook up next week!!!
seriously, beth is becoming my favorite character on this show..she’s a straight upo bitch and she will tell you what she thinks, father than be sneaky about it. i love that her team hates her and she still manages to piss all of them off.
* b-side, when yu mentioned that “jamie” spoke, i got really mad at myself because i had apparently not known that jamie, the asian girl from san diego, was on.
but apparently it was the ‘extreme sports New orleans’ hottie turned ‘grizzly adams buddhist,’ who was making a rare appearance
**straight up
*rather
*you
i cannot spell a damn thing
Leah3t – I totally agree…there’s no way Beth has 20 pounds on Montana…
You’d think rw/rr challenge would take a hint from Survivor and get a team to test the damn stunts before they do them, to make sure they’re even possible.
Ok, when the whole conversation with Cara, Suzie, and Jillian was going down, how come I felt like I was the one who was brain dead?? So much confusion. And I used to complain about Veronica and Rachel. At least I could understand the bitches…..
I had to laugh when Aneesa said “Beth is just BEETHH! And “Alton is just mmmmYUMMY AALTTONN!!! I love all that hot fudge… So I choose to forget about the “cartwheel of rage”, and his addiction to the word “gnarly”.
Also very dissapointed that there was no Syrus rumpshaker this week. Hopefully next week will be a better week.
We all knew Beth was a bitch, but who knew she could out-bitch my bitches? Like you said, she never made it past episode 2 before.
Agree with the lameness of these challenges though. How about something that doesn’t fall apart, or a task that can actually be completed by at least half of the team? Are these producers drinking more than the cast? Why didn’t anyone try to sit on their butt and scuttle across the rope sideways? Did they have to stand?
If Beth has 20 lbs on Montana, then they shoulda sent in Anessa, because the 3 of em look the same to me.
And another thing… doesn’t Beth realize that wearing heavy makeup to challenges and gauntlet make her appear ridiculous and seriously mentally ill?
Does it look like Beth is planning to throw guys’ challenges so that Derrick will end up in the Gauntlet? How can you not get sucked in – this is quality TV!
This show is a “whole lotta” goodness. Seriously, it is great. Beth is just becoming more and more disgusting to me though… she needs to ditch the black semi-circles above her eyes and all those stupid cackling/cat noises she makes. Yuck.
Great recap! (Oh, and YAH, Survivor starts tomorrow!)
Ash- Thank God you told us Survivor starts tomorrow. I didn’t know, and would have totally missed it. Thank You! Does anyone know when TAR starts? I thought it was Feb as well.
I just did a little search- looks like TAR starts Feb 28, for those of you interested.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race9/
If Courtney Love and Mabelline had a love child, it would be Beth.
Bless her soul, she’s the only reason to watch.
I thought this episode could have been better, but it was pretty satisfying when Derrick told Beth straight up to her face that he wanted Montana to win. I know Beth probably didn’t care, but it was still fantastic to hear him say that.
As much as I can’t stand any of these people (besides HOT two eye-color David from San Diego) do I continue to watch this show week in and week out? Absofreakinlutely.
I love love love picking on Beth just as much as the next person, but I am really getting sad for her. That picture with the recap — does she not look in the mirror???? She needs a make-under like no one else. It is all so wrong — bordering on Tammy Fay Baker territory if someone doesn’t stop her. Courtney Love is even pulling it back together these days. Excuse me while I pen an open letter to Osama Beth Laden Fay Baker.
Dear Beth,
Please buy a mirror with all of your Gauntlet winnings and look in it.
Sincerely,
Djo8901
anonym = one funny person!
Right on the money about *Ms.Tough Because I am Ms.Cap-e-tan Kina* Can we see her actually do something worthy, please?
And Jamie might be a “Grizzly Adams Buddist” as you mentioned, but he’s got even more game now. Buzz is he and Cara hooked up when the cameras were off. And if you believe Katie’s blog, she says Suzie joined in.
I have to agree with Krizzatch I have always found two eye colored David to be hot as well.
Derek totally looks like he has shower mold on his chin. That was hilarious!
Oh and, anonym, so right on about Kina and the banana!
Wait Katie has a blog…What is the URL?
montana’s verbal jabs at beth sound rehearsed, i think she sat around prior to the gaunlet coming up with ‘witty’ things to say about beth
kina was just refusing to listen to reason, and I use that word loosely in these wackos, case, she didn’t want the rest of the team to hear that cara and susie weren’t really up to anything
these challenges suck, i thought last week was hilarious when it fell apart, but really, watching people fall off a rope, yeah thats entertainment
Oh I am sorry, Katie is writing on Inside Pulse, not a blog: http://www.insidepulse.com/indexNewTopic.php?userid=181
When you read you’ll be like, “ok Katie, don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel now…”
Thanks
I’ve been meaning to post this website. It has links to all these ass-clowns personal websites:
http://www.rwrrblog.com/
Great re-cap as always! Random thought- the mention of the word “supposebly”. Did this make anyone else think of that episode of Friends where Chandler was talking about dumping a girl for saying supposebly? Then, Joey couldn’t figure out how you’re supposed to say it. Random and pointless I know, but just wondering if anyone knew what I was talking about.
i hate to be nit-picky, Krizzatch, but hot david is from the seattle season, not san diego.
Fantastic and hilarious re-cap B-side, thank you!
I too am enjoying Beth and her antics on the show, just wish Tonya *cough-whore-cough* was on this Gauntlet with her so they could go at it again
wow thanks –mrs c. that katie sure is a bundle of fun, i watched susie on overdrive and didn’t think what she said was insulting, just that katie acted like an idiot when drunk…
i had no idea she and derrick were such good friends, i just can’t picture him sitting still and sober long enough to have one
Ultimately, Brad dramatically addressed the Vets by stating, “I feel very violated right now. I feel VERY violated right now!” Oh, calm down. Wait until one of your teammates butt-rapes you before you start throwing that word around. (Then again, he did receive an atomic wedgie from The Miz, so he probably does know a thing or two about male-violation.)
lol, love it all – except for Kina … don’t like her …
sweetjane, you are totally right, my bad. I’m just stunned into “hot-man mode” when I talk or think about him, I just must have had a David moment when I typed up my post.
Seattle it is. Jeebus crips, David is F-I-N-E.
Kina is taking this all a little too seriously. She is starting to scare me. I don’t think she is all there.
Beth is disgusting. Does she realize how evil she looks? Does she do that on purpose?
And yeah, what is up with the Captians Choice coming up everytime the damn wheel is spun? Thats no fun, no fun at all.
Great recap btw, I live for these. They are great!
PS I love Derrick. I really do.
An ex-coworker of mine used to say “supposebly”…so I had to kill her. Just kidding of course, but I HATE it when people say that! Just like “is is” or “irregardless.” Ok, my rants over now.
I have to agree, Beth is pretty much the only entertaining part of the show this year. Derrick was only amusing for so long & I can only take so much of Mark’s silverback mating ritual. (And I loved him on his original RR…sigh)
Those who think Dave’s a hottie, he is attractive, but didn’t is psychotic , suicidal rant against his ex (the RW producer who quit the show in the name of love) kind of ruin it for you?
OH MY GOSH! Look what I saw on MJ’s website
“M.J. was selected to Nashville Lifestyle Magazine’s 25 Most Beautiful People! The issue hits newstands October 1!”
This must be a joke…
Saw MJ in a bathroom at a restaurant in Manhattan Beach.
Didn’t wash his hands. Just sayin.
ok, it is established that beth is hated by all the phonies on the show and she is not hot. but who can beat her? she has character and is real. i hope she wins the whole damn thing. ps.derrick is a punk and i hope he gets his ass kicked by syrus. how about something that requires thinking.
heehaw- syrus v. derrick just made my day. i would love to see derrick fall to the rump shaker.
j-unit- that does not surprise me. he looks like a non hand washer and a non tooth brusher.
…and a non hair brusher.
tvholic, IMO, the love-crazed David only made him that much hotter. Remember when he was screaming: “I LOVE YOU!!” over the phone to her? I can only dream one day he’ll scream “I LOVE YOU KRIZZATCH!!” to me. <>
“Hostile heights!” HA!
When this recap was first posted, I didn’t have the time to read it, so I just scrolled through to see the pics and captions. Imagine my confusion at what seemed like a random invoation of the Guthy-Renker name! Makes much more sense within the context of the recap, but still, I gotta let out a hearty, “HA!!”
Hope I can catch up with these episodes this weekend…I’ve been slacking on RW/RR while watching Bachelor.
MrsC- thank you! your compliment just made my night
I thought I was the only one confused during the squabble over the alliance. None of what they were saying made any sense. Kina’s attitude is pretty funny, though. I also loved how she still boasted when the Rookies won, even though she did absolutely nothing to help them win. No one but Alton and Landon won that challenge.
I love David, too. I don’t necessarily find him that hot, but he’s funny. “So you think you’re tough… HEH?” Ah, I have trouble with my onomatopoeias, too, but it was funny.
MJ is disgusting. It blows my mind how he could possibly be voted beautiful, in any category. Except maybe beautiful blonde apes. Hmm.
I’ve been studying Beth’s face to determine what it is that makes her so disturbing to look at and I’ve come up with the formula that is her disaster of a face:
1. Over large features
2. Overly red skin
3. Overly used make up
4. Overly sweatie sweat glands
5. Scary black eyebrows
All add up to make something akin to the Leprachaun – eek!
Also, ya’ll are scaring me with this love of David, I used to think he was hot back in his season – but now he just looks mildly retarded to me. What happened to this guy?
Dear Bohemoth Beth,
It’s obvious that you’ve never heard this but the cardinal rule of makeup application…your face an neck are supposed to be the same color. when your face is looks like raw hife and your neck is like a brand new gym sock theres a problem. have you even seen yourself on tv the past 36 years youve been doing these shows.
your face scares me
If Courtney Love and Mabelline had a love child, it would be Beth.
Bless her soul, she’s the only reason to watch.
Posted by: k37744
hahaha awesome!!!!!
I can’t stand Beth, either, but I hate her teammates FAR MORE. Like someone said earlier, at least she’s up front about her bitchiness. I hate her makeup and constant sunburn, too. She was whipped mercilessly with the ugly stick. Also, she’s, what, 40? Time to freakin’ grow up. She just a complete retard…. but I’m pulling for her anyway. I like black sheep. Montana is a c*nt who is just as big as Beth and far more worthless. She was afraid to put her ass on the line, because she knew she was good for nothin’. I’m glad Beth wasted her ass in the last gauntlet. Glad Ruthie went out early, too. This challenge is just boring and suspenseless. I really can’t stand Kina. She’s really lucked out, I think. I don’t think she’s done a damn thing to help the team, and she acts so intense about everything. Has anyone noticed how after she does a confessional, she nervously bites her nails? She’s a chain smoking nutcase. This challenge is just played out, I think. Ya keep waiting for something to happen, and nothing ever does. I also wonder what these people do for a living where they have the freedom to run off for months at a time to play games and fight with each other.