Some People Just Don’t Like Chocolate Syrup

The Challenge

By B-Side | Monday, December 5, 2005 | 7:30 pm | 80 Comments

jo_freaksoutIt’s that time of the year again! You know what I’m talking about. That sacred time when the faint aroma of alcohol and bodily fluids waft from the television like the tantalizing song of the soul-crushing Siren. Yes, MTV is back with another dose of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge; this time titled, The Gauntlet II. As usual, our boisterous gaggle of Bunim/Murray alumni return with that intoxicating mixture of vanity, silliness, and drunken stupidity, and we are only too happy to lap it all up. MTV was kind enough to furnish TVgasm with advance screeners of the first two episodes, and after having watched the first tape, I’m happy to report that the bizarre and ridiculous behavior is back at mock-worthy levels. Sadly, our favorite bitches Coral, Veronica, Tina, Rachel, and Tanya are nowhere to be found (WTF??), but maybe that’s because they’re kickstarting their highly lucrative careers as… uh… well, I’m sure they’re doing something. So without further ado, let’s hop aboard the S.S. Beer Bong and sail the mighty seas of The Gauntlet II. ARGGGH!!In case you couldn’t tell by my nifty onimonipooea, this season’s theme is “pirate,” which is a nice variation from previous season’s themes of “cowboy,” “Hell,” and “syphilis.” As the show opened, Robin was already bursting with excitement, saying how awesome the challenge was. Granted, at this point, she’d only been on the chartered bus for about five minutes, but seriously, that was one totally awesome bus man! YAY AWESOME BUS!!!

We then met up with aspiring alcoholic Derrick from Road Rules: Extreme (extreme, dude!) who asked, “You wanna see drive? You wanna see determination? You wanna see motivation?” He’s not talking about his career, right? Didn’t think so.

Well, the charter bus of glory came to a halt by the side of the road, causing all the reality stars to balk with fear. What the hell? No glamorous resort? Just a dense patch of underbrush?? Whoa. This is gonna be a cray-cray season! To be fair, there was more than simply grass. There was a small dock. And OMG! A platform too! Surely someone can explain this scenario to us! How about you, Beth?

“Because I’m a little seasoned at this, I pretty much knew there was gonna be a twist,” she said. And by “seasoned,” she meant “this is what my life has come to.” Ah Beth. I remember meeting her at the Playboy Mansion. She gave me seductive eyes. It was scary.

Anyway, everyone walked down the dock and piled onto the floating platform, and moments later, our new host and BMX superstar TJ Lavin popped up to greet everyone. To his credit, he was way waaaay more relaxed here than he was on the preview special. I don’t know if anyone saw that thing two weeks ago, but the dude was about two stiff lines away from being termed The Lavbot.

As TJ addressed everyone, the camera lingered on the young cast members, which allowed us to make this perm update: Adam from Paris has buzzed his hair off (well done) whereas MJ from Philly has let his dumb-fro blossom into a horrendous beast of epic proportions. Please PLEASE get wasted so that your buddies can shave that shit off when you’re passed out.

mj12-5-05

Nevertheless, TJ announced that this floating platform — or barge, as it were — would be the first challenge. And with all of America’s jaws agape at this news, we then cut to the opening credits which featured our cast rising out of the water like mighty humpback whales (or any other aquamarine beasts of that ilk). Yes, it was all rather suggestive: one part baptismal, one part birth-y. Occasionally, we’d get a nifty underwater shot where our poor contestants could be found running towards each other in some submerged game of slo-mo chicken. But eventually, they too would rise from the ocean. I guess they were all like mermaids and mermen, except dumber. And without flippers. Point is, this watery sequence happily maintained the continuing tradition of ridiculously laughable opening credits. And that’s a good thing.

We then returned to the dock where TJ announced he would be dividing teams into rookies vs. veterans. You see, anyone who’s done at least two Challenges qualified as a veteran. So with that said, TJ then announced who was on which team. About forty-five minutes later, he finished this lengthy process, and we were able to finally move on to this mysterious barge challenge. It would be called “Royal Rumble,” he said, causing Robin to cheer, “Awesome!” Yeah man! Great title for the challenge!! A+!!

We then saw an up-close shot of MJ during an interview and good God, get that shit off my TV! Seriously, he’s actually difficult to look at. You might need special glasses or goggles. Anyway, the big challenge was that teams would stand on the platform and just wrestle. Last man standing would be team captain. So basically, the rookie men would battle it out first, then the rookie women, and so on and so forth, until a male and female captain for each team was chosen. Make sense?

“This is my thing. I’ve been wanting to rumble with people for the longest time,” Derrick told us, adding, “Yeah, it’s been about three hours since my last drunken brawl. Can’t wait to rumble!”

Well, the rookie men took the platform first, and before you could even say “homoerotic,” the guys were already entangled with each other, pushing and clawing for power. Eventually, Alton won the captain position, and then it was time for the veteran men to take the platform. Not wishing to break any bones or muss any faux-hawks, the guys eschewed wrestling in favor of the more dainty strategy of “rock, paper, scissors.” After about ten minutes of this, Adam from Road Rules: The Quest emerged the victor, which would have been impressive had he not already cut his teeth on the pro Rock, Paper, Scissors tour.

Sadly, that was just a joke, but then it occurred to me that I did post about such a tour last year (almost to the day. CREEPY).

Anyway, the rookie girls followed the veteran guys’s lead and also engaged in some serious RPS action, but at least they had the idea that they should pair up and whittle the pool down tournament style, rather than do every single Rock, Paper, Scissor battle one at a time. Jo from Real World: San Francisco took the captain title, and then lastly, it was time for the veteran girls to take the platform. Fortunately, they brawled it out like the rookie guys, causing Susie from Road Rules: Down Under (or whatever it was called) to remark, “I’m shocked that the veteran girls are as animalistic as they are!” C’mon Suzie. Have you even seen Aneesa’s new hairstyle? Anyone with a mullet-fro is not gonna play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Like many seasons in the past, Ruthie wound up beating all the other girls, and thus concluded the “Royal Rumble Energizer Challenge.” Thanks, Energizer! I’m gonna buy some of your batteries now!

Well, our old friend Cameran from San Diego explained how happy she was to have Jo as a team captain. “This person is very calm, and of anybody, she’ll be the last person to start drama,” she said. Yeah, um, you have seen the previews for this show, right?

With the first challenge done, it was time to check in on some of our favorite cast mates. No one had really anything interesting to say except for Jamie from New Orleans who announced, “Right before I got here, I was living in a Buddhist monastery.” Bad news, Jamie. The road to Nirvana does not go through the Gauntlet II. Unless, of course, you’re on the TVgasm staff.

Anyway, the cast made its way to the mansion it would be calling home, and you know what that means: Screaming! Running! Jumping in the pool! Yay! Okay, back to the cast updates. For all of you who care (stop laughing at me), Kina from Road Rules: Extreme is now dating Randy from Real World: San Diego — a.k.a. “Boom. Bazooka Joe.” Meanwhile, Randy’s former bedmate Robin has broken up with Mark Long, and similarly, Alton and Irulan are no longer together. And as for our spitfire friend Katie, well, she’s still engaged to her boyfriend, Booze — as evidenced by her lovely Coronoa-fueled burp-fest in the kitchen.

The next day, the teams trekked out to the Gauntlet arena, which looked vaguely like a giant covered wagon. “It looks like it’s gonna be a real intense battleground of where these Gauntlets are going down,” said an impressed Brad. Hmmm… I don’t know. Last season’s Inferno was in fiery cage. This open-air, cabana-ish venue seems to say more “Swedish massage and mojitos” than “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

Well, TJ explained some of the new rules to the cast. Basically, if a team lost, the captain would automatically be sent to the Gauntlet. Then the rest of his or her team would choose someone from the same team to battle it out. Loser obviously goes home and the winner either remains captain or becomes captain. “That right there is gnarly. It’s like dang it, yo!” said a dangified Alton. Dang it, indeed!

But why worry about these crazy new rules when you can get drunk instead? That’s right. It’s time to get wasted, my friends, and to kick things off, Robin decided to throw Mark a birthday party. Yay, Mark! He then revealed to us that this was his “thirty-ish” birthday. “Thirty-ish,” also known as the age when you’re entirely too old to still be on these damn shows.

As expected, the party was extraordinarily dumb with the drunken cast members play-acting various scenes like Katie doing the whole bouncer bit or the guys pretending like they were packing heat. I don’t even want to describe it. Basically, it was literally like watching 6th graders. I think we all know that when it comes to twentysomethings throwing parties, nothing really beats that amazing episode from season one of High School Reunion.

Nevertheless, as silly as everything was, the whole gang was having a blast. That is, everyone but JO. Yes, while everyone partied hard, the British lass huddled alone by the computer, checking her email with an angry scowl. Screw her, let’s get back to the fun! As the booze continued to flow, the libidos surfaced like, well, like the cast members in the opening credits. Soon enough, Mark and Robin were making out against a wall. And was that Osama Beth Laden pulling Ace into her chamber of ill-repute? And hark! Do I spy Adam and Jodi getting intimate behind closed doors? Yes, hormones were raging, but I’m sure every penis fell limp at the sight of Aneesa giving Mark Long possibly the most unappetizing lap dance of the year. Gross!

aneesa_mark_lapdance

As the house devolved into pure bacchanal chaos, our trusty friend Jo became increasingly irate; so she journeyed outside to call her dad in London to complain. Because that’s what attention-starved women do when no one’s fawning over them. As Jo racked up a hefty long-distance charge, good ole Derrick lived up to his wino rep and passed out on Jo’s bed, making him ripe for a little drunken prank action. Sure enough, Kina came charging in with some chocolate syrup and tried to pour it all over him. I wasn’t quite sure what exactly happened, but I do know that by the time the two vacated the room, there were three splotches of chocolate syrup ON THE FLOOR!!!

kina_choc_syrup
The Leaders of Tomorrow.

Well, when Jo returned and saw the mess, she went completely nuts. First, she assumed someone had been having kinky, chocolatey sex in her bed. Second, she remembered she was nuts. As she began to freak out, we then cut to Danny who did his best “Don’t forget I’m gay” sass by sneering, “Wait a second, bitch!” Sadly, this was not followed by two air snaps and a head bob.

Anyway, Jo ranted to no one in particular, “I don’t live like this, okay? I won’t put up with this! I’m calling the police!” Yes, we have a serious charge of aggravated chocolate syrup assault. We’re gonna have to put out an APB for all Hershey’s vendors in a three mile area. And we may have to call in CSI: Special Syrup Unit.

When Ruthie tried to play her usual role as mediator, Jo recoiled viciously, yelling, “Let go of me! Do not manhandle me!… Um, I’m gonna call the police if I cannot pack my bags!” You know, violating one’s packing rights is a serious crime in Trinidad and Tobago. They better watch out.

Finally, Jo did the most patented of freak-out gestures: she yelled at the camera and then put her hand on the lens. And with that, the episode ended. Oh no! What will happen? How will this be resolved? Will we be able to live without Jo? And why is she such an idiot? Did she even know what she had signed up for?

About

80 Comments

  1. 1
    B-dub
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:04 pm

    When did this air? I’m expecting to see it at 10:00pm on the west coast. This couldn’t be from an east coast showing. How’d you do the recap so fast?

  2. 2
    Vee
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:06 pm

    I couldn’t believe it when Jo freaked out because they were having sex and drinking. Has she actually seen an MTV reality show lately?

  3. 3
    J-Unit
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:10 pm

    This couldn’t be from an east coast showing. How’d you do the recap so fast?

    I have thought about this long and hard, and there is only one answer.

    A Festivus Miracle!

  4. 4
    British
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:16 pm

    We want our Apprentice recap!

  5. 5
    stevo
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:24 pm

    Nice to know Jo is still a clueless whiney limey skank. C’mon, she’s the one who cried because there was a roasted pig at the Luau she went to in Hawaii! I always hated that bitch.

  6. 6
    amygirl
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 8:57 pm

    I haven’t read it yet B-Side- but I am so excited that I am going to staaart nowww
    (I can’t believe you have it up already… Nice work, my friend).

  7. 7
    duh
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 9:08 pm

    MTV was kind enough to furnish TVgasm with advance screeners of the first two episodes, and after having watched the first tape, I’m happy to report

    This was in the 1st paragraph

  8. 8
    prettyinpink
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 9:10 pm

    Hey, Where is The Apprentice re-cap???

  9. 9
    joslyn
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 10:07 pm

    Whoa, you already posted the recap? Bonus!

  10. 10
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 10:08 pm

    Loved the recap B-Side.

    And all you people rushing him to write other recaps….sheesh – show a little gratitude for crying out loud. You can not rush brilliance!

  11. 11
    Miranda
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:00 pm

    Great recap, I am so happy you are recapping this show since Laguna and Real World seem so far away. Jo is so lame even the queen of the lamo complainers, Julie, was laughing at her for complaining. Beth saying she knew there would be a twist because she was seasoned with the challenges. Um, Beth, anyone that has ever watched any episode of any reality tv series knew there was going to be a twist. WTF, Beth?

  12. 12
    marisa
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:04 pm

    Seriously, they structured this whole captain thing weirdly. It really screws over those captain kids. Essentially, they have to win every time or be someone who can beat everyone on their team to stay in the game. But if you don’t start out as captain, you could ride it to the end loosing every challenge so long as people don’t dislike you much, and never have to go into the gauntlet. I don’t know, it’s just poor planning I think.

  13. 13
    tcheese
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:09 pm

    Is it sad that I can barely remember 75% of the names you mentioned? (the last 5 seasons, anyway!)

  14. 14
    Mark
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:25 pm

    Oh. My. God.

    I have that same exact comforter set.

    And I’m typing with my elbows under that same exact pillow.

    I shudder to think I have the same taste as Derrick. Are all the beds like that?

  15. 15
    zazzlez
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:41 pm

    “That sacred time when the faint aroma of alcohol and bodily fluids waft from the television ”

    It’s interesting how true that quote is. Whenever I watch the other challenges I always seem to get a strong wiff of b.o. and alcohol… Im glad to know its not me!
    Thank you b-side!!

  16. 16
    Alikat
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 5:41 am

    I really dont know how great this season will be without the biatch squad but Im sure it will be entertaining.

    Jo is so annoying. What does she thing they would be doing the first night, reading scary stories by the campfire?

    There are a lot of castmates on this show that I can’t stand so at least it will be fun to make fun of them.

  17. 17
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 5:53 am

    Jo is such an idiot. It must be hard when you realize that there will be no opportunity to use your vibrator when there are drunk people with chocolate in your bed. People just give the girl some privacy so she can burn off some sexual steam. She’ll be less bitchy in the morning.

  18. 18
    Bobbie
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 6:59 am

    Yay! A Festivus for the REST of us! I didn’t know, though, that Festivus included the sacred waft of fluids–Thanks for bringing me up to date; I think I’ll wear a Depends while I watch this show, so that, like Lisa in ANTM, I can christen them whilst I watch and contribute to the ritual nature of this most jolly of times.

  19. 19
    KBomb
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:07 am

    All MJ needs are some more frosty highlights, tons of gel and some gaudy gold jewelery and he could be a dead ringer for Justin Timberlake in the early days of N*Sync.

    B-Side – your write ups are cray-cray!! Love them always!!!

  20. 20
    Andy
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:12 am

    I didn’t get why Jo was selected on The Real World when they were in San Fran.. Ugh – she’s annoying. I mean, hello bitch?!?! What did you think you were getting into? There is no way she has not seen past challenges. What a loon.

    Though I hope she stays b/c her craziness will be entertaining. Great recap!

  21. 21
    katieshole
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:23 am

    The MTV challenge shows always deliver the reality goods. I love them, they are much better than any real world or road rules show.

    I’d love to pour chocolate syrup on Derrick. I’m jealous.

    Isn’t Mark LongintheTooth way to old for these shows? How pathetic is he anyway? Wasn’t he on the first Road Rules? He has got to go.

    I don’t even remember who Jo was, from San Francisco, that was so long ago. Did she do anything significant in RW – SF?

    I loved it when she called the cops!

    KH

  22. 22
    Leah3t
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:26 am

    I really did not recognize MJ. It wasn’t till my friend was like “you know, Landon’s boyfriend” that I was like ‘oh THAAAAAT’s who that is.”

    If you guys want a laugh check out the “meet the cast” photos on mtv.com. Ibis is ridiculously sucking her stomach in and pushing her chest out as far as she can on every picutre, making her look like a total ass.

  23. 23
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 8:40 am

    How many things can we say about picture #14 from the cast photo gallery?

    “Yes, Cyrus. You ARE that long.”
    “Get off my thang, Ace.”
    “Awfully small nuts there.”

    Come on, everyone! Add your own caption.

  24. 24
    KBomb
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:12 am

    Is it me or are Osama Beth Laden’s eyebrows permanantly in the raised position? It’s freaky. The photo montage is hilarious, and there is one picture of one of the dude (David? Mark? not sure) who has adopted Danny (RW Austin) pheonix elbow/hat bit….very funny.

  25. 25
    fiction
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:16 am

    Ya where’s the Apprentice recap????

  26. 26
    Jen
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:35 am

    one word: rad

  27. 27
    gauntlet junkie
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:37 am

    Is it just me or does Ibis look EXACTLY like a Spanish version of Kristin Cavalarri?

    I didn’t start watching RW til Miami…was Jo nuts during her season?

    And don’t hate on Mark, he does have a career outside of the challenges, I have seen him on TV playing on dodgeball teams (not kidding)..

    I DESPISE Beth and pray to God Montana (love her!) will kick her ass

  28. 28
    Rosemary Woodhouse
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:40 am

    I hate MJ. He was such a gross w.t. hick. He would always have that dip in his mouth. He’s disgusting.

  29. 29
    Pamsey
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:48 am

    If Jo leaves who, oh who will replace her as captain?
    I’ve watched all the RW’s and I remember Jo, but not a thing she said or did on her season.
    CSI: Special Syrup Unit – priceless!

  30. 30
    Sourjewishpickles
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 10:12 am

    Your review of last night’s cray-ness forgot to mention the fact that Jo threatened to sue the island–Oprah style.

  31. 31
    bcarter3
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:06 am

    Excellent recap! And vastly more interesting than the show itself.

    I see they’ve stuck with the usual mission format: the host explains the rules of the mission, then one of the cast repeats the explanation, then a second cast member repeats the repetition.

    I suppose MTV figures that its audience, like its cast, is too stupid to get it right the first time.

  32. 32
    G
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:08 am

    PS, i was reading US weekly from last week and TVgasm was mentioned for the mischa nipple slip…. yay TVgams

  33. 33
    g3
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:13 am

    Jo is indistinguishable from the Real World SF because she replaced Puck, the most annoying, irritating, and disgusting cast member at the time. (Now he would fit right in!) Jo joined this groundbreaking RW cast late in the game and did not compare to Puck’s antics.
    RW SF was groundbreaking because I think for the first time on TV they showcased a person with HIV (Pedro), him educating others about the disease, and his struggle to live. They also showed the first gay marriage on TV, Pedro got married to his boyfriend Sean. In addition, all the cast members had their jobs and were living normal lives in a documentary. It was not the “Famewhore Format” that they have now.

    The only time I remember Jo was when they went to Hawaii. She, as a vegetarian, was disgusted by the pig roasting in an open pit. She started crying and dry heaving. And that’s basically it! I guess roasted pig is not as bad as drunken orgies.

    Thank you MTV for providing tapes of the show in advance for TVgasm! And thanks for recapping so quickly.

  34. 34
    Leah3t
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:14 am

    bcarter3- true. i was sitting there on my computer and kind of half watching the show (why not, since i have b-side to watch for me) and i realized i’d missed the explanation of the new rule. i was about to rewind the dvr when i thought ‘whatever, i’m sure i’ll catch whatever it is next episode.” however, they regurgitated it back to me two more times before the next commercial break!

  35. 35
    stevo
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:46 am

    B-Side, you have got to track down a photo of Christopher Atkins from that movie in the 70s “The Blue Lagoon” and do a side by side with MJ. It’s the Exact same wild jungle perm with highlights!

  36. 36
    emma
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:47 am

    B-Side, your recaps are too much. Bravo!!

    ‘Boom! Bazooka Joe’ still gets me every time…

  37. 37
    Poser Mobile
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:57 am

    You want drive? You want determination? You want to see me get owned after I pass out in someone else’s bed on the very first night?

  38. 38
    Lilly
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 12:12 pm

    “i’ll sue this whole island”- Jo during her freak out

  39. 39
    The Dogg Pound
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 1:03 pm

    With that mop of hair, MJ should go shirtless to a Packers game while holding up a John 3:16 sign.

  40. 40
    bcarter3
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 1:08 pm

    I don’t think MJ looks like Christopher Atkins. I really don’t mean to be snarky about this, but the first time I saw those eyes and that hair, I got Bette Davis in “The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex”

  41. 41
    Leah3t
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 1:39 pm

    I can’t remember what the context for “bam. bazooka joe” was. i remember laughing hysterically for ten minuts, but can’t remember why he said it. can someone refresh my memory?

  42. 42
    Andy
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 1:59 pm

    One thing I love about this show – TJ Lavin. Hottie. :)

  43. 43
    Lia
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 2:04 pm

    Leah3t-
    if i remember correctly “boom bazooka joe” was said when randy was wasted in bed with robin and it quite possibly is the entire reason i love randy-rand.

  44. 44
    BSideLover
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 2:30 pm

    WAIT – Beth took Ace into her room?!?!? I know Ace is a whiner and an all-around worthless guy but he’s CUTE! One of the cutest, least loser guys there…how did Beth do that? Must watch show tonight….

  45. 45
    Leah3t
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 2:48 pm

    Lia— ohhhh yeah that’s right. i totally forgot that he and robin were an item.

    btw i loved the “he doesn’t want a girlfriend, i don’t want a boyfrined” explanation. i wonder how many quizzical looks i would get if i tried that.

  46. 46
    mere2142
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 4:28 pm

    OMG…what the hell is on Anessa’s head? So glad the group has gathered for more drunken fun. Previews look great…might not even notice all the missing regulaurs.

    Yea to B-Side and his awesome recap.

  47. 47
    dango
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 5:35 pm

    Jo’s meltdown was the single strangest most inexplicable meltdown in the history of the show. As another poster pointed out, what was she expecting? People sitting around in smoking jackets discussing Shakespeare?

    Another piece of Jo trivia: if my memory serves me right, the SF housemates selected her to replace Puck from a group of finalists that included Mark.

  48. 48
    Andy
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 5:42 pm

    Dango, you are correct. I remember thinking, at the time, to choose him over Jo. Jo sucked. I mean, Puck was foul and I hated him. But Jo – boring.

  49. 49
    KBomb
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 5:52 pm

    B-Side – you are so fucking hilarious!!! I spent a very quiet day at work (read: my boss was out)reading your recaps. I laughed all day. To include a voice clip of Kristin (Laguna) in full hee-haw mode – well that was just the ice for me!!

    I have to say that your write-ups capture everything about the show you are describing in perfect satin detail, folded in with jokes only the truly observant could make. Holy crap, I have an ache in my side. Sometimes I can’t let go of a particular laugh,I have aftershocks – that is how affected I am. The other night I made my friend sit there while I pulled up some of your great RW Austin writeups. She was almost peeing her pants and she doesn’t even watch the show.

    The readers comments really make me laugh out loud to! You guys are a really funny bunch – some woman once wrote how after reading a write up of B-Side she “laughed so hard she scared her baby”. That is the perfect sum up to describe how funny the posts are. (this grass is wicked crazy yo!)

    Props to tvgasm. I am now your media whore – shamelessly plugging this website whenever I can.

  50. 50
    B-Side
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 6:32 pm

    Wow, KBomb, that was very nice of you. Thank you and everyone else for all the nice compliments!

  51. 51
    iluvkobebryant
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 6:43 pm

    I have to say that Alton is extremely sexy!!! Fine with a capital F! I can even forget the fact that he said “Gnarly”. He’s beautiful.

  52. 52
    TT
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 8:39 pm

    ^ i agree! this season seems promising for drama, that is.

    and i miss Coral, Veronica, Tina, and Tonya, they were such bitches. *sigh*

  53. 53
    joslyn
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:01 pm

    “Do not manhandle me!”
    That’s my favorite Jo quote. I think I’m going to start saying that the next time when someone lightly touches my shoulder like Ruthie did.

  54. 54
    Jo SUX
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:29 pm

    Thanks B-Side for this great recap! It made my day! I was having LB TVgasm withdrawal…

    Jo is a complete loser. Did she think she signed up for the nunnery? Hello?! This is MTV! Even Julie (love her!) didn’t throw a fit, and she’s very religious. I’m glad we don’t have the typical biotches on this season. It gets a little boring with the same people over and over….

    Osama Beth Laden (LMAO) and Ace? Must’ve been WAY drunk!

    Don’t these people ever have hangovers that ruin their perfomances in the challenges? I remember Derrick (totally agree that he looks like the gay dude in Clueless) thought he was too drunk to compete in the RR, but I haven’t seen anyone else worry about this much. Tanya was the only one that said that she drank too much before the Inferno 2 final challenge. I just don’t get it…

  55. 55
    Mrs. Petersen
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:40 pm

    Oh, B-Sie, I am so happy you are recapping The Gauntlet! This is going to be the best Challenge ever.

    If you guys put that the ‘path to nirvana is through tvgasm’ on a t-shirt I will buy it so hard. But I have to say, Jamie’s path to nirvana needs to not include a path through hair gel land. WTF. MJ’s hair was bad, but Jamie’s made me feel ill.

  56. 56
    Shortstack
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 6:24 am

    One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is that Adam, when they announced TJ Lavin as the host, had the cutaway comment of

    “He’s like one of the best dirt jumpers in the world”.

    That cracked up a whole room of people when watching the replay last night.

  57. 57
    glam0rama
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 6:44 am

    loved the recap, love the fact that mtv managed to get even more chaos and horrible human nature on film.

    i’m not sure which of the tvgasm boys i want to marry more now. (sorry but good writing skills are hot. i have a crush on t.s. eliot, too. i like guys that don’t scrawl on cave walls with feces to communicated. ahem, DANNY from the real world.)

  58. 58
    glam0rama
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 6:46 am

    communicate* even. christ. fuck me!

  59. 59
    janie
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 6:56 am

    What about Timmy? He’s ALWAYS my favorite.

  60. 60
    Alikat
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 7:30 am

    Ok what is with them always having BMXers as hosts on these shows?

  61. 61
    gauntlet
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 7:37 am

    I will miss the Coral/Veronica/Tina trifecta and their arch-nemesis Tonya. I do remember reading a while back that Veronica and Tina now have their own clothing line (t-shirts with those tacky sayings like “watch your boyfriend”).

    One of the greatest exchanges in the history of the challenges:
    Julie wants to go wrestle Coral outside..let’s go wrestle let’s go wrestle
    Coral: I don’t wrestle. I BEAT BITCHES UP!

  62. 62
    Bsideismyhero
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 8:06 am

    I know Kina’s college roomate. I heard shes a headcase and gets harrassed a lot at school cuz shes a “big shot” (or thinks she is I mean). Also saw her webshots photo album…Her and Randy seem really creepy in it. if I can find the link again Ill post it.

  63. 63
    jesco
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 8:34 am

    b-side you are a genius. brilliant. “Get that shit off of my tv.” referring to mj. brillance at its finest. this site is the best. the comments are just as funny as the recap. great job everybody.

  64. 64
    subgirl
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 8:43 am

    i echo that sentiment. love b-side’s recaps and the comments!!

  65. 65
    ivapbj
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 10:26 am

    OMG B-Side I love you!!!
    Thankyou soooo much for recaping RW/RR Gauntlet 2, but seriously where are all the good people like THE MIZ, CORAL, VERONICA and TINA??? These players don’t deserve to be there seriously ADAM from Paris who even remembers him??? Where’s CT??? Jo is just trying too hard to get carmera time, she knows that nobody knows her so shes stealing the camera away from the pretty people like Cameran and Brad! Just the first show and I already hate JO who’s with me?

  66. 66
    BSideLover
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 10:51 am

    KBomb, I watched this last night and you are so right – Beth has had some serious work done.

    And MJ’s fro…good god! The worst part is that there are girls who think it’s hot. Girls that idolize Paris, sure, but girls nonetheless.

  67. 67
    Kim M
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 10:52 am

    B-side thank u so much for deciding to recap the gauntlet, this is exactly what I needed to help the devastation of lb ending.

    Like someone else said before, this is going to be the best gauntlet ever! I am happy with the cast this time too, i actually didn’t even notice until after the show that we were missing tonya, veronica, and rachel. I knew coral wouldn’t be there cuz she said at the last reunion that she wouldn’t be doing anymore challenges, atleast not for a while. There’s a lot of good drama in store this season, especially with all of these people being together in the house who just recently broke up.

    I am particularly happy that Big Rand and Brad are on the same challenge together, I love both of them…and Derek makes me sick, who the hell lied to this kid and told him he was robothug? He swears he can beat up anyone with two legs…ugh and god is he ugly! what’s up with that cleft lip thing he has going on, and having a receding hairline and spiked up hair is not a good look, ugh.

    As far as the Jo situation, she’s a fuckin headcase. Who gets upset over people partying and having fun? She is truly mental….I don’t know what would set her off like that, I’ll be damned if I want to leave from a paid vacation in a beautiful mansion with an opportunity to win thousands of dollars in prizes….this better be the last time we see her ungrateful bitch ass on a challenge!

  68. 68
    glam0rama
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 11:01 am

    no offense, but how could you miss coral’s loud mouth? i saw the previews and since there were no clips of her calling someone a triflin’ ass trick-skank, i knew this season was not going to be up to par.

    i hope to god that the veterans have taught the rookies enough lessons for the drama to remain sizzlin.

  69. 69
    Alikat
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 11:13 am

    As if anyone cares, here is Veronica and Rachel’s site.

    http://www.collegedropout.com/

    the descriptions of the shirts they give are pretty funny to laugh AT not WITH. They used to have a lot of typos and misspellings but i guess they got an editor..

  70. 70
    Kim M
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 12:13 pm

    glam0rama- if u were referring to me, i didn’t say i missed coral, i said…

    I knew coral wouldn’t be there cuz she said at the last reunion that she wouldn’t be doing anymore challenges, atleast not for a while.

    Trust me I would’ve noticed coral’s loud mouth…how can anyone miss that or her gargantuous boobs that hog up the whole screen?! lol

  71. 71
    Emily
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 12:55 pm

    This rocks! I can never watch a full season of RW or RR, but the challenges are chock ful o drama!! Who the hell does Jo think she is and Ace WTF?! Beth?! How could he?

  72. 72
    jenna
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 3:46 pm

    B-side, you have the greatest writing talent ever, luv the recaps!!!!

  73. 73
    bside is my hero
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 8:27 pm

    A girl I went to highschool with rooms with Kina at college. Seen her personal webshots…heard shes a TOTAL nightmare/headcase…and people hate her on campus.

    Is anyone surprised?

  74. 74
    Michelle_PR
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 11:19 pm

    “We then saw an up-close shot of MJ during an interview and good God, get that shit off my TV! Seriously, he’s actually difficult to look at.”

    That seriously cracked me up, great recap B-side I’m glad you’re doing the Gauntlet. Once again, Ace WTF?!? Beth is nastay! Anyways, I for one am glad that Veronica, Rachel, Tonya and Coral are not on this challenge cause I’m sick and tired of those bitches but I did like The Miz. Also where’s CT? He’s HOTTT. I love his tough guy attitude and he has a great bod.They should kick Adam out and bring back CT.
    Where’s Theo from Road Rules Maximum Velocity? He’s hot and he’s a pretty good competitor.
    Mark is a little old to be there but he still looks great and he looks like a cool guy.
    WTF is up with Jamie’s hair? Eww.

    Anyways, this looks like it’s gonna be a good challenge, let’s hope for the best cause after the last Real World they seriously need to redeem themselves.

  75. 75
    Shelby
    Posted December 8, 2005 at 1:05 pm

    MJ is totally creepy. Who finds that attractive? I am all for big hair, but not up there.

  76. 76
    The Svan
    Posted December 8, 2005 at 5:21 pm

    For all of those who miss the miz I give you: http://www.wwe.com/inside/commentary/95616/95628/95642211/miz102605

  77. 77
    Just Say NO to the Mullet-Fro
    Posted December 10, 2005 at 8:55 pm

    This is late, because I had to catch the repeat, but that mullet-fro is perhaps the scariest hairdo I have ever seen. She can’t possibly think that looks good.
    Didn’t like Jo on RW San Fran, like her less now. Yeah, you’re older than this crowd, but you could’ve included yourself and at least watched the festivies- I’m probably her age, and I would’ve been thrilled just to watch these assclowns party.
    I miss the Miz, Theo, and my bitches. But I don’t this crew will disappoint in the drama dept.

  78. 78
    gauntletgirl
    Posted December 11, 2005 at 9:05 am

    Yeah! The Gauntlet2 is going to be so much fun! And even more so now that I have discovered TVgasm. Before,I haven’t had anyone to discuss these challanges with, so this is my new favorite website!!!

  79. 79
    Krizzatch
    Posted December 22, 2005 at 9:59 am

    Holy crap is Jo an uptight bizzo.
    Derrick is on a one-way street to an asylum.
    But more importantly, where is the Miz???
    Also, MJ looks like Ted from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Not Keanu’s character, the other one. Trust me.

  80. 80
    betsy
    Posted December 23, 2005 at 8:42 pm

    HATE Derrick… ewwww get rid of ‘em.

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