It’s almost over. The Duel shaved off two more people today (that’s right, I said two), leaving us with four reality stars vying for the big prize. Of course, traditional duels usually take place between two people, not four, but fear not. There are two girls and two guys. Makes sense now, right? Well, just when the season was seeming like it had run out of gas, along came a Duel in this episode that was so wonderfully explosive, it restored my faith in the series. Basically, it involved CT acting like a baby, which is pretty much what he does on every Challenge when he isn’t tethered by the calming moll that is Diem. Damn her.Today’s episode started with Day One in the post-Diem era, or as I like to call it, the “Tolerable Time.” Still angry to see his lovebird set free, CT now wanted to smack the other kids up — except Jodi. She was his new ally. “We are by faaaaah the strongest team,” he said, liberally employing his Boston accent. He then told us, “I feel like it’s [the prize is] mine. No one can beat me.” Translation: he’s going down. Oh, how I hoped this was true.
The next morning, after Svetty cooked up a batch of runny eggs for the group, everyone headed out to the ocean where TJ presented them with the next challenge entitled, “Paddle Me.” I was kind of hoping this would involve some sort of group flogging, perhaps leading to some general bruising and weeks of psychological trauma, but alas, this was not to be. Instead, the guys and the girls had to pair up, hop on a surfboard and paddle out to an island. Once they were there, they’d find three more boards, split up, and then it would be all for one in a paddle spree back to TJ. First guy and girl to return back would be safe from the Duel. Everyone else would be heading in. But wait! Wasn’t this supposed to be just a men’s Duel day? No, no. Today was a very special day. TJ announced it was a Male and Female Duel Day, causing Brad to blurt out, “This game is getting crazy!” I know! It’s insane! Two Duels in one day? They must be cuckoo!!!
Anyway, the guy and the girl who arrived back to TJ in second place would earn the right to pick their respective Duel events. And TJ didn’t just mean pick a card. He meant they could choose the event of their wishes. HOLY MOLY! It gets crazier and crazier!
Well, Wes and Svetty, CT and Jodi, and Brad and Aneesa paired up for the challenge. Brad was somewhat nervous about having Aneesa on his surfboard, on account of her girth. Hey, you know who else is nervous about having Aneesa on that surfboard? THE SURFBOARD.
Soon TJ sent the kids into the water, and as expected, Wes took an early lead (he was a swimmer after all). CT and Jodi held a close second, and in third place were Brad and Aneesa, the former of which wanted to give up and save his energy for the Duel. Unfortunately for Brad, Aneesa would have none of it; so they paddled and paddled and paddled. Meanwhile, CT started doling out the excuses as he complained to us that Jodi was letting him do all the work so she could conserve energy and dart off with her own surfboard. Yeah, well, she’s smart, and you’re an idiot. Not her problem.
Sure enough, once Jodi had her own board, she paddled like a man woman, leaving CT (and everyone else) way behind in her wake. Jodi wound up taking first place, but as for CT, he now was all tired and worn out, and even though he had a little lead on Wes (somehow), it didn’t last very long. The freckled one quickly sped by, eventually taking first place and ensuring safety from The Duel (which we could tell thanks to MTV’s revealing promos, as usual). Later, Wes told us, “Every person in the world that’s called me cocky up to this point can continue to call me cocky ’cause I am. But the fact is I’m winning. You’d be cocky too.” I really wanted to hate him for that statement, but dammit, it was true.
Well, CT took a grumpy second place, relegating Brad to third. As for Svetty and Aneesa, the two were engaged in a vicious, low-speed paddle race. Up on dry land, TJ actually made from of Svetlana, noting how the front of her board was sticking out of the water ridiculously. Nevertheless, bad form or no, Svetty took second place, and soon the reality that she and her best friend would be competing against each other began to set in. Awesome.
Anyway, since CT took second place, he was able to choose the Male Duel. His pick: “Push Me.” That’s the one where two people push on a log and have to get a flag — but not rip it off, lest they suffer a similar fate as Beth. Svetty’s choice was a bit more labored. First she consulted with Aneesa, to whom she suggested “I Can” or “Ascender.” Aneesa said she didn’t want to do “I Can,” and so Svetlana picked… “I Can.” Now that’s friendship!
Later, Svetlana told us, “That’s more of a guaranteed win for me.” Um… no. Not really. It’s probably the most uncertain of them all.
Nevertheless, we then headed out to the Male Duel, which featured Brad and his sweaty pit stains. The two men took their positions on the giant log, and already, CT was convinced he would win. Brad had no legs, he contested. It would only be a matter of time before Brad would be forced to quit. Hmmm…
Well, TJ blew the whistle or the air horn or whatever it is that he does (bangs a gong?), and within milliseconds, CT began attacking the log. Nay, raping it. He was going crazy, yelling “YOU’RE DONE!!! YOU’RE DONE!!!!” at the top of his lungs. It all caught Brad by surprise, and I was hoping he’d get back into it, but like CT said, he had no legs. Brad’s only strategy left was to shake the pole enough to make it difficult for CT to unclip the flag — as opposed to ripping it, which is THE WORST THING YOU CAN EVER DO!!!!
Turns out Brad’s trick worked. CT full on ripped the flag off, and Wes and Aneesa and Svetlana were none too bashful to announce this. TJ saw it too, and you know what that means: DISQUALIFICATION.
Let the tantrum begin.
I thought Kina’s defeat was deplorable with her tears and histrionics. It was nothing compared to CT and the way he stomped around like a baby. Literally, a baby. Okay, maybe not a baby. A five year old. It was awful. But great.
“Oh my gawwwd!” he yelled. “You gotta be kidding me, T. That’s bull!” CT then turned to the peanut gallery and yelled, “You can’t stawp me! That’s the only way you gonna beat me? That’s bull! That’s not a win! That’s not a win! I’m the best in here, and all you know it!” Waah. Funny, I don’t remember CT being so fired up when Beth was DQ’d for the same reason.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a tantrum without some irrational accusations. “It’s like you wanted him to win!!!” CT yelled at TJ. Yes, CT. TJ conspired to make you clearly violate the rules. He possessed your body with his crazy voodoo witchcraft!
Ultimately, TJ lashed back, “You went for it, but it didn’t work out for you, bro. Handle it!” Yeah, TJ!!! Let’s see some of that anger that you unleashed at Cyrus during the Gauntlet II! Alas, that was pretty much it for TJ. Instead, it was Wes who then stuck his head in this mess. He yelled out, “Why don’t you grow up? Shut the fuck up. You know you’re going home!” CT then fired back, “Tell your girlfriend you’re putting the ring on layaway!!!” It seemed kind of like a random dig, and in truth it wasn’t actually that mean of a thing to say — aside from the underlying desire to see Wes fail. Nevertheless, it contained the word “girlfriend,” which prompted Wes to hop off his perch and get all sorts of awesomely personal:
“You wanna bring the girlfriend? Why don’t I fake date someone to get to the end of this shit!”
Oh SNAP! Advantage WES!
“You’re a scumbag!” Wes then yelled, causing CT to reply with the ever caustic, “YOU’RE a scumbag!” A battle of wits!
Wes then asked why CT was yelling at Brad, and in response, CT accused Wes of being Brad’s boyfriend. “How long have you guys been dating?” he then asked. Height of maturity here.
At long last, the situation merely devolved into run-of-the-mill death threats, with CT promising, “I’ll fuckin’ KILL YOU!!!!” And then, just like that, it was suddenly calm and back to normal. TJ sent CT packing, and order was restored to the show. Personally, I really wished I could have been there when Wes told CT via an interview to have a fun trip back to America in his middle airplane seat.
So that was it. A fun episode draws to a close — wait, what? There’s more? Oh, that’s right. Aneesa and Svetty. Bore. After the boys, this teary-eyed lovefest could be nothing but painfully boring. The two went back and forth, guessing how many logs they could lift in a cage. Eventually, at seventy-three logs, Svetlana challenged her friend to put her money where mouth was, and sure enough… Aneesa couldn’t do it. DONE-ZO!
This led to more tears and sobbing, and when TJ bestowed Svetty with a T-Mobile Sidekick and one year’s free service, the sweet Russian handed the prize over to Aneesa as a parting gift. Yay friendship! Okay, bring back those two yelling buffoons. They were more fun.
Now we only have one episode left! I know who the winners are because some douchebag kept posting the spoilers here in the comments — but who do you think will win? Does it even matter with this show? And what do you think of CT? Is he an immature douchebag baby? Or an immature baby douchebag?