Recap: Inferno: Swinging Both Ways

It all comes down to this.  The final female duel.  Once this ends all the bitching can stop and then we get a final challenge and the season will be over.  We can finally get the conclusion to all the plots we’ve been obsessing about all season.  Will Susie actually go to an Inferno?  Will Cara not intentionally suck to help Susie?  Will Paula get screwed over?  Will Alton rise to the occasion?  Will anyone give a shit about what’s going on over in team Bad Asses?  Find out tonight on The Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno!The episode opens with MTV treating us to some evil sounding music, which means you know bad things are afoot in South Africa (aside from the poverty and pent up racism left over from Apartheid).  Susie has described the day as “the worst day ever.”  Now if going to the Inferno is the worst day ever that this girl has had a pretty blessed life.  Never lost a loved one, every heard of cancer, and most likely wasn’t bothered at all by Bush winning reelection.  I’m gonna guess 9/11 was her second worse day ever, because everyone knows being sent into an Inferno is only slightly worse than an unexpected terrorist attack on US soil.  Oh and also to make Susie’s day worse SHE GOT THROWN INTO THE POOL!!!! 

I could have died!

That’s right, Abram jumped out of the hot tub and threw Susie into the pool.  Well this is too much for the poor girl who already has the stress of being in the Inferno, and possibly leaving Cara on her mind.  Susie runs crying into the bathroom where she is comforted by Cara and Paula. 

A quick note about this scene.  Cara appears to have been taking a bath with candles lit up around her.

You poor darling! Could you hand me my cucumber mask?

Wow, Cara. Way to be there for your co-dependent life partner on her worst day ever.  “Hey Susie i know you’re stressed but I’m gonna take a bath by candlelight…What’s that you want to take a bath to de-stress?  No I’m sorry you can’t.  Why?  Because I was in Playboy, that’s why.”  And really Cara, don’t make any effort to get out of the bath and hung your friend.  The scene ends with us seeing Abram hanging out in the jacuzzi not caring about what he did to Susie.

Now it’s my favorite part of the show.  CLUE TIME!!!  This week instead of one person reading the clue we are treated to a number of people reading parts of the clue in different rooms.  Congrats to the MTV editing team for finding a new way to present my favorite part of the show.  And congrats to you the reader if you figured out I was being sarcastic.  The clue states “in tomorrow’s challenge, you’re going to swing. Hope your arms can keep up with your feet!”  Fortunately, this time we’re not treated to anyone trying to interpret the clue.  However for some reason in the dining room, where a bunch of guys check out the clue, there is an inflatable woman on the table. 

Desperate times call for plastic measures.

 

I guess life in South Africa is becoming like a frat house.  The scene ends with Johnny diving down on the fake woman.  I guess with these girls left in the house I could understand why the men have turned to plastic women.

We then cut over to the challenge, which is called Nothing But Net.  First you need to climb a cargo net, then swing across on rope to another net, where you grab a flag.  You keep doing this until you get 4 flags.  There is a 15 minute time limit and you can DQ if you fall or if a rope swings out without you on it.  Well this challenge seems anything but easy, so I bet we get a ton of DQs. 

Out of nowhere, Tonya informs us (along with some video) that she had woken up puking and the doctors won’t let her compete.  Boy, I guess the Susie/pool drama was too riveting for us to find this info out in act one.  We go back to challenge info as TJ reminds us that Aneesa and Susie are going to the Inferno and thus want the life shield.  Susie is pretty nervous and for some reason decides to inform us that she wants to throw up on herself.  You go girlfriend, I’m sure the lingering smell of vomit on your clothes will settle those nerves.  The fastest guy and girl for this challenge win a trip for 2 to Hawaii.  Wow MTV, way to step up the prize from the car rims you were giving out last week.

First to go in the challenge is John, who makes some Tarzan noises as he swings across.  He seems to be doing well and then right before they cut to a commercial, we see Paula looking scared.

Why the horror? You’d think someone got thrown in the pool.

When we come back we learn that John has fallen, giving us our first DQ.  Derick sees this and decides to offer the sagely advice to his team: “Conserve your energy.”  I don’t know much, but perhaps go slow or be cautious would better advice D-Dogg (my new nickname for Derick).  Here are the Cliff’s notes of what happens with most of the guys:

Kenny – brags to his team that he’s gonna do well and and then totally falls.  Douche.
Alton – kicks ass, finally redeeming himself for his recent spell of crappiness.
Derick – follows his crappy conserve energy advice and finishes the challenge.
Ace – finishes

Then we get Aneesa.  She proves she really does not want to be here.  She just looks tired and bored climbing the nets.  Despite her team encouraging her, she just gives up and kicks the rope, causing her to DQ.  Aneesa might talk a big game but if there is something she doesn’t want to do she’ll bail in a heartbeat. 

Next up is Cara who appears to be doing well, which scares Susie.  Don’t worry Susie, Cara will still screw over her team to help you.  Cara eventually drops a rope, probably on purpose.  Her team totally sees through her now and Alton calls her “shady.”  Then Janelle goes and she falls and DQs quickly.  She’s followed by Paula who gets off to a a good start but she too falls into the water and DQs. 

Now one of the stupidest moments of the episode occurs, and who should this part feature but King Stupid himself, Abram.  MTV starts to play some dramatic music as Abram does the challenge, they then cut to his interview and Abram starts babbling about how fun this is and that he wants to be a pirate.  He then makes some pirate grunts.  I have no idea why he thought pirate because cargo nets and ropes don’t really scream pirate to me, but then again Abram is an idiot so i guess it made sense to him. 

Next up is Susie, and all she has to do is finish and she can win the life shield.  Paula shows us all what a team player she is and is yelling advice to Susie such as “KISS MY GODDAMN ASSSSS!!!!!!!”  Well not really, but she does help Susie out even though she knows if she wins, Susie will probably put her into the Inferno.  The fact that Paula chooses to put her own team first over her safety is pretty commendable and something Cara would NEVER do.  Even Johnny says that if he was in a similar situation he wouldn’t help. 

Eventually, Susie finishes, guaranteeing her the life shield.  Last up is Ev who speeds through and finishes.  In the end, the Bad Asses win the challenge with a faster cumulative time.  This makes the money total $90,000 for the Bad Asses and $60,000 for the Good Guys.  Johnny wonders if his team can keep it together for the last challenge since they have lost the past few.  In the end Susie and Ev get the life shields and EV and Alton win the trips to Hawaii.

Now Susie realizes that she is in a sticky situation.  She can either send Cara, her “bff,” or Paula, who helped her win, into the Inferno.  This leads the Good Guys to have a team meeting.  The whole team basically wants Cara put in, and even Susie acknowledges that Paula is a better player.  However Susie had made a promise to protect Cara from the beginning.  Then Cara says the dumbest thing possible.  She states “Paula deserves this more than anyone because she’s so great, but I know i deserve it too because i know I’m so great.” 

First off, if Paula deserves it more that anyone then you should volunteer.  Second, what have you done THAT’S SO GREAT?!?!!?  Sucking at challenges to help Susie does not count as being great.  If Cara had any balls she’d volunteer for the Inferno to prove to her team that she has what it takes to better.  Paula yells back crying at Cara saying that this isn’t fair since she has worked her ass off.    She also says Cara just cares about herself and getting to the final mission.  Well Paula this is only partially true since she might care about Susie more than she cares about herself. 

Finally it’s Inferno time.  Susie tells TJ she had to pick between what the team thought was the right thing to do and what she thought was the right thing to do.  In the end she picks Paula.  Johnny claps and sarcastically states “way to do the right thing Paula.”  I tell you, Johnny continues to grow on me. I hope he gives Susie shit for making this decision.  Ev chooses to let Aneesa stay in and Aneesa thinks she might have a shot since she beat Paula in a previous Gauntlet/Duel/Inferno/Something Stupid.

The challenge ends up being called Shimmy.  I secretly hope that the challenge is going to be a dance off, because i really want to see Aneesa and Paula drop it like it’s hot.  Sadly the challenge involves them shimmying up between two walls and ripping flags along the way.  First person to reach and rip off the top flag wins. 

Paula informs us that she should be great at this challenge since she used to shimmy up her mom’s walls at home.  I have no clue what kind of house her mother runs, but this seems like an easy way for one to have constant scuff marks on the walls.  Paula says “hopefully being a crazy kid will help get me to the top.”  Well if her Real World season was any indication, being a crazy kid helped get her a drinking problem, but hopefully this time things work out for the best.  Once the challenge starts Paula takes an early lead and Johnny yells “just like mommy’s house.”  I love how Paula must have had time between when TJ announced the challenge and when it began to tell her team the moving story of how she used to shimmy at mom’s.  In the end Paula wins and Susie claps happily.

I told you you could do it!

 

Susie says it’s obvious the team dynamic will now change since everyone hates her and Cara now.  Aneesa starts to tear up a bit because she’s sad to leave everyone.  Whoa Aneesa! This isn’t what we like about you.  We want to see  you yelling like a mad woman, not being all human and showing REAL emotion.  Finally TJ tells everyone to get ready because the final challenge is “no joke.”  The episode ends with Susie telling her team to stop being mean and come together and win money.  Well you know what Susie maybe that would be easier if you and Cara hadn’t driven a wedge between yourselves and everyone else on the team.