Last week on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, we saw the first semblance of strategery as Beth assembled an alliance in an effort to dismantle the cool (read: idiot) girls: Kina, Robyn, Diem, and Jodi. Even though we’d seen informal alliances on this show before, this seemed like the first time there had been an active effort by anyone to shake things up. Of course, last week, everyone was brimming with optimism that the tables would turn, but if there’s anything we know about these former Real World/Road Rulers, it’s that they’re not the brightest kids in the world. Would the Outsiders be able to keep their heads out of their asses long enough to make an impact? Or would this scheming simply fall flatter Casey’s old chest? You’ll just have to read to find out…This week’s episode began on a friendly note as all the girls sported wigs as a show of support for Diem, the recovering cancer patient who has wisely decided to spend her post-chemo time wrestling on gangplanks and falling off rope ladders. Even though she looked just fine without a wig, Diem apparently still felt insecure about her appearance, but if there was anyone to lift her from the Samantha Morton doldrums, it was CT. The Boston bonehead happily donned a long, blond wig, which was an improvement over his usual finger-in-socket coif. This slapdash version of Wigstock then came to a rousing climax as everyone gathered together for a picture — the perfect opportunity for Kina to try out her new Supermodel face. Needless to say, she’d be lucky to get her mug in Teaneck Weekly.
“Oh my gawwwd. I’m a mawdel!”
Kina’s still honing the art of the gag photo.
Later, CT suggested that he was getting a wicked hard-on for Diem, especially as he described his intent to raise her spirits. “I try to make her feel like the sexy woman she is,” he said, adding, “Maybe someday, we can go to a wicked awesome Red Sawx game and then drive around in my cahh.” Luckily for CT, it seemed like the attraction was mutual. A giggling Diem told us that CT resembled a Calvin Klein model, which would make sense if Calvin Klein models had awful, awful hair. But I digress…
Elsewhere in the house, Beth tried to lure Svetlana into the misfit alliance (which already consisted of Beth, Aneesa, Wes, and Nehemiah). The Queen Bee promised Svetty protection in the next pick ‘em, saying, “If I won, I vote for Wes, Wes would vote for Aneesa, Aneesa would vote for Nehemiah, since I’m already done, Nehemiah would vote for you!” Oh, so is that how that would work? I thought Nehemiah would pick Beth again! Thank goodness she cleared that up! Nevertheless, it seemed like Svetlana was down with the plan, causing Beth to tell us, “I’ve got the whole plan down to a science.” Yes, but one can never overlook human error and idiocy. I wouldn’t put it past Wes to accidentally pick Kina. D’oh!
Speaking of Kina, she was not happy with Beth’s latest alliance. “Robin, Jodi, myself, and Diem all basically have flags on our heads,” she said, happily misusing the word “myself,” let alone “flags.” What exactly did she mean by that? Flags? Were they all representing different countries at the United Nations? Of course, I’m sure when she said “flags,” she meant “targets” or “bullseyes” or “SERIOUSLY, I AM A HUGE IDIOT.”
Anyway, the next day, the gang all headed out to the ocean where a large contraption hung over the water. What could this be? The clue had eluded to heights and jumping, but before we could learn any details, Casey expressed extreme concern that this might be just too much for her, and on that random note, we went to commercial. HEAVENS NO! WHAT EVER WILL CASEY DO???
When we returned, TJ happily told us that there were two platforms suspended over the ocean. Each person would have to jump back and forth between them, grabbing as many flags (which were stuck on nearby posts) as possible in three minutes. However, if a person fell off the platform and wound up in the drink, as it were, he or she would be disqualified. I liked it: simple, direct, and brimming with potential to embarrass many people.
First up were Eric and Brad, and here’s the biggest shocker of all: Eric actually managed to jump across the gap. Even more impressively, when he landed, the contraption didn’t break off and plummet down into the water below. It was truly a feat of epic proportions — in all senses of the phrase.
Next were Wes and Nehemiah, who jumped around without incident, and then after them came CT and Evan. It should be noted that most people lunged themselves from one platform to the other, usually landing on their bellies. CT, on the other hand, managed to leap across without a problem, landing on his feet each time. It was pretty impressive, even if his stupid hairdo continued to vex me at all times.
Last and probably least was Derrick, who I prayed would fall off a platform. Up until this point, no male had dropped, and he was not only our final hope, but honestly, I just wanted to see the look of dejection that would come with such a humiliating failure. Sure enough, the Duel gods were listening to me, and next thing we knew, he was dropping down to the ocean below. Ha. IDIOT. Afterwards, he explained to us, “If my body was just a little bit longer, maybe I would have had a chance.” Yes. Or maybe if you jumped more than one foot, that would help too.
Next up were the women, and for them, this activity really mattered. After all, this was a She-Duel day. Jodi and Kina stepped up first, and almost immediately, the Jod-ster had flopped down into the water below. Svetlana and Diem went next, and like Jodi, Diem too fell off the platform. Svetty, on the other hand, seemed on top of her game, hopping methodically from platform to platform. Beth and Casey were next, and let’s just say, they weren’t paragons of athletic ability. Beth at least tried, which is a shocking change from usual, but she couldn’t even cross the gap with her one feeble jump, causing her to fall down to the water below. Casey, on the other hand, just stood and stared at the other platform, tearing up in the process. Finally, time expired, and the petrified girl was allowed to come back to solid ground. I still don’t know why people sign up for this stuff if they’re afraid of heights. I guess the allure of fame and making an ass of yourself on national TV is just too great.
Finally, we finished up this challenge with Robin and Aneesa, the latter of whom quickly fell off the platform. We then listened to everyone as they speculated as to who did well and who sucked. Kina commented, “Myself, Robin, and Svetlana all did really well today.” Newsflash for Kina: “myself” is not a subject. The word is “I”. As in, “Robin, Svetlana, and I all did really well today.” I know a lot of reality stars love to overuse the word “myself,” but none can compete with Kina on this front. I bet she’s never even heard of the phrase, “Me, Myself, and I.” To her, it’s just ‘Myself, myself, and myself.”
Anyway, it was time for TJ to announce the results. From the men, CT easily won thanks to his leaping proficiency. As for the women, it looked like it would be a three way tie between Svetlana, Robin, and Kina, but thanks to a sneaky, little flag that had snuck into Svetlana’s bathing suit, she managed to eke out a surprise victory by one point.
With Svetlana the winner, she was now immune from the Duel, which meant she now had to kick off the pick ‘em round. She chose Wes first, causing Kina to tell us, “Svetlana’s vote for Wes basically sparks of the alliance that the four of them have, and it just makes me SICK!” You see, as we learned on The Gauntlet II, it’s okay for Kina to have an alliance, but not for anyone else, you know what myself is saying?
Anyway, Wes picked Aneesa, who picked Nehemiah, who picked Beth, who picked CT, who then picked Kina. I’m sure we all expected him to choose Diem, but he reminded us that he had yet to tap that ass, and as such, he would not be doing her any favors until she gave him a “wink wink, tap, nibble nibble, slide.” I don’t know, but that kind of sounds like the next big stadium dance fad.
Ultimately, the big decision as to which girl would have to go into the Duel came down to Evan. It was either Diem or Casey. Well, no one wanted to send a cancer survivor into the Duel. Might as well send in Casey and her new boobs. But who would Casey pick? I think we all sat in pulse-pounding suspense as we endured an interminable commercial break to learn the outcome of this intense situation.
Well, at long last, we returned from the break, and Casey chose… Robin! New fake breasts against old! A battle for the ages! Casey then had to blindly pick a Duel challenge, and unfortunately, she snagged the same one from the last She-Duel: Pole Wrestle. Damn those Real World/Road Rules girls. Always pole wrestling…
Brad then told us, “I’m not worried about Robin going home at all,” which meant that she was probably going home. We then headed into the Duel where Beth’s face was looking more weathered than ever before. The two girls met in the middle of the “arena” (if you can call it that) and engaged in that time-old pole-wrestling tradition: the alternating of the grips! Once this hallowed ritual was complete, it was time to wrestle. Well, this was no retread of Aneesa and Paula’s epic match. Casey proved to be no competition from Robin, who quickly yanked the pole right out of her hands. Yes, no sooner than it had began, the competition was pretty much over.
Everyone hugged Casey goodbye, and then back at the house, we revisited the burgeoning romance between CT and Diem. “You say more when you don’t say anything than when I actually have a conversation with you,” he told her, wooing her with his deep and insightful comments. The two then flirted for a few minutes, but since it was mostly silly and boring, I didn’t really pay that much attention. Afterwards, CT chatted with Beth and Aneesa. He told them that he didn’t quite trust Diem. Was she really interested in him, or was she merely playing him to get farther ahead in the game? Ah, the ever intense intrigue of The Duel!
What did you think about this episode?