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Previously: 28 Challengers arrived in Costa Rica, where their only teammates were their worst enemies. Rookies won the challenge, baffling everyone. Vegas Adam “punched” Ty, therefore getting sent home and paving the way for the return of my beloved MikeRoy. Paula and Evelyn managed to eliminate Robin and a very frustrated Aneesa. Kenny does not trust CT and seems rightfully terrified.
The Douche Trio + Wes (who is probably so excited he’s teammates with Kenny and therefore has an excuse to hang out with the “cool kids”) carry a giant cement swan to Mandi’s bed. It literally takes all four of them to carry it. Mandi (and Jenn) laugh helplessly when they find it and Jenn cracks that Mandi will have to sleep in CT’s bed. (By the way, Mandi may be laughing now but I bet they’ll piss her off by the end of the season. Challenge Drinking Game Rule: drink every time the Douche Trio piss someone off.)
Mandi tells us she and CT are attracted to each other. How does she know it’s mutual? And how can CT even notice Mandi with self-proclaimed “hot girl” Theresa running around? Mandi shows him the swan in her bed and he picks it up and carries it out by himself, even though it took FOUR ‘roided-up jackasses to bring it in there in the first place.
CT calls them one dimensional “meatballs.” So apparently, the definition of a meatball on the Challenge is basically the exact opposite of the definition of a meatball on Jersey Shore. CT tells us he himself is a “gas station,” but I must be slow because I’m not getting the metaphor. All Evan can say is “that went horribly wrong.” Why, because CT has nonchalantly proven that he literally has the strength of four men? Wes says CT is his biggest competition, but he also says his own body looks like a Greek god, so take everything Wes says with a grain of salt.
God I hate pool scenes.
Camp counselor and Kumbaya enthusiast Sarah tells us the best part of the challenges are when everyone is partying and having fun. Tyrie reminds us that he is attracted to Jasmine and her 8 year old boy’s body.
Next, we learn that Tyler has missing condoms and for some reason, he knows he is the only guy who brought condoms. Are there even any other gay guys on this season? Davis… I think that’s it. Anyway, Tyler is missing two magnum condoms (damn, Tyler) and they’re expensive so he wants his money back. Then we see Jasmine running away from a room that Tyrie and condoms were also in. Jasmine tells us maybe she’s using Tyrie as her “Challenge boyfriend.” I can’t wait to see what her ACTUAL boyfriend has to say about that one. Kenny, via confessional, sarcastically congratulates Jasmine for banging Tyrie, who hasn’t had sex in “about 14 years.” Wow, someone peaked early.
Did you mean Magnum PI condoms? Cuz otherwise I’m not buying it.
Mandi enters a room to announce the arrival of a clue and is promptly pelted with small snack foods. She laughs it off for now, but she’s totally gonna snap before this season is over. The clue is something about smashing, and they have to be ready the next day. I think this is another case in which the Challenge definition of a word is not the same as the Jersey Shore definition, although I can’t say I’d be completely surprised by a challenge in which they all have sex with each other.
Evan makes some crack about MikeMike being weak because he is a jerk. I used to love Evan, and still find him entertaining a lot of the time, but he’s still a dick. Roy Lee says if he could change anything about MikeMike, he’d make him more athletic, but he’s still happy to have MikeMike’s brains since he’s all muscle.
MikeMike is spouting random facts about wheat or something and the other challengers look like they’re either falling asleep in class or plotting how to properly atomize the wedgie they’re going to give him. Davis tells us MikeMike is too nice to survive in this game. Kenny says MikeMike is a nerd with a bad haircut and he’ll be looking out a plane window soon. Whatever, jackass, you’d better hope there isn’t a puzzle on any of these challenges or your head and Wes’ will simultaneously explode.
The challenge for this week is called Car Crusher. In case you haven’t gathered from the name, they’ll be using trackhoes to crush cars and move them from one spot to another. They can DQ by going out of bounds or knocking over the wooden crossbar if their car isn’t flat enough. One player steers and the other operates the bucket, and one must sit on the other’s lap so communication is key. Johnny makes a joke about lap-sitting since his teammate is gay, then tells us this challenge is every kid’s wet dream.
The winning guys’ team will be safe from elimination, the winning girls’ team will receive $2000, and the losing guys’ team will automatically be up for elimination. Since Jonna and Jasmine won the last challenge, they get to decide the order, and they can’t even do that without fighting so clearly they’re going to be a joy to watch.
Laurel is angry that she has to act as coach for her teammate. Laurel is always going to be angry at Cara Maria, even if it’s just for breathing. Various teams discuss strategy and Evan tells us he always hopes his “working out” and “training” (AKA steroids) will help in a challenge, but this time it’s sadly about teamwork and how fast they can learn to work a machine they’ve never worked before.
The teams go two at a time, and the first up are Brandon/Ty and Johnny/Tyler. Johnny ended up on top of Tyler, for those of you who were curious. Ty tells us he and Brandon are communicating well… until they are DQ’ed for picking up their car. Apparently I’m not the only one who missed that rule. Johnny and Tyler managed to finish.
Next up are Mandi/Jenn and Camila/Theresa. Mandi and Jenn go out of bounds and DQ, but after a slow start Camila and Theresa seem to finish well. Wes makes comments to Johnny about telling CT to grow up and get a job, which is like… well, Wes calling a vampire pale. Kenny and Johnny say they want to help Adam, but the whole house is against CT. Adam is diplomatic about it as always.
Kenny/Wes and Nehemiah/Evan are the next two teams up. Wes takes his 14th opportunity so far in this short season to tell us about how brightly the sun shines out of his ass. So brightly, in fact, that it matches his whiter-than-white complexion, his also-white hair, and his bright yellow team shirt. The Wonder Twins managed to PROMPTLY DQ and then proceed to not-quite-jokingly blame each other for it. Evan makes cracks about the confusing maneuvering of the trackhoe and says an 11-year-old who plays X-box all the time would be better at this than him. Despite this, he and Nehemiah finish, but we won’t find out any times until later.
That’s a first.
Now it’s time for Sarah/Katelynn and Jonna/Jasmine, who are apparently such dumb rookies that they don’t even know you ALWAYS put yourself last when you get to pick the order. Idiots. Sarah and Katelynn DQ by going out of bounds, and the Cancun J’s DQ by knocking over the crossbar with their car. Jonna decides she hates Camila for wanting attention, or something. I don’t know.
Davis/Tyrie and CT/Adam’s turn. CT informs us that he needs to win every challenge or he’s going in, since everyone is scared of him. Yeah, unless the team you’re going up against has any say over it, since I doubt anyone wants to go into elimination fearing for his very life. CT and Adam have a grand old time and work together like a charm to finish quickly. Davis and Tyrie also finish.
Apparently Ev will be driving since Paula’s driving record is “not pristine.” Also competing in this round are Cara Maria and Laurel. Paula is enjoying herself and feels powerful. Laurel/Skull Beads knock over their crossbar and DQ, which pisses Laurel off since it seems like it was her fault and she can’t blame Skull Beads. Paula and Ev finish, and Ev is once again very happy with Paula’s performance.
MikeRoy are up last, and Johnny mocks Mike about making calculations. MikeMike tells us he’s playing up the nerd card since his brains are the edge he has over everyone else. They complete the challenge and Leroy says everyone may have counted them out, but they shouldn’t because of how smart MikeMike is.
This is your brain on Challenge
Teej gathers everyone to announce the winners. The top two girl teams were Camila/Theresa and Paula/Ev, with Paula/Ev winning the cash prize. The top two guy teams were MikeRoy and CT/Adam, with CT/Adam winning and being safe from elimination. BTW, the elimination for this challenge is called the Jungle, for whatever reason. I guess it’s because they’re in Costa Rica. The last place guy team is Wes and Kenny, and TJ mocks them for having to go into elimination and not being able to skate by and rely on their friends. Well, except for the fact that they can get their friends to vote for whatever opponent they want.
Speaking of, we’re back at the house and it’s voting time. Wes says they want Davis/Tyrie, and Tyrie promptly says Wes and Kenny will have the majority of the vote so they might as well just go drink. Poor Davis tells us Tyrie is terrible at this game. Teej comes back to announce the matchup and asks why they picked Davis and Tyrie, to which Kenny says if he and Wes can’t beat them they should just go home now. Tyrie is pissed and wants to beat Kenny.
Kenny is pumping himself up, since he’s not used to going into elimination this early on a season when all of his friends are around. Try not to lose so miserably next time, brosky.
Big surprise: Jasmine wants Tyrie to come back. Oh, ew, she tells him he’s like a brother to her despite the fact that they’ve hooked up. Is Jasmine from the south? (JK, southerners, I know you’re not all incestuous.) Oh look, Tyrie noticed the same thing I did and tells her that was a poor choice of words. Jonna joins the conversation to say she doesn’t like Camila because apparently Camila thinks she’s better than Jonna. I’ll have to take her word for it, since we have been shown zero examples of this.
Wes invited Kenny to meditate with him in preparation for the Jungle. Nehemiah is happy that Kenny is willing to open his mind, and he wants to give them positive energy because he wants them to come back. How can Nehemiah hate Evan, but like Kenny? Isn’t that akin to liking peanut butter, but not jelly? Eggs, but not bacon? Tequila, but not Sunrise? Leroy and CT stop in to make fun of them and we learn that both Leroy and CT may not be able to read.
Camila tries to talk to Jonna, but calls her Jasmine. Since Jonna already does not like Camila, this is of course cause for a fight. Camila is mad that Jonna has been talking shit about her, and between that and the name mixup Camila and the Cancun J’s all start screaming. Jonna then walks away and invited Camila to come talk to her, much to the delight of the other challengers looking for some free entertainment. They sass at each other a little and decide to continue the conversation later.
But this can’t be over, so Theresa inserts herself into the situation in defense of her partner, despite the fact that she was doing EXACTLY THE SAME THING to Camila on the last Challenge. Then Theresa and Jasmine are screaming at each other even though neither of them was part of this to begin with, and it’s rather hilarious because Theresa is not a tall person but she still positively TOWERS over tiny little Jasmine. Apparently one must not “roll up on” Jasmine, as she is from Houston. Sarah drags her away and tells her not to go out like Vegas Adam because she’s better than that. I don’t know, Sarah. I’ve yet to see any evidence that she’s better than that.
Jasmine continues screaming. Evidently bitch don’t fucking know her. She then breaks a mirror. Hopefully that seven years of bad luck will start with her losing first a challenge, and then an elimination round. Sarah sits her down and continues to try to clam her down but she’s literally shaking in anger. Tyrie cleans up some of the broken glass and joins in the effort to calm her down. He tells her to defend herself, but not to get sent home for some dumbass.
The next morning, Camila tells a couple of people that she doesn’t know what caused the Cancun J’s to hate her, but the feeling is now mutual. Is there something terrible about Camila that gets edited out of these things? She seems to get attacked for no reason. The Cancun J’s discuss the night’s events and say they have each other’s back. Jonna reminds us that Jasmine is the only other person there who wants her to win any money. I’m sure many of the guys are indifferent to whether or not you win any money, if that’s any consolation.
Wes makes comments about Kenny being stupid, which may be a problem in the event of a puzzle. Theresa doesn’t want to see Kenny and Wes go home, because then who would fight over the gorgeous specimen that is Theresa? Ev says it will be weird to see them work together, and Cara Maria points out that they’ve already held hands and sat on each other’s lap. It must be weird for Evan to see Kenny doing those things with another man. Cara Maria goes on to say that Davis doesn’t talk, but Tyrie more than makes up for it.
Davis and Tyrie try to convince each other that they will win. Evan forlornly watches his babydaddy pack, and Kenny gives him an extra yellow “Kenny” shirt to wear. Evan tells us he will be upset if Kenny leaves, and tells Kenny he’ll go home too. Well, he’d have to, since clearly the cord has not yet been cut.
At the Jungle, the game is Blast Off. I have no idea where the name came from, but basically the teammates will be attached to each other and will have to push the other team out of the circle. The first team to knock the other team out three times wins.
Kenny tells Wes their strategy should be to work together. I don’t know why people don’t think he’s some brilliant mind. Kenny then tells us he likes wrestling bigger guys (that must be why Evan put on a few pounds- to please his beloved Kenny), so he’s happy to take on Tyrie. Also, it appears to be raining, and Kenny looks pretty good wet. Well, I’ll be honest, I find Kenny to be hot pretty much all the time. Anyway, the guys practice and get themselves psyched up. CT desperately wants Kenny and Wes to go home.
The match starts, and it looks pretty evenly matched for awhile, as Ev tells us Tyrie looks tough and Evan shouts encouragement to his lover from the sidelines. Roy Lee is rooting for Davis and Tyrie since they’re the underdogs. Kenny and Wes knock Davis and Tyrie out twice, so they only need one more point to win. Heavy metal screaming bullshit is playing, so you know it’s serious. And of course, it was all a big fakeout for dramatic suspense as Kenny and Wes win 3-0.
Hey, have you guys heard lately that Wes is a Golden God? Well, he is. In fact, he and Kenny are the “biggest, baddest team” and apparently he’s going to rape anyone who tries to stand in his way. Tyrie is not happy to have lost to loudmouth Kenny. Well, that’s the thing about Kenny. He is a loudmouth, but he can back it up with performance. Jenn shouts some encouraging parting words to her Denver season-mate Davis.
Teej sends Kenny and Wes back to the group and says adios to Davis and Tyrie, complimenting them for their effort. TJ is a big fan of effort, in case you haven’t heard. Davis is disappointed in his performance but happy he’s better friends with Tyrie. Oh, and Tyrie will miss Jasmine, but she’s glad he’s gone so she can concentrate more on the game.
Back at the house, CT talks to Mandi about the game while she makes moon eyes at him. He tells us this Challenge is him with everyone revolving around him. You might want to tell Wes that, CT. He thinks HE’S the sun in this little solar system. Actually, he thinks he’s the sun, the moon, the stars, and in fact the whole galaxy and any other galaxies that may exits. CT says everyone needs to worry about him because he’s not going anywhere.
Evan tries to say some encouraging things to Adam, who says the only reason CT is still happy is because they won. He says the minute they lose, CT will be a different guy. Adam tells us the Douche Trio wants to take care of him, but they hate CT, which is a problem since they’re a package deal. Yes, Adam, we’ve gathered how the game works.
MikeMike is apparently also there, and tells Adam he has the toughest partner in the game. Adam says he would trade CT for Leroy any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Ummm, DUH. Who wouldn’t? Leroy is awesome, has done extremely well in the challenges so far, and has one of the coolest heads ever seen on the Real World. You’d be a fool NOT to want him as a partner. Kenny jokes that he would trade ANYBODY for his partner, who is standing right there. Oh Kenny, you and your wacky hijinks.
Next week: CT yells at Wes and flirts with Mandi. For some reason, Wes thinks it’s a bad idea for Mandi to hook up with CT. I can’t imagine why. Say, has anyone heard from Diem yet? MikeMike is scared of heights. He cries and bleeds!
So, this challenge looked pretty awesome. I would love to do that. I couldn’t care less about the Cancun J’s vs. Camila, but I’m always game for some Douche Trio hijinks, and now they have an actual formidable opponent in CT? Yes, please. How do you guys feel about the RIVALries? What about the potential Mandi/CT hookup? Now that Tyrie is gone, will any more challenge hookups emerge? Any changes in who you’re rooting for/against? And finally, any suggestions for additions to the Ultimate Challenge Drinking Game? Mine for this week are:
- Any time MikeMike spouts out a random factoid.
- Any time Kenny and Evan make you think of Ace and Gary from the Ambiguously Gay Duo.
- Any time Wes starts talking about his ability to walk on water and then turn said water into wine.