The Challenge Recap: Gas-Out Mountain

The Challenge

By CathodeTube | Saturday, March 31, 2012 | 10:35 am | 29 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: MTV, Recaps, The Challenge

It’s The Challenge Finale! And, er, congratulations to Bunim-Murray and Co. for the upcoming season twenty-freaking-three! I actually had no idea they’d had that many. That is nuts. Guess I should have done more research. I gotta sleep some time, though. Only one couple will emerge as champions!

Lango-Kill-You Glacier, 5 am. Temperature, -16 F. TJ wakes them in the frozen darkness. They slowly put on more clothes. And suddenly it’s light! I guess maybe they did have some breakfast. Today they will collect five artifacts. If they lose them… TJ will be running along behind them to give them back. Seriously, how did someone not drop one when they were tunneling underground? Soundgarden-alike plays. Six puffy coats walk, with CT and Diem in the lead. Johnny is disheartened. Camila brings up the super-rear. Their first challenge of the day is a food challenge! Well, at least it’s something they have to eat.

Just put it on a real plate and make some squiggly lines around it with sauce, and someone will pay top dollar for it.

Diem helpfully informs us that it’s a head, with a horn of blood chaser and some soured shark, which looks like cheese or tofu, and she so wishes it was. She’s been a vegetarian since the 6th grade. Bet the school lunch ladies were charmed by her, eh?

When I said she should cram it in her cakehole, I was just thinking something harmless like a t-shirt or a rock.

CT digs right in, God bless him. To Diem’s credit, she does choke down the shark, trying not to let it touch the sides of her mouth. Emily and Ty show up next and chow down. By the time Johnny and Camila get there, the burping and barfing has begun in earnest. Diem interviews how grateful she is to CT for scarfing down most of the feast. Everyone remembers to take the medallions, and the other two couples finish shortly after.

At checkpoint four, there are some snowshoes and poles locked to a wooden pole. The key is in a sort of plastic tub thing, and they have to use a rock to break it open. Ty’s slowing down a little. Diem and CT unlock their snowshoes.

Wait, where’s CT and Diem’s third medallion? In false alarm land, that’s where. Camila asks Johnny how she can help. “Shut up, that’s how you help,” Johnny snarls. The two also-ran couples get their snowshoes unlocked, and off they go. The girls are helped by their snowshoes, while the guys’ keep falling off. Everyone narrates in their tank tops, which is a bit disconcerting. Emily interviews that she thinks maybe she and Ty can get a lead here. Ty gets the hang of the walking, and he and Emily pull into the lead. This puts Johnny and Camila in the rear, and Johnny in a very foul mood. Wide shots and slo-mos. Or maybe the slo-mos are just my computer. Ty squanders the lead. Johnny narrates that everyone is switching positions constantly.

The Great White North. Not great meaning good.

And it’s the first puzzle challenge! Here are 13 giant poles making the boundaries of 6 areas. Remove 1 pole and again make complete boundaries for 6 areas. Diem starts to git ‘er done, and CT uses the words “love” and “you” in a sentence together. People start by trying to turn one of the rectangles into two triangles, which would be too easy, not to mention cruel to the people who would take forever to get it anyway. Turns out, they have to give the six areas, which start with a linear orientation, a more circular orientation, and basically make six triangles within a hexagon shape. CT and Diem figure it out quickly, and CT shoulders the spare log. They destroy their puzzle so no one can copy.

I was gonna say it’s the Chrysler logo, except the Chrysler logo had five triangles and hasn’t been the Chrysler logo like since Reagan was President.

Commercials. I’m torn as to which would be a bigger waste of time: American Reunion or a Hotmail account.

“Help me think then!” they show Camila saying for the second time. Well… Johnny insists that he is. He complains in an interview how heavy the poles are. If only there was some way to work the puzzle through without moving them, and then just move them once… If only…

Emily and Ty’s puzzle looks like someone dumped a bunch of poles out of a plane like Pick-up-Stix. Ty interviews that he and Emily both want to take the lead, but since both of them are suffering from head-ass positional confusion, this is not possible. He doesn’t say that last part. But it’s clear neither of them is qualified to take this particular lead, and that it’s a new feeling for both of them. Johnny and Camila have been working when we weren’t looking, and they finish next. Emily and Ty try to arrange all their poles in Xs.

The next checkpoint has three sets of pickaxes, also arranged in Xs, which they need to use to tunnel through part of the snow until they get to the manmade tunnel (made just for them). They need to cross through the small tunnel on their backs or their bellies or whichever way they fall, and dig back out the other end. And don’t say the producers never gave ‘em nothin’, ‘cause look how much is already dug out for them.

CT is not given the option of literally using his head.

Johnny and Camila show up and start hacking at the hole. Johnny gets a few digs in about how Camila’s girl ass sucks at it. Diem is invigorated watching her big strong man. CT and Diem go through the tunnel. The refs release a stumped Emily and Ty from the puzzle challenge. CT starts to get fatigued. The growly music is replaced by the plinky piano of about to lose their lead for good. CT notes that the heavier players (in this case, the guys, but probably anyone over 125 pounds) have to make more effort – they can’t just skip lightly across the snow because their feet keep sinking in. So they have to lift their legs much higher with each step. At this point, Diem is thinking that earnestly coaching CT and telling him he’s awesome and has the biggest steps will work.

Pickaxes are useless as walking sticks, btw.

Emily and Ty finally get through the tunnel, and Emily endeavors to really boogie through the rest of the course. At least she starts to. Camila notices Emily’s gaining on them. You’ll never guess what kind of challenge is next.

Actual life-size Jenga would’ve been pretty cool, too.

CT uses his last fumes of gas to get to the checkpoint and is galled to find out it’s just another puzzle. He sits down on a rock to rest. Diem tells him to read her the letters, which are Runic characters. The challenge is to rotate all these “slices” on the wooden totem poles until each side looks like one of the pictures of the rune-planks on the ground. There’s a distance between the pictures and the pole that’s just large enough for whatever you just looked at to magically fall out of your memory. And the snow keeps drifting over the pictures, too. Johnny and Camila arrive at the Rubik’s Rune challenge. Camila doesn’t know what to do, and Johnny lets out a stream of profanity. CT and Diem approach the end of the puzzle.

Close, but not yet beating Bananas

CT hollers “Shut up!” sounding a little bit like Paula. He and Diem finish the puzzle. Johnny and Camila make a series of errors. Emily and Ty show up, and Johnny and Camila complete the puzzle just as they get there. Johnny and Camila bicker their way across the next stretch of snow.

Diem sees a sign in the snow and squeals, thinking it’s the finish line. It’s actually just the last challenge, titled “Finish It.” CT takes this fairly well, all things considered. He has a little lie-down on the snow.

…half-wishing Diem would be a little less smart just this once.

This challenge involves putting the collected medallions into place on a sundial, which unlocks the sundial to reveal a horn, which they have to carry up the mountain and blow, if they have any breath left. The actual finish line is at the very tippy-top of this mountain.

They’re almost there! Like Chicago is almost Boston.

CT continues to not go very fast. Johnny and Camila pass him.

I have never seen “gas” and its various adjective and verb forms used as much as it has been this season.

There is more mountain. There is more re-dubbed encouragement, discouragement and yelling. Emily and Ty finish the medallion puzzle and see Johnny and Camila pass CT. Diem gets to another flag that isn’t the finish line. This is seriously like watching a four-hour movie. A French art film, maybe.

Don’t forget to read the MiniCap. It’s got some quotes and funny stuff that I’m trying not to repeat.

Camila interviews that passing CT gave her the incentive she needed to keep going.

Anyone else feel bad about calling him a knuckle-dragger now?

Johnny and Camila approach the finish line.

Dun dun! Friggin finally.

Johnny tackles Camila across the finish line.

And then there are flashbacks. Camila throws a chair and jumps in the pool. This doesn’t make me happy at all. It’s not an arc so much as a drunken scribble. CT and Diem finally drag ass up there. And hey, remember how they fought? And how annoying she was? Remember how everybody did really well in the challenges and nobody fell or looked stupid? Wait, what show are we watching?

Bla bla, gave it their all, place in my heart, pain in my ass, bla.

As painful as this finale was, it has been a much greater privilege to recap for you Gasmii. Big thanks to everyone who read and commented, as well as to Flipit, for helping me realize a dream I’ve had since I first owned a computer that went online. May you never have to do anything remotely close to this. Unless you’re one of those adrenaline weirdos, in which case, may you keep all your limbs. See you in the comments and with 16 and Preggers. I have not watched this much MTV since the 1980s. (And at neither time has it made me any hipper.)

CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

29 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 11:43 am

    All right you know this next statement is going to kill me but -Diem rocked the puzzles. I have to give credit where credit is due. They would have won the whole thing if CT hadn’t gassed out. This is only the second challenge I have watched and the only season of RW I watched was Ty and. Emily ‘s, so I don’t have the banana hate. Are you going to recap the Shit They Should Have Shown? I have to say I never realized what a douche bag Dunbar id until I watched and CT reading Dunbar’s emails almost made me wet myself!

  2. 2
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Indeed I am. There should be a Shit recap by next Wed.

  3. 3
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    @Featherhead, I think a lot of the Bananas hate has come from his almost “Godfather” presence on the Challenges and the fact that the others basically let him walk into the finals without much of a challenge (pardon the pun).

    I also love how Diem pulled her and CT’s weight. I know she takes a lot of shit for being whiny, annoying, and kind of a headcase, but she rocked out and I wished CT would’ve smoked a few less cigarettes so we wouldn’t have had to deal with Banana’s mugging for his victory (while barely giving Camila any credit).

    Ty and Emily work well as a team, but they were such a “non motherfucking factor” that this episode bored me to tears. Emily is a rock star and if she returns to another challenge, I hope she plans to upset the normal apple cart, since the other women will be scared to challenge her in the dome, the ruins, or whatever the next challenge will be called.

  4. 4
    featherhead
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Thanks Derek, I couldn’t figure out why the viewers don ‘t seem to like Johnny but the competitors do, but he certainly is a little cocktail. I like Emily too, but I cannot stand Ty he is a controlling asshole (I remember him throwing Emily against a wall and raising his hand) .
    @ Cathode Tube. I am so glad you’re recapping TSTSHS it had some really funny stuff going on.

  5. 5
    Liz
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @feahterhead – Johnny is just kind of a jerk, most of the time. He didn’t do anything that annoying this challenge, but he’s generally the type of guy who thinks having women on these challenges (or around, probably) is a waste of time, will screw over his friends on the show but then hold a grudge for years when people who are not his friends do something to him on a challenge, hates when other people speak, and is suing Entourage over using the nickname Johnny Bananas because he thinks he’s just so “famous” they obviously stole the nickname from him. Or at least, this is how he has been in most of his time on these shows. He just walks around like a Queen Bee and it makes me want to punch him in the face, especially because he never gets challenged, so he’s basically allowed to be a big huge douche all the time. But, thinking over this challenge, surprisingly I can’t think of anything that bad he did this time around.

  6. 6
    featherhead
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Thanks Liz!! He does sound like a jerk. You all realize that auto correct changed “cocky” to cocktail on me? It is a pretty funny typo though, lol.
    wasn’t there a couple of guys that have been at challenge charged with rape or something? I think I remember reading that somewhere.

  7. 7
    Liz
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    You’re welcome! I know that was mostly general so I hope it helped. And yes and no (they were sued, not necessarily charged), Tonya (old school Real Worlder) sued MTV and Kenny and Evan: http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/27/real-world-contestant-sues-sexual-abuse-rape-toothbrush-lawsuit-mtv/#.T3d2rI6aOjE

  8. 8
    featherhead
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Thanks for the link! That story is crazy. Wasnt Kenny and Evan on last years Challenge (Evans so fat….)? I don’t think its true.

  9. 9
    Liz
    Posted April 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Yeah, I’m gonna go with I hope it’s not true. I know Tonya gets all kinds of flack for being crazy, but I personally don’t think it’s best to judge those kinda of allegations by who’s making them, because if anything that might make her a bigger target. Plus, I know those boys get pretty damn sexist while they are on these Challenges. That said, who knows what these people are really like or what being there is really like and whether or not that’s plausible, you know?

  10. 10
    featherhead
    Posted April 1, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Now I have no idea who Tonya is but just by reading her story I have to say there are a lot of holes in it. She says it happened while she was passed out, then who told her and why did she not report them at that time? There are cameras all over the place, where is ‘the footage? You can get kicked out for using someones toothbrush to clean the toilet, but the producers would cover this up? They’re the ones who have the most to lose. As a woman, I totally think rapists should have their dicks cut off, but this sounds like a fairy tale to me.

  11. 11
    Liz
    Posted April 1, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    “As a woman, I totally think rapists should have their dicks cut off” – LOL!

    Yeah I get what you’re saying. I guess I just can totally see these guys thinking to themselves that she brought it on herself by being passed out, and if she really cared about what happened to her she wouldn’t pass out like that (kind of like how people said Mandi shouldn’t be mad about someone ripping her shirt off because she didn’t have much of a shirt to begin with), or that it’s all in good fun and she’s making a big deal out of it but it was just a joke (especially if they were drunk too and not thinking quite right). And there have been several things the cameras miss on these Challenges, so I know that’s possible, plus I think it might be worse for MTV to own up to having filmed that than to say they don’t have any footage like that. And alot of women struggle with reporting sexual assault, especially if she wasn’t sure what happened. But! That doesn’t mean I think it must be true or anything like that because she could have made it up or it could even be the type of thing where what was remembered by the people who allegedly told her wasn’t quite right, and then what she thought they were saying wasn’t quite right, until it became something completely different from what happened.

    Anyways, sorry this is a long response. I think this is an interesting conversation! Thanks for having it with me!

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 5:16 am

    If I was lets say Paula, I would be pissed. She should have let Camilla get herself DQ’d for fighting so there would be one less team to compete against.

    Sorry but when people threatened to go home I would start helping to pack their bags not beg them to stay.

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 7:40 am

    @ Liz, thunderous applause! That’s exactly why I hate him. This season I hated him for making Paula do his bidding, holding a 4 year old grudge against Rachel and yelling at Camilla during the final. He has Mommy issues me thinks.

  14. 14
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Thanks for the recaps Cathode! I think this challenge was a big Meh. It was more fun to read you caps then actually watch the show. Hopefully they will think up something fun with the renewel!

  15. 15
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Thanks Gypsy!!

  16. 16
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

    No, no thank you. I feel for you…this was not the exciting rip roaring drama filled cluster-eff it usually is which, is much more fun to write about when you’ve got plenty if material.

    And for the record, I HATE BANANAS and want him to retire and run off into a sunscreen circle of love with Mark Long.

    MTV needs to get a new “Dumb Bitch” Asshole to rise to power and dominate these things or I am outtie 5000!
    Bleech!

  17. 17
    jerseyj
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I agree 100%….no one wants to see these same jerks winning over and over again. And I hate that people who used to stand up to Johnny (like CT) ended up working with him. He, Kenny and Evan have such a hold over these challenges and all the competitors, and the remaining competitors don’t have enough brain cells to figure out that they could have the numbers to overthrow them at the beginning of a challenge. Therefore, they NEED TO GO. I suggest another Fresh Meat without ANY of those asshats on it. Someone would step up in that power vacuum :)

  18. 18
    plockeness monster
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Liz, you just described that douche nozzle to a tee.

  19. 19
    plockeness monster
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    This challenge was boooooring. At least they make them work their asses off in the final challenge. Diem kicked ass. All of the girls are going to shit their pants about emily now. What a beast. She was def. stronger than Ty.

    I think that they are all assholes.

  20. 20
    Liz
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Aw, hey thanks, Gypsy and plockeness! I’m just glad I’m not the only one who wants to punch Johnny in the face.

  21. 21
    flybsbgirl
    Posted April 2, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    “I think they are all assholes”

    Well said! Johnny Bananas is definitely a special kind of asshole, though, and now that Wes is gone (hopefully for good!) I really wish he would disappear as well! I wouldn’t put this rape story being true or false past any of these people. They are all train wrecks and in real life having to be in a room with any of the lot would be pure torture. Of course Im the one whose been addicted to watching them for however many decades, so I guess I’m an asshole too ;)

  22. 22
    VunterSlaush VunterSlaush
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Fairly disappointed, yet not surprised, with the results.

    I was even more disappointed that Kevin Dillon, in full Viking Quest costume, was not waiting on the mountain top to beat down JB.

  23. 23
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Jerseyj, we gotta hang out one of these days! Tell it to the people!!!!

  24. 24
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Not by a long shot!

  25. 25
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Disappoitment all around for the troops. Let’s all hope MTV can rally up one more GOOD Challenge. Maybe we can go out in a recap/comment blaze of glory next cycle.

    I do love the idea of A challenge full of losers. Think, oh think of the possibilities! Anything other than another challenge of the biggest assholes & douchebags. Oh, and no more Sarah. That dog show she had after getting asked to leave…for shame, woman. You should never have hooked up with a Foti to begin with!

    I’m going to say it now; loud and proud. I want Coral back, one last time!

  26. 26
    plockeness monster
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I WISH they could get Coral back. I think last time she was on the Challenge, she embarassed herself pretty bad and no one was really scared of her, which was one of her biggest advantages.

    Obviously, I want Roy and MikeMike back.

    I just want to see people that we haven’t seen in a looooong time!!

  27. 27
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I forgot what she did to embarass herself. Oh yea, MikeRoy of course!

    Yeah, bring on the old foggies! WE need some real dramz. It would be epic is Tammy or Dom or Puck or Pam or someone from the first ten years came back (other than Mark or Eric, or BETH!)

  28. 28
    plockeness monster
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    From Wiki:

    In January 2008, Smith appeared on The Gauntlet III.[2] She voluntarily left towards the end of the Challenge. This marked Smith’s second Challenge in which she did not make it to the final mission. At the end of that season, at The Gauntlet III Reunion Special, Smith explained that she left because she was unwilling to tolerate what she perceived as disreputable behavior by her teammates; an observation that was corroborated by teammate Katie Doyle.

    QUITTER!!!!!!

  29. 29
    plockeness monster
    Posted April 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    This is great for RW lovers. There are a few people I don’t even remember…they must have not been skanky drunks with a preference for d-r-a-m-a.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/television/real-world-cast-members-gallery-1.92861

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